


The Great Escapes of Camelot

by boredom



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Great Escapes, Humor, One-Shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-04-03 10:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 107,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4096975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredom/pseuds/boredom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The citizens of Camelot have a nasty habit of getting captured by all sorts of crazy people. This series of one-shots goes into detail about all the daring, noble (or not so noble), and cunning escapes of our heroes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Incredibly Brave Rescue

~Just put one hand in front of the other. That’s it, you’re almost there.~ Arthur thought to himself as he continued scaling the wall leading up to the high tower of an abandoned castle. These last few hours had been hell for him. The Knights of the Round Table, Arthur, and Merlin had all decided to go out on patrol. It was a relatively quite route. The purpose was more for Arthur to de-stress after a series of council meetings rather than for actually patrolling the area. It was more honorable than a hunt while still providing the same level of relaxation necessary for a stressed king. About an hour in, things took a turn for the worst. 

The small party was ambushed by a group of knights from a neighboring kingdom. The fighting was intense, but everyone seemed to be holding their own. Merlin, much to Arthur’s relief, had found refuge behind a tree and was going relatively unnoticed by the battle. The less he had to worry about the idiot getting stabbed the better. Though he was not worried in the least. Arthur just didn’t want to find a new servant, that’s all. He turned back towards the battle but continued to keep an ear out for any cries of distress that would indicate Merlin being in trouble. The knights seemed to be getting the upper hand, causing Arthur to feel slightly better about the situation. Perhaps he could enjoy the rest of the day. Nothing like an ambush to help cut a patrol short.

“I wonder what it would be like to have a quiet patrol for once?” Gwaine asked as he dispatched another enemy. Arthur rolled his eyes. Gwaine had started making his attacks flashier. Apparently this fight wasn’t challenging enough for the often drunk knight. Gwaine could at least pretend like he was a professional.

“We wouldn’t know how to handle it,” Elyan cried as he took out one sneaking up on Leon. Leon nodded his thanks as he helped Percival with the three he was fighting. A branch came crashing down on the heads of some bandits and several others dropped their swords. It seemed as though luck was on their side. Arthur couldn’t help but smile. The end was near, the knights were retreating and none of his men seemed to be harmed. Just as he had this thought, his world came crashing down.

“Drop the weapons or I slit his throat!” came a gruff voice. Arthur froze, realizing that it was coming from the direction Merlin had been hiding. He prayed that his servant was alright, though he knew he would not be so fortunate. Merlin attracted trouble like honey attracted bees. If anyone was to be held hostage, it would certainly be Merlin.

Arthur slowly turned around, dreading the sight that would soon meet his eyes. He groaned as his eyes rested on Merlin being held by a burly knight. The knight had one hand across Merlin’s torso holding him tightly to prevent escape and the other with a shining dagger pressed to his throat. Gwaine gasped and threw down his sword so quickly, Arthur wondered if he had seen Merlin before the knight spoke. Arthur and the rest of the knights followed Gwaine’s example even though Merlin kept shaking his head no, telling Arthur to keep fighting and save himself. The stupid self-sacrificing idiot! 

“Now that we have your attention, I want all of you to kneel on the ground,” the knight said removing the blade from Merlin’s throat and using it to point at the ground. Arthur almost tackled him to the ground but 1) he would probably crush Merlin in the process (the term “breakable” didn’t even begin to describe Merlin) and 2) the dagger wasn’t gone from Merlin’s throat long enough for any action. 

Once all of the knights were on the ground Arthur spoke. “Alright, you have us at your mercy, now let him go,” he said, trying to sound authoritative and calm. His voice betrayed him and came out more as begging than a command. He secretly prayed that the knight would let Merlin go and then immediately kill Gwaine and Percival because once those two got a chance, that man was as good as dead. 

The knight spoke again. “Actually, sire, we need information about Camelot, and I know just how to get it.” He ran the blade across Merlin’s cheek and sneered at the outraged expressions every knight was throwing his way.

“Knock ‘em out,” he commanded as he drove the butt of the handle into the back of Merlin’s head. Merlin slumped over into the knight’s arms and that was the last thing Arthur saw before searing pain and darkness overtook him.

Arthur woke up in the clearing where the fight had commenced. Except there was no one else with him. No enemy knights, no Gwaine, Leon, Percival, or Elyan, and certainly no Merlin. Arthur groaned and rolled over realizing that it was dusk. Four hours! He had been out for nearly four hours! He sat up and rubbed his head, still pounding from being knocked unconscious. He had to find his men. The knight who was holding Merlin had said something about getting information and Arthur didn’t want to think about what that entailed. He couldn’t. Not if he was going to find the others in time. Any images his imagination came up with would be a distractions. Unwelcome distractions. With this new thought in his head Arthur stood up, grabbed his sword and began to run. The knights made no attempt at hiding the trail they left and it was clear Percival was being dragged through the forest. Arthur felt mixed emotions at this. On one hand his knight was being treated so carelessly, but on the other he was leaving a trail Arthur could follow in the dark. He probably should have gone to get help from Camelot but he didn’t really have the time. Arthur continued to run through the forest, legs pumping impossibly faster, reminding himself that he had to get to his friends before—

“Sure you don’t need any help?” Elyan shouted from the top of the tower.

“I’m fine Elyan. Just stay put and keep calm until I get up there,” Arthur shouted back. He gritted his teeth and continued to climb.

“We are calm mate. We are also free and no one is in any danger,” Gwaine hollered as he poked his head over the side, joining Elyan. Arthur groaned and pulled himself to the next rung.

“Sire, it’s alright to accept the fact that we freed ourselves before you got here. There is nothing to be ashamed of,” Leon called out. Arthur felt his face flush. He had bravely run through the bloody forest, got to the bloody castle, and began to climb up the bloody wall just to be told that everyone had already freed themselves. No! They needed Arthur to come rescue them and dammit he was going to heroically scale the wall and save them!

“It’s not that we don’t appreciate the effort, it’s just that you look tired,” Percival called as he joined the group now and was looking at Arthur with a worried expression.

“Seriously sire, you could fall and hurt yourself,” Leon continued.

“For the last time I am fine! I will do this! Why the hell is there a dead knight at the bottom of the castle?” Arthur asked, desperate to change the subject as his arms started to shake.

“He’s the one that held Merlin captive,” Elyan stated. As if that explained anything.

“I know that. Why is he down at the bottom of the tower?”

“Gwaine and Leon threw him off of the top for what he did to Merlin,” Percival responded as if that action was completely normal. Great, just great. Arthur wanted to be the one to avenge Merlin for being held hostage. He needed his anger to be released onto something and who better than the man who held a dagger to Merlin’s throat. What’s more is the fact that Leon, the knight that was always level headed, threw the man off the top of the tower. Now Arthur knew to never get on his bad side.

“You know,” Elyan said, stroking his chin thoughtfully, “it was actually Leon’s idea to get rid of the knight.”

“Then why didn’t you put him in the dungeon!” Arthur called out, his arms were getting really heavy.

“He tried to escape,” Gwaine shrugged. Arthur highly doubted that the knight had tried to escape. 

 

“It was the result of bad judgment, sire,” Leon responded, almost as if he could read Arthur’s thoughts. “It won’t happen again.” Arthur huffed in annoyed amusement. He had a feeling it would happen again. He heard footsteps pounding against the floor of the tower and then a surprised shout.

“Hang on Merlin,” Gwaine sighed as he left the wall. “We really should put pillows on you with the amount you trip,” he continued fondly. 

“I found some rope,” Merlin’s voice called out, slightly out of breath. “Would you like me to throw it down? It might help you climb.” Merlin had joined the knights at the edge of the tower. Gwaine’s arm was slung around his shoulders. Arthur was now even angrier. Apparently, Merlin thought he needed help. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse. Arthur clenched his teeth and climbed some more.

“NO! For the last time I do not need help!” Arthur did not want this daring rescue mission to go to waste. He continued up a few more feet when the rope fell down beside him.

“I said I don’t need it!” Arthur shouted, seeing that Percival had left the group and was probably the one holding the rope at the moment.

“Sire, it would go a lot faster if you just took the rope and climbed up. It’s still heroic, and we can take the stairs back down,” Leon pleaded. 

“Wait there’s stairs to the top!” Arthur almost fell off at this revelation. He had been scaling the wall for the past half hour when he could have taken the stairs!

“How the hell do you think we got up here princess?” Gwaine called as he began twirling a strand of hair in between his fingers. Arthur sighed. He was tired, his muscles hurt, and he just wanted to get back to Camelot. Maybe he would make Merlin draw him a bath and then order the idiot to muck out the stables. Yes, that would do nicely. But first he had to get up to the tower. He looked at the rope, then back up at the knights and Merlin before reaching out and grabbing onto it.

“There we go,” Merlin said as he clapped his hands together. Leon breathed a sigh of relief.

“Was that so hard?” Gwaine teased as he motioned to Percival to start pulling Arthur up. Arthur just grunted and continued to walk up the tower. He knew it was childish to use the silent treatment on his knights. They were only trying to help. Whatever, he was the king and he could give the silent treatment if he wanted. In a few minutes Arthur had managed to get to the ledge, and with the help of Leon and Elyan, pull himself over onto the ground. 

“You all should be thanking me on bended knee,” Arthur gasped as he tried to catch his breath. Merlin handed him a water skin.

“If it wasn’t for your stunt we would have been out of here 40 minutes ago,” Gwaine snorted as Arthur stood up and attempted to regain some of his composure.

“How’d you escape?” Arthur asked, he was really curious as to how his knights had regained consciousness and fought their way through thirty men without a scratch.

“Once they got us here all but the one who held Merlin and one of his subordinates left,” Leon explained.

“It really wasn’t that hard to take them out, especially when Merlin hit the guard over the head with the water jug,” Elyan shrugged. Arthur groaned. Not only had he completely failed if rescuing his friends, but their escape was led and carried out by Merlin with a piece of dishware. 

“We won’t tell anyone,” Merlin assured him, although his giant smile suggested that the whole debacle would spread throughout the castle very quickly.

“Well if you hadn’t been captured like a girl, Merlin, then we would have won the fight and this never would have happened in the first place,” Arthur huffed in annoyance as the group began to make their way down the stairs. 

“You’re the one who decided to take the hard route,” Merlin shot back as he gave Arthur a not-so-gentle shove. Arthur shoved Merlin back and then proceeded to chase him out of the castle and into the woods. 

Leon smiled as he heard Merlin shout “At least I did something productive!”

“You took out two, I took out twenty!”

“Did not”

“Well how would you know since you can’t count!” Gwaine sniggered at the bickering between the two.

“Should we go after them?” Percival asked, worry written all over his face.

“Why?” Elyan said. “He won’t hurt Merlin.”

“No it’s not that. It’s just, well, Camelot is that way,” Percival pointed in the opposite direction from which Arthur and Merlin had taken off. 

“I’ll go get them,” Leon sighed. “Sire!” he shouted as he jogged off towards Arthur and Merlin. 

“We should probably wait here,” Gwaine said after several minutes.

“Good idea,” Elyan and Percival replied, as all three plopped onto the ground. It had certainly been an entertaining day. Elyan was right, if nothing happened on patrols they probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. It was with this thought that the three knights got comfortable and waited for their companions to return.


	2. An Incredibly Brave Rescue 2

Merlin groaned as he rolled over onto his side. His hands were cuffed together and his head was pounding. It felt as though he had spent an evening at the tavern with Gwaine. What happened? That’s right, the ambush. Merlin remembered taking refuge behind the tree so that he could discretely do magic to help turn the tide of the battle. Gwaine made some comment about having an easy patrol. Merlin chuckled as the easy-going knight appeared to be comfortable as he fought the string of knights. Merlin saw another wave of attackers charging through the forest and decided to get rid of them before they had a chance to cause to much damage. A few well chosen words had caused the majority of the oncoming knights to drop their swords and trip over their feet. Merlin smiled at his success and got ready to recite another spell when he felt cold steel pressed to his throat.

“One move boy, and I’ll kill you right here,” came a voice from behind him. An arm snaked around his torso and hugged him close. Of course this had to happen to him. Merlin was always the one getting captured of injured. It just fueled the belief that he was a fragile china doll that would break if you so much as bumped into him. Merlin didn’t even have to try and find trouble. It just came up from behind him and took him hostage. Merlin could already see the reactions of the other knights. When they got out of this situation, if they got out, everyone would be way to protective of Merlin. He wouldn’t be gathering herbs alone. He wouldn’t collect firewood alone. Hell, Gwaine would probably find some excuse to follow him everywhere. As Merlin inwardly groaned at the prospect of being constantly watched for the next couple weeks, the knight holding him steered him out into the open.

“Drop the weapons or I slit his throat,” the knight called out to Arthur and the others. Gwaine’s eyes widened before tossing down his sword while the rest of the knights just stared at Merlin for a moment before dropping their weapons as well. Merlin tried to shake his head. He tried to tell Arthur to keep fighting and save himself. Instead Arthur and the other knights just kneeled on the ground as the knight behind Merlin sneered and dug the knife deeper into Merlin’s throat. Merlin whimpered involuntarily as he felt blood begin to leak from the shallow cut. 

Arthur had demanded the knight let Merlin go. 

The idiot king did realize that the only way that was going to happen was if Merlin was killed. Why couldn’t Arthur understand just because you say someone is useless, doesn’t mean they will be released. In fact, just begging for Merlin’s life was probably doing more harm than good. And what do you know? Merlin was right. Instead of releasing the servant, the knight decided to tease Arthur by mentioning torture. To drive home his point he ran the blade across Merlin’s cheek, causing Merlin to shudder. This really wasn’t his lucky day. 

The knife left Merlin’s face and he breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that it wasn’t going to be permanent. But it was still comforting to know that for an instant, Merlin wasn’t in danger of having his throat slit. Before he could rejoice too much, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head causing him to slump down into the darkness. Now that his memory was back, it was time to see the full extent of the situation. Merlin opened his eyes again and sat up slowly, so he wouldn’t aggravate his headache any further. 

His eyes focused as Merlin looked around the cell. He saw that he was the only occupant. Merlin almost panicked at this thought. If he didn’t know where the other knights were, he wouldn’t know how badly they were injured, or what was going on. However, he quickly calmed down when he saw the cell across from him was the one holding his friends. Merlin crawled over to the door and looked around for a guard. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw there was no one there. 

“Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan?” Merlin called out quietly in an effort to rouse the others. Arthur wasn’t in the cell, which caused Merlin to worry. He hoped the knights had placed Arthur in a more secure cell. It didn’t sound like they wanted to torture Arthur, just Merlin and the knights. Still he couldn’t take the chance that Arthur was somewhere in the building being tortured for information.

Merlin cursed at himself as he realized the only reason they were in this mess was because Merlin had gotten captured. If he had paid attention to his surroundings like Arthur was constantly trying to make him do, he would have heard the knight and fought him. It was because of his stupidity and overconfidence that he and the knights were going to be tortured for information. Merlin swallowed as he tried to keep his bravery. He messed up once, he wasn’t about to let Camelot fall because of his stupid mistake. 

He sat up and began to say a spell to unlock the door, when he noticed runes carved in the cuffs. Merlin inspected them before sagging back against the walls. The knights who captured the group were probably unaware of Merlin’s magic. But they had still placed the warlock in magic restraining cuffs. Now he had to rely entirely on the other knights. Something Merlin was not fond of doing. 

“Guys, “ Merlin called again, this time a little louder, “you have to wake up now,” Merlin pleaded. He sat up straighter and decided to try a new tactic. “We have to get out of here and find Arthur,” he sighed and leaned back against the wall as this still didn’t rouse the knights. If the possibility of a dead king wasn’t even enough to get Leon up, then there was really nothing Merlin could do, short of shouting. He really didn’t want to announce his awakening to their captors, though. 

Merlin sat like this for several more minutes, wondering where everyone was at. It was strange that not one guard had passed by to see if the prisoners were awake. The knight that had held Merlin captive didn’t even come down to gloat about his success. All in all, it was a weird situation. But if they were terrible guards, like the ones in Camelot, then it might be easier to escape. Occasionally Merlin would call out to the knights but got no response. The longer the group stayed like this, the more likely no escape plan would be formed. At least, not until the questioning started. As Merlin continued to think about ways of escape, he felt his eyes beginning to droop. But before he could fall asleep, a groan echoed throughout the halls. 

“Ah my head.” 

“Gwaine!” Merlin shouted, happier than he had ever been at hearing the knight’s voice.

“Merlin mate, keep your voice down. I spent way to long in the tavern last night,” Gwaine complained as he sat up.

“How much do you remember?” Merlin asked anxiously. Gwaine sat there for a moment to take in his surroundings when his eyes widened and he rushed over to the cell door.

“Merlin, are you alright? Gods, I’m going to kill every last one of them,” Gwaine growled as he visually checked to see if Merlin had any other injuries.

“Gwaine I’m fine. Really, just a headache,” Merlin said. “Try to wake up the others. I haven’t seen any guards or Arthur so we need to move quickly.” Gwaine hesitated for a moment, but as he couldn’t actually help Merlin due to the bars separating, them he settled for waking the others up. 

Leon jerked awake and quickly scanned the room for Arthur. He cursed when Gwaine explained he wasn’t with them. Percival was equally worried about Arthur but was also very uneasy about the fact that Merlin was separated from them. Elyan woke up and immediately started planning how they could escape. As time went by, the plans got much more ridiculous.

“There are no chickens for us to use,” Percival said gently, shooting down another of Elyan’s ideas.

“How about if we pretend like one of us is possessed!” Elyan cried happily as he came up with another solution.

“I’ve done it before,” Gwaine said with a smile. Remembering his days before knighthood when manners and etiquette were unused by the drunk. Well, the man still didn’t use them, but he was doing better!

“Perhaps we should focus on the problem of the interrogation we will surely be subjected to,” Leon said, stopping Elyan mid-sentence and snapping Gwaine out of his nostalgic thoughts. After much discussion, and much to Merlin’s displeasure, it was decided that the knights would take the brunt of the torture and try to keep Merlin as far from the action as possible.

“It’s my fault we’re in this mess I should be the one tortured,” Merlin argued.

“Merlin, I understand you feel responsible but you have no idea what these people have in store. I’m not saying your weak, I’m saying we have been trained to withstand this kind of treatment,” Leon said in a pleading tone. Merlin was just as stubborn as Arthur. Leon knew it would be a fight to keep Merlin quiet, especially since it appeared the knights planned on starting with the boy. But as the senior knight it was his responsibility to keep everyone safe, especially Merlin.

“Merlin, please just let us handle it,” Elyan begged. Merlin just huffed in frustration and slumped back against his cell wall. The group heard footsteps coming down the hallway and heard two voices talking excitedly. 

Everyone braced themselves for what was coming. The two men turned the corner. One of them was the knight who held a knife to Merlin’s throat. Gwaine growled as he looked at the man. Leon put a hand on his shoulder to try and keep him calm. Now, to immediately turn the focus to him.

“Where’s the king?” Leon asked before Merlin got a chance.

“Left him behind,” the man said with a wave of his hand. “We want him to use his imagination as to what’s being done to you,” he sneered and turned towards Merlin. It didn’t work.

“How many men are there with you?” Gwaine shouted, desperate to keep them from Merlin. The man sighed.

“Get the supplies,” He said to his subordinate who immediately turned and left the dungeon quickly. They were making a point to ignore the other knights. The man opened Merlin’s cell door and stepped inside.

“Leave him alone he doesn’t know anything,” Leon said, his plan falling apart very quickly. He knew he sounded desperate, but he was. Perhaps if the knight decided Leon was easier to break, he would go for the knight. This idea was quickly shot down as the man spoke again.

“Oh he doesn’t have to know anything, this is just as much about torturing you,” the man smirked as he stepped closer to Merlin. Merlin, determined not to be seen as a coward, sat up a little straighter and glared at him.

“Don’t worry, that look will be going away very soon,” the man chuckled as he knelt down in front of Merlin.

“Here’s the things you asked for sir,” the other knight said, jogging down to the dungeon and stepping in the cell. The head knight stood back up and walked over to the tray that held the equipment Merlin assumed he was going to be tortured with. The man looked over the materials before walking out of the cell.

“Have fun but make sure he’s still alive,” he called as he rounded the corner. The knight looked at Merlin and licked his lips. Merlin stood up to get a better look at the tray. On it were several knives, a whip, a water jug, and a cup. Apparently the knight was going to get thirsty throughout the session. Or perhaps he would be kind and give Merlin something to drink. Sometime vicious barbarians were hospitable. 

“Why don’t you come over here and pick on someone your own size,” Merlin heard Elyan shout from the other cell.

“Don’t expect cowards to fight men that may beat them,” Leon said calmly. If he couldn’t distract the knight with questions, he would antagonize the knight with insults. Merlin got angry. They were trying to draw the man’s attention away from him. Why couldn’t they focus this much energy into trying to escape? It did, however, get the subordinates attention.

“You think I’m a coward?” the knight laughed and turned around.

“Why else would you resort to torture for information, and hostages for obedience?” Leon said with a shrug. His nonchalance about the situation fueled the torturers annoyance. He was not a coward. It was time to show that pitiful Camelot noble who was a coward. The knight laughed and stepped out of the cell. Merlin was about to throw an angry glare at the knights and call his captor back when he remembered that the guard had just left a tray full of weapons at Merlin’s disposal. He smiled and picked up the perfect weapon. Carefully he creeped up behind the knight who was breathing heavily. Leon was continuing to antagonize the man with an air of indifference. This caused him to become increasingly hostile and frustrated.

“You weak, pathetic-“ CLANG. The knight slumped down to the ground revealing Merlin with the water jug and a lopsided grin. The knights all cheered.

“Good job Merlin!” Gwaine cried as Merlin found the keys and unlocked the other cell and their handcuffs. Elyan took the keys from Merlin and got his handcuffs off as well. Merlin felt his magic rush back into his veins, finally free from the prison. He also noted that the others had similar runes carved into the metal. 

“Let’s go find Arthur,” Leon said, clearly relieved that they were all free and unharmed. Leon took the lead and led them up out of the dungeon. 

“Where is everyone?” Percival whispered as they continued to creep up the stairs. They reached the top of the tower, not running into one single person, only to discover the head knight sleeping. There were only two people in the compound? That didn’t seem very secure. Merlin thought as he took a look at the top of the tower. It was around dusk, so they had been captured for approximately four hours. Gwaine saw the knight and walked up to him, followed by the others. They stared at him for a second before Leon picked up a goblet of wine and poured it over the knight’s head. The knight sputtered and fell out of his chair.

“How’d you escape?” he asked as he looked up at four very angry knights.

“The question isn’t how we escaped,” Percival said.

“The question is what we’re going to do to you,” Gwaine finished, squatting down next to the knight.

“Listen, if this was about the whole ‘leaving your king behind in the forest’ thing, how about we just forget it,” The knight smiled.

“This isn’t about that, well partially but not entirely,” Gwaine growled. Merlin went to look over the edge of the wall when he heard a shout. He whipped his head around to see the knights standing casually by the edge. Seemingly undeterred by the previous cry of distress. 

“Did you just throw the knight over the edge of the tower?” Merlin asked.

“That would be dishonorable,” Leon shrugged.

“He tripped an fell,” Gwaine added, not bothering to hide the smile on his face.

“We should get going so that we can find the King,” Percival added. 

“Oh no you’re not!” came a voice from the stairs.

“You’re not getting out of this place that easily,” the knight Merlin had knocked out had apparently woken up and was not happy about the turn of events. He took out a sword and staggered towards the knights.

“I’m going to enjoy this immensely,” he said. How he was planning on fighting his way through four armed men was completely lost to Merlin. Still, he couldn’t allow his friends to do all of the work. The knight smiled and raised up his sword and prepared to charge when another metallic clang could be heard. The man once again fell over to reveal Merlin, who still had the water pitcher from the dungeons in his hand.

“We should always carry a metallic jug with us so that Merlin can protect us,” Gwaine sniggered. Merlin just sat there and grinned. Leon sighed and made his way over the wall to see if the other knight was really dead. It was strange how fast the others could go from overprotective and guarded, to unconcerned and carefree. Leon leaned over the side and looked down.

“What the hell?” he muttered to himself.

“What is it?” Percival said, coming over to the edge of the tower.

“Well, I think I just found our king,” Leon responded, looking quite astonished. Everyone turned and looked over the edge of the wall, confused as to what Leon meant. The answer became clear quite quickly. Indeed, Arthur was down at the bottom.

“What the hell is he doing?” Gwaine muttered.

“It looks like he’s trying to climb up the wall,” Leon answered. 

“Should we tell him we’re free?” Merlin asked. There really was no reason to worry Arthur more than necessary.

“Merlin, see if you can find something to help him up here. I’ll let him know we’re safe,” Leon said turning to Merlin. Merlin nodded and started making his way down the stairs.

“Sire!” Leon called as he poked his head back over the edge to stare at Arthur. Arthur looked up.

“Leon!” he shouted. “Is that you?”

“Yes,” Leon hesitated, “you don’t have to climb the tower, all of us are free.” 

“WHAT?” Arthur shouted.

“Yeah, we kind of freed ourselves,” Leon added sheepishly. He hoped Arthur wouldn’t be an idiot and accept the fact that he wasn’t needed for a rescue, but he knew Arthur too well. 

“Look, just stay calm, I’ll be right there,” Arthur shouted again. Leon groaned. Looks like he was going to have to deal with a stubborn king.

“Merlin went to go find something to help you, to make the climb easier,” Elyan called down.

“Don’t need it,” Arthur grunted as he continued to climb. The knights all exchanged worried glances. 

“He’s being an idiot,” Gwaine said.

“His pride is stinging,” Leon explained.

“Yes, well I’d rather not return to Camelot with a king who fell to his death because he was too proud,” Gwaine said waving his hands in the air. 

“When Merlin gets back we’ll be able to help him. For now, just let him think he’s being a hero,” Leon said as Elyan made his way back over to the edge and began to talk to Arthur again. Leon massaged his temples. He knew that getting Arthur to accept help would be next to impossible. He just hoped that the king would make it up to the top of the tower without a lot of trouble. Leon made his way over to the edge to stand with Elyan. He was going to have a long talk with Arthur about his hero complex, and Merlin with his self-sacrificing personality, when they got back to Camelot.


	3. Mercian Spiced Mead

“You guys should have listened to me,” Merlin spat as him and the Knights of the Round Table sat quietly in a small dungeon.

“How was I supposed to know that there is no such thing as a scorpiolincus?” Arthur shot back at Merlin.

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe because I said there wasn’t any such thing,” Arthur just rolled his eyes.

“Or how about the fact that there were no mentions of it in over 400 different books!” Merlin was really angry now and continued to rant.

“Or how about the fact that Geoffrey, who is as old as the bloody planet itself, has never seen or heard of the thing!” Merlin finished. Arthur glared at him.

A few days ago a peasant from one of the outlying villages came bursting into the throne room raving about some creature killing his village. He put on a spectacular show and had no problems in making Arthur believe that a ‘scorpiolincus’ was actually terrorizing his town. After the meeting Merlin and Giaus quickly searched through text after text to learn more about the creature but came up with nothing. Giaus then called on the librarian, Geoffrey, to try and see if he knew anything about the creature. He didn’t.

Sensing something was wrong, Merlin begged Arthur not to go and instead let his knights handle the job. He tried to tell Arthur that there was no mention of the creature in any texts but Arthur refused. He insisted that ‘it was his job as king to ensure the safety of his people’ and that Merlin should ‘stop being such a girl’. In the end, Merlin prepared for the trap. Sadly, there was very little his magic could do against the poisoned stew one of the villagers gave him and the knights.

They woke up not long ago in the cell just over the border in Mercia. Arthur was going to be killed or something, at this point, Merlin didn’t really care, as were the rest of his men. Merlin tried to get Arthur to admit his mistake. But lets face it, that wasn’t going to happen any time real soon.

“You should have listened to me,” Merlin said again, this time it was directed at everyone.

“We aren’t discussing who’s to blame at the moment, Merlin,” Arthur said “in case you haven’t noticed, we currently have bigger problems.” 

“But if we were to discuss blame, I think we would all agree that it is your fault for not listening to me,” Merlin muttered under his breath. “.…idiot,” he added.

“What was that, Merlin?” Arthur made a move to get up.

“Sire,” Leon whispered, putting a hand on Arthur’s arm, “someone’s coming,” Merlin knew he shouldn’t be that upset with Arthur. Some creatures were unknown to man. Merlin did admire Arthur for caring more about his people’s safety than his own. But for crying out loud, there were better ways to go about investigating viscous attacks. Less idiotic and saner ways.

The people who Leon heard turned the corner. They were two fairly big men who were dressed in an assortment of animal furs and leather. Both had large swords strapped to their hips, as well as knives and other weapons decorating their bodies. Their eyes were cold and merciless and both looked as though they could rip a body apart. They stopped in front of the cell and sneered.

“Well King Arthur,” one said, “did you like our little story?”

“Told you he would come,” the other one snickered as he took in the state of his prisoners.

“Now while we’re your hosts, there’s going to be some rules you have to abide by.”

“If this is what you think makes a good host then you are sorely mistaken,” Elyan chuckled. The men’s faces turned from humor to fury in a matter of seconds. 

“The first rule is that you will only speak when spoken too,” one spat, “You will follow all of our commands to the letter. You will not cause any trouble. And you will not make us angry,” He continued, leaning against the bars of the cell and barring his yellow teeth.

“And what if we don’t follow your rules?” Arthur asked calmly. The two men looked at each other and smiled.

“We’ll use our imagination on the skinny one,” one said as he jerked a knife in Merlin’s direction. Merlin blanched as the two men laughed. Everyone clenched their jaws but made no action against the men. When satisfied that they had their cooperation, the men went to a small table and sat down. Nobody spoke for a long time. It appeared that the men were going to stay with their prisoners until whoever ordered the capture came and claimed them. Merlin began racking his brains for a solution out of the mess. Most of it involved magic. But by God, if that was what needed to happen then that was what Merlin was going to do. Merlin was about to say a spell when Gwaine spoke.

“Say, what kind of mead is that?” He asked looking at the men. Everyone shot their heads up and stared.

“Gwaine. Now is really not the time!” Percival hissed as the men looked up at him.

“Trust me on this,” Gwaine whispered back.

“One from the western sea,” the guard answered raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

“Oh really? I’ve never had any from there. Is it any good?” Gwaine said with a gleam in his eye. Leon began sliding his hand frantically across his throat in a cutthroat gesture. It was subtle but it sent a clear message to Gwaine ‘cut it out’.

“Here,” the man said, handing a glass to Gwaine, “try some.” 

Gwaine smiled and took the glass before sipping it. He coughed violently before laughing.

“My God that’s good,” he said before taking another drink.

“All the kick of a good Northern drink with the taste of an Eastern honey mead,” the man laughed. Gwaine downed the rest of the glass. 

“Don’t give him that crap,” his partner said, standing up and coming over to the cell.

“Here is the good stuff. Mercian spiced mead. It’s got plenty of different spices in it to give it a kick,” Gwaine took the glass and sniffed it before sipping the drink.

“Tastes kind of like the stuff they make in the White Mountains,” he added thoughtfully.

“Nice after taste. Better than that other one,” the guard said, looking quite proud.

“Its not the after taste you need to be concerned with. It’s how smooth the drink is,” the first man said with a glare.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen,” Gwaine said calmly, “you both bring up such valid points. However on first taste alone I have to go with the western sea,” Gwaine finished, flashing his signature smile. 

“Is he trying to sleep with them or drink with them?” Merlin whispered to Arthur as their captors each poured Gwaine another glass. 

“Who knows?” Arthur mumbled, shaking his head in frustration.

“This time, sip it slowly,” one man said as he shoved a glass at Gwaine. “Really savor the flavor.” Gwaine swirled the liquid in the glass before taking a sip.

“Strong taste at first, smooth,” he muttered to himself as he took another sip, “The initial taste fades a bit to fast for enjoyment,” he concluded. The guard looked slightly disappointed.

“Now here’s mine,” the other one yanked the glass out of Gwaine’s hand and replaced it with his own mead. Gwaine repeated the process.

“Lighter taste in the beginning, more subtle,” Gwaine sat there smacking his lips for a few seconds before continuing. “It’s too hard to tell which one’s better,” the guards looked startled. “I mean, no offense fellas, but neither of these are really my kind of drink.” Gwaine flashed another charming style.

“They’re both great but I like something that burns your throat as it goes down and leaves with the taste for weeks afterwards,” Gwaine finished looking at the two men. Instead of looking upset though, they both looked kind of happy. Almost as if they enjoyed the same kind of drinks.

“I’ve got the perfect thing for you,” one guard said as he ran out of the dungeon. A few moments later, he came back with several bottles of what was probably alcohol. 

“This stuff is harder than two before so we were wary of drinking it on duty,” one explained as he opened a bottle. “But let me tell you, this is some of the finest mead Mercia has to offer,” he finished as he poured three glasses, handing one to Gwaine and one to his partner. Gwaine took the glass and sipped it. He appeared to be lost in thought for a few seconds before his features lit up like a child at Yule.

“Now that is good stuff,” he said with a smile. The men looked proud of their accomplishment and downed their glasses before pouring more. Gwaine turned around and winked at the other knights before holding his glass through the bars so that he could get some more alcohol. The guards were all too happy to oblige. Glass after glass the mead continued to flow for the three men, each getting more and more intoxicated as they continued to down the mead. 

“Hey,” Gwaine slurred as some mead sloshed over the rim of his glass, “how about you fellas let me out so that I can drink at the table,” The men looked at each other and shrugged. Surprisingly they walked to the door and swung it open for Gwaine to stumble out. Arthur was about to get up and charge the men but the door swung shut and was locked quickly. The captors were apparently not drunk enough yet to be completely stupid.

“Oh, sorry princess,” Gwaine said as he sat down at the table, but not before falling out of the chair, “looks like yooouuu can’t join the party,” he laughed loudly as the second man poured more mead into each of their glasses.

“What the hell is he doing?” Arthur hissed as he looked at the scene before him.

“Enjoying his last few hours of life,” Merlin guessed as Gwaine swung his arm around both men and pulled them in for a hug.

“You know,” Gwaine said, “you guys are awesome. I mean, I really enjoy having spent this time to get to know you,” he said picking up his cup and draining it.

“I love you man,” one of the guards wailed as he threw his arms around Gwaine’s neck and burrowed his head into his shoulder. The other guard just sat in the corner sobbing.

“I mean,” he wailed, “she just left me all alone!” He looked up at his two companions. “What kind of mother does that?” Gwaine and the other man weren’t really listening.

“If one of us,” the guard stated as he let go of Gwaine and attempted to sit back, “if one of us was a women,” he fell back over onto the table, “I’d marry you, because that’s how much I love you,” he continued as Gwaine smiled and attempted to pour himself another drink, only to miss the glass completely and pour it all over his wrist.

“Well shit,” he slurred as he attempted to pour the alcohol again.

“She always loved my brother more than me,” the man cried again, sobbing in the corner. “Maybe that’s why she hates me?” The guard picked up a bottle and looked at it thoughtfully. “You two will probably hate me soon. Everyone does,” He continued to bawl as he brought the bottle to his lips and began to drink.

“Hey, quit hogging it all,” Gwaine said, giving up on pouring his drink, as he tried to take the bottle away. 

“We should run away together!” the happier one said, sitting up. “It’ll be just you and me on a farm. Oh we could be so happy together!” He threw his arms back around Gwaine’s neck and began to list off all of the reasons he was happy. 

“You lot are fantastic companions,” Gwaine said as one guard clung to him whispering words of love and affection while the other one sat in the corner sobbing.

“Let us continue to drink!” Gwaine shouted happily. At this all three men lifted up their glasses and drank every last drop of liquid in it. The two guards each picked up a bottle and began to guzzle down the mead. The happy drunk fell forward onto the table, completely unconscious. 

“He hates me now!” the sad drunk sobbed as he finished his bottle and also fell onto the table, completely unconscious.

“Hey guys, hows abouts we,” Gwaine placed a hand on the happy drunk and shook him slightly. “Oh,” Gwaine frowned for a second before perking up. “I guess they’re unconscious now,” Gwaine said loudly. 

“Well. That worked wonderfully,” He stated smugly as he tried to stand up, only to fall over. 

“Great,” Elyan murmured, massaging his brow, “we were saved by someone who can’t even walk in a straight line.”

“Or touch his finger to his nose,” Merlin added. Arthur shook his head again.

“Gwaine, just get the keys and get over here,” Arthur said desperately as he stuck his hand through the bars.

“You know,” Gwaine stated as he began digging through one of the men’s pockets, “you are really annoying, mate.” Gwaine began muttering to himself as he continued to dig.

“It’s, uh, it’s the other man, Gwaine” Merlin said, pointing to the one that had fallen to the ground.

“Thank you, Merlin,” Gwaine stood back up and staggered over to the other guard. “You are really smart, love. Don’t let anyone tell you any different, “ Gwaine cried out triumphantly as he found the keys and stumbled to the cell door. He dropped the keys into Arthur’s hand, who immediately opened the door.

“Let’s go,” he commanded as he began to make his way to the exit.

Gwaine stopped. “Wait a second. I don’t feel so good,” Gwaine murmured as he ran to the corner and began to throw up.

“I am really drunk,” he giggled as he sat back up.

“Sire, we can’t expect him to walk in the state he’s in,” Leon said, wincing as Gwaine threw up again and then fell backwards.

“I’ve got him,” Percival sighed as he walked over to Gwaine and lifted the man so that he was resting on Percival’s back.

“Wee,” Gwaine giggled as Percival lifted him up.

“Ugh, you need to rinse your mouth out,” Percival wrinkled his nose and followed Arthur out the door.

“Hey Percival. Percy. Perce,” Gwaine said as he began to run a finger down Percival’s chest. “you are a really great friend, and I’m not saying that because I’m drunk,”

“I’m sure your not,” Percival muttered. Gwaine continued to throw out compliments.

“How long do you think he’ll be like this?” Elyan whispered to Merlin as they continued to walk through the forest.

“I don’t know, but we should find some place to stop for the night so that he can rest and get the alcohol out of his system.” Merlin hoped Arthur would listen to him for once and stop soon because Merlin did not want to deal with a drunk Gwaine all night.

“Agreed, we need to find a place fore him to rest” Leon sighed as Gwaine began to sing a riveting rendition of the “Knights of Pelondras”.

“If he doesn’t stop, I will knock him out,” Arthur growled as Gwaine got to the part about how the knights had to fight an army of, what Merlin heard as, giant gerbils.

“I’ll help you,” Leon said in a low voice as Gwaine continued to screech.

“I thought the knights fought a sea beast,” Elyan said. Arthur just shook his head and continue to plan all of the ways he could get Gwaine to shut up, most of them violent.

oOoOoOo

Gwaine woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. He groaned and rolled over only to find whatever he was laying on had stopped. Gwaine cried out in alarm as he fell onto the floor, one of his legs still caught up in the sheets.

“Are you alright?” Merlin came running in the room and helped Gwaine to sit up.

“What happened last night?” Gwaine asked as he rubbed the back of his head. He looked at Merlin who was shifting uncomfortably and had started to blush.

“Well…” Gwaine prompted.

“How much do you remember?” Merlin asked looking at Gwaine.

“I was getting the keys so that we could escape… and then nothing really,” Gwaine ran his hand through his hair.

“Well, Percival carried you on his back and you started singing. You weren’t very good,” Gwaine chuckled and Merlin continued. “You kind of went a little crazy last night,” Merlin finished, chewing on his lip.

“Oh God, did I hurt anyone?” Gwaine began checking Merlin over for injuries.

“No, no, but, well it was embarrassing,” Merlin smiled.

“Embarrassing how?” Gwaine just wanted to know how much damage he had caused.

“Well it started when you began telling Percival how much you cherished him,” Gwaine groaned. “And how he was like a Greek Adonis, sculpted perfectly,” Gwaine buried his head in the sheets. “And then you stated that his strength was parallel to none and that he should be placed on a pedestal and worshiped for eternity.”

“What else happened,” Gwaine asked, his head still buried in the sheets.

“Well you began to pet Arthur’s hair and said, ‘it is finer than the coat of a unicorn’s arse’.” At this Merlin burst out laughing as Gwaine whipped his head up.  
“I didn’t,” he said wide-eyed.

“Oh yes you did. Apparently you really like Arthur’s hair,” Merlin said as he finally stopped laughing.

“Did it get any worse?”

“Leon went to pull you away from Arthur, who was getting ready to bludgeon you,” Gwaine groaned. “And then you pulled Leon down into your lap and began to braid his hair.”

“He’s going to kill me.”

“Don’t worry, I took away everyone’s swords.”

“Did anything happen to Elyan?”

“Um, well you kept saying how much you loved him and kissed his cheek,” Gwaine began beating his head into the side of the bed.

“You went into great detail about how much you loved Elyan. Some of it was more romantic than the poetry I write for Gwen,” Merlin smiled again.

“What happened between us?” Gwaine said. He really just wanted to figure out what he had done and move on.

“We found this house and the woman was more than willing to let us stay here. We told her you were injured,” Merlin added upon seeing the confused look Gwaine was giving him. “I put you to bed when you grabbed me and hugged me to your chest,”

“God.”

“Yeah, you kept saying there was an enemy in the room and you had to protect me. Apparently I am too precious for the world to lose.”

“I am so sorry,” Gwaine looked at Merlin.

“Don’t worry, Arthur hit you on the head with a plate and knocked you out. Though not before you kicked Leon in the stomach for trying to ‘kidnap me.’” Merlin finished, trying not to laugh.

“Look whose finally awake,” came Arthur’s voice from the door.

“Look, sire—”

“No need to explain Sir Gwaine. As I understand it, you have a very unhealthy attachment to my hair and manservant. What was it again, like the coat of a unicorn’s arse?” Arthur mocked, pretending to stroke his chin thoughtfully.

“I was so drunk,” Gwaine groaned and buried his face into the blankets again.

“That’s one word for it,” Leon said as he and the other knights joined Arthur at the door.

“Where’d you learn to braid like that anyways?” Leon asked. Gwaine just continued to shake his head back and forth.

“We should leave soon,” Percival said with a smile.

“Whatever you guys say,” Gwaine said as he lifted his head.

“We should thank you though,” Elyan said. “You did get us out of that mess.” Everyone nodded in agreement as they turned to leave. Merlin helped get Gwaine back on his feet before handing him a vial.

“Something for the headache,” He said. Gwaine smiled and downed the potion in one go. He grimaced. How could something taste this bad? Like death and the tears of small children.

“Thanks mate,” He said as he began to make his way down the stairs. They got to the bottom where the woman of the house was waiting for them.

“If you ever want to come back you can,” she said, eyeing Gwaine with a look the knight knew all to well. Arthur ensured her that if they were ever in need of her services they would not hesitate to ask. The woman, however, was still staring intently at Gwaine. Gwaine smiled sheepishly before waving at her and turning to leave the house.

“What did I do to her?” He whispered to Merlin as they walked up the road.

“Told her she was the most beautiful creature in the entire world and that the sun couldn’t outshine her radiance,” Merlin said with a shrug.

“You then proceeded, in what I assume was an attempt, to eat her face off,” Percival snickered.

“Oh dear,” Gwaine whimpered.

“Yes, you really wanted to share a bed with her,” Arthur laughed.

“Oh no,” Gwaine whined, pinching the bridge of his nose. Everyone laughed at Gwaine’s misfortunes as they continued back to Camelot to give their report.

“Could you maybe leave some of this out?” Gwaine asked as he jogged up to Arthur.

“Oh no, we are going to recount everything to the council,” Arthur smiled wickedly.

“Even the part about your hair?” Gwaine snapped. Arthur’s color drained.

“Right men, let’s come up with a story,” He said in an awfully high-pitched voice as Camelot could be seen over the hills. Perhaps there were good things that could come from Gwaine’s nightly trips to the taverns, Merlin thought as Arthur and Leon began to work out the details to the trip. Although, maybe next time Gwaine would think twice before downing 5 flagons of mead.


	4. The Sleeping Spell

Slavers are truly wonderful people. They really are. It’s not as though they knock you out, kidnap you against your will, or keep you in a cage that hasn’t been cleaned out since three years ago. Slavers are a fantastic and kind group of people who are very easy to reason with. Merlin continued his inward rant, getting angrier and angrier at the men who had captured the group. He groaned.

Merlin groaned as the cage him and the rest of the knights had been put in hit another bump in the road. They were investigating a series of attacks in one of the outlying villages. It turned out to be huge. Also, it turned out to be very magical. Mostly, it turned out to be hungry for the taste of human flesh. Finally, after a particularly long and arduous battle, Arthur had managed to track the beast back to its cave and—with a little unknown help from Merlin—killed it before it ate the rest of the village. Everyone was glad the thing was gone and so they decided to go to a local hot spring to relax. No one took their chainmail or swords with them, though Merlin had hidden a dagger in his boot. It was this that made them perfect targets for slavers to come and knock every single one of them unconscious.

Merlin understood why the slavers kept the knights, but he wasn’t so sure why they took himself. Would Merlin really fetch a good enough price to warrant wasting supplies and time? Whatever. It didn’t really matter in the end because now everyone was stuck in a cage, chained together, rolling to who knows where.

“Anyone come up with any bright ideas yet?” Elyan asked in a hushed tone, not wanting to alert the guards that they were awake and planning escape.

“Alright, alright,” Arthur said while massaging his temples. “How about, when they come to open the cage Percival and Leon knock them out?” He looked up at the knights looking quite proud of the plan.

“We’re chained together princess,” Gwaine muttered. “It will take a miracle for that plan to work.”

“They will probably use one of us as hostages to ensure good behavior,” Leon added thoughtfully.

“So we’re back to square one,” Arthur groaned.

“Looks like it,” Gwaine sighed as he slumped down even farther. The ride continued with everyone saying very little. Each lost in their own thoughts. Every once in a while one of them would start to speak, but would then stop when they realized their plan wasn’t going to work. Merlin rarely felt this miserable. His wrists hurt from where the cuffs dug into them, his mouth was dry from not drinking anything, and he was hungry. The only upside to this was that there was no magic suppressors on the cuffs or on the cage. Merlin struggled to see how that would make the situation better. If it came down to it he would use magic to free his friends, even if that meant revealing himself and possible death.

The wagon slowed to a stop. It was getting dark out which probably meant that they were stopping for the night. Maybe that meant they would be taken out of the cage and Merlin could get in a better position. He half thought about laying his head on Arthur’s shoulder as sort of a pillow, but he didn’t want to push it. Arthur was already stressed and the slavers could use that against them. Plus the knights would tease both of them relentlessly when they were out of this mess. He would never hear the end of it.

The slavers dismounted and went about setting up camp. Gwaine was about to shout something but Arthur shook his head furiously. They did not need Gwaine making things worse, as Gwaine was prone to do. One of the slavers began to make his way over to the cage with what appeared to be rations. Merlin then had an idea. If he could cause a distraction and then knock everyone unconscious with a sleeping spell, he could free the knights and escape without having to reveal his magic. He could blame the unconsciousness on the food. He groaned. That meant he couldn’t eat anything or else he would have to explain why he was still awake. The other slaver, who was working on the fire, got up and quickly joined his friend taking out a knife in the process.

Merlin knew what was coming long before they got here. They would open the cage door and press the knife to Merlin’s throat. They might tease the knights a little by making some sort of conversation about how great it would be to spill Merlin’s blood all over the floor (though they would probably use the term boy—they always did), which would cause Gwaine most likely, or possibly Arthur, to react violently. They would then press the knife harder against Merlin’s throat to draw blood and warn of what would happen if they did something like that again. Food would be thrown into the cage, Merlin would be released when the door was closed, and all of the knights would be way too overprotective of him for the next week and a half.

The man with the food made his way to the door while the man with the knife actually didn’t go towards Merlin, instead he held the blade to Leon’s throat. He nodded to his companion who opened the cage and threw the food in before slamming it shut. How odd. Apparently the rest of the party thought so too. 

“That’s it?” Elyan asked looking at Leon for any signs of damage.

“Did he even break the skin?” Percival wondered aloud. Leon rubbed his neck and shrugged his shoulders.

“Well that was uneventful,” Arthur said, wide eyes. As if disappointed that Leon wasn’t damaged further.

“Usually they go for Merlin,” Leon said to himself, as he raised an eyebrow and looked at the slavers who were sitting wordlessly around the campfire eating.

“Must not be the sadistic type?” Gwaine questioned, trying and failing to make a joke out of the situation. Everyone grabbed some of the bread that had been thrown in the cell and began to eat. Merlin was about to take a bite when he remembered his plan. He placed the bread back down on the ground and waited for the other knights to finish.

“Come on, Merlin, eat,” Arthur commanded.

“Not hungry,” Merlin mumbled, trying to ignore the shooting pains in his abdomen.

“Like hell you are,” Gwaine retorted, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Merlin, if we’re going to escape you need your strength,” Percival tried. Merlin began to panic. All eyes were on him so it would be impossible to cause a distraction to knock everyone out. He couldn’t lie and say he felt sick because then the knights would be all over him like the overprotective nobles they were. Guess it was time to do a nonverbal spell.

Merlin looked around one last time to see everyone eyeing him. He focused on the fire the slavers had set up. Only on that. He reached out and grabbed the piece of bread that had been tossed on the ground and then ducking his head as low as possible, willed the fire to roar to life. Merlin felt a surge of magic leave him as cries from across the camp could be heard.

Merlin looked up to see the fire raging out of control as the two slavers struggled to get it back under control. All of the knights were focusing on the commotion, which gave Merlin the perfect chance to use his spell.

“Ic i beslép” Merlin whispered as everyone in the camp began to yawn and fall over into a peaceful slumber. Merlin sank back against the wall and closed his eyes for a second before remembering that there was a fire currently raging in the campsite and if he didn’t act soon it would probably burn down the whole forest. He sat up and once again searched his mind for the right words.

“þurhwunaþ” Merlin whispered, afraid to wake someone up. The hard part was done, now he just had to open the cage, unlock the chains, take them all away from the campsite and to safety, and—oh. Guess the whole ‘putting everyone to sleep’ bit was the easiest thing Merlin had to do tonight. Merlin sighed and whispered some more words in the Old Religion and was pleased to see the manacles that had formerly bound his friends clatter to the ground. The door was also easy, swinging open with a few well-spoken words.

Merlin crawled out of the cage, careful not to step on any of the knights, and stood up. He stretched and popped his joints, which were stiff for sitting so long, and began to make his way around the campsite. He got to the now under control fire and helped himself to the food the slavers were eating before. After a few minutes his hunger was satisfied and he decided to get his story straight since he was horrible at lying.

The food contained a sleeping draught and since Merlin never ate anything, that would explain why he was still awake. When the slavers had noticed this, they went to force some of the potion down his throat but he had managed to get a hold of a stick and knock out both men before grabbing the keys and unlocking everyone. It had a ton of holes and wasn’t going to hold up very well if the knights pestered him for more information, but he would try and keep the subject brief and to the point.

He drank some water and walked back to the cage. Everyone looked so peaceful sleeping. Gwaine had curled up on Percival, whose mouth was slightly open. Elyan’s head was on Leon’s shoulder and Leon was snoring lightly. Arthur had curled up in the corner of the cage and looked rather childish in this state. It was almost too cute to break up. Almost.

Merlin frowned as a new problem presented itself: How to get everyone out. He could use magic but he had no idea how long the spell would last. Should one of the knights wake up floating, it would raise a lot of questions. Plus, Merlin didn’t know a levitation spell. He really should start learning these things. Merlin ran his hand through his hair before deciding on a course of action.

He walked to the door of the cage and grabbed Gwaine’s hand since he was the closest. Merlin started to pull him out when Gwaine grabbed onto Percival’s tunic and held on for dear life.

“Gwaine,” Merlin whined, “you have to let go of Percival,”

“Don’t wanna,” Gwaine murmured before burrowing deeper into Percival’s chest.

“Gwaine please, for me,” Merlin pleaded. He smiled as Gwaine let go of Percival’s shirt and allowed himself to be dragged away from the warm body. Merlin tugged at Gwaine but misjudged his weight, causing him to be pulled to fast from the cage and drop unceremoniously to the ground. Merlin winced as he looked at the state Gwaine was in. His legs were still in the cage but his torso was out. His face was buried in the dirt below and Merlin still had a hold on his hand. Merlin dropped the hand to the ground and went to lift Gwaine up by his armpits. Merlin, with much difficulty, managed to get Gwaine turned over and went to pull him the rest of the way out of the cage. Merlin stepped back and tripped over a rock. He landed on his rear and Gwaine fell on top of him. Merlin managed to roll Gwaine over and stood up. He tried to lift the knight up, but he was really heavy. Finally, he settled for grabbing both hands and dragging Gwaine out of the clearing.

Merlin remembered there was a stream a little ways up the road, it would be the perfect place to hide the sleeping knights until the spell wore off. He continued to drag Gwaine up the road until he reached the stream. Luckily, there was a cave near, so he deposited the knight and walked back to the camp. That whole ordeal was much harder and took much longer than Merlin had originally hoped. He groaned as he realized that there were four more men that had to be taken to the cave.

He got back to the cage and looked at the knights. Because he mucked out the stables so often and carried all of Arthur’s things Merlin actually had fairly decent upper body strength. He needed to remember to thank Arthur one of these days.

He managed to roll Elyan off of Leon and, with some difficulty, hoist him over his shoulder, much like what Arthur did when Merlin was injured. It was so much easier carrying Elyan this way than dragging him over the ground. He would apologize to Gwaine later. Merlin’s legs began to shake as Elyan’s weight became heavier. He was almost to the cave when he tripped and sent Elyan flying into the river. Merlin scrambled towards the bank as Elyan just lay in the water, his clothing now sopping wet from the swim. Merlin didn’t have the strength to lift him back over his shoulders so he resorted to the hand-pull he had done with Gwaine. He deposited the second knight in the cave and returned. Three men to go.

Once again he returned to the cage and hoisted Leon over his shoulders. Everyone just seemed to be getting heavier each time he returned. This was not like stable work at all. Legs quivering, he almost wished he was in the stable full of dung. He was walking through the forest, stumbling every once in awhile but never dropping Leon, when he heard a twig snap. Merlin whipped around to see what had made the noise when he felt Leon smack against a tree. A rabbit came bounding out of a bush and ran past Merlin. Merlin prayed that he hadn’t hurt Leon to bad. When he got to the cave he set Leon down and groaned as a large red welt had made its home on Leon’s forehead. There were also an assortment of twigs sticking out of his hair and what appeared to be tree sap on the side of his face. Merlin just hoped the knights wouldn’t be to mad at their states. He was saving their lives after all. But with these it was hard to tell.  
Arthur was the next one to be brought out of the cage. Merlin decided to try have Arthur on his back rather than his shoulders. It didn’t really make much of a difference, though. Everything hurt. Once again, Merlin found himself in the forest heading towards the lake. Almost done. He was almost done with this horrible ordeal.

Merlin really should have learned by now to pay attention to his surroundings. His foot found a loose log and with a yelp, he landed flat on his back, which so happened to hold Arthur. Merlin rolled off of Arthur and then picked up Arthur’s hands and began to drag him. Merlin grimaced as he realized he was dragging Arthur through a mud puddle. The situation would have been really funny, the king of Camelot with a muddy backside, except Merlin would have to clean the clothes and deal with an angry king. Merlin plopped Arthur down next to his other three knights and with a sigh, went back one last time. For Percival. Good Lord, he was too weak for this.

He stood there for several minutes trying to figure out what to do about the knight who was twice his size and three times his weight. He finally gave up on getting a good idea and resorted to rolling Percival to the cave. Yes, that’s right. Merlin, the most powerful warlock to walk the earth, was rolling a knight to a cave. Merlin’s back began to seize up as Percival was rolled onto his back, and then his stomach. Back and forth, back and forth. Percival was now covered in mud leaves, twigs, and whatever else was on the forest floor. Perhaps dead animals. Most probably dead animals. When they finally got to the cave Merlin just collapsed onto the ground and went straight to sleep.

Arthur moaned as he began to wake up. What had happened last night? He remembered yelling at Merlin about his eating habits, then there was a fire and the next thing Arthur knew, he was asleep. He opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before furrowing his brow. He also remembered being in a cage, not a cave. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair only to discover a good amount of dust coming off of it.

“What the hell?” He murmured, looking at his hand and trying to remember when he had laid down in a mud puddle. He looked around to see the other knights and Merlin all sleeping around the cave.

First thing he had to do was inspect his men for injuries. Arthur winced as he looked at the states of each one. Gwaine had mud all over him and twigs in his hair. Elyan looked a little better but his clothes appeared to be soaking wet and he had a bruise on the left side of his face. Leon had a giant welt in the center of his forehead, twigs in his hair, and tree sap down the side of his face. Percival looked like he had spent the day rolling around on the forest floor, but otherwise unharmed. Merlin looked exhausted, and aside from some leaves in his hair, actually appeared to be in the best condition.

Arthur was trying to find a logical explanation as to why he and the rest of his men appeared to have taken a tumble on the forest floor when Gwaine groaned and opened his eyes.

“Where are we? Why do I feel like I spent the evening at the tavern?” Gwaine put a hand to his forehead and sat up.

“What do you remember?” Arthur asked tentatively.

“Not much, you?”

“The same,” Arthur and Gwaine just sat in silence for a few minutes before Gwaine spoke again.

“We all look a bit worse for wear though,” he chuckled as he began to pull twigs from his hair. Arthur smiled and nodded in agreement. One by one the knights woke up. Each with no recollection as to how they ended up in a cave.

“Guess Merlin will be the one to tell us,” Percival said as he cracked his neck and started brushing some of the dust off. Merlin finally woke up to see all of the knights staring at him questioningly.

“What do you want?” he asked as he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

“What happened last night?” Elyan asked.

“Saved us from becoming slaves,” Merlin grumbled.

“Yes, we figured that. But how, Merlin?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Merlin sighed and sat up, recounting the tale (the one that didn’t include magic) to the knights.

“You’re the reason we feel this way!” Arthur shrieked after Merlin had finished with his story.

“What else was I supposed to do? You all weigh so much!” Merlin shot back.

“You could have taken the cage with you,” Leon answered.

“What?”

“Yeah. The cage is designed to be rolled through the forest,” Leon explained. “You could have tied the horses to it and dragged it to the river bank.”

Merlin just stared at Leon for several minutes.

“We should get going,” Merlin said, jumping up to leave.

“Oh no you don’t,” Gwaine smirked, snagging Merlin’s waist and pulling him back to the ground.

“We need to thank you for your wonderful rescue attempt,” Arthur grinned as Percival scooped Merlin up and tossed him over his shoulder.

“What are you guys doing?” Merlin cried, “Percival, please put me down!” The knights just laughed as Percival carried Merlin out of the cave. After walking for a little, Percival stopped.  
“Here sire?” Percival asked. Arthur nodded.

“What’s here? What’s going on?” Merlin struggled to get out of Percival’s grip but the man wasn’t letting go of Merlin easily. With the knights all sniggering, Percival dropped Merlin into a mud puddle. Merlin yelped as he hit the mud. Arthur laughed as he took a clump of dirt and smeared it on Merlin’s face.

“Can we go now?” Merlin asked, crossing his arms and pouting like a child. Gwaine helped Merlin to his feet, but not before pouring a handful of mud in Merlin’s hair.

“Next time, use your brain mate,” Gwaine sniggered, as they began to walk back towards Camelot. Merlin really couldn’t understand why he hadn’t thought of Leon’s idea before. Next time, he really would have to think his plan through before carrying it out. He was never going to get the mud out of his hair.


	5. The Dress

“Son of a bitch!” Gwaine shouted as he punched the wall of the dungeon.

“Gwaine, calm down,” Leon said, stepping forward to try and placate the very angry knight.

“I will not calm down those bastards tricked us!” Gwaine said as he raised his fist to slam the wall again. This time Percival grabbed Gwaine’s arm and held him down so he wouldn’t break his hand.

“Gwaine, please try and calm down,” Merlin pleaded “We need everyone to have clear heads so that we can get out of this mess,” Merlin smiled as Gwaine sighed and sank down onto the ground.

“I suppose your right as usual Merlin,” he said in a monotone voice, waving his hand at Merlin. 

“Ah look what you’ve done to your hand,” Merlin whined as he sat down next to Gwaine, looking at the bleeding knuckles.

“Your lucky it isn’t broken,” Merlin said as he began to wipe off some of the blood with his neckerchief. 

“I want to know why they’re holding us,” Arthur said as he rattled the bars of the dungeon, obviously hoping to pull them off. 

Arthur had taken the Knights of the Round Table and Merlin to a peace treaty signing in another kingdom. The kingdom, known as Divinus, was small but would be a wonderful trading partner. Being almost completely surrounded by the sea their access to other commodities that would have been otherwise foreign to Camelot was too good to pass up. Arthur extended an invitation and several meetings later he had not only gained their trust, but had become fairly good friends with the king. In a gesture of good faith Arthur agreed to sign the treaty at Divinus’ stronghold by the sea. 

There had been a wonderful feast to celebrate the two kingdoms joining together in peace so that both could prosper. Merlin was attending to Arthur when he first saw that something was wrong. Arthur only drank half a glass of mead when he started to get really tipsy. It usually took at least three to get him slightly drunk, and even then it was rarely this bad. Merlin went to talk to the other knights but found them in much the same predicament. Gwaine had also only drank about half a glass and Merlin knew from experience that Gwaine could down half a tavern before getting drunk. Even Leon, who was usually very reserved at these events was nearly falling out of his chair. Merlin was about to go ask a servant what kind of mead was he giving the king, as it may have been stronger than what they had in Camelot, but was instead roughly grabbed and slammed against the wall, unconsciousness finding him quickly.

When he had awoken, Arthur was less than happy. No one was on their game, due to the obvious drugs that had been put in the drink, and Merlin had a throbbing headache. Gwaine had lost it when it was discovered Merlin’s hair to be matted with blood, which was the reason he punched the wall in the first place. 

But what worried Merlin the most wasn’t the fact that they were now trapped in a dungeon of an obvious hostile nation, it wasn’t the fact that Camelot didn’t expect them back for two days, it wasn’t even the fact that Merlin had a concussion and was having a hard time focusing on anything. The thing that was worrying Merlin was the fact that Elyan wasn’t in the dungeon with them. Come to think of it, Merlin didn’t think that Elyan even attended the feast. He hoped that meant that Elyan was free and working on a way of getting them out. 

“Hey, hey you!” Arthur called at the guard. 

“What do you want?” The guard responded, looking rather uninterested in the prisoners.

“I demand to speak with your king,” Arthur said in his I’m the king of Camelot now do as I say voice.

“Do you now,” the guard seemed slightly amused at the thought. 

“I wish to know why we are being held captive,” Arthur crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at the guard.

“It’s quite simple. You are worth a lot of money. As soon as Camelot pays the bounty we’ll release you and your little pets,” the guard explained, glancing at Merlin as he said the word ‘pet’. Merlin glared right back, secretly thinking of all the ways he could make the guard suffer. Being turned into a toad sounded like the perfect punishment. Merlin smiled as he thought of the guard hoping around on the floor, trying to comprehend why he had a sudden taste for bugs.

“Something funny boy,” the guard snarled. Percival stepped in front of Merlin and Gwaine while Merlin tried to lose the smile. 

“You will ensure that no harm will come to my men,” Arthur demanded as he tried to steer the conversation back to where he wanted.

“Looks like that one already has a nice size gash. I didn’t have to be so rough but it was fun,” the guard sneered.

“Why you,” Gwaine snarled as he moved to get up but Merlin and Leon held him back. It was bad enough the drugs were still in their systems causing them to be slow and clumsy, they really didn’t need Gwaine to sustain a head injury for picking a fight with a man twice his size. 

Arthur decided that the interview was over, mostly because he wanted to punch that sick smile off the man’s face. He sat down next to Leon who still had a hand on Gwaine, just in case feral rage took over and he charged at the man. Although Arthur sure wasn’t going to stop him. If anything he was going to help him. The guard sat back down at his post sharpening his sword throwing menacing glances at his prisoners every once in a while. Merlin decided now was the time to voice his concerns about Elyan. 

“Does anyone know what happened to Elyan?” He whispered. Everyone turned to look at him.

“No,” was all Arthur managed to get out. Merlin could tell he was worried. It was one thing to have all of his men in a cell. At least he knew the state they were in and could protect them somewhat. But not knowing where Elyan was, perhaps, was even worse than having them all down in the dungeon. He could be dead, injured, heading back to Camelot for help. Arthur hated not knowing. 

They sat there for a few moments in silence, contemplating the fate of their missing friend as well as their own, when footsteps were heard coming down the hall. The guard stood up, sword at the ready when his eyes widened and he dropped down onto one knee. Everyone leaned forward, expecting to see the king but were “pleasantly” surprised to see a woman. She had on a long flowing purple dress with gold leaves stitched into the hems. On the front of her skirts held a large silver Celtic knot. Her face was wrapped tightly in a silver and gold scarf that revealed only her eyes. 

“My lady, what do I owe the pleasure?” the guard asked, his eyes lowered to the ground. Merlin wondered who the woman was. Divinus didn’t have a queen as far as Merlin knew, nor did it have a princess. The lady merely pointed to the prisoners.

“Oh, you are one of silence. I am terribly sorry for my ignorance. Please forgive me,” The guard lowered his head, the lady placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“Um, who is this?” Arthur asked, he had since stood up and was now at the door of the cell, taking in the strange scene.

“This is a high priestess of the Pure Heart Coven,” The guard sputtered, clearly annoyed that they didn’t know that.

“Is the young lady free?” Gwaine said, smoothing his hair back and getting to his feet.

“Seriously Gwaine, now?” Leon asked while Percival just rolled his eyes.

“You have to seize an opportunity when it presents itself,” Gwaine said with a wave of his hand.

“I don’t think the opportunity is presenting itself,” Merlin said looking at the lady who had since furrowed her brow, in anger or frustration. It was hard to tell which.

“Enough!” the guard was clearly put off by the blatant disrespect to the obviously well known Pure Heart Coven. “These women have taken a vow of purity and pacifism to devote a life to the gods,” The guard spat out the last few words.

“Why is her face covered?” Percival asked.

“Because only her fellow sisters and immediate family can see her!” The guard was flushed and had yet to stand up.

“So I can’t sleep with her?” Gwaine asked.

“Are you still on that?” Leon muttered. The guard just opened and closed his mouth several times, looking much like a fish. 

“These women have vowed to live a life of nonviolence and-“ whatever else the women of the Pure Heart Coven vowed to live by was never explained as the guard quickly found himself with a sword sticking out of his chest.

“So much for nonviolence,” Percival said as he looked towards the lady who was pulling the sword out of the guard’s chest and moving quickly to get the keys. After opening the door and motioning for them to follow, the lady quickly led them up the stairs of the dungeon and through the castle.

“Why are you helping us?” Arthur asked.

“Sire, I believe she has taken a vow of silence and can’t answer us,” Leon said as they turned a corner.

“She also took a vow of nonviolence and look what happened,” Gwaine said grinning cheekily.

“Gwaine now is really not the time,” Arthur growled, guessing the cause of Gwaine’s good mood, as they made their way out into the night. They were greeting by several other women wearing much of the same clothing. One of them stepped forward.

“We are glad to have finally repaid our debt. Take this on your journey,” she thrust a bag into the lady’s hand, “We will keep your escape unknown for as long as possible but you must hurry,” she finished as she stepped back to join the other members of the coven.

“Wait, what debt?” Arthur asked, clearly wanting to know why these women had risked their lives to help him.

“It will be revealed in time good king. But you must leave now,” 

“What about her?” Leon looked over at the lady who had helped them escape. Some of the others giggled.

“In time sir knight,” Merlin couldn’t see the woman’s face but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was smiling under her scarf.

“Do you know anything of my other knight?” Arthur asked again

“He is quite safe and you will meet with him soon. Now go,” At this Arthur turned and followed their rescuer out of the stronghold and into the forest. It was clear that the lady was not used to running, at least not in a forest because she continually tripped over tree routes and what appeared to be air. After an hour or so everyone stopped to catch their breath.

“Where is Elyan?” Percival asked as soon as he was able. The lady shifted nervously from one foot to another.

“Look, we are grateful you helped us escape but I do want to know where my knight is,” Arthur said in a calm but authoritative voice. The lady went over to a tree and began to bang her head against it.

“Is this some sort of ritual?” Gwaine asked Merlin.

“How should I know?” Finally the lady stopped banging her head against a tree and walked over to the group. She began to unwrap her scarf when Leon put up a hand to stop her.

“We do not wish to mistreat your beliefs,” He said, worried that he might have offended the lady or have forced her into something against her will.

“Your not mistreating my beliefs I just can’t breathe with this thing on,”

“Elyan?” Everyone gasped as the scarf was peeled away to reveal a rather sweaty Elyan. Percival finally broke the silence. 

“Why are you wearing a dress?” he asked hesitantly.

“I didn’t have much of a choice okay,” Elyan said as he wiped his brow. “Before I became a knight I was working as a blacksmith in Divinus. One night some women from the Pure Heart Coven were attacked and I helped get rid of the attacker,” Elyan sat down on a tree stump and continued.

“Sandra, the woman you met, said that they would one day repay me. They overheard the king’s plot to capture you all and pulled me from the banquet before I could get drugged. Since the Pure Heart Coven doesn’t show their faces it was the perfect disguise,” Elyan finished his story and looked around at the others.

“Well that was very brave of you mate,” Gwaine said, now incredibly bright red.

“You tried to flirt with me,”

“I thought you were a woman,” Gwaine replied sheepishly.

“You wanted to sleep with me,” Elyan crossed his arms and glared at Dwaine.

“I was mistaken,” Gwaine said while clearing his throat.

“Yeah well Sandra said she would give me a change of clothes so that I wouldn’t have to walk back to Camelot in a dress,” Elyan said as he stood up and grabbed the bag Sandra had given to him.

“We’ll give you some privacy then,” Arthur said as he turned around and walked to where Elyan was hidden by the trees. After a few minutes they heard Elyan coming back through the forest. They all turned and stared.

“Why didn’t you change?” Merlin asked. Elyan was still in his purple dress.

“Because they only stocked the bag with food!” Elyan cried in exasperation.

“Don’t worry, you still have the scarf. You can wrap it around your head when we get to Camelot so that no one will recognize you,” Leon said soothingly as everyone came to terms with the fact that Elyan would have to walk back to Camelot in a dress. 

“It’s your fault!” Elyan shouted, pointing at Merlin.

“My fault? Why it is my fault?” Merlin said, very confused.

“Because some of the ladies saw you when you were coming in to the stronghold and they couldn’t stop talking about how adorable you were,” Merlin turned bright red. Every time. This happened every time.

“That doesn’t explain why they packed us extra food,” Merlin murmured.

“Because you just show up to a place looking adorable and every woman wants to take care of you,”

“At least we have food,” Gwaine said, trying to calm Elyan down.

“I am wearing a dress!”

“You’re point being?”

“I am a man!”

“Yes and it shows off your curves very well,” Gwaine snickered.

“It actually goes very well with your skin tone,” Percival added thoughtfully.

“Perhaps it would be wise to leave the comments to a minimum,” Leon said, sensing there was about to be a fight and Elyan wouldn’t hold up very well wearing such a flowing gown.

“Let’s get going,” Percival said, trying to be cheerful.

“This better not get out,” Elyan growled. Merlin didn’t really want to know what would happen if it did.

CRASH! Elyan tripped for the 5690 time since continuing to walk to Camelot.

“Can you stop with the tripping!” Arthur yelled as Elyan landed on his front. “You aren’t Merlin for crying out loud,”

“I heard that,”

“You were meant to,”

“You know it isn’t exactly easy trying to maneuver in this thing,” Elyan said as he hiked his skirts up and began walking again.

“It is quite difficult sire. Perhaps we should go slower,” Leon said, sending Elyan a pleading look.

“And what would you know about wearing dresses?” Gwaine teased.

“I’ve worn one before,” The party stopped and turned to look at Leon.

“Kinky,” Gwaine said with wide eyes.

“What? No, not like that,” Leon sputtered.

“Of course not,” Arthur said as he turned and picked up the pace towards Camelot.

“Look mate, I won’t judge you for what you’re into. Once knew a girl who liked-“

“We don’t need to know that!” Merlin cried as he began to turn tomato red again.

“It was when Morgana took over the castle!” Leon cried, but no one was really listening to him. But this was mostly because at that moment about 20 bandits had graced the small group with their presence.

“Why do the gods hate me?” Elyan groaned as he tried to fight the bandits while still keeping his dress off the ground. 

“It’s not that bad,” Arthur growled as he sliced his way through another opponent.

“Well how about I stick you in some frilly skirts and make you fight three men at once,” Elyan snapped at Gwaine came to his aid.

“Fear not fair lady, for I, Sir Gwaine, will save you,” Gwaine posed heroically before charging into battle.

“Can we try and stay focused?” Leon demanded as he continued to kill bandit after bandit, all the while branches were “coincidentally” falling on their heads. After what seemed like eternity the bandits decided they were better off finding another target and began to retreat.

“That is going to sting their pride quite a bit,” Merlin said as he emerged from behind a tree.

“Why’s that?” asked Percival as he cleaned the blood off his sword.

“Some of them were killed by a man wearing a dress,” Merlin stated looking over at Elyan. 

“Let’s just get back to Camelot so I can get out of this damn thing,” Elyan groaned as he turned and immediately tripped over the hem.

“Merlin’s right though, you fought quite well,” Gwaine said as he helped Elyan stand back up.

“I hate you all,” was the only reply they got.

After about another hour the small group finally got back to Camelot, with Elyan covering his face with the scarf so that no one could tell it was the knight who wore the dress. The group made their way to the council chambers and Arthur gave the whole story to the members and Gwen. When it got to the part about how Elyan was the one who wore the dress she was laughing very hard.

“Not so easy to wear these things, is it?” She asked her brother as Elyan tried to shrink away from the council members and their disapproving looks.

“I want you all to come immediately to my chambers,” Giaus said once the story was complete, “I need to make sure the drug will have no lasting affect,”

“Can I go change first?” Elyan whined.

“Sorry but this has to be done immediately and I might need your help,” Giaus said.

“Will I ever be rid of this thing?” Elyan growled as he tied the scarf around his face and made his way out of the council room, tripping every once in awhile.

“You look to good to be taken out of it,” Gwaine chuckled as Leon managed to grab Elyan after tripping over the stairs. Elyan prayed that this incident would never be brought up again. But alas, the fates are cruel and he knew he would probably not be so lucky.


	6. The Therapy Session

Arthur crept through the forest, not making a sound. His eyes zeroed in on the target. He had evaded the king for far too long. He thought he could outsmart Arthur, but he was so very wrong. Arthur had tracked him through the forests and the young king was not going to give up now. He had the target in his sights. Arthur held up a hand to stop his men, the Knights of the Round Table. Everyone prepared to attack and Arthur placed an arrow in his bow and prepared to fire. There was no way he would let him win. Arthur prepared to let arrow fly when Merlin decided to sneeze.

“ACHOOO!” Merlin cried loudly as the stag Arthur had been hunting for nearly half a day ran off.

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted as the prize ran off into the forest. There was no way he could find the damn thing now. What a waste of a hunt.

“I didn’t trip,” Merlin snapped as he picked up a rabbit he had dropped.

“Now what are we supposed to bring back!” Arthur cried as he placed the arrow back in the quiver and shoved the bow roughly into Merlin’s hands. He couldn’t punch the man, though Arthur really wanted to.

“What’s wrong with the rabbits?” Merlin asked innocently.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t scare it off on purpose,” Arthur snarled. Merlin just stood there with his big eyes, staring innocently at Arthur. Arthur growled and looked away. He knew what Merlin was doing. And if he stared at him for too long, it would probably work.

“We should make camp for the night, seeing how we don’t have anything to track,” Leon said. He was also slightly annoyed at the lack of game. But Arthur knew how much Merlin disliked hunting, and how bad he was at it. Arthur should really stop taking the boy along on these trips. Merlin huffed in annoyance and cleared up his kicked puppy expression.

“I think there was a clearing somewhere back towards the East,” Percival stated as they gathered up their supplies and began to head towards the clearing. He wasn’t too upset about Merlin scaring away the game. He didn’t really enjoy hunting for no reason. But after half a day of hunting, he did want something to show for it.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Arthur’s mood didn’t improve like Merlin had hoped. Usually Merlin would make dinner, Arthur would eat it, and he would forgive Merlin. They would go back to their normal bickering selves after about an hour or two. This didn’t appear to be happening. So now Merlin had to try and make things right with an apology. Maybe if he set aside his pride and told Arthur that it was all his fault, Arthur would forgive him. Although that time really was an accident. The first six may have been on purpose, but the last time wasn’t.

“Look, I’m sorry about the deer,” Merlin said quietly as he plopped down next to Arthur. Arthur was still giving Merlin the silent treatment. Merlin sighed. Not even an apology could pull the king from his brooding. 

“Tomorrow I will be as quiet as you need me to be,” Merlin promised with a forced smile. He set a water skin next to Arthur and made his way into the forest to gather more firewood. Perhaps it was best to just let Arthur stew in his emotions for a little while longer.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen the princess this angry,” Gwaine whispered to Elyan as Percival sat down to join them.

“He’ll get over it by tomorrow morning,” Leon responded, throwing another stick onto the fire. “He’s just stressed, that’s all.” They returned to silence after Leon had spoken. Without Merlin and Arthur constantly arguing, the campsite was silent and depressing. Gwaine had run out of tavern tales in the morning, so no one really had anything to discuss. It was kind of sad how the group had come to rely on Merlin insulting Arthur, and Arthur insulting Merlin. It was unnatural, this level of silence.

The men sat around the fire for a few more minutes when they heard someone cry out in distress. Everyone was immediately on their feet with swords in their hands.

“That sounded like Merlin,” Elyan gasped. Arthur was about to make a jab at how Merlin probably just saw a snake, when another Merlin shouted again.

“Let me go!” This time, Arthur didn’t make any move to insult Merlin.

“Come on,” he commanded and began to run to the woods with his men close behind. But before they could get very far, Merlin was thrown unceremoniously at their feet. 

“Ow,” Merlin groaned as he got on his hands and knees and attempted to stand up. Someone put a foot in between his shoulders and pushed him back onto the ground.

“Hello boys!” a man said as he stepped out from behind a tree. “Looks like we got ourselves a group of nobles,” he announced as more men began to show themselves. Normally, even while being surrounded, Arthur would have started a battle. His men were some of the best warriors in the five kingdoms and could easily win a fight against 20 or 30 bandits. This time, however, was different because the leader had Merlin. No matter how upset Arthur was with the man, he wouldn’t allow any harm to come to him. Starting a battle with 30 armed men was sure fire way to hurt Merlin quickly, possibly even get him killed.

“I wonder how much they’re worth,” one of them said. He was really tall, possibly taller than Percival. Though not as muscly, thank the gods. 

“Well tomorrow, we’re meeting with a slaver. He should be able to tell us,” said another one. This one looked like a mouse and had a high-pitched, squeaky voice. 

“Excellent thoughts, gentlemen!” the leader laughed as he clapped his hands together. The tall man made quick work of relieving the knights of their weapons. The mousy one bound their hands. When the work was done, the leader dragged Merlin up by his collar and once again, threw him at the knights. Leon managed to catch him before he hit the ground.

“Sorry, didn’t hear them,” Merlin murmured as Leon helped steady him. The group was directed over to a tree by the tall one where they were tied to it. Probably to prevent further escape.

“They haven’t recognized Arthur yet,” Elyan whispered.

“Let’s keep it that way,” Leon said back. “The more they think we are just a bunch of low grade nobles, the more likely we are to get out of this.” Everyone nodded in agreement. Merlin was looking around for anything that could be used as escape, and he knew the others were doing the same thing. It was easy to see that everyone was getting frustrated at the lack of options. Merlin looked up at the other knights. Leon had his brow furrowed and was staring intently at the ground. Gwaine was muttering to himself and would occasionally shake his head. Elyan was staring at a tree and chewing on his lip. Merlin looked at Arthur but immediately lowered his eyes. 

He really didn’t mean to get captured. Arthur would probably blame the whole incident on Merlin anyways. Merlin had heard a twig snap when he was gathering the wood. He stood up to investigate the noise when a very heavy blow was landed on the back of his head. It wasn’t hard enough to knock him out, but it did hurt. Merlin looked up at Percival to see if there was any spark of hope in his eyes. There wasn’t. Percival was just staring at the men around the campfire, looking thoughtful. Merlin tried to maneuver to get to the dagger he always hid in his boot when Percival spoke.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked. The men around the campfire stopped talking and looked at him.

“Because we need the money. And we want too,” the leader countered with a smile.

“But why are you doing this?” Percival tried again. “Didn’t you want to do something else with your life?” The bandits all stopped and looked at each other. 

“No one’s really asked us that before,” the mousy one squeaked. 

“Well, very few children want to be criminals when they grow up,” Percival stated in a matter of fact tone. “I just want to know what happened to make you guys to cold.” The men just stared at the knight for a second.

“Didn’t you guys have other dreams?” Percival continued, trying to push the bandits into some confessions.

“Uh, Perce,” Gwaine whispered, “we are trying to escape, not make friends.” Percival just shot Gwaine a look that clearly said ‘shut up and stay out of this’. He turned back to the criminals who were all looking at one another.

“I always wanted to be a singer,” the big one finally said after a moment of silence. Elyan let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. 

“What happened?” Percival asked, hoping to get somewhere with the man. 

“I met Lucinda,” the large man said with a misty look in his eyes.

“She was perfect. Convinced me to give up my dream to live the life of a farmer.” The other bandits hissed at the notion of a normal life.

“I was so happy,” his face darkened, “until she ran off with the butcher.” The crowd booed and shouted at this. 

“I became like this so that no one will ever hurt me again.” Percival nodded awkwardly to show his understanding of this situation. Well, he didn’t really understand the situation, no one had ever run out on him, but he wanted to show support.

“Don’t worry, you can open up to us,” the leader said, patting the tall one on the back clumsily. “We’re your new family now.” The tall one looked up with tears in his eyes.

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” his voice cracked. 

“I had a dream too,” squeaked out the mousy man. He apparently wanted to tell his own depressing story. Percival didn’t really want to know. But he had opened up the floodgates, so now he had to swim.

“I had a blacksmiths.” Arthur snorted at this revelation. The man paid no heed and continued. “Yup, I was the best blacksmith the five kingdoms had ever seen. But my competition, man called Aldair, burned it to the ground,” the mousy man finished, his eyes starting to water as well.

“Wait,” Elyan said, “Aldair took out your forge too?” 

“Yup, nothing left.”

“He’s the reason I had to leave Cenred’s Kingdom,” Elyan spat. The mousy man lit up and began talking to Elyan about how horrible this man called Aldair was. One by one, the bandits all started sharing their life stories with Percival. Merlin couldn’t believe how well Percival was dealing with all of this emotion. Some bandits broke down completely and started sobbing about lost loves or other problems. Others stoically told their stories but showed no signs of emotional distress. Merlin couldn’t help but feel sorry for most of them. They hadn’t wanted this life. They were forced to live this way because of misfortune. Most of them anyways. Some were just crazy and liked murdering people.

“Why are you being so kind and caring,” the leader asked Percival and another one of his men broke down and cried about how his village was hit by famine and he had no other choice but to become a bandit.

“Because I like helping people I guess,” Percival shrugged as a bandit threw himself at Gwaine and began sobbing into his shirt.

“There, there,” Gwaine said uncomfortably as he tried to shrug the bandit off of him. Percival got a mischievous glint in his eye. Leon raised a questioning eyebrow at him. He didn’t like where this was going.

“You guys aren’t my real project though,” he added. The leader looked up confused.

“You see that man right there?” Percival motioned to Arthur. “This is his servant,” Percival jerked his head towards Merlin. The leader cocked his head and looked back and forth between the two.

“What do you mean ‘project’?” the bandit asked. Arthur was glaring at Percival.

“You see, these two are friends,” the leader snorted. “No, it’s true. I get that nobles have to put up a certain façade and can’t be friends with servants, but for God’s sake. These two are closer than anything else in this world. But even when they are alone it is always servant and master,” Percival ranted, all eyes on him now.

“That’s despicable,” the tall one shouted as he stood up abruptly.

“I know, these two are like brothers but they never act like it,” Percival continued.

“This cannot be allowed to continue,” the mousy one squeaked. 

“I agree. We are all brothers in this camp and we all act like it,” the leader said while the rest of the men nodded and shouted in agreement.

“Percival, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but really, it isn’t necessary,” Merlin said.

“Oh yes it is,” Percival chuckled as the bandits of the camp huddled in a circle to discuss how to get Merlin and Arthur to show their “love” for one another.

“Percival, if you do something,” Arthur growled.

“I’m not doing anything, I merely voiced my concerns about your relationship,” Percival replied innocently.

“Just don’t kill Merlin when this is over,” Gwaine said to Arthur as the bandits broke their circle and walked over to the prisoners.

“We will let you go,” everyone sighed in relief, “if these two do what we ask.” Arthur and Merlin groaned.

“Can we hear what it is first?” Merlin asked, not wanting to agree to something that would be too uncomfortable.

“It’s simple really, you two just have to hug,” the mousy one said with a smile on his face.

“Excuse me?” Arthur asked.

“Just stand up and hug each other,” the tall man clarified.

“They’ll do it!” Leon shouted, desperate to get untied and back to Camelot.

“Now hold on a second,” Arthur pleaded as the ropes were cut away from him and Merlin.

“Swallow your pride princess and hug Merlin,” Gwaine said as Merlin was hoisted to his feet. He and Arthur were pushed closer together. Merlin became fascinated with his boots and could feel a blush beginning to creep up his neck.

“Can’t I just apologize?” Arthur asked desperately.

“Really guys, its fine. I know he cares about me,” Merlin said, still not looking up.

“Can you two just get it over with, I want to get back home,” Elyan snapped. 

“If friends can’t be themselves when they are alone, there is no trust between them,” the leader said as someone nudged Merlin forward.

“Let’s get this over with,” Arthur grumbled.

“Oh, no you don’t. It has to be heartfelt and more than a second,” the tall man said, proud that they were going to get a hug from these two. Arthur sighed, rolled his eyes and grabbed Merlin’s wrist and pulled him into his chest.

Arthur circled his arms around Merlin and Merlin slid his up Arthur’s back. Merlin blushed even harder as he heard cheers from everyone in the camp. 

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Arthur whispered in Merlin’s ear as he squeezed Merlin closer. Merlin smiled as he heard Arthur call out, “Can I let go of him now?”

“Alright, you’re all free to go,” The leader said, sounding almost disappointed. Arthur let go of Merlin quickly and stepped back. The knights began to make their way back to Camelot when Arthur growled at Percival.

“Why did you do that?”

“It was too good to pass up,” Percival snickered as Leon attempted to school his features into a mask of indifference. It wasn’t working. 

“That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” Gwaine laughed as Elyan rolled his eyes.

“This will not be mentioned ever again,” Arthur said authoritatively. 

“Whatever you say sire,” Leon responded, still trying not to laugh.


	7. Gallus Gallus Domesticus

Birds chirped happily as a group of knights rode through the forest. It was early enough in the morning to still maintain the freshness that had fallen with the dew the previous evening. However, it was late enough that the sun cast warm rays down on the small group as they traversed through the forest, enjoying the day off that didn’t come often for them.

“Don’t tell me you’re already sore, Merlin,” Arthur joked as he sped past Gwaine. Gwaine took this as a challenge and began to race the young king.

“Well at least my horse won’t get tired from carrying such a heavy load, sire,” Merlin shouted as Gwaine and Arthur disappeared around the bend.

“Come now, he’s not as big as Sir Edward,” Leon murmured to Merlin. Merlin and Percival laughed and continued to follow the Gwaine and Arthur’s tracks.

“They’d better not tire out the horses before noon, I want to stay away from Camelot for as long as possible,” Percival said. Leon chuckled before looking around for Elyan. He hadn’t heard him speak yet, and wanted to know if anything was bothering him. Leon spotted Elyan a little ways back and turned his horse to meet him.

“Is anything wrong?” he asked, causing Elyan to jump.

“I thought I heard something,” Elyan responded, looking around the clearing.

“Like what?”

“Probably nothing. We are in a forest, after all. It was probably a bird or raccoon,” Elyan said. Leon wasn’t so sure. Something had set Elyan on edge, and he didn’t like it. Leon turned to catch up with the others and warn them to be on their guard. Elyan was about to ride up next to Merlin, when he felt a sharp pain in his neck. He reached up and pulled out a dart. Immediately, his vision began to go fuzzy and before Elyan could call out to Leon, he fell off his horse into darkness.

Leon didn’t miss the soft thud. He turned around to see Elyan’s horse without a rider. Leon called out to the rest of the group just as another dart embedded itself in his neck.

“Leon!” Arthur cried as the other man fell off the horse into unconsciousness. He and Gwaine galloped back towards the Merlin and Percival just as they too, fell off their horses. Arthur unsheathed his sword, prepared to take out the invisible attacker, when Gwaine cried out and fell onto Arthur. Arthur felt a dart hit his neck, filling his bloodstream with poison. He tried to stay conscious as he fell from his horse, Gwaine still on top of him. He struggled to keep his eyes open as a pair of boots stopped right in front of him. Before Arthur could say anything though, he closed his eyes and succumbed to the blackness.

Leon groaned and opened his eyes. Several blurry figures appeared above him.

“Are you alright?” Merlin’s voice asked.

“Of course he’s alright, he was given the same thing we were,” Arthur’s voice responded, sounding slightly annoyed.

“He was out longer than any of us though. He could have hit his head,” Merlin snapped back. Leon really wasn’t in the mood for these two and their arguments.

“Can you two be quiet while my body wakes up all the way?” Leon asked, his words slurring slightly.

“Take your time, mate. But also hurry up,” Gwaine said as he came into focus. Leon managed to get himself sitting up and looked around. Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and he were in one cell. Across the way, Merlin and Arthur were in another cell.

“Do we know who did this?” Leon asked. Gwaine shook his head.

“He hasn’t been down to talk to us,” Percival clarified.

“How are we doing on escape plans?”

“Well, we have several ideas,” Elyan stated happily.

“That’s great,” Leon replied with a smile. Perhaps escape would be quick and easy. The less time the group spent here, the better.

“Not really,” Percival said, interrupting Leon’s happy thoughts. “They’re the plans we come up with before the actual, doable plans,” he explained. Leon groaned.

“I still say it will work,” Elyan snapped.

“I really don’t want to bet my life on it though,” Merlin responded. Leon massaged his temples. It was going to be a long day. Leon then heard clucking. He looked down to see a chicken nestled against his leg. That was weird.

“Does anyone want to explain the chicken?” Leon asked.

“It was here when I woke up,” Gwaine answered.

“Perhaps this doubles as a barn,” Percival said.

“Fantastic,” Leon mumbled. The chicken clucked happily and continued to look up at Leon with unfocused eyes. Everyone snapped to attention as footsteps were heard. Leon stood up, much to the chicken’s dismay, to get a better look at the person who had captured them. The chicken clucked angrily as it’s pillow was no longer on the ground.

“Looks like someone likes you,” Gwaine chuckled.

“Now is not the time or place,” Percival said gently. Gwaine sighed and peered out through the bars. Arthur had positioned himself so he was standing in front of Merlin. Percival was flexing his muscles. Gwaine was fixing his hair. Leon could only guess what the knight was thinking.

Their host stepped around the corner and into the light. He wasn’t really anything special. He was average height and build. He had cropped brown hair, cold blue eyes, and a beard. The captor looked at his prisoners and smiled. His teeth were so badly rotten, they were falling out of his head. Leon wondered why every villain the group faced couldn’t grasp the concept of proper dental hygiene.

“Hello. My name is Charles. You don’t really need to know that though,” Charles chuckled. His voice caused Leon to shiver. It was so smooth and deep. It was truly unnerving to hear.

“What do you want?” Gwaine asked. Charles turned to him and smiled, again flashing those disgusting teeth.

“My employer wants some information about the castle,” he responded in that suave, sophisticated voice.

“We won’t give it to you,” Elyan said bravely.

“Don’t worry, when I’m through with you, you’ll give me your first born,” Charles said. He motioned for the guards to unlock the cell. They went over to the one Merlin and Arthur were in. Leon feared for what was going to happen next.

“So that’s why you separated us,” Leon said quietly.

“Can’t have you boys putting up too much of a fight,” Charles responded as Arthur and Merlin were put into cuffs and led out the cell.

“Why are you taking the servant?” Percival asked. Leon knew he was trying to make it sound like the group didn’t care about Merlin, but Charles probably wasn’t going to buy it.

“Because I want too,” Charles responded, waving goodbye to the group before disappearing around the corner, Arthur and Merlin in tow. Gwaine looked like he was ready to kill someone.

“We need to get out of here, now!” Percival hissed as the guard took his post next too the corner.

“How? We are being watched and that bastard has Merlin,” Gwaine snapped back.

“And Arthur,” Elyan replied quietly. The group just sat in silence for a few seconds, with only the chicken’s clucking to make noise. Elyan’s face brightened up without explanation.

“What is it?” Leon asked, getting up. This startled the chicken, which had gotten back on Leon’s legs, causing it too cluck angrily.

“Remember when we were in the tower?” Elyan asked. Percival sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Didn’t we just have a conversation about how there are two types of plans we come up with? The ridiculous ones and the useful ones?” Percival said.

“This might work, and we don’t have anything better,” Elyan responded.

“Let’s figure this out then,” Leon said, exasperated that they were even discussing this. Gwaine was apparently thinking along the same lines.

“We’re actually going to figure out the logistics?” he asked with eyebrows raised.

“Looks like it,” Percival said, moving closer to Leon and Elyan. Gwaine shook his head, but he also smiled. Leon began to go over the details, with the other three adding in their own suggestions every once in a while. This was probably the most ridiculous thing they had ever done.

A wooden door was opened and Merlin and Arthur were thrown inside. Arthur stood up and looked around. This was probably where they were going to get tortured for information. He was forcefully led too a chair and pushed into it. His cuffs were undone, but replaced with thick leather straps around his wrists and ankles. Arthur looked up to see Merlin in much the same position. His chair was directly across from Merlin’s. Arthur shuddered to think what was going to happen.

“I won’t tell you anything,” Arthur said coldly. Inside, he was panicking. Merlin was in here with him, and not just to watch the show. Arthur wouldn’t give up Camelot that easily, but he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out while Merlin was being tortured.

“You will,” Charles said nonchalantly. He picked up a knife and began to examine it.

“I’ll tell you lots of secrets,” Merlin said. Wow. That was much faster than Arthur expected.

“Your servant has the right idea, Arthur Pendragon,” Charles laughed.

“Gwaine never washes his socks.” Charles’ smile fell.

“What?”

“Yeah. I don’t understand it. The man is a clean freak when it comes to his other clothes, but not his socks,” Merlin said. Arthur failed to suppress a laugh. It appeared that Merlin wasn’t going down that easily after all.

“That’s not the information I want,” Charles growled.

“You really should be more specific then. I mean, maybe you want to know about how Leon loves to sing. You should hear him when he’s bathing,” Merlin continued. Arthur laughed again. He wasn’t sure if Merlin was trying to make him feel better about the situation, or if he was trying to anger Charles. Arthur was slightly scared that Charles would snap and really hurt Merlin, if he continued.

“You know, boy,” Charles said calmly. Poor Merlin, he was always referred to as ‘boy’. “Right now, I’m in the psychological torture phase.”

“What’s the other phases?” Merlin asked politely. 

“Physical pain. I’ve never failed a client and I've never lost to a victim. I’ve always gotten the information I required,” Charles said, standing threateningly over Merlin. Arthur hated that he was strapped down in the chair. He couldn’t attack Charles and get his attention away from Merlin. Then, he got an idea.

“I hope you don’t advertise that because that would be really embarrassing if you fail once,” Arthur said strongly. Charles whipped around to face the king.

“Perhaps we should move right into physical pain,” he spat, clutching the knife in his hands.

“You could say you have a 99% success rate,” Merlin’s voice called out. Charles’ knuckles turned white and he faced Merlin again.

“That’s still not as impressive. Maybe you could do 100% satisfaction or money back, guaranteed,” Arthur said again. Charles spun back towards Arthur. He was getting really agitated. It was actually kind of fun to antagonize him.

“Or perhaps just not tell people your success rate. Then you’ll look too cool to care,” Merlin smiled. Charles attempted to control his breathing. Arthur knew the man couldn’t do too much damage to either of them, or else chances of getting the information he needed would decrease. He was about to taunt Charles again when a guard came bursting through the door.

“What is it?” Charles spat as the guard straightened up his attire and went to address his master.

“The others, sir, I don’t know what they’re doing but-“ Charles growled and pushed past the guard.

“Take these two as well,” he shouted from the hallway. Merlin smiled at the guard as he undid his leather cuffs and replaced them with the metal ones. Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. He and Merlin weren’t injured, that was excellent. The two were roughly pushed back into the hall and led back to their cells. As they got closer, Arthur began to understand why the guard had interrupted Charles.

“Is that...chanting?” Merlin whispered to Arthur as they continued down the hall.

“Remind me to make sure Gwaine doesn’t ever drink again,” Arthur murmured back. The two stopped, midstride, and gasped at the sight. The four knights were in a circle, bowing to a chicken that was sitting atop their cloaks.

“Are they?”

“I have no idea,” Merlin said, his mouth hanging open.

“What the hell is going on here?” Charles shouted. Leon was pleased to see he looked stressed already. It would help their plan a lot.

“Go. Let me deal with this,” Charles said, waving the guard away. The guard was about to say something, but then thought better of it and scampered off.

“If you think this will work-“ Charles threatened.

“How dare you,” Gwaine said, sitting up and breaking the chant. Leon had to bite back a laugh. “We are practicing our religion here. Do you know how important this day is to us?” Gwaine snapped, his hands on his hips.

“Your religion?” Charles asked, not believing a word of it.

“You are an intolerant bastard!” Elyan shouted. Leon gasped.

“Elyan, in front of the vessel of our lord. Have some respect,” he scolded.

“Sorry, my great deity,” Elyan said, as he continued to bow and chant.

“Is that Latin?” Merlin asked Arthur quietly.

“I think so,” Arthur responded. He then looked at Merlin. Merlin understood and nodded, beginning to put one of their stock plans into action.

“Why weren’t you worshiping the damn chicken before?” Charles asked, massaging his brow. This was the worst job he had ever had, and he was a royal chamber pot cleaner for three years.

“The sun was not in proper placement in the sky,” Leon explained. “And how dare you refer to our lord and savior as a ‘damn chicken’.” Leon snapped. He pretended to gaze out the window for a second. Charles just stood there, awestruck at what he was seeing. He had never heard of a chicken worshiping religion, but these knights were really convincing.

“Are you part of this cult?” he asked Arthur.

“No, but I do not discriminate against religions,” Arthur responded graciously. Charles nodded and turned back to the scene. Still dumbstruck at the idea.

“The sun is in place for the sacrifice!” Leon cried out. He really hoped Merlin would hurry up. He really didn’t want to execute this part of the plan.

“So you’re going to kill the chicken?” Charles said happily. The men all gasped.

“Why would he suggest such a blasphemous thing?” Gwaine shouted as he moved the chicken off of the cloaks and picked up one.

“We are going to hang Percival as a sacrifice,” Leon explained.

“What!” Charles and Arthur cried in unison.

“To commemorate,” Leon stopped and groaned. He shouldn’t have let Gwaine come up with the names. “To commemorate when the Great Lord McClucker-“

“Praise McClucker,” the knights all called in unison.

“When he defeated the evil cow, King Beefycakes,” Leon explained. He was going to kill Gwaine after this.

“I’m sorry. What?” Arthur asked.

“King Beefycakes ruled this land many years ago,” Leon started as Gwaine fastened the cape around the rafters. The chicken just continued to sit there, unaware that it was currently being regarded as a god. “He was a horrible ruler. The Great Lord McClucker-“

“Praise McClucker!”

“Thank you for that. He defeated King Beefycakes and to show his success, violently ripped out the tyrants heart and consumed it,” Leon finished with a sigh.

“So why are you hanging him?” Charles asked.

“We don’t have a knife to do the actual ceremony, so our Lord will have to take what he can get,” Gwaine explained as he tied the cape around Percival’s neck. Leon really hated this plan.

“This is ridiculous,” Charles groaned.

“Not as ridiculous as leaving two prisoners unguarded,” Arthur said smugly.

“What?” Charles said as he spun around into Merlin’s oncoming pan. The metal clang echoed throughout the halls.

“Glad we gave him that advertising advice,” Merlin said as they looked over the body.

“Shall we?” Arthur asked as he opened the cell door and let the others out. Leon bent down and picked up the chicken.

“Really Leon?” Arthur groaned as they made their way out of the cell. It appeared as though Merlin had taken care of the other guards as they were unconscious.

“We need a mascot,” Gwaine said, petting the chicken.

“No we don’t,” Arthur groaned.

“It helps morale,” Leon stated as the chicken nestled itself in his arms.

“I don’t care. We are not having a chicken as a pet,” Arthur said.

“I think it’s cute,” Merlin said as he scratched the chicken’s head. Arthur didn’t even bother turning around. He knew Merlin was pulling that damn kicked puppy look again.

“He hasn’t expressly told us to get rid of it,” Percival whispered to Leon as they mounted their horses and rode back to Camelot. Leon laughed and petted Lord McClucker. Mascots really did help morale. Arthur would realize this soon enough.


	8. Just Another Pretty Face

Leon sighed and sank back against the wooden chair he was currently sitting on. He was in a large room, awaiting to be “interrogated” by cruel and unusual methods. No one else was in the room with him. The other Knights of the Round Table, the king, and Merlin were still out in the dungeons. They were probably waiting to see how bad Leon looked after his session.

For whatever reason, Leon was chosen to go first, out of all of his companions. He wasn’t complaining. In fact, Leon was relieved. Usually the mercenaries or enemies would go straight for Merlin and Arthur. It was actually nice of them to leave the two alone for the time being. Leon didn’t know what was going to happen during this session, but he knew he could escape. If it was only him and one other man, it might be easy to feign weakness. The torturer would let down his guard, and Leon would take him down easily. However, Leon also hoped that the others were working on a plan as well. He wasn’t sure what shape he would be in after a few hours of torture.

The large, wooden door swung open and hit the wall with a loud bang. Leon was taken by surprise and jumped slightly. After being in a silent room for so long, the sudden noise caused his heart rate to rise a little. Leon quickly recovered by sitting up straight and making his eyes look cold and hard. The torturer would see right through it. He would see Leon’s fear for his safety, and the safety of the other men. The torturer would be well versed in both psychological and physical torture. Leon was prepared to show no fear and give the man no satisfaction. He continued to say this in his head as the man stepped into Leon’s line of sight.

He looked the part of a heartless, sadistic bastard. He was tall, tanned, and very muscular. He probably had more muscles on him than Percival. Leon grimaced at the thought, but quickly made his lips work their way back into a thin line. The man also had deep green eyes and jet-black hair pulled into a ponytail. Several scars decorated the skin that was showing in his leather vest. Did these guys just scar themselves for fun? Seriously, most of the knights weren’t as scarred as some of these mercenaries. It was really confusing to Leon why he had less battle wounds than some of these men. But he couldn’t ponder on that too much, his host began to speak.

“I’m going to tell you my name. I’m going to let you know who is going to cause you pain so that you fear that name,” he said in a low voice. Leon wanted to explain to him why that sentence didn’t make much sense grammatically, but he decided to let it go.

“The name is Cenric, and I’m going to have so much fun with you,” the mercenary said again, his lips pulling back into a nasty smile.

“I suppose you expect me to say ‘I won’t tell you anything’?” Leon sighed. He had played this game before. He knew how these men loved the dance.

“I’m guessing you’re going to be different,” Cenric said, turning to investigate a tray left on a large table in the center of the room.

“I try to provide a distinctive sort of entertainment,” Leon said back. Cenric just chuckled. He turned around to reveal a large meat cleaver in his hands.

“It’ll be a shame to destroy such a pretty face,” he said to himself. Leon was about to answer when he caught Cenric’s eyes. They did seem generally sad about this fact. Wait. Could it be? Leon inwardly groaned too himself. He now had an escape plan, and he wasn’t too fond of carrying it out.

Percival sat back against the cell wall. Merlin was pacing nervously around the cell. He could tell the man was worried about Leon. The group had been out on patrol when they were ambushed by a group of knights from an enemy kingdom. They were subdued and taken to a fortress where the head knight inspected each man (including Merlin) before choosing Leon to go first for the torture. Everyone was so shocked he hadn’t chosen Merlin, they stood frozen while Leon was led out of the cell with an equally surprised look on his face. Leon had been gone for about twenty minutes, and despite Gwaine’s reassurances that they weren’t hearing any screaming, everyone was still on edge, waiting for their friend to return.

What was even worse was the fact that no one could come up with any plans of escape. Everyone seemed to be out of ideas. If there was ever a time for Elyan to start mentioning how the group could use cows, or Gwaine to start drinking, or Merlin to start using his innocent looks, it was now. But the group was stuck. It was like Leon was the escape muse they all relied on.

Percival decided to study the guard. That was usually the first step in forming a plan: look for weaknesses. He looked up out of the cell to see the guard quickly lower his gaze. That was weird. Why was the guard avoiding eye contact? Usually, the good guards tried to keep an eye on their charges at all times. Percival continued to stare intently at the guard while Merlin finally collapsed down next to him. Merlin looked at Percival and realized he was staring at the guard and decided not to talk to him. The guard looked back up and caught Percival’s eye. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the guard dropped his gaze again.

It was official, the guard was staring at Percival. Perhaps Percival appeared more of a threat than the others. He was certainly the biggest. He had put up much more of a fight when captured. But there was something else. The way the guard looked at him wasn’t with hatred or even fear. It was… oh gods. NO! Not again! The man was looking at Percival with adoration. Bloody adoration! Fantastic! Percival groaned and began forming a plan. Why was it always him that ended up in these situations. Why couldn’t an evildoer find Elyan attractive, or Gwaine, or hell, even Merlin? But no, it was Percival that once again, had to flirt his way out of a cell. This should not happen as much as it did. But if it was a way out, Percival better get to work.

“Play along and tell the others to stay quiet,” Percival murmured to Merlin. Merlin nodded and crawled over to where Gwaine, Elyan, and Arthur were sitting.

“Percival has a plan, but he wants us to stay out of it,” Merlin said quietly.

“What is it?” Elyan asked, sitting a little taller and looking at Percival, who had made his way over to the bars.

“He didn’t say. He just wants us to keep quiet,” Merlin responded.

“I hope it works,” Gwaine said, leaning back to watch the show. Percival took a deep breath and prepared to begin. This was really embarrassing and he really did not want to lead on a man he would just end up knocking out later. Then again, they did capture the group and they were torturing Leon right now. Percival sighed and decided he better start soon, or else his chance would be lost.

“Hey, you, come here,” Percival commanded softly. The guard looked up again and then slowly made his way over to where Percival was kneeling.

“What do you want?” he asked harshly. Percival feared for a second, that he had misinterpreted the man’s gaze. Perhaps he wasn’t into Percival.

“The way you were looking at me before, was it what I think it was?” Percival said vaguely. Hopefully the guard would clarify his feelings so Percival could react accordingly.

“Why do you want to know,” the man snapped again.

“Because I feel the same way,” Percival said strongly, hoping he was indeed portraying an emotion of adoration and possibly love.

“Should we cover Merlin’s ears?” Gwaine muttered to Arthur.

“Let’s see where this is going first,” Arthur responded.

“Guys, I’m not five!” Merlin snapped quietly. He really wasn’t so innocent that all mentions of love were too racy for him. The group paid no heed too Merlin’s comment and continued to watch the scene unfold.

“Are you sure?” the guard asked, his tone suddenly softened, much to Percival’s simultaneous pleasure and displeasure.

“I’m sure. I was just afraid that one such as yourself, would feel differently towards men. I did not want to get hurt with foolish prospects of hope,” Percival responded.

“So that’s where this is going,” Elyan laughed uncomfortably.

“I would never lead someone on just to crush their souls,” the guard gasped, clearly taken aback by what Percival was suggesting.

“I have been hurt before by a man. I looked at him much the same way as you did to me. But in the end, I meant nothing too him,” Percival sighed.

“Where are we drawing the line again?” Gwaine asked Arthur.

“It’s not that bad,” Merlin snapped. He did not need his ears to be covered.

“That’s awful,” the guard responded, ignoring the other men in the cell. “I too have faced the evils of men.”

“Tell me about them,” Percival said softly. Gods, this was embarrassing. The group would never let him live this down.

“I do not wish to bore you with the details,” the sentry responded, his eyes downcast.

“I told you about my heartbreak. It is only fitting you tell me about yours,” Percival said. The guard looked up and smiled. Percival smiled back. His, however, was forced. He hoped he looked pleasant and understanding. Hopefully the guard would open the door and allow Percival to knock him unconscious before things got too serious. The man began to recount one of his past loves. Percival attempted to seem both interested and sad at the tale. He hoped this would be over soon.

Leon prepared his speech as the tormentor set down the meat cleaver and began to look at another knife. His friends were never going to find out about this. Instead, he would tell them that the man loosened the straps on the chair to cut Leon’s wrists. Then, when he turned around to get the knife, Leon jumped him and knocked him out. Leon was not going to give them the full account on how he escaped, if he could help it.

“Perhaps a pretty face such as mine would look even better in another position,” Leon said strongly. At least, he hoped it was strong sounding. Cenric dropped the knife to the ground with a clatter and turned to face Leon. Leon stared intently up at the man.

“What do you mean ‘in another position’?” he asked uncertainly. Leon was pleased to see the man’s breathing rate increase. He also was really upset that it had increased. That meant Leon actually had to go through with his plan.

“Do I have to do everything?” Leon sighed. “Use your imagination. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to picture. I wasn’t exactly subtle,” Leon snapped. Cenric nodded awkwardly and bent down to pick up the knife, only to fumble with it before kicking it into a corner.

“I was unaware you practiced that sort of thing,” Cenric said with a smile. Oh gods, what had Leon gotten himself into?

“Perhaps we should skip the torture and go right into the fun part,” the torturer grinned. “Unless you’re into that sort of thing.”

“No, not really,” Leon said shakily as Cenric made his way over to the chair and undid Leon’s bonds. Cenric hoisted Leon out of the chair and pushed him against the table. Leon took this chance to roll across to the other side, landing on his feet and looking directly at Cenric. Cenric laughed with glee as he stood on the other side of the table.

“Playing hard to get now? I love it!” he cried as he attempted to catch Leon by chasing him around the table. Leon stopped where Cenric was originally standing, with Cenric directly across from him. This was not going as well as Leon had originally hoped. Cenric giggled again before attempting to catch Leon for a second time in a row.

“I love a tease!” he exclaimed as they came to another stop directly across from one another. Cenric then stood up straight with a look of pure joy in his eyes.

“I know! How about we role-play?” he exclaimed happily.

“The stars cannot compare to the brilliance that are your eyes,” Percival said softly to the guard on the other side of the cell door. They had been exchanging words of praise and love for the past 15 minutes and the man still had yet to open the cell door. If this continued for much longer, Percival would reach through the bars and knock the man out right then and there. Screw the consequences. Across the cell, Gwaine groaned.

“This is taking forever! Why can’t he just open the door and attempt to snog Perce?” he asked quietly.

“This poetry that Percival is reciting is way too syrupy sweet for my tastes. Honestly, I think I’m going to be sick!” Arthur complained.

“Do you even read any of the poetry I write for you?” Merlin snapped. Elyan and Gwaine stopped concentrating on Percival and looked at the two men.

“Is there a relationship here that we don’t know about?” Gwaine asked.

“Not like that! I write the poetry for Gwen that’s supposed to come from Arthur,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes.

“Wait, you don’t write my sister poetry?” Elyan asked Arthur. “She always raves about how romantic you are, and it’s coming from Merlin?” Elyan cried. Arthur was about to argue with Elyan when Merlin interrupted him.

“He tried to write Gwen poetry once. He ended up comparing her to a banana,” Merlin said. Gwaine burst out laughing.

“It was romantic!” Arthur cried out.

“No, it wasn’t,” Merlin responded.

“Why does Percival know about the poetry you write?” Elyan asked.

“Because he sometimes helps me write it. And he looks over the finished pieces to make sure they are sweet enough,” Merlin replied. Gwaine continued to laugh loudly, much too the guard’s annoyance.

“Excuse me, we are trying to talk here,” the guard snapped as Gwaine attempted to stop laughing.

“Sorry, it’s not directed at you guys,” Gwaine apologized, wiping tears from his eyes. Percival glared at Gwaine before turning back too the guard.

“I wish to know not only your physical beauty, but also your mental prowess as well,” Percival stated. So far he hadn’t had any physical contact with the guard. Percival wished to keep it that way. The man, however, had other ideas. He reached out and stroked Percival’s cheek. Percival tried not to flinch.

“I am not smart,” he said quietly.

“But you appreciate art, that is all the finesse I need,” Percival said, taking the man’s hand and directing it away from his face.

“You are too sweet for me, sir knight,” the sentry said, a large smile breaking out on his face. This man had three minutes to open the door before Percival just punched him through the bars. Percival forced a smile and began to recite more poetry.

“Role playing?” Leon asked, his eyes widening considerably. This was going much worse than he had originally planned.

“You can be the coach master, and I your passenger!” Cenric cried out as he climbed over the table and went to grab Leon.

“Whoa now!” Leon cried out as he twisted away from the man’s outreached hand.

“Come here, my coach master. Don’t you want to please your passenger?”

“Gods, help,” Leon squeaked as he desperately looked for a way out of the situation. He might just have to try beating Cenric over the head with a chair.

“Wait! I have a better idea, stable boy and nobleman!” Cenric said.

“I’m out!” Leon cried as he raced to the door and prayed it was unlocked. Thank the gods, it was! Leon raced down the corridors and hoped Cenric would think this was part of their game and not an escape attempt. He didn’t call out for guards, so that was a good thing.

“I feel that you are not as into this as I am,” the guard said as he attempted to caress Percival again. Percival yelped and fell back, attempting to evade the man’s wandering hands. That was a mistake.

“You are!” the guard cried out. He pulled his sword out of his scabbard and went to unlock the door. Percival knew this couldn’t be good. Before the man could make it very far, he cried out in pain and slumped over, revealing a very disheveled looking Leon.

“Leon!” everyone cried out in relief as Leon unlocked the doors and let everyone out.

“We need to go now,” he said as he turned and began leading the way down the hall.

“How did you escape?” Arthur asked as he went to catch up with Leon.

“I’ll tell you later,” Leon responded. Luckily, he could still give the less embarrassing version of events. Never mind.

“Oh stable boy! Come and take me!” Cenric’s voice called out from around the corner. Everyone stopped and stared at Leon.

“What did you do?” Gwaine asked.

“Let’s just go before he realizes what I’ve done,” Leon hissed while still trying to lead the party out of the dungeons. Merlin and Gwaine turned around before Gwaine yelped and covered Merlin’s eyes.

“Gwaine! I need to be able to see!” Merlin cried out as Gwaine steered him out the door.

“What are you doing?” Cenric cried out angrily. He now realized that Leon was attempting to escape.

“You really shouldn’t see that,” Gwaine said as Percival gasped and grabbed Merlin, blocking his view of Cenric. Merlin didn’t have time to look back though as the group continued to make their way out of the castle.

“Is that even comfortable?” Percival asked. Gwaine shrugged his shoulders and continued to run.

“Guys, I’m the physician’s assistant. I see naked people all the time,” Merlin whined.

“He wasn’t quite naked,” Leon laughed sheepishly while they saddled some horses and prepared to ride into the forest.

“I don’t think I’ll ever look at leather the same way again,” Arthur shuddered. The group heard shouts coming from the castle and knew that they had to speed things along if they wanted to successfully escape. The group rode through the forests with lightning speed before coming to Camelot’s gates.

“I can’t believe you endured that,” Gwaine said, his face bright red from embarrassment.

“No man on Earth, should be allowed to see that man dressed like that,” Arthur said, he too, was bright red.

“He wasn’t dressed like that when I left,” Leon snapped.

“At least now we know Percival is into romantic things and Leon is into kinky things,” Elyan sniggered.

“You guys still don’t need to treat me like I’m a blushing maiden,” Merlin muttered to himself.

“Do you want to fill us in on what happened, or are we going to just use our imagination?” Arthur said, turning to Leon as the group dismounted and made their way to the council chambers. Leon decided to give the group the actual events that happened. He knew it was better than letting their imaginations run wild, no matter how embarrassing the event had been. And besides, it looked as though Percival had quite the ordeal as well.


	9. Abracadabra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to send prompts if you want to see them written. I promise I will get to them eventually.

“There are so many of them,” Merlin whispered as he and Leon looked over a mercenary campsite. 

“We have to come up with a plan and soon. Or else the King and the others will be sold off in a few hours,” Leon responded. The day had started out just fine. Arthur had decided to go on a hunt for a couple of hours before he had to greet some delegates from another kingdom. Merlin had managed to scare away most of the game, Gwaine recounted his adventures of last night (well, what he could remember), and banter was being shared throughout the group. All in all, it was a good day. That is until mercenaries attacked the group and captured them. Leon and Merlin were off checking some of the traps set earlier when they heard the commotion. By the time they reached Arthur and the other knights, it was too late. The mercenaries outnumbered them and without Leon’s swordsmanship or Merlin’s discreet help, the knights were captured quickly. 

However, the mercenaries didn’t know about Merlin and Leon. So the two decided to follow them to camp and try to see if there was a way to take out the men. Or at least free the knights. Surprisingly, Merlin didn’t trip at all when they were following the group. Leon wanted him to stay behind and go back to Camelot to get help. Merlin wasn’t having it. After a very hushed argument, Leon agreed to let Merlin come along and help rescue the king. 

So here they were, hidden in some bushes looking for a way to free Arthur and the other knights. So far, neither man could come up with a plan that would allow both to leave alive and victorious. Leon refused to use Merlin as a distraction so that he could untie the knights. Merlin refused to let Leon charge in there alone, knowing he would be struck down almost immediately. Once again, they were at a stand still. Both men were just staring at the campsite, lost in their own thoughts. Then, something caught Merlin’s eye. He shifted to get a better view of the camp.

“Merlin!” Leon hissed. “Don’t do anything.” Merlin wasn’t exactly known for thinking things through. Hopefully, he would consult Leon before doing anything stupid.

“I’m just getting a better view of the camp,” Merlin said back. He turned towards the camp. After a few seconds of intense staring, Merlin’s eyes widened considerably. “Oh, my.” 

“What is it?” Leon said, coming to Merlin’s side. Merlin, with his mouth hanging open, simply pointed. Leon gasped.

“Is that Percival?” Merlin shook his head yes.

“Is he roasting over the fire?”

“Looks like it,” Merlin responded, sounding awestruck at the idea.

“They are roasting Percival over a fire,” Leon clarified.

“Do you think they rubbed him down with spices first or are they doing it without any extra flavoring?” Merlin asked to no one in particular.

“Maybe they are going to marinate him after cooking him a for a little bit. The cook says that’s how to really get the flavor,” Leon responded.

“Still, I would have gone with Gwaine. There’s more padding which makes for more tender meat,” Merlin shrugged.

“Really, would have thought Elyan would have been the better choice, seems how he’s smaller and less likely to break the spit.” Indeed, Percival was tied to a spit and roasting like a pig for a Yule time feast.

“Wait, “ Leon said, furrowing his brow, “are we really discussing which knight would make a better meal?” he asked, looking towards Merlin.

“We need to come up with a plan and quickly,” Merlin said, coming to the realization that that was indeed what they were discussing. Merlin turned back towards the camp. The two sat in silence for a few more seconds, when Merlin had an idea.

“Leon,” Merlin said suddenly, causing Leon to jump, “I have a plan.”

“Let’s hear it,” Leon replied happily. He really couldn’t come up with anything so if Merlin had a plan that was different from the ones already suggested, he would gladly listen to it. Plus, they needed to hurry if they were to return to Camelot with Percival still alive.

“Alright, but you have to follow my instructions exactly,” Merlin turned and began whispering his plan into Leon’s ear.

“What do you think?” Merlin asked when he had completed his explanation.

“I don’t know. It could be dangerous,” Leon said, chewing on his lip.

“Of course, it’s dangerous. We’re about to face off against at least 35 men with sharp pointy things and no conscience,” Merlin said in a hushed voice.

“Well, it’s the best thing we got. And if we wait any longer, Percival is going to get crispy,” Leon said with a sigh. He just hoped that Merlin knew what he was doing.  
The leader of the mercenaries was called The Snake. For good reason too. He was fast, slimy, and would double cross you for fun. The Snake was proud of the legacy he had built. He wasn’t afraid of anything, could catch anyone, and keep them in whatever state he wanted. So, when a noble hired him to catch Arthur Pendragon and keep him alive, The Snake relished the challenge. Of course, he could do whatever he pleased with the other knights King Arthur had with him. So, being the sadistic man he was, he decided to torture them slowly and painfully. He smiled with glee as the large knight kept getting redder as the flames continued to cook him. Of course, the other knights were less than happy about this. The one that smelled like alcohol kept throwing vicious insults and swears at anyone who went near him. But no matter, he would be the next one to die. The question was, how?

The Snake was having a relatively relaxing evening, not at all worried about Camelot coming for their king. It would be hours before anyone noticed something was wrong, and The Snake made sure to leave false trails leading to all different parts of the woods. He smiled and sat down next to the fire that didn’t have a knight slow roasting over it. The Snake was about to throw out some sadistic joke towards the young king when explosions began happening around the camp. Large puffs of smoke would appear at random intervals around the camp making loud crashes and causing bright lights to briefly appear. Men cried out as a flash would happen near them, causing them to go temporarily blind from the light. 

“Sorcery!” The Snake cried out as another flash happened not three feet from where he was sitting. He stood up and grabbed his sword, shouting orders at the men who were trying to evade the explosions. There was a very large and bright flash in the center of the camp. The smoke cleared to reveal two men standing where the flash had previously taken place. The Snake took a second to look at the men.

One was fairly tall with long, curly hair and a beard. He wore a red cloak tied around his neck, hiding the rest of his body. The other one was rather skinny and pale with dark hair. He was wearing a blue cloak tied around his neck. His cloak was opened exposing a lighter blue shirt and brown trousers.

“Leon?” Arthur whispered, looking at his knight and manservant. Gwaine and Elyan both had their mouths open and were trying to comprehend the fact that their two friends were sorcerers.

“What do you-“

“SILENCE,” Leon shouted, cutting off The Snake mid sentence.

“I am the great sorcerer,” Leon said in a loud voice, “The people call me,” Leon paused for a moment and tried to think of a name. He gave up and said, “Tim,”   
“Tim?” The Sake said in disbelief. Tim was not the name he would have gone with for an all-powerful sorcerer.

“Yes, Tim.” Leon turned towards Merlin and motioned at him to say something. Arthur inwardly groaned. These two had absolutely no idea what they were doing.

“And I am a great sorcerer known throughout the lands as, erm, Timmy!” Merlin shouted. Leon looked at Merlin while he shrugged his shoulders and stared apologetically back.

“Tim and Timmy?” The Snake asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Yes,” Leon said. “We are great wizards and we demand you let these people go!”

At this Merlin threw his hand to the ground causing another explosion of light. The men all flinched.

“Listen, fellas,” The Snake said stepping forward, “I’m sure you guys are great at magic, but you should really leave while you're still alive-” 

“DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CHEAP CONJURER OF TRICKS!” Leon shouted as Merlin threw his hand at the fire Percival wasn’t roasting over. The fire turned green and began to cackle. Merlin again threw his hand at the fire again. This time, it roared and turned a deep shade of pink. Leon yanked his hand back, causing The Snake’s sword to be ripped from his hand. It fell to the ground at Leon’s feet. 

“Now don’t make me do that again,” Leon growled in a low voice as he took a step forward towards The Snake. The Snake wasn’t having it, though. He had never released a catch unless instructed to do so. It was going to take more than some fire tricks to make him back down. Leon sensed this and quickly and turned to Merlin. Merlin understood the message and began to put the backup plan into action. 

“Ya know,” Merlin chuckled heartlessly as he began to pace around the camp, “I’ve met men like you.” At this Merlin threw his hand down, causing another flash of light. Several of the remaining bandits jumped with fear.

“You all, are cowards,” Merlin said in calm and unnerving voice. Arthur could say that it put him off a little. Normally, Merlin was so happy and cheerful. This was a much darker side of his manservant. Some of the bandits attempted to back away from Merlin and Leon slowly.

“Did I say you could leave,” Merlin said evenly, not even turning around. Arthur suspected Leon had let him know some of the men were trying to escape. The men yelps as Merlin flung his hand back and caused another flash of light near the men’s feet.

“I don’t think you really understand what’s going on here,” Merlin stated, walking up to The Snake and looking him in the eye. It was now that the rest of the knights realized just how tall Merlin was. “We told you to release these men, and you refused,” Merlin said, shrugging his shoulders as if The Snake’s reluctance to comply with Leon and Merlin was entirely planned out in advance. 

“It looks as though we need to do something a bit more drastic to convince you of our power,” Leon growled. 

“Excellent idea,” Merlin said, smirking at the snake. He then threw his hand down. Instead of fire, though, dead rabbits came falling from the trees. The mercenaries cried out as they attempted to dodge them. 

Most had run away when Merlin caused the fire to change color. The few that remained, however, took off after this little display.

“Come back here you cowards!” The Snake yelled as his men all ran into the woods. Leon picked up the sword from the ground and stepped forward. Merlin raised his hand again and continued to tower over the mercenary leader. The Snake wasn’t afraid, but he knew that weaponless against a sorcerer he would stand no chance. So he wisely turned and ran from camp with as much dignity as he could muster. 

“I guess the rabbits didn’t take it a step too far,” Merlin said, returning to his normal, cheerful self as Leon checked the camp to make sure everyone had gone.

“Help me with Percival,” he said as he and Merlin walked over to the large knight and got him down from the fire.

“Thanks,” Percival said as Merlin sat him down and began treating his burns.

“Now sire, before I release you I just want to say that Merlin and I did absolutely no magic,” Leon said with his hands up in surrender.

“So what was with the fire and falling dead things?” Gwaine asked.

“Remember when those performers came to Camelot about a month ago?” Merlin asked as he started gathering up the rabbits. Everyone nodded.

“Well I was talking to the fire performer and he gave me a book on tricks such as the ones you saw.”

“It’s actually quite easy to do, sire,” Leon continued as he untied Arthur and the others. Apparently, he had faith that Arthur wouldn’t run him through with a sword as soon as he was free.

“Yeah, the explosions were just some herbs that when ground together are unstable. When you throw it on the ground the force is enough to cause a flash of light,” Merlin explained.

“And changing the color of the fire?” Elyan asked as he stood up and went to retrieve his sword.

“Copper turns it green while lite salt causes it to be the pink color,” Merlin responded.

“And what about disarming the man,” Arthur said, turning to Leon.

“Well, the reason why Merlin was making the fire change colors was so that I could get a wire wrapped around his blade. That way, when I got the chance I could jerk it out of his hands without him knowing it was not caused by magic,” Leon assured Arthur yet again.

“The animals were done much the same way,” Merlin explained. “They were shot up into the tree branches by Leon with wires attached to them so if we needed to, I could pull them down from the trees,”

“Seriously, though,” Elyan asked, “Tim and Timmy?”

“I panicked,” Leon snapped.

“I’m just not really good at lying on the spot,” Merlin shrugged.

“At least you’re all free with no apparent injury,” Leon said.

“Well good job guys,” Arthur responded as he began to walk back towards Camelot.

“Actually sire, it was all Merlin’s idea. I just played along,” Leon said as he helped Percival up. 

“Oh…um, good job Merlin,” Arthur responded.

“So does this mean I’m not as stupid as you think I am?” Merlin asked as he jogged up to Arthur.

“No, it’s just sometimes you have bright ideas. But not often,” Arthur replied. “And take off that cloak, you're going to trip and hurt yourself,” he added.  
“Will not,” Merlin said under his breath. The words barely came out before his feet caught on the hem and sent him flying towards the ground.

“Will too,” Arthur called back, clearly trying not to laugh. Merlin got up and untied the cloak, folding it over his arm. At least he got some recognition for his ideas, he thought to himself as he ran after the knights. If they kept getting captured, he would have to start bringing more chemicals and wire with him so that they could always pull the ‘world’s greatest sorcerer’ act.


	10. A True Hero

Arthur groaned and pressed the pillow tighter around his ears. It was barely dawn and the damn chicken had decided it was going to get up and begin walking around the king’s chambers, clucking incessantly. Ever since his knights had returned with “Lord McClucker”, everyone had taken a liking to the animal. It was decided (without Arthur’s approval) that each of the Knights of the Round table would take turns watching the chicken for a week. This week just so happened to be Arthur’s turn.

“Two more days, just two more days,” Arthur groaned as Lord McClucker began pecking at the ground. He had tried to pass off the duties of chicken sitting to Merlin, but Gwaine and Percival were persistent that the king needed to take responsibility for the animal. So here Arthur was, babysitting a bloody chicken. He had also been sternly warned by Elyan that if any harm were to come to McClucker, Arthur would pay dearly. So giving him to the head cook was out.

What was worse is that everyone seemed drawn to the chicken. The men had begun to pet Lord McClucker before every patrol. Servants were going out of their way to visit the thing, and it now had a special seat, made by Gwen, for viewing tournaments.

Arthur had agreed to keep the chicken, only if Leon would change the name. Arthur hated having to refer to a stupid bird as “Lord McClucker”. Leon staunchly refused to change its name, and any mention of another name by Arthur was quickly met with a death glare. The stupid chicken didn’t really serve a purpose! And now he was getting treated better than the palace hounds! What was that about? Arthur heard the flutter of wings and looked up to see Lord McClucker sitting happily on top of his table. He groaned and pushed his face back into the pillow. Perhaps he could asphyxiate himself to avoid the shame of having to meet the king of Mercia with a chicken by his side.

The sun continued to rise in the sky as Arthur prepared for Merlin’s entrance. His servant would come in with Arthur and McClucker’s breakfast, and then pay a lot of attention to the chicken. Too much attention. Although, Arthur was not jealous of the chicken at all. Not one bit. He just didn’t like that Merlin was spending more time doting on the bird than serving Arthur. He was Arthur’s servant after all.

“Let’s have you lazy daisy!” Merlin’s voice rang out as the door swung open and he sauntered in. Arthur sat up and threw a pillow at the man’s face. Merlin ducked it with grace, which was odd considering this was Merlin, and placed Arthur’s breakfast on the table. He then moved McClucker down onto the floor and placed a small bowl of seeds in front of the bird. Arthur stood up and made his way to his breakfast to see Merlin scratching McClucker’s head.

“You know Merlin, I find it strange that you respect the chicken more than you respect me,” Arthur said, trying to get some conversation from his manservant.

“You shouldn’t be surprised, I respect the horses more than you. And Lord McClucker is not a complete prat,” Merlin snorted before digging in his pockets and pulling out a red square of cloth. Arthur peered over the table to get a better look at it and gasped. On the cloth was the gold Pendragon crest embroidered in the center.

“What is that?” Arthur asked, afraid to know the answer.

“Percival and Gwen thought Lord McClucker needed something to distinguish him from ordinary farm chickens,” Merlin said matter-of-factly. Arthur groaned as Merlin worked on fastening the cloth around McClucker’s neck.

“You’re putting a cape on the stupid chicken,” Arthur said, pinching the bridge of his nose. McClucker stayed surprisingly still as Merlin finished tying the knot and straitening it out so it laid flat on the bird’s back.

“Percival measured and bought the cloth and Gwen embroidered the crest,” Merlin explained, standing up to begin cleaning the room. Arthur began banging his head on the table.

“Stop that, you’re going to kill the few brain cells you have,” Merlin scolded, picking up some dirty laundry and placing it in a basket. Arthur groaned and continued to listen to McClucker’s pecking. He was going to strangle this chicken by time the day was out.

After about an hour or so, Arthur had finished breakfast, gotten dressed, and prepared for the day’s training session.

“Don’t tell me Gwen and Elyan made the chicken some armor too,” Arthur said mockingly as Merlin went to grab Arthur’s sword.

“That’s ridiculous,” Merlin said, his face in a state of shock. Apparently, making a cape for the damn thing was alright, but armor, oh no. That was definitely crossing the line. Arthur should have never left the dungeon with the chicken. The two were about to exit the room when shouts were heard from the courtyard below. Merlin and Arthur dashed over to the window, making sure not to step on Lord McClucker, and looked down. Arthur gasped. Bright flashes of light were being shot out randomly and the knights all had their swords drawn. A sorcerer was attacking Camelot!

“Come on!” Arthur shouted as he grabbed his sword and made for the door. How he was going to fight a sorcerer and come out alive, Arthur didn’t know. What he did know was that his people were being attacked and Arthur wouldn’t stand for it. He reached the door and flung it open to find a sword tip pressed to his throat.

“King Arthur, I presume,” a the man at the other end of the sword said with a smirk.

“Tell Lord Jericho that we have the king. We’re taking him down to the dungeon now,” he commanded. Another man nodded and quickly ran off down the corridor.

“Your servant can come too,” he sneered. Arthur dropped his sword and allowed him and Merlin to be led down the corridor.

The two stepped out into the courtyard, where the previous battle had taken place, and saw the gallows being erected.

“What are those for?” Arthur asked strongly, seeing Leon and his other knights kneeling on the ground with swords pressed against their throats.

“We’re going to hang your knights,” the captor said smugly. Arthur swallowed and looked around for the sorcerer. He didn’t see him.

“Stop,” a voice commanded. The man stopped and turned, as did Arthur and Merlin. Arthur saw another man with long green robes on. He was bald with a blond beard.

“King Arthur, I am Lord Jericho,” the man said, stepping forward.

“What is the meaning of this attack?” Arthur asked, trying to shield Merlin from both men subconsciously.

“I wish to rule Camelot,” the sorcerer stated.

“We kind of got that,” Merlin said quietly. If Jericho heard him, he gave no indication, much to Arthur’s relief. He really didn’t need Merlin to be blasted away because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“My people won’t accept you as their leader,” Arthur stated more strongly than he felt.

“They’ll have no choice. When each of your knights lay dead, no one will be able to protect them,” Jericho laughed. “And you’ll get to watch as one by one, they all die.” Jericho waved his hand and his subordinate grabbed Arthur’s arm and continued to lead him to the dungeons. Arthur tried to look strong and stoic as he walked past his men. He hoped he could come up with a plan to defeat the sorcerer before any were killed. Jericho didn’t seem to have too many men with him. There was the man who was currently leading him and Merlin down to the dungeons. There was Jericho and only about ten other thugs that Arthur could see. The group was undoubtedly relying mostly on Jericho’s magic. The other men were probably just an extra pair of eyes, to make sure the takeover went smoothly. The door to the cell was opened and he and Merlin were pushed in. The guard slammed the door shut and locked it, hooking the keys on his belt.

“Any ideas?” Merlin whispered as the man took his post not far from the cell.

“Maybe he’ll get bored and fall asleep,” Arthur said hopefully.

“How will that help us? He’s fifteen feet away!” Merlin hissed.

“We’ll think of something. Just relax and try to look for any weaknesses,” Arthur snapped. The two men sank down against the wall and began thinking of any and every way they could escape. Arthur looked out the window to see the gallows almost finished. They didn’t have much time if they were going to escape and defeat a crazy sorcerer. Merlin leaned forward and rested his chin in his hands. Arthur had rarely seen his servant look so serious. There was absolutely no light in his eyes, no grin threatening to break out. This Merlin was not Arthur’s favorite, to say the least. A few more minutes went by in complete silence. Then Arthur heard a familiar sound. Merlin did too apparently as he sat up straighter and looked around.  
“Is that…clucking?” he asked quietly. Arthur strained to hear the sound clearer. After a few seconds, the sound grew louder.

“I think so,” Arthur said, completely mystified. How the hell had Lord McClucker managed to track Arthur and Merlin to the cell? The guard heard the sound as well. He stood up and unsheathed his sword. Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle. It was clearly a chicken that was coming. Why was a weapon necessary? After a few more seconds, McClucker came strutting around the corner. All three men stared at the animal. McClucker stopped and stared back. But not at Arthur or Merlin. Nope, he was staring straight at the guard.

“What the hell is this?” the man said, confused as to why there was a chicken with a Camelot cape on it’s back, in the dungeons.

“That’s our mascot,” Merlin said proudly. Arthur groaned. He really didn’t want these people to know that Camelot had a chicken for a mascot. The guard stared at McClucker for a minute before bursting out laughing.

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of,” he said with tears coming out of his eyes.

“What, does it fight too?” he asked, going into another fit of laughter. Arthur shook his head in embarrassment. McClucker began clucking in a very familiar tone. The tone reserved for when Leon stood up while McClucker was using him as a pillow. The tone used when Merlin brought the wrong seeds for the meal. The tone used when Gwaine stopped scratching its head, or when Percival gave it a bath. Lord McClucker began to cluck in its angry tone. The guard continued to laugh as McClucker marched over to him. McClucker stared intently at the man’s feet before delivering a very strong peck to his left foot.

“Ow!” the man shouted in pain as he looked down at McClucker. McClucker stared at the man before bending down and pecked the man’s foot with persistence for the second time.

“Stop that!” the captor cried out as he tried to kick McClucker out of the way. Arthur and Merlin couldn’t help but laugh at the scene before them. The guard was trying desperately to get McClucker to stop its relentless pecking, which was just making McClucker peck harder. The man took another step back in an attempt to maneuver past McClucker, but instead found a small step down. The guard cried out in surprise as his foot slipped, causing him to fall backward. His head hit the ground with a smack. Merlin and Arthur gasped and made their way to the cell door. McClucker made its way over to the door and stared intently at the two men.

“Go get the keys, Lord McClucker,” Merlin said quietly.

“It’s a chicken, Merlin. It doesn’t understand English,” Arthur spat. Merlin glared at him before turning back to McClucker. McClucker stared back at the two men before strutting towards the unconscious guard and pecking at the keys. Arthur couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The stupid chicken was actually attempting to get the keys from the guard. Sure. Why not? McClucker managed to maneuver the keys off of the guard’s hip and picked them up, carrying them proudly over to the cell door into Merlin’s outstretched hand.

Merlin cheered and unlocked the door. Arthur shot out of the cell and grabbed the guard’s sword and made his way out of the dungeon. Hopefully, he could get the drop on the sorcerer and kill him before any of the knights were hung. Merlin picked up the chicken and sprinted out after Arthur. Arthur ran faster than he had ever run before. It was getting hard to breathe but he needed to move like lightning if he was to defeat the sorcerer. He launched out of the dungeons and into the courtyard. Jericho was standing with his back to the door, giving a speech about submission or something like that.

The crowd all gasped upon seeing Arthur. Jericho turned around and managed to spear himself with Arthur’s sword. The crowd cheered as the knights quickly leaped into action. They took out some of the other goons that Jericho had surrounded himself with.

“About time, Sire,” Leon said cheerfully as Merlin emerged from behind a pillar, Lord McClucker still in his hands.

“Well, sorry that you were unable to take out one sorcerer,” Arthur said jokingly.

“Why did they take Lord McClucker with you?” Gwaine asked, scratching the chicken’s head. Arthur panicked. He did not want his men to know that he was rescued by a chicken. Merlin had other ideas.

“Lord McClucker was the one that got us out of the cell,” Merlin beamed. The knights stared at Merlin for a few seconds, trying to decide if he was joking or not. The look on both Arthur and Merlin’s faces proved that what Merlin said, was the truth. Upon coming to this realization, the men all burst out laughing.

“We want every detail,” Gwaine said between laughs as they led Merlin and Arthur back into the castle. Merlin handed Arthur Lord McClucker and jogged up to where Gwaine and Percival were. He began retelling exactly how the chicken had saved the day. Arthur groaned and looked down at Lord McClucker, whose cape had become off-center during his vicious attack. Arthur smiled and straightened it out.

“Maybe you’re not so bad after all,” he said, before following his men inside. Maybe having an official Camelot mascot was a good thing.


	11. A One in Three Chance

“Get down there and don’t think about trying to escape!” the guard shouted as he tossed Gwaine down into the cell with the other Knights of the Round Table.

“You could at least try and be hospitable!” Gwaine shouted back at the guard as he slammed the door shut. He turned to the other occupants of the cell.

“Well that could have gone better,” he said with a smile, trying to lighten the situation. Sadly, it wasn’t working.

“Gwaine,” Arthur groaned.

“Shut up?” 

“Good. you’re learning,” Arthur said as he leaned back against the cell wall. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse. 

“At least we now know that Divinus does actually have a base across the border,” Merlin tried, putting on a lopsided grin.

“Merlin,” Arthur said.

“Shut up?” Arthur nodded yes. If Gwaine wasn’t allowed to lighten the mood, then Merlin sure as hell wasn’t allowed to try. The fact that neither of them seemed to grasp the concept that they were unarmed, in a cell, in enemy territory was really frustrating Arthur. They could at least try and take this seriously!

Arthur and the knights had decided to go on a stealth mission to the border of Camelot and Divinus after receiving reports of a base where an army was gathering to attack. If Divinus really did have a base right across the border, it would be easier for the small kingdom to invade. The council was wary about sending Arthur since they didn’t want the trip to seem like an act of war. But Arthur steadfastly refused to let anyone but the best go. So, the knights and Merlin packed up and headed to the border. Merlin often wondered why he accompanied these trips. Arthur wanted the best, and as far as he knew, Merlin wasn’t the best. To Merlin, it seemed as though Arthur could get along without a servant for a few days. Not that he wasn’t glad to go, he just thought that it was strange that Arthur sent him into battle without armor. Of course, it probably had to do with the fact that no matter what Arthur said, Merlin usually went with him anyways. If he didn’t go, who would save Arthur’s royal ass from the magical threats he seemed to attract. Perhaps Arthur commanding that Merlin join the group was just accepting the inevitable.

The group was about thirty minutes away when they were ambushed by some knights and captured. It wasn’t a necessarily spectacular battle. The small reconnaissance team was outnumbered greatly by the other knights. The king probably wanted Arthur to cooperate, which meant no one was to be harmed. That didn’t mean that the enemy knights weren’t rough on the group. They had been taken to a secret base where they were now waiting to talk to the king so that a treaty could be drafted, probably in Divinus’ favor. For the entire walk, they were manhandled and thrown about. The knights who had captured the group continually threw out threatening remarks and explained in great detail how exactly they were going to butcher Merlin. Gwaine had tried to reason with the knights. He attempted to bargain with them, attempted to con them, and even tried to flirt with one of them. It only served to make the enemy angrier to the point where they threatened to cut Gwaine’s hair off. Gwaine shut up very quickly after that. Arthur now had something to threaten the man with, much to his pleasure and Gwaine’s displeasure.

“We really should take more people with us when we go out,” Leon said as he rubbed the back of his head. He had been knocked out with a poisoned arrow, causing a rather nasty headache. Percival had slung him over his shoulder and carried him for most of the walk. He had regained consciousness right before entering the camp. Leon, for his part, was very tired of getting captured every time he left the palace. Honestly, when would Arthur learn that five knights and Merlin wasn’t really enough to keep out of trouble? And then there was the fact that everyone seemed to attract the wrong sort of attention. If Gwaine wasn’t hustling the wrong people, then Merlin was being held hostage to enforce cooperation. If Percival wasn’t getting roasted over a fire or hung, Elyan was attempting to convince a group of mercenaries that he wasn’t actually the king of Siam. This group was exhausting and if Leon spent any more time with them, he would have more gray hairs than Gaius. I’m getting too old for this. He thought to himself as Elyan began stroking his chin thoughtfully. Leon wondered who would come up with the first escape plan.

“Does anyone have any ideas?” Elyan asked as he looked around the cell, seeing if there was anything that could be used to their advantage. Elyan had already come up with several plans in his head, but he wasn’t entirely sure how the group would react to his ‘singing rock’ plan. It wasn’t really his fault that none of his ideas were any good. But the chicken plan had worked out well, so perhaps there was room for the group to pretend that Percival was possessed.

“I’ve got it!” Merlin jumped up and started pacing around the cell. Everyone looked up expectantly. Surprisingly, Merlin was actually quite good at forming plans that were fairly easy to perform. “How about if Arthur pretends he’s been injured and is in need of medical attention. When the guards come in, we’ll jump them,” Merlin looked up at the knights. 

“They know Arthur is healthy, though,” Leon said, quickly shooting down Merlin’s idea. It wasn’t that the plan was a bad one, but Leon thought they should look at all the facts. There would be no way they could pass off a sick king when the enemy knew he was healthy not twenty minutes ago.

“What if he got into a fight with one of us?” Gwaine tried. That was more plausible than Merlin’s idea, while still working on the same general principle. 

“It can’t be Leon since he’s too noble to even think about punching Arthur,” Elyan said to himself. Leon smiled at this. There were many times that he had actually fantasized about causing injury to Arthur. Mostly when Arthur was younger and a complete, as Merlin put it, clotpole. Luckily, he had all the patience and self-control a knight of Camelot was expected to have. Except for one feast when Leon beat him over the head with a frying pan. But Arthur was too drunk to remember that night so Leon never brought it up.

“Percival can’t be the one to do it, they’ll think he killed him,” Merlin muttered to himself.

“Excuse me, but I can hold my own against Percival,” Arthur cried out. Leon attempted to suppress a laugh. Percival was easily twice Arthur’s size and had three times his strength.

“Maybe with a sword, but not with brute strength,” Gwaine replied, sizing up the larger knight.

“Yes I can,” Arthur retorted, sounding like a child. He just had to be the best at everything. Perhaps they should let Percival and Arthur get into a fight and see which one would win. Leon wasn’t willing to bet that it would be Arthur. Of course, he also didn’t want to deal with a bruised ego when this was all over.

“He’s twice your size,” Gwaine shouted back at Arthur. Well, Percival and Arthur weren’t going to get into a fight, but Arthur and Gwaine sure were. As much as Leon would have loved to see Gwaine and Arthur try to outdo each other, like always, he decided to take control−like always. Why couldn’t they be more like Merlin?

“Gentlemen, can we please try and keep focused here,” Leon said, quickly breaking up a growing fight. Once the two ‘alpha males’ had returned to glaring at each other from across the cell, Leon decided to reassess the situation with everyone’s involvement.

“Now I don’t think Merlin’s plan is going to work so we need to think of something else,” Leon continued. Arthur and Gwaine huffed in annoyance but settled down and began thinking of other ways to escape. Everyone sat silently, working through their own thought processes. Leon began watching the guards to see if they had any weaknesses. That was always the first step: evaluate your enemy and look for weaknesses. They weren’t drinking alcohol, so hoping they would get drunk was out of the question. It seemed as though Gwaine was going to have to sit this one out. Both were facing the cell, so the knights were being watched intently. This would definitely decrease the chance of escape. They were probably listening to every word the group was saying as well. If they were going to plan an escape, it had to be done almost silently. Leon wondered how well Merlin understood hand signals, that was probably the easiest for of silent communication. After a thorough examination, they appeared to be the perfect guards. Camelot should really invest in some. Leon thought as he gave up on trying to come up with ways to distract the men. Gods how he hated leaving the castle. He really should invest in early retirement. 

About an hour later, no one had come up with a solution to the problem. The guards were switched, giving Leon some hope that he could find a way past them. Immediately, Leon saw what could actually save him and the others. The guards were playing a card game and were each betting heavily against each other. They didn’t even wait ten minutes before starting the betting pool. Gamblers were excellent when you needed to trick them. Just put a challenge out there and they would be all over it. Some would bet their mothers if it gave them a chance at even better riches. Leon smiled to himself and quickly put his plan into action. He couldn’t very well explain it to the others, so he just prayed that they would go along.

“You know my friends, that is a child’s game,” Leon chuckled to himself, effectively getting the guards’ attentions. Everyone in the cell was snapped from their thoughts. Leon had just made a completely inappropriate comment. In fact, he sounded more like Gwaine than Leon. Leon shifted so that he was closer to the cell door. Hopefully, they would bite the bait which Leon had so graciously given them.

“What did you say?” one said as he dropped his cards and stood up. None of the knights said anything. Leon usually knew what he was doing and at this point, there really wasn’t a way to get him to stop. He caught the guards’ attention and now had to go through with whatever plan he had.

“The card game you’re playing,” Leon responded, leaning nonchalantly against the door. He thought he looked rather suave as he smiled coolly at the guards. He flipped his hair back, like Gwaine when flirting. Oh yes, this was going to work remarkably well.

“It’s not something meant to bet on.” The other guard at the table and followed his friend to the door.

“I suppose you know something better?” he sneered at Leon. Leon looked disinterestedly to the other corner or the cell. He smiled as he caught a glimpse of Merlin and Elyan. Both had their mouths hanging wide open and were looking very surprised with Leon’s behavior. Leon could hear the guard beginning to get impatient and decided he had stalled enough. His audience was ready.

“Possibly. Bring the deck over to me,” Leon said, turning his gaze back to the guards after winking at Merlin. He held out his hand as the guard gathered up the cards and passed them to him. Leon smiled casually and shuffled through the cards before pulling out three.

“The game is simple,” he said, putting the rest of the cards down. “There are three cards here, two kings and an ace,” he showed the three cards to emphasize his point and continued. “They’re placed in a row face down like so. I shuffle them around. And when I finish, you have to guess which one is the ace.” The guards nodded to show their understanding. Leon sat back against the wall and began whistling a carefree tune while the guards worked the aspects of the game.

“If we don’t choose the ace, you get whatever we bet. But if we do choose the ace, we get whatever you bet,” one said, Leon nodded yes, not even bothering to stop whistling. The guards didn’t seem quite sold on the idea yet, so Leon decided to pull out all of the stops.

“It’s a one in three chance. You can even play the first round without betting, just to get the hang of it,” Leon flashed a smile at the guards who looked more interested now. If there were any doubts before, there certainly weren’t any now. Leon had definitely crossed over to Gwaine territory. Their captors glanced at each other and nodded, sneers breaking out on their ugly faces.

“Sounds simple enough. Let’s play,” one guard said with a smile. Leon grinned and flipped the three cards over so that they were face down. He moved them around each other a few times before stopping.

“Which one is it?” Leon asked. The guard looked at his friend who murmured something into his ear. He nodded yes and straightened back out. 

“That one,” he pointed at the card on the right. Leon flipped it over to reveal the ace. The two guards cheered. Leon smiled calmly as he began to put the next phase into effect.

“How about we make it interesting now,” Leon grinned before taking off a simple gold chain from around his neck. The guards looked at each other before grabbing the coins from the table and placed them just outside of the cell. Leon turned the cards over and shuffled them again. Once he was done, the guards discussed among themselves before choosing a card. This time, it was the one in the middle. It happened to be the ace as well.

The game went on for several minutes. Sometimes, Leon would win. Other times, the guards would win. Actually, most of the time the guards would win. But no matter who won, Leon would just smile a smooth smile, and convince the guards to go another round. The two men had just finished winning the third round in a row when Leon grinned again. 

“How about let’s make this round more exciting?”

“What did you have in mind?” the guard asked suspiciously. They had been betting pretty heavily for the past few minutes. Leon didn’t really look like he had much else to use. But what the guards didn’t know what how well Leon was prepared for something like this.

“If I win this round, you give me one of our swords back.”

“And if we win?” The guard asked, eyeing Leon with even more suspicion. 

“You get his ring,” Leon pointed to Arthur whose eyes widened substantially. Gwaine saw that there was probably going to be a fight between the two and quickly elbowed Arthur. Leon obviously had something in mind. The group needed to go along with it, no matter what the cost. Arthur glared at Gwaine but did remove his ring. He handed it to Leon hesitantly, praying that his head knight wasn’t about to do something stupid. That was actually difficult to imagine, Leon doing something stupid. He wasn’t allowed to be an idiot. But now, much to Arthur’s dismay, he had stepped right into Gwaine territory after three drinks on a Tuesday. The guards examined the ring and began to talk amongst themselves.

“It would fetch a nice price on the black market,” the guard said to his friend.

“Deal,” he responded to Leon as he went to fetch a sword. He placed it down on the pile of coins and other things Leon was able to acquire. Leon turned the cards over again and shuffled them around. When he was done, the guards pointed to a card. Leon flipped it over to reveal an ace. The guards smiled and went to grab the pile when Leon spoke.

“Wait.”

“You have nothing left to bet,” the guard sneered as he moved to get up. 

“Just once more. If I win you give us all of our weapons back, if you win I’ll be your servant for the rest of my days,” Leon responded with a sly smile. Arthur gasped and Gwaine made a movement to get up. Merlin pulled him back down.

“We can’t do anything!” Merlin said to Gwaine as he fell back down to the ground. This was not a good idea. Leon was only winning about a fourth of the games if that. The knights didn’t want to see Leon have to serve these barbarians for the rest of his life. But they were helpless as the guards took in this information. Leon turned and smiled calmly at the group. He did realize he was giving up his freedom if he lost, right? 

“Looks like you do have something else to give,” the guard smirked as he sat the pile back in front of Leon. “We have a deal,” The cell door was opened in case Leon won and the weapons were placed in the center along with all of the coins and other treasures. The guards took out their swords to ensure good behavior and nodded at Leon to start. Leon flipped his hair back and prepared the cards. The guards’ eyes glittered with greed as Leon began to shuffle the cards around. 

Oh, compulsive gamblers really were a godsend. As soon as they got on a streak, they were willing to bet everything, believing they were invincible. Leon knew better. Leon knew that it was the same thing as a drunk, believing he could win a fight. He understood how their minds worked and he knew how to play them. It was a gift that no one knew he had. Well, it was time for his king and friends to find out. Everyone held their breath as Leon stopped shuffling the cards. He sat back and looked up at the guards. The men looked at each other and nodded.

“The one in the middle,” one said. Leon smiled and flipped over the card.

“NO!” The guard shouted as the card was revealed to be a king. In one swift motion, the knights picked up their swords and held it to the guard's throats before they could react.

“I think we’ll take our leave now,” Arthur stated proudly as they moved towards the doors.

“It was a pleasure playing with you,” Leon said as he bowed mockingly. 

“Wait, we can play one more time!” one guard cried, desperate to either get the prisoners back or the gold. Leon was willing to bet that it was the gold they really wanted. 

“We can,” Leon smirked. “However, unlike you two I know to quit while I’m ahead.” Percival knocked out the two guards and stepped out of the cells. Merlin followed and closed the door, locking the men in there. They all turn and began to make their way out of the camp.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” Gwaine asked as they snuck past a guard post.

“I love card games. I just never get a chance to play anymore,” Leon shrugged.

“Did you mean to lose all of those games?” Arthur asked as they stepped onto the main road. He wanted proof that Leon wasn’t actually dumb enough to bet his ring, that he had an actual plan.

“Of course,” Leon looked startled, “I know how to play gamblers. I let them win more games than they lost. They became bolder and bolder with their bets,” Leon explained.

“Wait!” Gwaine shouted, stopping. “I play cards with you almost every hunt!”

“Yes?”

“We bet money.”

“Yes?”

“Do you con me?” Gwaine ran up and stopped in front of Leon.

“Why would I do such a thing?” Leon didn’t even bother holding back a smile. The group laughed as they walked past a very startled Gwaine.

“I’ll get you for this,” he stated angrily, jogging to catch up with the group. 

“You want to bet on it?” Leon said smugly as they continued to head back up the road. Gwaine began listing all of the ways he could make Leon pay for swindling him. Leon was impressed at how creative some of them got. However, Leon knew how to scam Gwaine all too well. It would be oh so easy for him to keep Gwaine’s plans from working.


	12. Sweet Cakes

“I know you’re upset, but we can talk about this,” Leon pleaded as one of the sorcerers who had taken the knights and Merlin captive continued to bind his hands.

“You have desecrated our holy temple,” the leader stated angrily, finishing the knot around Leon’s hands and placing him with the rest of the prisoners. Leon tugged experimentally on the rope before deciding it wasn’t loosening anytime soon. “For your crimes, you will die,” the sorcerer snarled as he finished Merlin’s bonds and shoved him towards the group. Arthur caught him and glared at the sorcerers.

“All we did was enter the damn thing,” he muttered under his breath. He really didn’t understand what the big deal was. It wasn’t as if the group threw a loud party in the temple and trashed the place. In fact, they didn’t even make it out of the doorframe before being surrounded by a group of sorcerers. Needless to say, there was no fight. Arthur was no fool and could tell that against a group of sorcerers, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Everyone looked at one another, each trying to see if anyone had come up with a plan. Gwaine cleared his throat and stepped forward.

“Listen, mate,” Gwaine tried, “we didn’t know this was a sacred temple.” He flashed his charming smile, hoping the captors would buy it. They didn’t. Elyan decided to give an attempt next.

“Yeah,” he added, “had we known that entry on the sacred temple was punishable by death, we would have certainly stayed out in the blizzard and froze to death instead.” He shrugged his shoulders apologetically. The sorcerers just glared. They clearly weren’t going to listen to reason. Any sane person would have seen the group and understood they were no threat. The knights allowed themselves to be taken prisoner and now they were trying to apologize for their misdeeds. Surely that should have been enough for them to let the knights go.

“Hear us out,” Leon attempted again. “How about we just leave and never come back? Banishment is just as painful as death, and we have to live with the choices we’ve made.” The sorcerers didn’t even acknowledge Leon and just walked away, discussing how best to kill the trespassers. Leon was exasperated. He hoped that by presenting a punishment, the sorcerers would be more inclined to listen. Leon sighed and jerked his head to a far corner. The others understood and quickly made their way over. They all got in a tight circle and began to whisper.

“Anyone have any ideas?” Arthur asked, clearly frustrated at the whole situation. They had gotten stuck in a blizzard and were wandering around aimlessly when Gwaine saw the temple. Of course, they didn’t know it was a temple, they just saw a building and ran towards it. Arthur still remembered the feeling of joy he got when they had made their way to the heavy door. He remembered the elation as they stepped into the small chapel and began to shake off the snow that clung to their garments. But of course, given the group’s lovely luck, the temple was sacred to a small group of sorcerers and to enter meant death. The knights had tried reasoning with the small band of about ten sorcerers but to no avail. Arthur was starting to think the sorcerers just wanted to kill the knights, so they made up some story about a sacred temple so the group wouldn’t question it. Or perhaps they were just a group of nutters who also happened to worship chickens. But that didn’t matter at the moment. What mattered was the fact that the knights and Merlin were at the mercy of sorcerers who wouldn’t listen to reason. Negotiations had failed, now onto less diplomatic ways of escape.

“What if Merlin and Leon were to pretend that they were powerful sorcerers?” Gwaine suggested in a hushed tone. He jerked his head towards Merlin’s bag. 

“These men probably know what real magic is. We’d never be able to pull it off,” Merlin whispered back, shaking his head in despair. Not only that but the time it would take to prepare all of the materials would also be too long. Merlin knew the group needed something quick and easy. There was no way an elaborate escape plan would work. 

“Maybe they’re thick,” Gwaine suggested with a shrug. He said this a bit too loudly, causing their captors to snap their heads in Gwaine’s direction. 

“Oops,” Gwaine said, making sure to avoid the sorcerer's angry glares.

“Gwaine! Can we try to not anger them?” Arthur shot at the knight, his eyes narrowing. Gwaine glared back at Arthur and decided he was not about to back out of this fight.

“What are they going to do, princess? Kill us?” Gwaine’s voice rose. Merlin attempted to placate the knight so that the group wouldn’t attract attention. Sadly, Arthur decided he needed to put Gwaine in his place.

“I’d rather the death not be slow and painful,” Arthur responded, his voice was almost at shouting level. Merlin and Leon spun around to look at the group of sorcerers. Their arms were crossed and their eyes were narrowed. They did not look happy with the way their prisoners were behaving. Percival also saw this and decided to take matters into his own hands. He had a plan, and he wasn’t about to let these two fools make it impossible to complete.

“Will you to pipe down,” Percival snapped. Gwaine and Arthur immediately closed their mouths. Both looked equally stunned at Percival’s tone of voice. It was weird to hear the knight sound so much like, well like Leon. He sounded authoritative and had a glare that would make you do anything. He also reminded the group of Gwen when she was upset. His eyes were narrowed in the same way, his hands were on his hips, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. The knights, the bravest men of Camelot, cowered under that glare.

“Thank you.” Percival then turned to Merlin, his expression softening a bit, and asked, “do you still have those sleeping draughts Gaius gave you?” Merlin blinked at Percival, trying to figure out what he wanted to do with the sleeping draughts. Percival raised his eyebrows in an expression that read “I want an answer now.”

“Um, yeah. I have three bottles. Why?” Merlin stated, looking at Percival for any clue as to why he made such a strange request. 

“Because I have an idea, but you all need to go along with it no matter what,” Percival whispered as he turned back to the group. The others stared at him for a few seconds before looking at one another. 

“Well if it gets us killed, it doesn’t really matter,” Gwaine said with a wave of his hand. Leon nodded his head while Elyan pursed his lips thoughtfully. Percival took this as their consent.

“Great then!” he exclaimed, his features brightening up considerably. “I’ll get started.” He straightened up and cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the sorcerers. After Percival had silenced Arthur and Gwaine’s argument, the sorcerers had continued their conversation on how to kill Camelot’s finest. They were looking rather excited. That wasn’t really a good sign. It looked as though they had agreed how best to kill the heathens, and it was probably going to be painful. Percival paid no heed to the gleams of the sorcerers’ eyes and clapped his hands together, putting on his most charming and innocent face. The leader sensed the knight was about to con him and quickly let him know there would be no shenanigans while he was around. There was no way he would let the large knight take advantage of him and his followers.

“We are not letting you go,” the leader snapped. Percival ignored the outburst smiled innocently before answering.

“Oh, no. I understand that you won’t let us go. I just have one request.” He waited for the sorcerers to answer. They didn’t really answer with words, more of with death stares that caused shivers to run down Percival’s spine. Still, they didn’t say he couldn’t make his one last request. Percival took this as a go-ahead and started his explanation.

“I am not from Camelot, you see. I am part of a clan known as,” Percival stopped. Crap! He hadn’t thought of a name. Percival wondered if he could make one up that didn’t sound completely false. Arthur saw Percival’s eyes go wide at the inability to create a name and groaned. If Percival couldn’t manufacture a name soon, the con would be over and the sorcerers would know he was making things up. Everyone held their breath as Percival sat there. The pause was too long. The sorcerers could see right through it! Arthur was sure that they would be dead in the next few minutes. Luckily, Percival covered his mistake quickly. He cleared his throat and continued.

“We are known by a sacred name that only people of the clan may say.” The sorcerers nodded in understanding. They knew what it was like to be part of something so sacred that outsiders were forbidden from knowing anything about the group. That was what got this group of knights in trouble in the first place. They wouldn’t press for information. It would be rude to attempt to force another to break his beliefs. Percival noticed the sorcerers had believed his lie and did not push for more information.

“We do have a tradition that I implore you to observe,” Percival grinned as he continued. The sorcerers looked at him curiously, wondering what this tradition was. They wouldn’t mind helping the man complete it, so long as it wasn’t too extensive. Percival waited a bit for their captors to completely digest the information he had provided so far. Now he just had to drive home his point and the plan would work perfectly.

“You see, if we are captured and sentenced to death, we are given one last request.”

“We’re not letting you go,” one of the men snapped as Percival held up his hands in surrender. Percival was a tad annoyed. Why would he ask to be let go if he was sentenced to death? The sorcerer continued to glare at Percival. Percival decided that he couldn’t just let the sorcerer think he was attempting to cheat death. So he chose his next words carefully. 

“No, no. To not accept one’s fate would be…dishonorable. This request is something small that would allow my soul peace.”

“And why should we care if you soul is at peace or not?” another asked, curious, but not quite sold on the idea. Percival wanted to punch these people in the face. But he was trying to seem non-threatening and innocent. Any violence would completely destroy all of the work he had already done, and probably get him killed.

“Because, surely you can understand tradition and faith. To deny me something so simple would be blasphemy.” Percival responded in his sweetest voice. The sorcerers all nodded their understanding and began to murmur to one another. Leon was surprised at how well Percival was scamming the sorcerers. It was amazing how calm and collected Percival stayed. Despite the previous mishap with the name, Percival was responding to the questions rather well. If Leon didn’t know any better, he would have believed Percival’s tale. He had no idea where this was going but all he knew was that Percival had the sorcerers listening to him and considering his offer.

“What is your last request?” the leader asked, stroking his chin.

“Well, you see,” Percival started, “my two grandmothers are always at each other’s throats.”

“I thought you didn’t, oomph” Arthur started to speak but was cut off so eloquently by Leon. Arthur did understand that Percival’s story could not be contradicted in any way, right?

Percival glared but continued. “It was always ‘your son isn’t good enough for my daughter’ and ‘my son is too smart for your daughter.’ Family get-togethers were awful,” Percival explained in fake distress. 

“What’s your point?” a short sorcerer growled. He didn’t seem to be as convinced of Percival’s argument. Percival decided to ignore that one and instead focus on the leader. He was the one Percival had to persuade.

“Well, one thing that was always the worst argument was whose sweet cakes were better.” Everyone looked at Percival with the same expression on their faces: confusion. The look on Gwaine’s face clearly said “Really? Sweetcakes?”. 

“So?” the leader prompted, wanting a reason as to why this little piece of information pertained to the larger knight’s last request. Percival rolled his eyes and elaborated on what exactly he wanted from these men.

“So here would be the perfect chance to have impartial judges taste each recipe and see which one is better,” Percival finished. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the leader. Instead of looking less confused, his audience appeared more confused.

“You want us to eat sweet cakes and tell you what we think?” the leader clarified, eyebrows disappearing into his hairline. This wasn’t going as well as Percival had hoped.

“If you would be so kind,” Percival replied. He decided to try the Merlin kicked puppy look to win them over. It always worked with Merlin. No matter what he wanted, the kicked puppy face would melt the hearts of even the toughest of bandits. If that was the case, then it should work on sorcerers as well. After all, Percival just had to convince them to eat sweet cakes. And Merlin always did the look easily. How hard could it be? Percival widened his eyes and made his lip start to quiver. He uncrossed his arms and clasped them in front of his torso. 

“God that’s creepy,” the leader said, taking a step back. Apparently, the kicked puppy look was much harder than Merlin made it appear. The leader shook his head and turned back towards his companions. Percival began to panic as the sorcerers became less interested in his words. Percival could sense he was losing his audience, so who better to convince them this was innocent than the kicked puppy himself. As Percival thought this he grabbed ahold of Merlin and yanked him forward. Merlin yelped and almost fell to the ground, if not for Percival’s quick reflexes to keep him up. Merlin glared at Percival. Percival gave him an apologetic smile before hissing into Merlin’s ear.

“Do the kicked puppy look. Now!” He straightened back up and looked down at Merlin, who was standing there looking both confused and angry. Merlin looked back at the knights who motioned at him to start the look. Merlin sighed and widened his eyes and made them water with tears. He really didn’t like being used like this. Sure he used the kicked puppy look on the knights when he wanted them to do something, but he didn’t like being told when to do the look. It was actually much harder than it seemed and doing it without the right sort of mental preparation was difficult. 

“This is my cousin,” Percival stated boldly, swinging an arm around Merlin’s shoulders. The sorcerers turned around to look at the pair. Merlin flashed a watery smile and dropped his gaze back down to his feet. The leader stared at the two for a minute.

“You two are cousins?” he asked. Merlin got annoyed at this. Just because Percival was three times his size didn’t mean that they couldn’t be related!

“Why is that so unbelievable?” Merlin snapped at the sorcerer. The man took a step back at Merlin’s sudden outburst.

“Kicked puppy, Merlin,” Percival hissed. Merlin realized that he was supposed to be harmless and schooled his features back into a mask of innocence. Once he had his features arranged in such a way that no one could say no to it, Percival continued.

“We are just going to bake two batches of sweet cakes, you guys can all taste them. And then you can horribly dismember us whilst weasels feast upon our fingers,” Percival finished happily. The knights all gasped at Percival’s statement.

“Is that what you think about?” Gwaine cried as Leon widened his eyes. That was a bit too graphic for his tastes. He would rather just be beheaded and get it over with. It appeared that Percival was into another form of death.

“Wait,” Arthur said, holding his hands up, “Percival, you want to cook dessert? We have bigger fish to fry!” Leon groaned and rolled his eyes. The others clearly didn’t know that Percival had a plan and was working on bringing it to completion. It was time to silence the king for a while.

“If you don’t shut up right now I will take off my sweaty sock and shove it in your mouth,” Leon paused and quickly added, “Sire,” flashing an innocent smile. This was enough to get Arthur to close his mouth and not talk again. Leon sighed with relief and returned to the scene before him.

“How do we know you won’t leave when you’re cooking?” the leader asked, suspicious of Percival. Not so much the boy, he didn’t seem to have an evil or devious bone in his body. And it was getting really hard to resist those eyes. The kid seemed to ooze with innocence. The leader wasn’t entirely sure if he could make a sound decision while the boy was sitting there, fiddling with the hem of his tunic like a child.

“I would never leave my friends to death,” Percival stated in mock horror. “Plus there is a raging blizzard outside, we wouldn’t get very far.”

“Actually, it looks to be clearing up,” Merlin said, peeking out a window. 

“Merlin. Shut. Up,” Percival said through clenched teeth.

“Right, sorry.”

“Please, it would help solve many family issues,” Percival stated with his head bowed. He may not have been able to pull off the kicked puppy, but he could still pretend to be harmless.

“Sounds like it would start more than solve more,” Gwaine muttered in Leon’s ear.

“Gwaine, if the king can’t talk what makes you think you can?” Leon responded, not even looking at the knight. Gwaine closed his mouth rather quickly at Leon’s words and also remained silent. He didn’t want to get on Leon’s bad side. There were horror stories, and while Gwaine was pretty sure Leon had never replaced Sir Isaac’s clothing with dresses, Gwaine didn’t want to test that theory. Though he did have the figure to pull it off. 

The leader continued to stare at the two men. The small one looked absolutely pathetic and his eyes were breaking the sorcerer’s heart. He looked like a sad kitten, all small and weak. And the way the big one had his arm wrapped around the boy’s shoulders in such a protective stance, it was too cute to look at. The leader may have been a strict man, but he was a softy when it came to this kind of thing. These two, with their heads bowed and the wide eyes, surely they didn’t have an ulterior motive to their request. The little one looked up with a small smile on his face. That broke the leader completely.

“Alright then,” the leader said, trying not to seem like the boy had caused his heart to shatter. After all, he did want to seem weak in front of his men. “I see no reason why you can’t cook one last meal.”

“Can the other’s help?” Percival asked, not wanting them to be killed while he and Merlin cooked. Percival prayed that the leader would allow him to do this. He looked down at Merlin and the kid got the message. 

“It would help us go a lot faster,” Merlin said, barely above a whisper. His eyes were downcast and his hands fiddling with his hem. He looked even smaller than normal. How could he do that so well? Percival wondered to himself, looking back at the sorcerers for confirmation. Seriously, Merlin needed to start giving the knights lessons so they wouldn’t have to fight their way out of any situation. Once again, the leader was unable to say no to Merlin.

“Alright, fine. You have an hour.” The leader began to bark orders about who was to take the group to the kitchen and walked out of the room. Percival bowed to show his gratitude and untied the hands of his companions.

“Let's get cooking!” He said cheerfully as they were led to the kitchen. Percival’s heart dropped as he realized he really didn’t know how to cook any sort of pastries. Oh well. Someone else would surely know, right?

oOoOoOo

“No, no! You have to use three cups of sugar, not eight!” Merlin cried as Gwaine poured in too much sugar into the batter for the third time in a row.

“It doesn’t have to taste good,” he snapped at Merlin. Gwaine wasn’t in a very good mood. As soon as the group got into the kitchen Arthur “accidently” poured honey into Gwaine’s hair. Merlin then tripped and got flour all over the knight, causing him to be all sticky and white. Gwaine wasn’t the only one in a bad mood. Arthur had managed to burn himself on the stove three times now. Seriously! Why was the stove even on? They needed the oven. Arthur also had molasses smearing the front of his chainmail. He didn’t even know where that came from! Merlin was covered in pink frosting and Elyan had cut himself on several knives and then proceeded to pour orange juice and salt all over the cuts. Leon and Percival were the only two that weren’t a complete mess. This probably wouldn’t last for long.

“The more they eat, the better the potion will work,” Elyan replied thoughtfully as he went to crack some eggs. He had given up with the oranges as the juice continued to burn his hands and caused them to be sticky and gross. The kitchen hadn’t been cleaned in a while so now everyone was also covered in a layer of dirt. Fantastic!

“Are we even making two different recipes?” Arthur asked as he knocked down a bowl full of batter to the ground. Batter went everywhere causing Leon to slip as he carried some oranges to the cutting board. Leon was no longer clean. He sat up and attempted to wipe the batter off his hands and out of his hair. This resulted in it spreading even more. Leon groaned and gave up, flopping back down onto the floor. He was a fighter, not a baker.

“Guys, we need to produce something in thirty minutes or else this plan is going to fail,” Percival said, clearly stressed. Gwaine rushed to get more flour but didn’t see Leon on the floor. He gave out a cry of surprise as he tripped over Leon’s body and shoved Arthur into another batch of honey. Arthur yelped and whirled around, smacking Elyan on the head and pushing him into the egg yolks. Percival face palmed as the others started grumbling and attempting to right themselves.

“None of us know how to bake! Why couldn’t we make stew?” Merlin asked as he helped pick Leon up off the floor. He picked some eggshells out of the knight’s hair and sighed. “I’m good at making stew out of almost anything,” he added as an afterthought. Leon continued to try and wipe the sticky batter off of his hands. Percival looked at the scene in front of him before coming up with a brilliant plan.

“Okay, we need to look at this like a battle, everyone at their posts and everyone out of each other’s way,” Percival said thoughtfully as he grabbed more flour from the pantry. Why the hell hadn’t he thought of this before? Like when Merlin was being covered in pink frosting? “Right, Arthur, you start pouring sugar, three cups each in two clean bowls,” Percival commanded. Arthur just looked at him like he was a creature never seen by man before. Percival rarely gave orders. It was strange to see someone other than Leon attempting to control the prince. 

“Go, we don’t have a lot of time!” Percival commanded. His voice made it clear that he was not to be argued with. Arthur went to the station and measured out three cups of sugar and poured it into a bowl. Percival smiled and turned to Merlin. “Merlin start cutting the oranges.” The words were barely out of his mouth when the rest of the knights shouted “NO!” Percival and Merlin stared at the group for a second, trying to figure out why they didn’t want Merlin to cut anything. Realization dawned on Percival.

“Right,” he muttered to himself, “can’t have you cutting off a finger. How about you start pouring the water—six cups in each bowl?” Percival asked sweetly. He knew Merlin hated being treated like he was fragile. But there were more than enough incidents to prove the boy shouldn’t be around anything remotely sharp. Merlin threw his hands up in the air with a huff of annoyance. He was not the walking accident everyone made him out to be. If only they knew how powerful he really was. 

“You’re on fire, mate,” Gwaine said as Leon poured a bucket of water over Merlin’s head.

“Thanks,” Merlin said sarcastically. Great, now he wouldn’t be allowed near fire on top of the other things Arthur had forbidden him from doing. Percival thought for a moment as to who could cut the oranges. Elyan wouldn’t go near them and Percival didn’t really trust Gwaine with anything sharp at the moment. His frustration was already pretty high and Percival did not want to be responsible for Gwaine stabbing Arthur over a stupid argument. That really only left one option for the job.

“Alright now. Leon, you cut the oranges and Gwaine, you measure the flour. Three cups in each bowl,” They both nodded in understanding and went off about their tasks.

“Elyan, you start greasing up the pans and get ready to put them in the fire, I’ll knead the dough and shape the cakes,” Percival finished as Elyan went off the grease the iron trays. 

The sorcerers all shuffled into the kitchen just as Elyan took the fresh cakes out of the oven. He actually had the common sense to put on gloves before handling the hot iron. It was very clear that Arthur had never cooked anything in his entire life after continually burning his hands. The sorcerers stared at the mess that was laid out before them. 

“What happened in here?” the short one asked. The knights all shuffled around guiltily. The kitchen was in less than fine shape. There was batter all over the place, sugar coating one wall, several burnt cakes littering the floor, and eggs stuck on the ceiling. Percival now knew why the cook never let the group use the palace kitchen. 

“We aren’t used to working in such a small space,” Merlin said quietly, flashing an apologetic smile. 

“Whatever, you’re going to die anyways. Can’t do too much more to you,” the leader sighed with a shake of his head. Maybe he should have them clean up the mess before killing them off. He really didn’t want to do it. 

“Gentlemen,” Percival directed their attention back towards him, “here are our two different cakes. Please taste and see which ones are better.” The sorcerers shrugged and picked up a cake from the first plate. They all coughed and choked on the sweet.

“What the hell is this?” One shouted as he threw down the cake. The knights all looked at one another. Surely they couldn’t have been that bad. Sure they weren’t really following a recipe, but how hard could it have been to make sweet cakes?

“I thought your family was having disagreements about which one was better,” the leader cried as he swallowed the disgusting pastry. Percival quickly covered up his shock at the reaction to the sweets.

“Well, I never said the recipes were any good, although my grandmothers think so,” Percival spat as he shoved the other plate at the sorcerers. They all looked at Percival and back at the cakes before grabbing one and taking a tentative bite. 

“Swallow,” Gwaine commanded as the sorcerers’ faces contorted in disgust and attempted to swallow the repulsive pastry. The second dose caused an immediate reaction.

“What is in these?” the short one coughed as he swayed on the spot. Percival smiled, his plan was working quite well. 

“I feel really sleepy,” the leader slurred as he fell over onto the floor. 

“That’s probably the sleeping draught we added,” Elyan said with a shrug as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.   
“Sleeping what?” another sorcerer cried as he crumpled to the floor.

“Yeah,” Arthur said while he took in the scene. “We’re just going to go now.” He waved goodbye and headed out the door, the other’s following close behind.

“I didn’t think they were that bad,” Gwaine muttered, pulling his cloak tighter around him. The blizzard may have stopped, but it was still cold out. He could feel the honey begin to freeze in his hair. Merlin came jogging up to the group.

“What took you so long?” Arthur said quickly. Upon realizing this sounded like he was worried, he added, “did your small brain not comprehend we were leaving?” He chuckled at his insult. Merlin gritted his teeth and decided Arthur needed donkey ears when they got back to Camelot.  
“Actually, Sire, I was trying to figure out why the sweets tasted so bad,” Merlin sighed. Gaius would never let him do it. 

“You didn’t eat any did you?” Leon asked, not caring that his voice sounded worried.

“No, I’m not stupid.” Arthur snorted but Merlin continued as if he didn’t hear it. Maybe donkey ears were too light of a punishment. Perhaps turning all of his clothing pink? Arthur found it amusing when the pink frosting was being smeared all over Merlin, so he shouldn’t mind it. Merlin grinned at the thought of Arthur finding each one of his clothes turned into an atrocious shade of pink, or maybe magenta, or fuchsia, or-

“So did you figure out why it tasted so bad?” Elyan asked, interrupting Merlin’s thoughts. Merlin straightened up and smiled. This was going to be funny.

“Yup, Arthur added salt instead of sugar.” 

“Way to go princess!” Gwaine laughed. “Turns out you can’t bake.”

“And Gwaine added horseradish powder instead of flour,” Merlin said snidely. This time, Arthur burst out laughing.

“Are those two even the same color?” He asked as tears began to roll down his cheeks.

“Shut up, you put in salt instead of sugar!” Gwaine shouted back. Oh good, Merlin managed to start another argument between the men. Leon decided he should just let them shout it out. Eventually, they’d get tired of insulting each other and no one had any weapons so they probably weren’t going to kill each other.

“They’re both white powders. It’s easy to confuse the two!” Arthur yelled back. Gwaine and Arthur began shouting at the same time, each trying to out-yell the other one. Leon regretted his decision to not stop the fight sooner. 

“Good thing Arthur doesn’t have to bake anything,” Elyan murmured to Percival.

“Whatever, we’re out of there and that’s all that matters,” he responded with a smile.

“Wait!” Merlin cried, everyone stopped and stared at him. Merlin grinned. “I have an idea to help you two,” he said towards Gwaine and Arthur.

“What?” Both men responded hesitantly. Merlin’s ideas were rarely good ones. This one probably wasn’t any different.

“Cooking lessons,” Merlin replied happily as Arthur and Gwaine groaned in unison. “No, just think about how great it will be to cook something for Gwen. Or how about-” Merlin started listing off all of the things Arthur and Gwaine could do with the ability to cook. Percival smiled as they continued back to Camelot. His mother always said that cooking brought people together.


	13. Call of the Wild

The Knights of the Round Table stared out the window of the castle. Below, in the courtyard, a familiar black mop of hair was walking around. The knights were all lost in their thoughts, not sure of what to make of the events that had happened today. They had just gotten back from a routine patrol where they were ambushed by slavers. The small patrol was outnumbered and before long, they had surrendered to the men. The group was being led down the road to market. They had tried to think of ways to escape along the way. Eventually, they had managed to escape, though in an odd fashion. Yes, this patrol was very interesting and very confusing. Each of the knights didn’t know how to breach the subject with the others. They had all witnessed the event; they just didn’t know how to go about discussing such a delicate topic. Gwaine was the first to speak.

“Do we want to talk about it?” he asked to no one in particular. His eyes were focused on Merlin. The manservant was talking with Gwen, laughing about something ridiculous. Gwaine was wondering how his friend could be so calm after everything that happened. It was as if nothing was wrong. Gwaine knew that wasn’t the case. The group needed to clarify all of the details and come up with a course of action from there.

“Well, we don’t really know how it happened. Could have been a fluke,” Percival answered nervously. He really didn’t want to run through the details again. If the group questioned the patrol anymore, unwanted details may come to light. Merlin waved goodbye to Gwen and walked off, not before tripping over his feet and falling to the ground. Another servant helped him up.

“Do you think Arthur cares?” Elyan asked. The problem really should be taken care of. But if Arthur found no fault with it, then there really was no reason to press the matter. But at the same time, shouldn’t the king be aware of the danger? Shouldn’t he care?

“I think that Arthur really does care. But he hasn’t said anything yet. So…” Leon dropped off, unsure of what to say next. How had the group gotten so mixed up in this whole thing? Leon was really getting tired of it all and decided there was better things he could be doing with his life than trying to ensure the small group of knights, the King, and Merlin all stayed alive. He wondered if Geoffrey had an opening in the library. 

“Maybe we should ask Gaius. He always knows about magical things,” Gwaine suggested, wiggling his fingers to represent magic. The group sat there, pondering Gwaine’s suggestion. They needed answers, and none of them knew where to start.

“That’s probably our best bet,” Leon agreed, turning on his heels and heading towards the physician’s chambers. The knights nodded and followed Leon. Leon kept getting these twisting feelings in his stomach. He wondered if Gaius was up to talking about such a delicate topic. Sadly, his thoughts were thrown off by the sound of an incredibly annoying voice. 

“And where do you think you’re going?” Arthur’s voice called out from behind them. “You have training in an hour.” Leon turned to see the king standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. Leon sighed and rolled his eyes. Arthur should try to not be a dollop-head every waking minute of his existence. It was getting downright exhausting trying to deal with such a big ego. It didn’t help that Gwaine’s ego matched the king’s. What were the odds that Leon would be stuck with the group that had two men whose heads were equally large? Leon cursed his bad luck and went to answer Arthur, who had begun to tap his toe in a very prattish manner.

“We’re going to see Gaius,” Leon answered truthfully. There was no reason to lie. Arthur had been there. If Arthur didn’t want to make a big deal out of what had happened, then fine. Leon, for his part, wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery and ensure that he had all his facts straight. No use hunting if there was nothing to worry about. Arthur’s face told Leon that he didn’t believe his senior knight for a second.

“Why? None of us were hurt so you don’t need any medical attention,” Arthur said skeptically. Leon sighed and decided he would have to be more specific when he addressed his royal highness.

“We wanted to ask him about the…other events that took place,” Leon answered carefully. Arthur raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?” Could his king really be so blind? All of the evidence was right out in the open, waiting for him to put it together. Hell! He had been ten feet from where it happened. Leon couldn’t believe that someone who was supposed to protect the kingdom was so infuriatingly unobservant.

“Never mind. We’ll be there for training,” Percival assured Arthur as he ushered the others down the hall, leaving Arthur to stare questioningly at their retreating backs. Leon was glad Percival wasn’t going to stand for Arthur’s suspicions at the moment. The group desperately needed to talk to Gaius.

It wasn’t a very long walk to the physician’s chambers, but everyone was dragging their feet. They didn’t want to hear what Gaius had to say about…the situation. It would be hard to react accordingly since it was Merlin they were all thinking about. If Gaius said anything unpleasant, Leon didn’t know if they would make a proper decision. Still, they managed to make it to his chambers and were now standing expectantly outside of the door. Nobody was making any attempt at knocking. There was some commotion inside, so Leon knew Gaius was in there. Now all they had to do was knock and explain the situation. It really should not be this hard.

“Leon, you knock,” Gwaine whispered, pushing the knight forward. Leon stumbled but caught himself. Had Gwaine pushed the knight any harder, he would have fallen right through the door, into the small room. Leon stood back up and straightened out his garments to look regal and noble. He knew Gwaine hated it when he did this, so Leon made sure to put on an elaborate show of refastening his cloak and smoothing out his trousers. Served the man right for trying to push Leon into a door.

“Why me? It was your bloody idea,” Leon hissed back, adjusting his boot and rubbing some dirt off of his chainmail. Gwaine glowered at him before responding.

“Because you outrank us, so you should be the one to talk to Gaius,” Gwaine snapped. Leon didn’t know when he and Gwaine had transformed into Arthur and Gwaine, but he wasn’t about to let the knight command him. He prepared to throw a scathing remark at the man when Percival rolled his eyes and pushed them both out of the way. The large knight made a show of walking up to the door and standing nobly in front of it before knocking.

“Come in,” Gaius called through the other side.

“Was that so hard?” Percival asked with a bemused smirk on his face. He pushed open the door gracefully and stepped inside. Gwaine and Leon glared at each other before following Elyan into the chambers. The four men piled in and arranged themselves so that Gaius could see each of his visitors.

“What can I help you with?” Gaius asked, looking up from a brewing potion. The knights all looked at each other, each expecting someone else to start talking. When no one seemed to be taking the lead, Leon sighed and stepped forward. He was probably the best one to explain what had happened.

“It’s about the patrol this morning,” he started nervously. How was Gaius going to react to the news?

“None of you were hurt,” Gaius said, raising his eyebrow and straightening up. He stepped out from behind the table and expected each of the knights from a distance. The eyebrow rose even higher as Gaius failed to see any injuries on the bodies of the men in his chambers. Leon, for his part, hated that eyebrow. It always made him feel as though he had done something wrong. It was so…scrutinizing and suspicious. It reminded Leon of his next-door neighbor when he was growing up. It wasn’t his fault the old hag’s pies were all stolen by the dogs. He certainly would have never attempted to take such disgusting pastries. Gaius cleared his throat, bringing Leon back to the room he was in. He decided to ignore it and instead focus on the events that happened. There was no use comparing Gaius to Lady Heather when the knights needed answers about the morning.

“None of us were hurt. But some interesting events happened and we wanted to ask your opinion on the matter,” Leon stated cautiously. He was sure he saw a flicker of fear pass through the old man’s eyes. However, it was gone in a flash and Leon decided it was just his imagination. After all, why would Gaius be afraid of anything? 

“Merlin didn’t tell me what had happened. And though I was hoping to get a better explanation from Arthur, all I received was “stupid slavers and assassins”. Perhaps you boys can help fill in the gaps. I’m sure Geoffrey would like an actual report and not a string of curse words.” Gaius responded, moving to sit down. The other knights followed the old man's example and sat in various places around the room. They all looked at each other nervously. There was really no going back now. 

“Shall we start at the beginning?” Gwaine asked, giving a charming grin to the other occupants in the room. Gaius rolled his eyes and looked to the other knights. Leon nodded and the story commenced.

“I wonder how much we’re going to be worth?” Gwaine wondered aloud. He made no signs of showing even the slightest hint of fear. The slave traders growled with this new statement. Gwaine had been throwing out random remarks for almost ten minutes now, each getting more ridiculous. It was clear that their captors wanted to be striking fear into the groups’ hearts. Instead, it appeared that Gwaine was still slightly drunk from the previous evening and was showing no signs of terror. Instead, he was being loud and incredibly difficult to work with. Not the best person you wanted if you were trying to remain hidden from the civilized world. The slave traders that had caught them were now leading the group down a hidden path in hopes that the noise Merlin was making by tripping over things and Gwaine was making by talking would be slightly harder to hear from the main road. Leon had a feeling it wasn’t working. He wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in a forty-mile radius could hear the group. Honestly, the slavers should have some sort of meet up where they discuss which groups not to capture. It would really go a long way in helping the knights so that every time they left the castle they weren’t ambushed and had to come up with some ridiculous plan of escape.

“We should focus less on how much money we’re worth and more on escape,” Leon scolded quietly. Gods he wanted to punch Gwaine in the face. He was even willing to drag the damn knight along if he got to shut him up for a few minutes. It really wasn’t helping the group’s concentration every time Gwaine started up a new conversation. Leon looked around and noticed that most everyone, slavers included, was having his same thoughts. Maybe they could all gang up on Gwaine and take the idiot by surprise. Gwaine continued his newest tale, not noticing the fact that Percival had picked up a large stick and was aiming it at Gwaine’s head.

“In Mercia I was worth seven pieces of gold,” Gwaine mused. “You’d probably be worth five, given your feminine looks,” Gwaine added, looking to Leon. Percival was just about to crack the branch over Gwaine’s head when Merlin pulled his arm down. Leon should have known Merlin wasn’t going let anyone try and hurt Gwaine. Damn him and his caring nature! Leon sighed and looked back towards Gwaine, who was now speaking avidly about a barmaid he had met about a month ago. Leon glared at the knight, willing the man to be quiet.

“Gwaine, this isn’t helping us,” Merlin snapped quietly. “If we’re going to escape, we’ll need to do it soon.” Gwaine stopped talking and sobered up a bit. At least Merlin could talk some sense into the knight. Everyone sighed with relief and tried to think of ways to escape. Leon looked around and noticed the keys for the cuffs were hanging on one of the slaver’s belts. If he could just get them off of the leather, he could release the others when the guards weren’t looking. Leon cleared his throat and stood up taller. Everyone turned towards him and nodded, they understood that he had a plan. Leon began slowly inching towards the slaver. He was right up on him and was about to trip and tackle the man to the ground when arrows started raining down on the group. None of the arrows hit the knights but that still didn’t stop Percival from shielding Merlin. Everyone fell to the ground to evade the last of the arrows before looking up and noticing whoever was shooting had excellent aim. Leon unhooked the keys from the belt and undid his cuffs. He crawled over to the others and quickly undid their chains as well.

“We’re saved!” Gwaine cried out as the last of the men fell dead. Everyone stood up and began brushing the dirt off of their clothing.

“Do you think some of the other knights found us?” Percival asked hopefully. Leon grinned and was about to answer when Merlin beat him to it.

“I don’t think so,” Merlin said in a shaky voice. Everyone froze, not daring to see the position Merlin was in. They all had a pretty good guess by this point. Leon decided that the group couldn’t keep their backs to the potential enemy and turned to see Merlin with a blade pressed to his throat. He sighed. They should really keep the boy in the center of the group. He always was taken hostage. It was actually getting kind of annoying in Leon’s mind. He didn’t blame Merlin, but he also wished the bad guys could take Percival or Gwaine hostage every once in awhile. Leon was sure nothing like this ever happened to Sir Ethan when he went out on patrol with the other knights. They should also invest in some armor for Merlin as well. The jacket really didn’t do enough to protect him. Leon had a feeling he was going to be yelling at Arthur when this was all over. Honestly, Merlin wasn’t invincible and he certainly wasn’t immortal. The others turned to see Merlin and the predicament he had gotten himself into. 

“Let him go,” Arthur commanded strongly. Leon could see underneath the bravado there was a small flicker of fear. Each of the knights were afraid of what would happen to Merlin, which only furthered Leon’s belief that they either needed to a) leave the boy behind, b) get him some armor or c) stick him in the middle of the group so that there is no possible way he could be held, hostage.

“Are you King Arthur?” the one holding Merlin asked with a sneer.

“Yes. What do you want with me?” Arthur asked.

“We have been hired,” the man paused for what Leon could only assume was for dramatic effect. He hated a showoff. “To kill you!” The man shouted. Suddenly, Leon wasn’t so calm anymore. Everything moved in slow motion as Leon saw a flash of steel fly towards the king. No one was standing close enough and Arthur didn’t appear to be moving out of the way. Leon turned to try and make it to the king before the knife did. He was distantly aware that the others had started to either move towards Arthur or move towards Merlin. 

“Arthur!” Merlin screamed. Leon was so focused on Arthur that he didn’t see the creature come up from behind him. Leon felt himself get slammed to the ground, causing black spots to dance in his vision. Leon groaned and brought a hand up to his head, rolling over to see a wolf staring down at him expectantly. Leon stared back at the wolf for a second before he remembered that the party was being ambushed, Arthur was being murdered, and Merlin was being taken, hostage. He heard more screaming and turned his head to where Merlin and the leader were. He gasped. The men who had ambushed the party were all running away as a group of stags, bears, beavers, birds, and squirrels chased them away. Leon gasped as he remembered the knife that was directed towards Arthur. He scrambled out from underneath the wolf, wondering vaguely why it had yet to attack him, and ran towards Arthur.

“Sire!” he cried out, collapsing next to the king. The wolf followed Leon.

“A deer trampled me to the ground,” Arthur groaned, his face pressed in the dirt. Leon’s attention was drawn to a doe that was standing proudly by Arthur, just like the wolf. He looked around to see a bear sitting next to Percival, four beavers next to Elyan, a wild boar by Gwaine, and a hawk resting happily on Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin had a cut on his neck, but it wasn’t too deep. He also appeared to be the only one who wasn’t knocked off his feet during the vicious attack. 

“I wonder where all the animals came from,” Percival wondered, reaching up to pet the bear, as he appeared to not be leaving anytime soon. Leon turned to the wolf who was licking his chops.

“Funny that they attacked when Merlin called out for Arthur,” Elyan mused. The beavers were sitting in a nice, straight row in front of the man, almost like knights in formation. Leon huffed in amusement if only knights were so well trained. One by one the animals made their way back into the forest.

“Almost like magic,” Gwaine said as the boar made his way through the trees.

Gaius gasped. Everyone looked up at the old man worriedly.

“Gaius, what’s wrong?” Percival asked, stepping forward to ensure the man wasn’t dying. Leon couldn’t help but think the man looked sickly. The color from his face had drained out and his breathing was becoming rapid and shallow.

“I know it seems odd, but I can assure you that Merlin doesn’t have any magic whatsoever,” Gaius said quickly. Percival stopped and looked at the others. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Gwaine asked. Leon furrowed his brow and tried to think why Gaius would be coming to such a strange conclusion.

“Well yes, it is a strange coincidence that as soon as Merlin cried out all the animals in the forest appeared to have aided his call. But I can assure you that he doesn’t use any magic. He’s not a sorcerer,” Gaius rambled. Everyone looked at each other, still very confused. Why would some random animals showing up make the group think that Merlin had magic?

“Gaius, why would Merlin be a sorcerer?” Leon asked gently.

“I thought you were here to ask me about why all the animals seemed to attack at once,” Gaius responded, equally confused.

“No, that part of the forest is just weird. Merlin’s not a sorcerer,” Gwaine said.

“Yeah, one time a bunch of bandits were charging us and they all dropped their swords at once,” Percival said happily.

“Another time all of the trees collapsed on the mercenaries who were hired to kill us,” Elyan added.

“Then why are you here if you don’t want to know about the animals and their answer to Merlin’s call?” 

“Are you saying that Merlin is a sorcerer?” Leon asked. He didn’t really want to believe it, but Gaius was making a pretty good case for him.

“No, didn’t you just hear me. Merlin is not a sorcerer,” Gaius responded. He hoped the other knights would just forget about what Gaius had just said.

“Good. We didn’t think that anyways,” Elyan responded.

“Then why are you here? What happened on this patrol that you needed my expertise?” Gaius questioned again.

“We were walking back and some blasted kelpie attacked us. But that’s not the worst part; I think the damn thing got engaged to Merlin. We wanted to know how to get rid of it,” Gwaine replied. Gaius let out a sigh of relief and went to look through one of his books on magic. Leon thought the old man was taking the fact that his ward was now engaged to a water demon rather well. Then again, he did believe that the knights were accusing Merlin of using magic.

“Well that was odd,” Percival whispered to Leon.

“Why would he think that we thought Merlin had magic?” Gwaine asked quietly. Leon shrugged his shoulders and began listening to Gaius ramble on about the different types of kelpies and how to kill them. Gwaine’s question was a good one. 

Gaius sighed with relief as the knights filed out of the room. That was far too close for his liking. Gaius wondered if Merlin knew that he had done magic. He resolved to ask the boy when he returned from gathering herbs. The door creaked open.

“Gaius, I’m back,” Merlin called out, stepping into the small room with a bag full of herbs. Gaius looked up and noticed the cut on his throat. Leon was right, it really wasn’t too deep. But Gaius wanted to ensure it wouldn’t get infected. He gestured for Merlin to sit down and began to clean the wound.

“Merlin, today on the patrol, did you call the animals to rescue Arthur?” Gaius asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t mean to. It just sort of happened. I knew I needed to get Arthur out of the way of the knife. One minute I was being held hostage, the next a small army of furry creatures comes running to my call!” Merlin exclaimed.

“Well you’re lucky the knights can hardly put two and two together,” Gaius scolded. He finished cleaning Merlin’s neck and began restocking his potions.

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked cautiously.

“They came in here today asking for my advice on magic. I thought they were talking about you!” Gaius cried out.

“Well, it wasn’t as if I planned on having a small army of forest creatures attack the assassins!” Merlin snapped back. “I’m assuming they were asking about the kelpie,” he added.

“Yes. You are very lucky they didn’t try and figure out why a group of animals came to their rescue after you cried out. But we should be careful, this can’t become a regular occurrence. Though I hardly doubt they’d notice. Honestly Merlin, all of the bandits dropping their swords at once?” Gaius scolded. Merlin blushed and muttered a half-baked excuse. Gaius sighed.

“Go see Kilgharrah and see if he has any advice as to how to control this,” Gaius said. Merlin grumbled but left the physician’s chambers to call the great dragon.

On the other end of the castle, Leon was sitting by the window rethinking through the day’s events. It was strange that Merlin’s cry had appeared to bring animals to their rescue. There had to be something the knight was missing. Leon followed the boy’s figure out through the gates and into the forest. Perhaps he should keep a better eye on him, see if any more magical occurrences happen.


	14. Kung Fu Fighting

“Bandits. Why is it always bandits?” Gwaine hissed as he struggled with his bonds. Merlin couldn’t help but agree with him. Out of everything that had captured the small group, bandits were always at the top of the list. Sure there was the occasional assassin or crazy sorcerer. But the main foe they faced were always bandits. Merlin wondered why that particular group of people was so prevalent in Camelot’s forests. After all, weren’t the weekly patrols supposed to cut down on bandit activity? It seemed to have the opposite effect in Merlin’s mind. 

“I knew we shouldn’t have left the castle today,” Leon said in a monotone voice. The knight’s eyes were unfocused and he was just staring blankly ahead. It appeared as though Leon wasn’t even attempting to comprehend the situation he and the others were in. Merlin was pretty sure Leon had given up on life and was now resigning to the fate that awaited him. 

“Oh, don’t be such a downer. You wanted to leave as much as the rest of us. Three days of nonstop council meetings would have anyone aching for escape,” Elyan said. Unlike Leon, Elyan had taken Gwaine’s route and was still trying to undo the ropes that bound him. He also spewed out random plans every so often. They weren’t much help. Merlin wondered if Elyan ever took swigs of poppy juice. Some of the plans the knight came up with were just ridiculous. Seriously, how was the group supposed to find an army of rabbits and use them to cuddle the enemy to death? Leon made no indication that he heard Elyan and continued to stare ahead. 

“Listen, we just need a distraction. Merlin, start dancing,” Arthur commanded quietly. Merlin whipped towards the king. Elyan’s plans were starting to look quite doable now that Arthur was contributing. 

“Why me?” Merlin cried.

“I don’t know. You look like a girl, might as well use it,” Arthur snapped. Merlin glowered at him but resigned to try to figure a way out. Merlin refused to go along with the king’s plan. He still had some dignity left. He also didn’t want Arthur to make fun of him for the rest of his life. If Merlin started dancing, that was a guarantee Arthur would tell Gwen and Gaius, and the rest of the palace staff. Merlin didn’t know if he could handle the shame. The leader of the bandits stepped forward. He was a typical bandit: bad hygiene, bad breath, lots of leather, lots of scarring. The same old same old. Merlin rolled his eyes and awaited the inevitable.

“Now, which of you should I kill first,” he leered. It was always the exact same thing with these men: threaten one of the group members, get their asses handed to them, group members go back home. Word should have spread by now that the King of Camelot was not easily captured. But no, it didn’t. Merlin started to see why Leon had given up on life. This really was getting tiresome. But the fact still remained that the group was tied up in a bandit camp. These bleak circumstances didn’t stop Gwaine from doing what he does best: not paying attention to the severity of the situation. 

“Ten pieces of gold it’s Merlin,” Gwaine whispered to Elyan. Merlin wondered if he could get in on the action. He wasn’t offended that Gwaine thought he was going to be the first to get threatened, but you had to admit, the chances were in Gwaine’s favor.

“I’m betting on Percy,” Elyan whispered back. Ah, another good bet. Some bandits tried to take out the largest member first so as to take away the group’s security. Elyan made a good choice going with Percival, Merlin decided.

“Are you really betting on whose going to get threatened first?” Leon cried. It appeared this was enough to break Leon from his trance. He may have given up on life, but he still was a proper knight and did not take things like this in good humor. Merlin sniggered at Leon’s look of horror. He wondered if Leon would break down and join the pool as well. Not many people know this, but Gwaine is an awful influence and has corrupted many a good knight during his stay in Camelot. Merlin was surprised to see Leon still going strong. It was almost as if he was immune to Gwaine’s charm and good looks. Arthur was not.

“I’m going with Leon,” Arthur said blankly. Merlin would have thought Percival would have been the next to bet, but it appeared that he was just going to sit this one out. Leon huffed in annoyance and resigned himself to slumping back against the tree. The leader’s face during this exchange had gotten more outraged. He continually tried to stop the knights from betting on which one was going to be threatened, but he never got a word in edgewise. He became furious as the group continued to treat this like a game until he was ready to burst. Merlin noted his face had turned a lovely shade of purple. One of his goons stepped up beside him.

“Let's kill the one that smells like a tavern,” the goon said. He had a smug smile on his face and was playing with a knife in his hands. Merlin wondered how long it would take to remove this one from the picture.

“Looks like you’re all wrong,” Percival said smugly. The leader, whose face had started to return to its normal tan, now turned a ferocious shade of purple again. His breathing rate increased and he gritted his teeth. Fantastic, now he was truly angry with the knights’ behavior. 

“Excuse me! We are trying to kill you. Try not to look so bored!” the leader cried. Merlin felt like he owed the poor man an explanation. It wasn’t every day that your captives seemed uninterested by their predicament. The bandit wasn’t used to working with the Knights of the Round Table. He really should have some sort of idea as to why no one seemed particularly scared. 

“Sorry, but this happens almost every week. It’s kind of lost its appeal after awhile,” Merlin said sheepishly. The leader’s eyes narrowed. It didn’t appear that Merlin’s explanation helped put the man’s mind at ease. Oh well, what else could Merlin do? The goon, on the other hand, seemed more interested in the words Merlin was speaking. 

“You must have the worst luck in the world,” the goon said, shaking his head in disbelief. The knights all looked at each other and shrugged.

“Or the best luck, considering we’ve never gotten killed,” Gwaine responded. Merlin smiled. He enjoyed when their captors took everything in stride. It made for a more memorable experience. 

“Maybe one of us has really bad luck but one of us has really good luck to balance it out,” Elyan suggested. The goon nodded and turned to the leader. He stopped nodding and resumed his ugly bandit face. Just because the leader was not amused didn’t mean that the rest of the knights weren’t done hypothesizing. 

“I think Leon’s the one with good luck since he never seems to die,” Percival said. Leon blushed and muttered something under his breath. Merlin decided to add in his own two cents. 

“Arthur’s the one with the bad luck. Honestly, nobody should attract that much trouble,” Merlin sighed. Arthur opened his mouth and looked rather offended. The other knights sniggered, ignoring the king’s expression. The leader finally snapped after this comment. 

“Could you all please shut up!” the leader cried. Everyone snapped their mouths shut. They stood there, staring unblinkingly at the leader for several seconds. Merlin wondered how long it would take for this one to calm down. Everyone was silent, waiting to see who would make the first move. Merlin decided to see if he could talk his way out of the situation when a twig snapped. Everyone jumped and turned towards the sound. What they heard was not what they expected. 

“I’m telling you, we’re lost,” a girl’s voice called out. Merlin looked at Gwaine. Gwaine shrugged and looked towards where the voice had come from. Merlin noticed everyone was focused on the girl that the leader had left his hip wide open. If Merlin could get to it, he could slip the knife out of the man’s pocket and cut the ropes. Merlin bit his lip and began making his way over to the leader. Leon noticed and shifted so that he could block Merlin more easily from the rest of the camp. Merlin was glad Leon didn’t try to stop him or alert the others. It was better this way. 

“Izzy, we are not lost. I know exactly where the camp is,” another voice, this time, male, responded. He sounded just as exasperated as the girl, Izzy apparently. Merlin wondered what they were looking for. Then he remembered the knife and decided to focus on that first. The girl and the guy could wait.

“I have to agree with her, Faramir. I think we’re lost,” another one said. This voice reminded Merlin of Gwaine. Not really caring about the outcome, just enjoying life as it came to him. 

“We are not lost, Patrick. I know exactly where we’re at,” the one called Faramir responded. The bandits and knights continued to stare at the section of the forest where the voices were coming from. 

“Are they with you?” the goon asked, turning towards Arthur.

“Not that I know of,” Arthur responded, not taking his eyes off the tree line.

“Then who are they?” the leader snapped. Arthur shrugged his shoulders. The group stepped out from behind the tree and into the light. Merlin stared at them. They were druids, no doubt about that. The long robes were a dead give away. Merlin wondered if any of them had a mental connection. Perhaps he could use it and ask for help. There were two men and a girl. One man was tall, dark skinned, with a beard and bald head. The other one was shorter with blond hair and some stubble. The girl had pale skin and long blonde tied back. Merlin wondered if the two blonds were siblings. They looked fairly similar to one another. The group seemed unaware of what was going on in front of him. The dark skinned one had his nose buried in a map. The girl was playing with her hair. The blond man just slumped against a tree and closed his eyes. 

“Look, we’ll just head back to the river and start from the beginning,” the blond one said. Merlin didn’t miss the pleading nature in his voice. He wondered how long the group had been wandering around. 

“Patrick, I don’t think he knows the way back to the stream,” the girl, Izzy, whispered. The leader of the bandits looked exasperated. Merlin couldn’t blame him. This group was even more unobservant than the knights. 

“Excuse me!” he shouted the group of druids looked up. Instead of fear, they simply stared. Merlin supposed they were trying to decipher what exactly was going on. Though he thought that was pretty clear. There were very few reasons men looking like the bandits would tie up a group of knights. Most of the reasons involved killing. 

“Ah, hello,” Izzy said happily. She stepped forward. “Do you know the way back to a little stream? It’s next to some amazing statues…”

“We are trying to kill some people. If you could kindly go away, that would be great,” the bandit snapped, cutting Izzy off. Izzy looked rather offended but closed her mouth. She glared at the bandit with such ferocity it made even Merlin falter under the gaze. He wondered who would win a glaring contest, this girl or Gwen. The two men looked at each other.

“Why would you want to kill them?” Patrick asked. Faramir rolled his eyes and folded up the map. He didn’t seem very pleased with his companions’ way of dealing with the situation.

“Because they’re evil. Does it matter?” Faramir snapped.

“Well, it does to me,” Patrick responded lazily. Faramir groaned and banged his head against the trees. Izzy and Merlin made eye contact. Merlin smiled and waved. Izzy studied him for a second before gasping. 

“Guys, circle up!” she said, pulling the two men into a circle with her. They didn’t fight back at all, which suggested this probably happened often. They began whispering excitedly. Merlin strained to listen to the conversation. He wondered what could have gotten the girl so excited after just staring at Merlin for a few…oh… oh crap! Merlin felt pale as he realized what they were discussing.

“I felt it. I know it’s him,” Izzy whispered.

“We don’t know, though,” Faramir responded

“But what if it is? We should help him.” Izzy snapped. Her voice was steadily getting higher. Merlin glanced around nervously. Hopefully, his friends had suffered one too many knocks to the head and wouldn’t figure out that they were talking about Merlin. It would take a lot of creativity to explain why druids were so excited that he was in their presence.

“Just because it’s him?” Farmir replied.

“No, because it’s the right thing to do.” Izzy snapped back. Merlin decided he should probably shrink away. Perhaps he could run away before the druids did something, like bow to him. That would be impossible to explain.

“And because it’s him,” Patrick said. He still sounded bored, even after being told that Emrys was right in front of him. 

“Alright, yes,” Izzy confessed. Gwaine sniggered. Apparently, something was really funny for the knight. Merlin couldn’t concentrate too much on that at the second. There was a very good possibility that he was about to be banished, executed, or accepted by Arthur in a few seconds. The druids straightened back up and smiled at the bandits. Well, Izzy smiled. Faramir glowered and Patrick started scratching his nose.

“You should let them go,” Faramir stated, his arms crossed over his chest. It was a very threatening gesture. Merlin thought it would be best if the bandits did what the druids demanded.

“Why?” the leader asked.

“Because if you don’t we’ll fight you,” Patrick said, waving his hand dismissively. The bandits laughed.

“Aren’t druids supposed to be peaceful people?” the goon asked. Patrick snorted. Merlin was sure that was the only emotion the man had displayed since stepping into the clearing.

“Izzy never got the memo,” Patrick explained with a roll of his eyes. The bandits looked at each other and laughed. Merlin couldn’t help but feel slightly afraid. He was sure that the girl was excellent with magic, but against so many bandits, it would be difficult for her to succeed. He didn’t want these people to get hurt because he and his friends couldn’t stay out of trouble for three hours. 

“So I’m taking that as a no, then?” Faramir said. The bandit nodded. They couldn’t speak because most were still laughing at the fact that a girl was going to be their downfall. Faramir sighed and turned towards Izzy.

“Alright. Have at it,” he motioned. Izzy smiled and launched herself forward. The bandits didn’t have time to counter the attack as she began shouting random spell and dispatching the enemy. 

“No property damage! We don’t want another fire like last time!” Faramir shouted as Izzy blew three of the bandits against a tree. Now all the smiles and laughter was gone. Instead, the bandits started drawing their swords and charging at the girl. Arthur groaned.

“We’re being saved by a girl,” he said. Merlin chuckled.

“Set aside your pride and be glad we don’t have to do anything,” he said. Arthur kicked his knee. Merlin turned and glared at the king. Arthur was definitely having a helping of rat soup tonight. 

“Let’s get you out of here,” Faramir said. He stepped towards Merlin and undid the ropes. Faramir went back to stand with Patrick.

“I already told you, no property damage, Izzy!” he shouted as several bandits went flying over his head. Merlin massaged his wrists and watched as the girl continued to attack with a fervor he had rarely seen with a surprising calmness.

“Excuse me, could you release us as well?” Leon asked the druids, he wondered why they had only released Merlin. He decided not to bring that up and put it away with the other strange occurrences that appeared to happen around Merlin.

“Why would we rescue you?” Patrick asked. The knights all looked at each other before turning back to the druids. 

“Well, you did release Merlin. So we thought this was like a blanket operation,” Gwaine said hopefully. Patrick and Faramir turned towards Merlin.

“Do you want them released?” Faramir asked. Merlin stared blankly at the man for a second before remembering he was Emrys. He was technically the leader of these people.

“Oh, yeah. Go release them,” Merlin said. Faramir sighed and marched back towards the men. The bonds were quickly released and the men stood up.

“Why do you think…” Gwaine started.

“Don’t ask,” Leon responded, cutting off Gwaine. Gwaine shut his mouth and turned back towards the camp. He was impressed with what he was seeing. 

“Princess, can we knight her?” he asked. Arthur looked towards Gwaine.

“You must be mad!” he cried.

“She’s fighting better than most of the recruits we’ve received recently,” Percival claimed.

“She’s using magic!” 

“Actually, she’s got that one in a headlock. No magic needed for that move,” Leon said.

“I’m not knighting her,” Arthur responded. 

“Fine by me,” Patrick said. The last of the bandits was knocked unconscious and Izzy skipped over to the group of men. She stopped by Merlin and blushed furiously. Not that Merlin noticed.

“Well, I’m glad you are safe,” she said. 

“Thanks. You were brilliant,” Merlin responded. Gwaine sniggered in the background.

“Do you think he knows,” he whispered to Leon.

“Leave him alone. I think it’s sweet,” Percival said. Gwaine pouted but remained quiet.

“You really think I was brilliant?” Izzy asked. Merlin smiled and leaned forward.

“Thanks for not revealing the…you know,” he whispered. Izzy smiled and reddened further.

“Anytime,” she said. 

“Izzy, come on. We have to leave!” Faramir yelled.

“Merlin, by the way,” Merlin said, holding out his hand for her to shake. The knights all groaned in the background.

“Oh, I know. Izzy, but you already knew that. I should probably get going,” Izzy said reluctantly. She shook Merlin’s hand before jogging off. Merlin turned around to see all of the knights staring at him.

“What?” he asked.

“He is really oblivious,” Gwaine said. The group all turned and headed back towards Camelot.

“Why am I oblivious? Guys?” Merlin shouted, jogging to catch up with the group. Everyone snickered and ignored Merlin’s pleas to be told what was going on. They were starting a pool on how long it would take him to figure it out. Even Leon joined in on this one.


	15. A Chain of Events 1

The council members of Camelot were in a state of shock as they attempted to comprehend the sight that met their eyes. The King of Camelot had a large bruise under his jaw, and his right eye was swollen shut. Sir Leon was pinching his nose as blood poured out. He still had on his chainmail. It had, however, been turned a ludicrous shade of magenta. The reveal of Sir Leon’s new state of dress sent snickers through some of the lords and disapproving looks through others. Sir Leon was trying very hard not to look at any of the lords directly. Gaius just sat there with his mouth hanging open and one eyebrow raised. His eyes flickered towards Merlin. Merlin shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. Gaius rolled his eyes and continued to look at the others. It was hard to tell if Sir Percival had any injuries as he was covered from head to toe in mud and bog plants. Upon entering the room the very well muscled knight had promptly slipped and managed to get mud over three tapestries and a good portion of the floor. He was actually the first to enter, interrupting the meeting that the council was having. All eyes were on Sir Percival as he continued to slip and slide through the room, followed by the other members of the party. Of course, there was plenty more interesting appearances that were made. Sir Gwaine’s was definitely one of them. 

Sir Gwaine didn’t have anything on, save his undergarments, and his torso was painted with red ink. He also had some honey smeared across his torso, smudging some of the symbols that appeared to be so carefully crafted. The knight did not seem embarrassed by this at all. If anything he appeared to be the most comfortable. He had flopped into the nearest chair, flipped his hair back, and started munching on an apple. Clearly, he didn’t care much for the conservative tendencies of the court. Gaius was glad there were no women around. The way Sir Gwaine sprawled out as if advertising his body made even the most liberal of nobles blush. Gaius had a feeling Sir Gwaine had been in a situation similar before. It made him curious as to what said situation might have entailed, but Gaius thought it best he didn’t ask. Some of Sir Gwain's adventures were best kept secret. Though if you asked, the knight would certainly oblige you. 

Sir Elyan was missing a shoe and had a large bruise on his forehead. He also appeared to be covered in liberal amounts of honey. That must have been how Sir Gwaine ended up with some honey on his torso. Gaius also noted that Sir Elyan wasn’t wearing a cloak. He had a feeling it was currently attempting to provide Sir Gwaine with some decency, though it wasn’t doing much. Gaius then decided to get a good look at Merlin. He almost burst out laughing upon seeing his ward. Merlin had a crown of flowers on his head as well as a flowered cloak draped over his shoulders. He also looked as though he had been doused in wine. Merlin was staring at the ground, careful not to meet anyone’s eyes. Gaius wondered where on earth Merlin managed to obtain such ridiculous clothing. He looked as though a group of little girls had attacked him and went overboard with the flower decorations. Gaius wouldn’t be surprised if Merlin was now a fairy princess. Considering a number of weird situations Merlin seemed to find himself in, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibilities. Still, Gaius didn’t think he could handle a kelpie engagement and a coronation so close together. Merlin really should try to keep out of trouble every once and awhile. 

Gaius tore his eyes from the group and looked around to his fellow council members. There were several different expressions that Gaius could read on each face. Some of the newer members of the council looked on with a state of shock. They were probably panicking over the state the King was in at the moment. Some of the less proper council members were holding back fits of laughter upon seeing the group. The more proper council members had bemused expressions on their faces but otherwise gave no indication as to being entertained by the sight. Finally, the oldest council members, including Gaius and Lord Geoffrey of Monmouth, simply looked on with boredom. Gaius decided he wasn’t getting any younger and the council should probably have a proper explanation so that they could deal with any potential threats. 

“Alright,” he said with a sigh, much like how a mother would sound when she saw her child come home covered in mud, “why don’t you boys tell us what happened?” The small group all looked towards Gaius. Arthur’s expression turned from pain to outrage in a matter of seconds. Gaius sighed and leaned back in his chair. It was going to be a long meeting. 

“Excuse me!” Arthur snapped. “Your king has just walked in the council chambers looking like hell after missing for almost 24 hours. Try not to sound so bored!” Arthur crossed his arms and glared at the council members. Some shrank back at this outburst. Others just rolled their eyes and prepared for the explanation. Lord Geoffrey decided to try and calm the king. There was no need for all this shouting.

“It’s not that we’re bored sire,” Geoffrey of Monmouth stated. He paused, unable to find the right words to explain the situation at hand. Gaius decided to save him. He could deal with Arthur’s temper better than most.

“But this does happen often,” Gaius finished as the other members nodded in agreement. Arthur threw his hands up in the air and began muttering about useless lords and whatnot. Leon staggered forward, trying to get the council’s attention.

“Can we first look at my nose?” Leon asked desperately as more blood made its way down his face, dripping off of his chin and onto the floor. Gaius walked over and peeled Leon’s hand away. Leon gave him a small smile, which was actually more of a grimace, while Gaius checked over the nose. 

“It’s definitely broken,” he murmured before smiling and snapping it back into place. Leon cried out and jerked away from Gaius.

“Why didn’t you give me any warning?” he cried, clutching his nose again. Gaius was confused by the outburst for a minute before understanding. He supposed he should say something. 

“Oh, um, I can fix it but it’s going to hurt,” Gaius stated nonchalantly as he made his way back to the table. Leon glared at him but didn’t say anything. Gwaine kicked his muddy feet up on the table and leaned his chair back. Percival had managed to make it to the table, slipping every so often, but was now fairly stable. Merlin had unceremoniously thrown his crown and cape to the ground, glaring at it. He almost looked as though he was going to destroy the garments. Elyan had procured a towel and was wiping the honey off of his chainmail. But it didn’t really work. Instead of getting rid of the honey, he ended up just smearing in around. Gwen would have quite the difficult time trying to clean all of that up. Arthur had found himself a goblet of wine and was drinking heavily from it. Gaius felt slightly bad for the group, they all looked exhausted. But he had to know what happened.

“Are any of you in need of immediate medical attention?” Gaius asked.

“No, we’re all fine,” Merlin answered. Arthur let out a snort but said nothing. 

“Can you tell us what happened now?” one of the lords pleaded. Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes. Gaius was expecting an argument but instead, the King just plopped down into a chair. The others followed. No one said anything when Merlin pulled up a chair and sat down as well. This had happened so often, it was just customary for Merlin to sit and explain with the others. Gaius suddenly decided he needed to reassess his priorities. The fact that this was such a normal occurrence that no one even batted an eyelid when Arthur and his knights had been missing for 24 hours was not something that someone should get used to. Gaius decided to try and convince the small group to stop going out so much. It only led to trouble. Arthur was sitting down, massaging his brow. He cleared his throat and leaned forward. Gaius wondered what it would be this time. Bandits? Sorcerers? Perhaps Merlin got engaged again. Whatever it was, it would surely not disappoint. 

“Well, as most of you know, we were out on a hunt,” Arthur started. “It was going well until we were attacked by bandits.”

Merlin stopped running as an arrow embedded itself in a tree where his head would have been had he continued to move. Too close. He thought to himself. He looked around wildly, trying to see where any of his friends had gone. He spotted Gwaine running quickly from a group of bandits that were not far behind him. Merlin smiled and turned to continue running as Gwaine caught up with him. 

“That was too close!” Gwaine called. Gwaine grabbed Merlin’s jacket and continued to pull him through the forest. The roar of thirty bandits could be heard not far from him. Merlin turned his head to see Leon and Elyan running through the forest not far from where he and Gwaine were. 

“This way!” Merlin called out. He turned sharply and began heading towards the two other knights. His jacket slipped from Gwaine’s hand as Merlin continued to sprint through the woods. Gwaine quickly changed direction to follow Merlin. Leon and Elyan stopped in a clearing and turned to face the bandits that were coming at them from all sides. 

“Are you two alright?” Elyan asked as he saw Merlin and Gwaine stumble to their position. Gwaine nodded yes. Merlin went sprawling over a tree root. Gwaine’s quick reflexes kept him upright. Gwaine used Merlin’s momentum to push him into Leon and Elyan. He pulled out his sword and stepped so that Merlin was in the middle of a protective circle. He knew Merlin hated being treated like he was fragile. But he didn’t have armor or even a sword. So Gwaine really didn’t care about what Merlin hated at the moment. 

“Where’s Arthur and Percival?” Merlin said as the bandits continued to circle them, closing in but still teasing the group. He was looking over the shoulders of his friends, trying to see if Arthur or Percival were setting up a surprise attack from behind. 

“Lost them in the first wave,” Elyan replied bluntly as he and Leon drew their swords and dropped into a fighting stance. Merlin rolled his eyes. He really didn’t need all this protection-

Arthur let out a snort. “Really, Merlin? You can hardly walk without tripping over your own two feet!” he laughed. Merlin turned and glared at him.

“I’ll have you know that I possess many talents,” Merlin snapped back. Oh if only Arthur knew what Merlin could do.

“That may be true,” Leon said, trying to get the group back on track. He was tired, his head hurt, and he just wanted to go to bed. There was no use in these two arguing over something so trivial. “But Merlin, you didn’t have any armor or weapons. Our first instinct was to make sure that you were safe. Well safer, but you get my point.” Merlin huffed and sat back, his arms crossed over his chest. Leon was about to say something when Merlin continued the story. 

The leader of the bandits stepped out from behind his men and laughed. Of course, he would laugh. That’s apparently what all crazy evil people do. If one didn’t laugh, that meant he wasn’t evil. But laughing, oh that just proved you were evil. Evil laughs. Everyone had them.

“Merlin, maybe you should get back to the actual story,” Percival said gently. Merlin sighed but made no attempts at arguing. 

“Looks like we got ourselves a mighty fine catch here boys!” the leader of the bandits grinned. Merlin could smell his rotting teeth. Again, he was in every way the stereotypical bandit villain. Bad breath, lots of scars. Merlin wondered if there was some sort of bandit test. If you weren’t bandity enough, they had to go and get more scars if you wanted to try again. The bandit leader wasn’t done talking yet, though. 

“Do you chaps really think you can fight your way out of this?” he asked, taking another step forward. Gwaine reached behind and grabbed Merlin’s jacket, pulling him closer. As if that was going to help any. 

“We’re sure going to try,” Leon growled as the bandit started laughing. Merlin almost gagged as he smelled the rotten breath. This man really needed to brush more often. And again with the laughing? Leon really hadn’t said anything that was that funny. It wasn’t even an unnerving laugh, just a regular old “Oh my gods please stop laughing and get onto the killing part already” laugh.

“And what about the boy you all are trying to protect?” he said. He stopped laughing and stared straight at Merlin. Merlin tried to stare the man back in the eye, but it was hard to do so in a dignified manner when he could barely see over Leon’s shoulder. He didn’t think that standing on his toes would help create an air of bravery. So he just opted to glare at the man from behind Leon. 

“Are you really willing to risk his life?” the leader asked, stepping forward again. The knights closed around Merlin in a tighter circle. Leon and Elyan looked at each other. Merlin knew what they were going to do next. Normally, Merlin would have protested the knights giving up so easily on his behalf, but they were outnumbered ten to one. Even though they were all good fighters, it would have been impossible for them to win against such odds. So Merlin allowed the knights to drop their swords and be bound together and led off to the bandit camp.

“Not a word about the others,” Leon whispered to his companions. If Arthur and Percival had been saved from the attack, there was a chance that they could go to Camelot and get some help. The others nodded their understanding as they continued to be led to the campsite in silence. Well, they were silent. The bandits, particularly the leader, continued to throw out insults and threats. Merlin winced as he realized Gwaine was grinding his teeth together. If he didn’t stop that soon, he would need some sort of dentures to replace the broken and worn down teeth. After about a five minute walk, the group entered the camp. They were all tied to trees to await being sold to a slave trader. Apparently, the knights would fetch a high price, given their physique. Merlin, on the other hand, was really just there to ensure good behavior. 

“Is everyone alright?” Merlin asked as the bandits all started to eat around the campfire. Gwaine’s stomach growled at the smell of food. It was getting later in the day and he was getting hungry. Gwaine continued to stare at the stew that was being dished out, his mouth watering. The bandits all took some, all except for the two men serving it. Gwaine thought that was odd. At first, he figured they were just waiting until everyone had got some. But even after all the bandits go the stew, they weren’t eating any. Gwaine figured they were probably slaves. Perhaps if they were unwilling participants in this whole thing, then they could be persuaded to let the group go. Even if they weren’t going to let the group go, they could at least let Merlin go. Gwaine was willing to put on the charm for these two lovely men.

Everyone in the council chambers groaned.

“Were you really going to flirt with them?” Elyan asked. Gwaine scowled.

“If it worked for Leon and Percival, then why can’t it work for me,” Gwaine snapped. 

“Wait, when did Sirs Leon and Percival flirt with your captors?” one of the lords asked. Leon and Percival went red.

“We never did tell them about that time, did we?” Percival asked quietly. 

“And we never will,” Leon snapped. Gwaine sniggered in the background.

“Oh sure, you think it’s funny until you have to deal with it,” Leon snapped at Gwaine.

“You’re the one who went overboard on the whole thing,” Gwaine cried, his voice becoming louder. Leon was about to shout back when a cry shook the council chambers.

“Excuse me! But I actually want to leave before next century! If you could please refrain from these petty arguments, that would be great!” Lord Geoffrey yelled. Everyone stared at the old man. Gwaine was under the impression that he was incapable of yelling, yet his little speech appeared to shake the walls. Leon snapped his mouth shut and gestured for Gwaine to continue. 

Gwaine tried to get a better grip on what exactly these bandits were into. He needed to perfect his technique. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to flirt at all. Manly bonding could be just as powerful. Gwaine was so deep in his thoughts, he hadn’t heard Merlin ask if everyone was alright. 

“Gwaine?” Leon’s voice called out. Gwaine left his brainstorming long enough to give an answer, though his eyes were still glued to the campsite in front of him.

“Yeah I’m alright. Although before this night is out, I will run through each one of these men,” he responded bitterly. The bandit leader had been quite inventive in his threats. Gwaine wasn’t entirely sure how most of them would work, but he knew that if anyone threatened Merlin, then they needed to be taught a lesson.

“Let’s first focus on escape,” Elyan said gently, not wishing to upset Gwaine. Gwaine leaned back against the tree and sighed. He was facing a dilemma. How was he supposed to get the two bandits over to him without alerting the rest of the camp? 

“Is it just me or are these bandits lightweights?” Merlin asked, his eyes focused on the men around the fire. The knights were shaken from their thoughts and looked up. Indeed, the bandits were all stumbling around like a bunch of drunkards after an evening in the tavern. Gwaine furrowed his brow. This was strange. Every bandit in the camp was stumbling around. It wasn’t a very good practice, especially with prisoners. But another thought was crossing his mind, the time it had been since the group had first been tied to the tree. 

“Can’t have happened that fast,” Gwaine murmured to himself. “Not to all of them.” If there was one thing Gwaine was very educated in, it was what drunks looked and acted like. These men had just gotten back to camp. Merlin wasn’t even this bad when Gwaine got him to go to the tavern. Something wasn’t adding up. Merlin gasped, causing Leon to jump. Gwaine chuckled at the knight’s moment of panic.

“It’s a sleeping draught!” Merlin cried out loud. Gwaine turned towards the man and noticed the look of triumph on his face. He turned back to the camp. It certainly seemed like the most plausible explanation.

“Shut up, Merlin, they’re not asleep yet,” came an all too familiar voice. Gwaine’s jaw dropped.

“Princess?” Gwaine asked one of the bandits tentatively. 

“Shut up and I’ll explain-“

“Wait, wait, wait,” one of the nobles said, his forehead resting on his hand. “You mean to tell me that you and Sir Percival were bandits?” He raised his head to look at Arthur. Arthur’s eye twitched with frustration. He didn’t have an outburst like expected, though. 

“If you’d let me explain I’ll be able to tell you why Percival and I were dressed as bandits and cooking for them,” Arthur stated through gritted teeth. It was very clear he was trying to keep his temper in check.

“Sorry, sire,” the lord apologized, allowing the knights to continue with the story. Arthur cracked his knuckles and continued.

“Shut up and I’ll explain why we’re like this,” Arthur snapped quietly as the bandits began to slump over into unconsciousness. Everyone snapped their mouths shut and waited in silence for the draught to work. After about five more minutes, the majority of the camp was unconscious with Percival taking care of the rest with a good whack to the back of the head. Arthur unwrapped the scarf covering his face and began to release his men.

“We realized that we couldn’t outfight them so we found the camp and knocked out two of the guards. We took their clothes and pretended to be the cooks.”

“And you slipped a sleeping draught into the stew knowing most of the bandits would eat it. Brilliant idea.” Merlin stated with a lopsided grin. Gwaine pulled him to his feet and went to help Leon up.

“You know, I do have these ideas often, Merlin,” Arthur replied as he helped Elyan to his feet.

“It was actually my idea,” Percival whispered into Merlin’s ear. Merlin tried not to laugh.

“Let’s go back to Camelot and report to the council,” Leon commanded as he began to lead the way home. This was actually turning out to be a pretty good day. He had had his doubts when all the bandits came rushing out from behind the trees. But really, nothing had actually happened. Leon smiled and continued through the forest. 

“If you were released why are you in this state?” Lord Geoffrey interrupted. Everyone groaned. Arthur leaned forwards and put his head in his hands. Merlin sank farther down into his chair. Percival had appeared to have fallen asleep. Leon was banging his head on the table, and Elyan was muttering to himself. 

“A lot of things happened and if you don’t want to be here all night I suggest you shut it,” Gwaine said through clenched teeth. Everyone closed their mouths and aloud the story to continue. 

“Are you sure this is the way back to Camelot?” Merlin asked as Arthur looked at a map the bandits had drawn of the area. He pursed his lips and looked at the tree line. Arthur shrugged his shoulders and began walking in another direction.

“Of course Merlin. I know my way back to the kingdom. Have a little faith,” Arthur snapped as he continued to wander through the woods. He didn’t really want everyone to know that they were hopelessly lost. Hopefully, they would come across a road soon. Arthur missed roads. They were flatter, there weren't hidden roots everywhere, and they led to somewhere. The forest seemed much thicker now than it ever had. How could so many trees fit into such a small space?

“I’d have a little more faith if you weren’t holding the map upside down, princess,” Gwaine said as Leon took the map from Arthur and looked at it, attempting to figure out where the group was. He groaned.

“Sire, I don’t even think this is a map. I think someone was just bored one afternoon and started doodling.” Everyone groaned and collapsed on the ground. Leon was getting frustrated. He hoped they wouldn’t have to spend the night outdoors, and yet, here they were. 

“Now what do we do?” Elyan asked as he began to draw in the dirt with a stick. His scribbles resembled the page the group had been following for the past two hours. Leon sighed and leaned back. It appeared as though this was where they were going to set up camp. No one said anything for a while, though Leon had a feeling Gwaine and Merlin were planning on how to best kill Arthur. Hell, Leon was thinking of ways to kill Arthur at the moment. Leon began to notice how quiet this area of the forest was. It was too quiet. There were no birds singing or animals to be heard. He was about to suggest something when a twig snapped. Merlin was up on his feet almost immediately. That boy could be jumpier than an untrained horse. But it was still unnerving. No wildlife and yet something was snapping twigs. It wasn’t right.

“Quite being such a girl, Merlin,” Arthur sighed as he leaned back against a tree. Upon seeing his servant wasn’t calming down Arthur spoke again, this time in a softer voice. “It’s probably more scared of you than you are of it,” his concern showing.

“I was not concerned!” Arthur shouted, cutting off Elyan’s words.

“Yes, you were. Don’t try and hide it,” Elyan said as he rolled his eyes. 

“Gentlemen, can we please just return to the story?” Gaius said, trying to get the boys back on track. They had been at this for nearly an hour. Usually, when multiple events happened, the boys just talked about the one where they actually escaped. Now, it appeared that Gaius was getting the whole story. He was starting to understand why everyone was in such a foul mood. Still, Elyan continued the story.

“I don’t know,” Merlin said worriedly. “We don’t even know what part of the forest we’re in. It could be dangerous,” he finished, still not sitting down. Arthur was about to say something else when a loud roar shook the forest.

“Still think it’s scared of us princess?” Gwaine said in a slightly higher-pitched voice.

“We should go now,” Arthur squeaked out and the knights stood up slowly and made their way out of the clearing. Another roar shook the ground and a large, furry beast came bounding out of the forest. Merlin just had time to see its foot long fangs before he felt a hand grab his collar and pull him away from the animal.

“Run!” someone shouted as the group began to sprint through the forest. Despite the creature being incredibly large, it didn’t have any trouble running through the thick forest. Elyan turned around to see the reason for this was because instead of running around the trees it merely ran through them. Fancy that.

The group continued running through the forest until the creature stopped. It started growling and pawing at the ground but it made no move towards its prey. Still, they kept running, not wanting to see how long the beast would just sit there. Leon could still hear the animal roaring in anger and frustration as he turned around to make sure everyone was still alive and keeping up. They were all there, looking tired, but still alive. No one was injured as well. That was even better. The last thing the group needed was an injury on top of being lost in the woods. Leon breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Leon!” Arthur called out. Leon turned around just in time to see a large cliff coming up. He tried to stop but he tripped over a root and went sprawling over the side of the cliff. He cried out at disappeared over the edge.

“Leon!” Everyone cried as they watched their companion’s cloak slip out of sight. They all stopped, dumbstruck as to what they just witnessed. Leon was gone. There were no other words to describe it. He was just gone. Arthur couldn’t believe it. Leon had been one of his first true friends. He did most of Arthur’s training and was always there to reprimand Arthur when he was out of line. Arthur respected Leon more than anyone. He was his friend, advisor, and most importantly, older brother. And now, now he was no longer part of this Earth. Arthur cursed himself for his stupidity. He should have tried harder, warned his friend sooner. He shouldn’t have gotten the group lost in the woods with no way out. It was his fault that Leon was now gone. He tried to swallow his emotions, but looking at the faces of his men, it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Merlin also was dumbstruck at the idea that Leon was really gone. He was one of the only nobles who treated Merlin like a person. Even before Arthur became king, Leon appreciated Merlin and made him feel like he was welcomed in Camelot. Merlin always respected Leon the most. He thought that if anyone embodied the Knight’s code, it would be Leon. But now, there was no Leon. Just a space where Leon once stood. Merlin bit his lip and stared down at the ground. This was all his fault. He wasn’t strong enough or fast enough. If he had just acted, then Leon may have still been alive. Gwaine felt like punching a tree at the loss of such a great friend. Leon was one of the only people he knew that would drag him from the tavern and not judge him for drinking too much. Well he would, but it was more out of concern than disgust. He also helped to disprove Gwaine’s theory about nobles. Sure he was a little stiff at times, but Leon knew what it meant to be a good friend and a noble man. Gwaine wished there were more men like Leon in Camelot, well maybe not the whole “by the book” attitude Leon usually adopted. But now there was one less good man in the world. Gwaine couldn’t help but curse the gods for being so cruel.

Percival couldn’t help the feeling of despair and dread Leon’s death had left. He was always the one that kept everyone in line. He was responsible but still fun. He respected those that deserved it and tried to make everyone a better person. Leon understood everyone’s weaknesses and strengths. He knew how to best work with what he had to ensure everyone would come out of a situation alive and unharmed. He hadn’t wanted to go on the hunting trip today. There had been too many close calls. But still, Percival and Gwaine pressured him into going and relaxing. Now it was all their fault that Leon wasn’t alive anymore. Elyan just sat there wondering who would be the advisor of the group. Leon could always take charge when needed. People didn’t argue with him. Merlin was a likely choice, but he still wasn’t Leon. Leon’s calm words of wisdom were often what the group needed to keep a level head and get out of a situation. Elyan didn’t want to think that someone would now have to fill that role. It was necessary, but it would be bitter. No one would, could replace Leon. What Elyan would miss the most was Leon not treating him like a commoner. Ever since Elyan had been knighted, and even before when his mother was a servant in his household, Leon was always kind to him. He believed that every citizen had a right to protection and had a right to be heard. The void just couldn’t be filled. Everyone just sat there, looking at the cliff, to lost in their thoughts to do anything.

Merlin was the first to hear the grunting. He looked up and cocked his head to the side. He smacked himself. Of course! He should have made sure Leon wasn’t dead. The man might need intensive medical help. He walked over to the edge, no one stopped him. Merlin took a deep breath and prepared himself for the sight that would have surely met his eyes. He was about to look over when a hand reached up over the edge and pulled up the rest of the body. 

“Leon!” Merlin cried with relief as he went to help Leon up the rest of the way. It was only when he bent over that he realized the ‘cliff’ was only about a three-foot drop.

“Thanks for the help you guys,” Leon said sarcastically as he stood up and dusted himself off. He was breathing heavily and it was clear that he was very frustrated at the whole situation. 

“Leon, good to see you, mate!” Gwaine grinned apologetically. Leon glared at him and fixed his hair.

“Really, though, none of you bothered to look over the edge to make sure he was alright?” Gaius asked with a raised eyebrow. That would have been his first step. The group all shifted uncomfortably in their seats and muttered half-baked excuses. Everyone except Leon, that is. Leon was glaring at each member of the group, his eye twitching, and his nostrils flaring. Gaius got the feeling that he wasn’t too pleased with the events that had taken place.

“No, apparently I am a fragile little glass doll that will break when dropped,” Leon spat with his arms crossed.

“We said we were sorry,” Merlin muttered under his breath.

“And now you know how much we care about you and respect you,” Percival said gently. Leon whipped his head towards the large knight and glared at him. 

Percival snapped his mouth shut and turned away from Leon’s glare of death. The story continued.

“Seriously guys, I didn’t even twist an ankle,” Leon stated angrily as he stood up to face the knights, all with their jaws hanging open. Percival walked over to the edge with Merlin and looked over.

“Huh, will you look at that, it really isn’t that steep after all,” he said, turning to the others.

“Isn’t that steep?” Leon cried in annoyance. “A fall from a horse is higher than that!” His eyes were getting wild and crazy. The group all looked to the ground and started toeing the dirt, muttering apologies under their breath. Leon clenched and unclenched his hands before deciding that he had had enough adventure for one day. It was time to go home. He could properly exact his revenge when they got back to the castle.

“Let's get back to Camelot,” Leon grumbled as he stomped off into the forest. Arthur and Elyan made their way over to the cliff and peaked over.   
“Oops,” Elyan said.

“Come on! I want to leave before I’m as old as the damn kingdom!” Leon shouted through the tree line.

“We should probably go,” Gwaine said.

“Yeah, he seems a bit tense. Best not test him,” Arthur responded. He stood up straighter and followed after Leon and his string of very unknightly curses. He hoped that this would be the last portion of the adventure.


	16. A Chain of Events 2

“Come on! I want to leave before I’m as old as the damn kingdom!” Leon shouted through the tree line.

“We should probably go,” Gwaine said.

“Yeah, he seems a bit tense. Best not test him,” Arthur responded. He stood up straighter and followed after Leon and his string of very unknightly curses. He hoped that this would be the last portion of the adventure.

About an hour later of going around in circles, Merlin finally collapsed onto a rock.

“Merlin! We need to keep moving if we’re going to get back to Camelot before dark,” Arthur shouted as the rest of the knights collapsed onto the ground.

“Not you too?” Arthur groaned. He didn’t fancy being out in a part of the forest he was unfamiliar with overnight. Merlin had other plans.

“Arthur, we’ve been going around in circles ever since the cliff,” Merlin stated. Leon growled at the word “cliff”. He was still a little sore from being presumed dead. Percival thought that the group’s reaction was perfectly reasonable. But no matter how much they apologized for thinking Leon to be no longer part of this world, the man still threw glares and curses at anyone and everyone. 

“We have not been going around in circles, Merlin,” Arthur spat. 

“Yes, we have,” Merlin retorted.

“And how do you know that?” Arthur snapped.

“Because my jacket is over on that rock,” Merlin pointed. Everyone turned and stared. Sitting on top of a rock about twenty feet from where they were currently rest, there was Merlin’s brown jacket. Arthur swallowed and turned towards the group.

“You could have left it there before sitting down,” he defended weakly.

“I didn’t. Last time we stopped to rest I put it down. Then we left and I forgot to take it with me,” Merlin said, standing up to retrieve the jacket. Arthur’s eye twitched and his hands clenched into fists. Surprisingly, he didn’t attack Merlin. Merlin threw Arthur another glare and the man broke.

“Alright then! Somebody else lead the way since I am so incompetent,” Arthur cried, throwing his hands in the air. 

“Gladly,” Leon stated. He stood up and began to walk in a direction. It really didn’t matter which direction. So long as they were actually heading somewhere, Percival was happy. He took up his position at the back of the group and followed the tired team. Percival hated to admit, but with Leon leading the group, they weren’t getting lost.

“You don’t know that!” Arthur shouted from across the room.

“I had a feeling that we weren’t going in circles,” Percival stated calmly. 

“Can we just keep going!” Leon shouted. Arthur closed his mouth and sat back.

“I hear horses,” Leon said in a whisper. Swords were drawn and they began to creep forward. Everyone’s ears strained. There was a small whinny of a horse not too far from where they were. Everyone tensed, praying that it would be a Knight of Camelot. Percival stopped, feeling cold steel pressed against his throat. They were not knights of Camelot. 

“King Arthur, I presume,” a voice said. Percival assumed it was the one who was currently holding something sharp and pointy to his throat. The group stopped and looked at each other, no one bothering to look behind them.

“Did you say something?” Arthur asked, turning to Merlin. Percival saw Merlin shrug.

“Are they idiots?” the man stated. Percival sighed and shook his head. The man cleared his throat. Everyone spun around to see Percival with a sword at his throat. They sat there unblinkingly for a few seconds before it dawned on them the extent of the situation.

“You make it sound like we were idiots!” Gwaine snapped.

“You have to admit, I’m not far off from what really happened,” Percival responded. Gaius threw the men a glare. “I’ll keep going,” Percival said, shrinking away from Gaius’ gaze.

“Knights of Mullerie,” Arthur stated coldly. His eyes narrowed on the scene. Personally, Percival was surprised that he was being held, hostage. Granted, he was in the back of the group. But stuff like this just didn’t happen. Merlin threw his hands up in despair. 

“Great, we crossed over into a kingdom that is opposite of Camelot,” Merlin spat angrily. Several more men came from behind trees with manacles. Merlin scowled at the man who was holding Percival prisoner while his hands were put in chains. Leon just sat there with his jaw locked. He didn’t respond to Merlin’s comment. Percival had a feeling it was due to his stinging pride. He had taken the lead to try and get back home, and now they were probably being led to the executioner’s block. At least they weren’t going in circles anymore. The group was led away from the forest and into a compound that was only about a ten-minute walk from the trail. Percival glanced around to see makeshift towers with men pacing along the tops. Archers were at the ready, prepared to take down any intruders that tried to make it into the fort. Arthur and Leon shared a look. It was going to be difficult to get out of this situation. They were led through the compound and into a small building that smelled as though it hadn’t been cleaned in awhile. 

“This is your deluxe accommodation,” the knight laughed as he shoved Gwaine and the others into the cell. The handcuffs were removed and the door slammed shut. Percival massaged his throat.

“I don’t know how you do that every time, Merlin,” the large knight said, sitting down on the floor. Elyan immediately began to pace and stroke his chin thoughtfully. Arthur and Leon began testing the walls to see if there were any weak points. Merlin and Percival were watching the guards, trying to see if they could be distracted in any manner. Gwaine stared at each of the men as they slowly gave up and collapsed back, unable to find anything that could release them from the cell. Leon groaned and fell back onto the ground. 

“Great, now what?” Gwaine asked. Now that Leon and Elyan had given up, that meant the group was really in trouble. Everyone shrugged and sank back even further against the walls. Gwaine closed his eyes and was about to fall asleep when cries from another cell could be heard. The knights and Merlin all ran to the door and peered through to see the occupants of the cell in a fight. They were going at it too. Each man was screaming insults at each other that would make even the most profane of gentlemen blush. And the way they were beating on each other was sure to cause some teeth to fly. The guards quickly ran to break up the fight. That’s when Gwaine saw it, their ticket to escape. The fight was broken up and the guards stepped back outside, panting heavily as they went back to their posts. Gwaine grinned.

“Sorry princess,” he stated before grabbing Arthur by the collar and turning him into an oncoming right hook.

The council members all gasped. “You did not punch the king in the face!” one cried.

“It was the only way,” Gwaine said with a shrug. Leon returned to banging his head on the table. 

“I think we could have come up with something that didn’t include bodily harm to our leader,” he groaned. Gwaine shrugged his shoulders again and continued.

“Gwaine what the hell!” Merlin cried as he jumped up to pull Gwaine off of Arthur, but Gwaine wasn’t finished yet. 

“Your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries!” Gwaine cried.

“What does that even mean?” Percival shouted. The commotion was enough to gain some attention. The guards heard the noise and came running. 

“Hey you two!” one cried. “Knock it off!” Gwaine hoisted Arthur up to his feet and punched him in the eye, causing it to blacken and swell almost immediately. 

“That was for making us train in the snow!” Gwaine yelled. Arthur was trying valiantly to stave off Gwaine’s attacks and land a few hits of his own, but Gwaine was slowly gaining the upper hand. The guards yanked open the cell door and pulled Gwaine from Arthur. Arthur went to punch Gwaine only to be held back by the other guard. Before the guards could do much more though they both fell over, crushing Gwaine and Arthur to the floor. The guards were rolled off them and Gwaine stood up to see Percival standing there with a smug look on his face.

“A good whack to the head never hurt anyone,” Percival stated. Gwaine smiled and stood up. It was then that he remembered he had viciously attacked Arthur and was probably going to be punished severely for the act.

“Next time, let us know when you have a plan,” Leon said as he righted an extremely angry Arthur and led the way out of the cell. The outside of the fort may have seemed impregnable, but once inside the security was surprisingly lax. The group was able to sneak out quite easily. They stopped after the wooden walls of the fort could no longer be seen.

“Well this day could have gone better,” Merlin said as he looked over Arthur’s bruises to make sure he wasn’t too badly injured. 

“Gwaine, when we get back you are polishing every sword and boot I put in front of you,” he growled as Merlin rubbed some salve onto Arthur’s eye, which had already swollen shut. Gwaine looked over his handy work and grinned. 

“Whatever, I got us out didn’t I?”

“Did you even think that plan through?” Leon asked as he tried to get a sense of direction so they could get home. Gwaine didn’t answer so Leon took that as a no. 

“You really have no remorse for brutally attacking the king?” Lord Geoffrey asked. 

“You didn’t have to train in the snow for three hours,” Gwaine responded nonchalantly. 

“That was over four months ago!” Arthur shouted from across the room.

“And now you know that I can hold a grudge for a very long time,” Gwaine responded, his tone steadily rising.

“Merlin, what happened next?” Gaius asked, trying to steer the conversation back towards the purpose of holding this meeting. Merlin sighed and continued the story. Arthur and Gwaine quieted quickly so they could add in their own version of what happened whenever Merlin strayed too far from the events.

It was almost dark out when they finally stopped for the night. They hadn’t run into any more trouble, but Merlin didn’t want to test this newfound luck. Everyone had started dragging their feet almost as soon as they left the fort. Now that there was no more adrenaline pumping through everyone’s veins, the day’s events seemed to catch up with them. Luckily, Arthur wasn’t being his normal clot pole self and took into account the state of everyone.

“We’ll camp here,” Arthur commanded as Merlin collapsed onto the ground. “I’ll take first watch.” No one argued with this command. Instead, the knights just groaned and fell asleep almost instantly. Arthur took a spot where he could see almost everything. The sight looked almost like a normal hunt. Everyone sleeping, looking so peaceful. His eye made it a bit difficult to see everything, which was the main reason why he took the first watch. It was still light enough so that his vision wasn’t impaired. After about an hour into the watch, Arthur began to feel his eyes droop. Perhaps he should wake Leon. If he couldn’t stay awake, the camp was in danger of an attack. Arthur stood up to get Leon when his head started to spin. Merlin had looked him over and said he didn’t have a concussion. Could he have been mistaken? Arthur didn’t put it past that idiot to misdiagnose something like a concussion. He decided to make Merlin join Gwaine with the polishing duty for punishment. Arthur took another step and fell onto his knees. He tried to call out, but before he could make a sound, he fell onto the ground and into unconsciousness. 

Gwaine groaned as he attempted to roll over. Only he couldn’t. Strange. Gwaine attempted to sit up only to again discover that he couldn’t. He wasn’t paralyzed since he could still feel movement in his arms and legs. Perhaps he was paralyzed by now the drug was wearing off. As his vision began to clear the knight realized that he was no longer in the forest. When had they moved camp? And why wasn’t he awake when it happened? Gwaine decided that this was the princess’ way of getting back at Gwaine for punching him in the face. Well fine. Gwaine could play along just as well as any old knight. There was no way he was letting that snobby noble win. 

Gwaine shook his head a few times, trying to clear away some of the fog that remained. He opened his eyes and blinked. He was on his back and appeared to be in some sort of castle. Gwaine’s back twinged and he wiggled around. It was then that Gwaine realized the full extent of his condition. He was lying, spread eagle, on his back. He was on some sort of stone slab and his wrists and ankles were tied tightly to some sort of anchor. Gwaine pulled at the bonds to realize that they were expertly tied, they weren’t being released anytime real soon. Gwaine lifted his head and attempted to look around the room. He quirked an eyebrow. He wasn’t wearing anything except his knickers. That wasn’t something he normally woke up to. He usually had on all of his clothes, or none of them. There wasn’t really an in-between. “What the?” Gwaine murmured, looking at some red symbol thingies-

“Red symbol thingies?” Gaius snorted.

“I didn’t know what they were alright,” Gwaine snapped before continuing.

-that were painted on his naked skin. 

“Crap,” he whispered as his head fell back down to the table he was on. He had woken up in some awkward situations before. There was one that involved two pigs and a bartender-

“We don’t need to know that!” Leon said quickly, cutting off Gwaine. Gwaine muttered something about it being an excellent story but made no move to continue his thoughts.

Gwaine continued to try and pull the bonds off of his wrists. Even though he was sure that they weren’t coming undone, he really couldn’t do much else. He called out a couple of times but received no answer. Gwaine was in this room alone. Gwaine’s head fell back against the table for what felt like the millionth time. The room was completely silent and there was only a sliver of moonlight coming through the curtains. Gwaine began humming a nonsense tune, trying to stop himself from falling asleep. It was then that he heard shouting from outside the room. Maybe it was Arthur and the others! Maybe he was saved! At the moment this thought entered his mind the doors burst opened to reveal the knights and Merlin sprinting towards him, swords drawn and ready to kill anything in their way.

“Thank the gods,” Gwaine cried as Merlin made his way to Gwaine and began to untie him. There was no other soldiers that followed the group into the room, so Gwaine assumed they had probably already been taken care of. Merlin bit his lip and continued to loosen the bonds. 

“Are you alright?” Arthur asked as he and the other knights stood ready at the door, waiting for another attack to come.

“Yep. How’d you guys escape?” Gwaine was straining to sit up, only to find that his neck was tiring quickly. He hoped Merlin would hurry up and untie him so that he could work out all the kinks in his back.

“They didn’t lock the door,” Leon said quickly before shifting his attention back to the hallway. Merlin grinned at the statement and cried out in triumph as one of the ropes holding Gwaine’s hand in place came undone. He quickly moved onto the other one. Merlin got both of Gwaine’s hands untied and he sat up and began working on one of the ropes on his feet. The two ropes fell away and Gwaine leaped off the table.

“We’re good. Let’s go!” Gwaine shouted. The others nodded and began running down the hallway. The castle wasn’t all that impressive. It was falling down in a lot of places and there was a good inch of dust covering everything. Gwaine shivered as a breeze latched onto his skin. Being nearly naked while running wasn’t all that fun. He didn’t want to think about how he was going to maneuver through the forest without any shoes on. 

“How dare you escape!” A voice screeched. 

“We need to go now,” Elyan cried, picking up his pace and turning another corner. Gwaine caught sight of a young woman running down the hall with her cloak flowing behind her. Was she seriously the one in charge around here? Gwaine didn’t think she looked very threatening. That didn’t stop the girl from catching up to the men and snarling in anger.

“Oh no you don’t!” she cried as she raised her hands and cried out some words Gwaine didn’t understand. He didn’t have to in order to recognize that they were magic. He heard Leon cry out and whipped around to see the knight crumpled onto the ground. Gwaine’s eyes widened at the sight. He had to stick a hand in his mouth to keep from laughing. It looked like the other knights were having a similar problem. Leon looked up and back down at his chainmail.

“Please tell me this can be reversed?” he groaned as he took in his new mail. At this, Merlin burst out laughing, followed quickly by the rest of the knights.  
“Stop it, Merlin,” Percival cried as he gripped the wall in an attempt to keep himself upright.

“He could have been seriously injured,” Elyan added as tears started streaming down his face. “Stop. Come on, stop laughing,” he continued to mutter to himself. Leon blushed as he leaned back up against the wall. His chainmail was now a bright shade of magenta. Gwaine figured there could be worst fates in the world. None came to mind at the moment, but he was sure that they existed. 

“Come on you guys, can we focus here?” Leon groaned. His armor caught the light of a candle and Leon cried out in anguish. It was not only pink. It was also sparkly. Why did this have to happen to him? Why couldn’t it have been black, or just sparkly? He didn’t fancy walking back to Camelot looking like this. It was bad enough that Gwaine happened to be nearly naked. But now Leon looked like a pink, sparkly blob. He whacked Arthur on the head to get his attention.

“Sorry,” Arthur gasped as he attempted to straighten up, only to double over with laughter again. The sorceress stomped her foot in anger. 

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” she pouted, much like a child. “That’s why I need to sacrifice him,” she pointed to Gwaine, “to strengthen my powers,” she continued to whine. Everyone managed to sort of get their laughter under control. Leon never started laughing but he wasn’t looking very happy about the outcome of the situation.

“Come on men. Let’s go before she turns Percival’s uniform purple,” Arthur snorted as he led the way out of the compound they were being held in. They stepped out some broken wooden doors and back into the forest.

“She actually has sleeping spells down pretty well,” Merlin added as they exited the stronghold they were being held in and made their way back to the forest. Gwaine looked back at Leon and began to snigger again.

“I guess, but now Leon looks like a fairy,” Gwaine laughed. Leon just hung his head in shame. Percival was wiping tears from his eyes. Merlin was looking as though he was trying to take the situation seriously, but he was failing miserably. Arthur was chewing on his lip, trying not to laugh. And Elyan was shaking his head back and forth, snickering all the while. Leon clenched his jaw and attempted to ignore them. It was going to be a long night.


	17. A Chain of Events 3

Gwaine looked back at Leon and began to snigger again.

“I guess, but now Leon looks like a fairy,” Gwaine laughed. Leon just hung his head in shame. Percival was wiping tears from his eyes. Merlin was looking as though he was trying to take the situation seriously, but he was failing miserably. Arthur was chewing on his lip, trying not to laugh. And Elyan was shaking his head back and forth, snickering all the while. Leon clenched his jaw and attempted to ignore them. It was going to be a long night.

“Ow, son of a bitch!” Gwaine cursed after he stubbed his toe again. He never knew the forest had so many damn rocks and damn branches and other pointy ass things that stuck out of the damn ground. Someone should really plow through the damn forest rid it of spikey, pointy things. Every step on Gwaine’s calloused feet sent new waves of pain through his body. When he wasn’t stepping on a rock, he was sliding through slimy moss and mud. The uneven ground of the forest, coupled with the darkness of the night, created an atmosphere perfect for bodily harm, particularly in the feet region. Gwaine knew that Merlin wasn’t having a better time when it came to walking through the forest. The kid had trouble staying on his own two feet in the daytime, on even ground. It must have been a nightmare for Merlin to try and maneuver his way through the thick and treacherous forest. Then again, Gwaine thought as a thorn decided to make itself at home in the sole of his right foot, at least Merlin is wearing shoes. 

The group continued to walk through the forest, the only sounds that accompanied them was Gwaine’s colorful language, which described in detail just how much he hated the forest. But at least I’m not cold. Gwaine mused while carefully maneuvering past some larger boulders. Elyan had taken it upon himself to valiantly sacrifice his cloak in order to give Gwaine some protection from the harsh night. That brave gentleman, that brave knight, sacrificing a cloak so that Gwaine, who was quite the martyr himself (and a dashing one at that), had something to keep him safe and warm throughout the everlasting darkness. Such a token was so rarely bestowed upon Sir Gwaine, The Dashing. Sir Elyan, The Slightly Less Dashing than Sir Gwaine but More Dashing than Sir Leon but Less Dashing than Merlin and Sir Percival, truly lived up to the Knight’s Code. Such a noble gesture for one with so little to give-

“Hey!” Elyan cried out, cutting Gwaine off mid-sentence. “I have more than a cloak to my name, Sir Gwaine,” he snapped.

“What do you mean Elyan is more handsome than me?” Leon cried out.

“Ah, but I said dashing. If we want to go off of who's more handsome it would be me, Percival, Merlin, Leon Elyan, and Arthur,” Gwaine said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Hey!” Arthur cried out.

“Don’t worry, princess. You’re first in line for most prattish,” Gwaine sniggered. Arthur looked as though he was about to say something when Merlin spoke. 

“Perhaps we can save Gwaine’s lists for later and then he and Arthur can hash out exactly who is the most beautiful,” Merlin said hopefully. Gwaine snapped his mouth shut, but not before blowing Elyan a kiss that made most of the members of the council turn scarlet. The story continued.

They had been walking through the forest for about another hour since the whole ‘sorceress’ incident. Every once in a while, Leon’s new color of chainmail would catch the moonlight just right and it would proceed to sparkle brilliantly in the moonlight. Elyan was worried that Leon’s new color of chainmail would be easy to spot in the forest. It was literally like a glittery, pink target that was calling out to the enemies “come here, we’re here. Kill us!” Luckily, the forest was just as silent as before. Not another human body could be seen in the thick trees. The occasional nighttime animal would dash from underneath its spot of hiding but it would be gone as soon as it was seen. 

So lost in thought, Elyan didn’t even realize that the forest was slowly changing into something that was utterly un-forest like. The ground that had before only been soft due to the moss and moist dirt had now become more of a chore to walk in. The group found themselves quickly tiring while trying to trek through the muddy expanse of the bog they now found themselves in. Each man was desperately trying to find solid ground or strong plants that could be used to steady him, but they weren’t so lucky. Elyan took another step and quickly felt his foot sink into the soft ground below. It felt as though it had been completely swallowed up by some beast. Elyan attempted to move his foot only to sink further down into the pit. Apparently, the beast wasn’t going to let him free. Elyan glanced up and realized that the others were slowly putting more distance between themselves and Elyan. It would only be a matter of time before they were unable to hear Elyan’s cries of distress. He decided to intervene, as it seemed no one noticed he was struggling against the muddy death grip on his foot. 

“Uh guys?” he called out. The group stopped and turned to see Elyan furiously trying to pull his leg out of the sinking ground. They stood there blinking at Elyan, trying to decipher why he had called them back. Elyan rolled his eyes. He wasn’t exactly being all that subtle with the fact that his foot was kind of stuck in the ground. Maybe these idiots just needed to be told exactly what was going on.

“I’m kind of trapped,” he explained. 

“What do you want us to do about it?” Gwaine asked. Elyan groaned and ceased trying to pull his leg out. It wasn’t making things any easier.

“I can’t get my foot out. I need help,” he said as slowly as possible, enunciating every syllable and letter as it came on his tongue. Finally, Arthur decided to take some sort of action. 

“Percival, can you go pull him out?” Arthur asked in an exasperated tone. Elyan didn’t know what the hell he was so frustrated with. He wasn’t the one who was currently sinking into a muddy pit. Gwaine turned to Merlin.

“So, how’s your week been?” he asked. It was as if the knights weren’t currently stranded in a bog. It made Elyan even more upset at how everyone was taking this. 

“It was going well,” Merlin answered like he and Gwaine were just talking about the weather. Elyan gritted his teeth.

“Percival, could you kindly help me get out of this goddamn mud pit,” Elyan called out in the levelest voice he could manage. He knew his tone sounded very strained and a little threatening, but Elyan couldn’t bring himself to care. His words did, however, spur Percival into some sort of action. The incredibly large knight walked over to Elyan and squatted down. He placed his hands right under his knee and pulled with all of his might. Elyan was half afraid that Percival’s strength was going to separate his leg in two. That wouldn’t help the situation any. Percival stopped grunting and sat back on his heels. He wiped his forehead and looked at Elyan with a nervous smile. Everyone groaned in disappointment when they realized Elyan’s foot wasn’t coming out quite that easily. Percival stared at the trapped foot with a puzzled expression on his face. He shuffled around to Elyan’s other side before placing his hands right under Elyan’s knee. Percival grunted for several second until he heard a pop. Next thing Percival knew, he was flying through air and landing in something wet and squishy. Elyan had likewise been thrown back into the ground. But his foot was free, at least. Elyan sat up and saw Percival do the same. He got to his feet, sans one shoe, and smiled at Percival. However, instead of standing, Percival managed to slip back into the mud. 

“Percival!” the group cried as they watched the large man continually try to sit up only to fall back down. One attempt sent Percival rolling through the mud and into a nice tangled pile of plants, his limbs flailing in all directions, trying to get a grip. He looked like a newborn colt on ice. Everyone was unsure of how to proceed. They couldn’t get near Percival without meeting a similar fate. 

“Percival,” Merlin called, “you have to stop moving. Try and get on your stomach,” he commanded. Percival managed to calm his flailing limbs somewhat and maneuvered onto his stomach. 

“Can you pull yourself forward?” Gwaine called. Percival grabbed a handful of mud and pulled himself across the bog, only to lose his grip and slide back. It was then that Arthur spotted a fallen tree not far from Percival.

“Percival, just stay right there. Don’t move,” Arthur commanded. Percival held up a defeated hand and waved it carelessly at Arthur. Arthur took that as the man’s understanding and began to put his plan into action. Carefully, he made his way over to the fallen and climbed up it. The log groaned under Arthur’s weight but eventually he made it to where Percival was lying like a slug on the ground.

“Can you reach my hand?” Arthur asked. Percival carefully lifted his arm and grasped Arthur’s outstretched hand. Arthur could hear cheering behind him. He began to slide down the log, taking Percival with him. Percival allowed himself to be dragged across the bog, the very picture of defeat and shame. The two managed to make it back to the semi-solid ground. Percival stood up and sighed. 

“Are you alright?” Arthur asked as Percival attempted to pick off some of the plants and wipe off some of the mud. It didn’t really do much. He still looked like a bog monster. Percival nodded.

“What about you, Elyan?” Arthur turned his attention to the other knight. “Are you alright?” Elyan just stared at the ground. For a moment, Arthur panicked. He had been so worried about getting Percival out of the bog that he completely forgot to worry about Elyan’s own injuries. The man could have a serious concussion from flying backward! Finally, Elyan responded.

“I lost my shoe.” Arthur swallowed and looked towards the other knights. Leon shrugged and offered Arthur a weak smile. Like that was going to help anything. Arthur decided that he should probably cheer Elyan up.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you a new one when we get back to Camelot,” Arthur said in fake cheer as he clapped Elyan on the shoulder and began to lead the way out of the bog.

“Gwen bought these shoes for my birthday,” he said solemnly. Arthur groaned.

“I’m sure she won’t mind given the circumstances,” he tried again. 

“I liked those shoes.” By this point, it was as if Elyan wasn’t even paying attention to Arthur’s attempts at being supportive.

“You still have one shoe,” Arthur managed to grunt out through his gritted teeth. With all the grinding his teeth had been enduring the past few hours, Arthur was sure that they had been worn down significantly. 

They continued to walk for some time with Gwaine hopping awkwardly to avoid sticks and rocks, and Elyan limping from lack of shoe. A twig snapped from behind the men. Everyone groaned. They had all had a rough day and the possibility of an attack while Gwaine was naked, Leon was pink, Percival was covered in mud, and Elyan was missing a shoe, it was too much for the group to handle. Arthur groaned and turned around as another twig snapped.

“Listen, whoever you are I just want to say that we’re not worth enough to kidnap.”

“Yeah, we’ve had a really rough night. Let's say you boys just leave us to wander aimlessly through the woods?” Gwaine asked with a weak smile as the air remained still and quiet. He had thrown the cloak so that it sat on his shoulders, fully letting the enemy see that Gwaine had no clothes on. 

“Could you at least try to be decent?” Arthur grunted. Gwaine shot Arthur a glare.

“Why does it matter if I fight stark naked or not?” Gwaine snapped back.

“You’re not actually stark naked, just mostly naked,” Merlin tried. Gwaine growled but instead of snapping at Merlin, he simply tugged the kid behind him. Leon was glad that the argument had been avoided. It wouldn’t do them any good to have the enemy know how divided the group was at the moment. 

“Everyone prepared to fight?” Leon sighed as he went to grab his sword. He groaned as he pulled it out of the scabbard. “Did she have to turn everything pink?” No one offered Leon an answer. Now, what happened next was probably a long time coming. The stress of being a knight coupled with the absolutely horrid day that Leon had been having, was enough to make anyone go bat shit crazy. No one really knew exactly what had caused this change. But one thing was for sure, Leon had snapped. He threw down his sword with such anger and began pacing about the clearing with wild eyes.

“I cannot believe this is happening! I am supposed to be the best knight, the knightiest knight that knights have ever knighted! But instead, I am standing here, in the middle of the bloody forest wearing bloody pink armor!” Everyone began panicking about Leon’s outburst. It appeared he had finally cracked. Merlin stepped forward.

“Sir Leon, please calm down,” Merlin said in a soothing voice. It wasn’t often that he used such honorary titles with his friends, but this was a special situation. Leon wasn’t having any of it.

“NO! I am not calming down. I told you guys not to go out today! I warned you about all the other time's bad things have happened when we left the castle! But noooooo! It’s all ‘loosen up Leon’, ‘it’ll help you relax LEON!’, 'YOU’RE WAY TOO STRESSED TO BE COUPED UP IN THE CASTLE FOR ANOTHER MOMENT LEON!’” the knight shouted.

“Did I really go that crazy?” Leon asked, pausing Merlin’s account.

“I had my suspicions that you were about to take off into the woods and start a cult,” Gwaine said with a shrug. Leon nodded but made no indication that he disapproved of Gwaine’s words. Merlin smiled and continued on.

Everyone stared while Leon continued to travel farther and farther into his rant.  
“At least we haven’t been attacked yet,” Elyan offered. 

“They probably think we’re possessed,” Percival added quietly. 

“Regardless, we need to calm him down,” Arthur said in his I’m a king so figure something out because I have not freaking clue voice. Leon began shouting at a rock when Merlin finally decided to step in. He took a deep breath and thanked the gods that Leon had dropped his pink and sparkly sword. He walked slowly up to Leon. 

“AND FURTHERMORE-“ SLAP! Merlin’s hand struck Leon across the face, snapping his head to the side. Leon’s speech was shut off immediately as he stood frozen for a second, his hair falling over his face, concealing whatever rage was sure to be on it. Merlin let out a squeak and scampered behind Percival. He had just attacked Leon while Leon wasn’t at his most Leoniest. Merlin figured he had every right to be afraid at the moment. Leon stood up, a bright red mark had begun to form on his face. He slicked back his hair, cleared his throat, and straightened his armor.

“Thank you, Merlin,” he said quietly. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Another twig snapped and everyone jumped. They had forgotten about the people who had supposedly surrounded them. Leon quickly made his way back to the huddle and picked up his sword. He seemed to have calmed down considerably, much to everyone’s relief. Though, if Merlin was being honest with himself, Leon’s blind rage could have probably proven useful during a battle. Merlin turned to Arthur. Arthur made some hand motions that looked as though he was trying to tell Merlin to turn into a bird and fly away. Merlin just stared at him.

“Really,” Lord Geoffrey cried, interrupting Merlin. “You don’t know basic hand signals?” 

“I wasn’t paying attention during that lesson,” Merlin shrugged while Gwaine sniggered in the background. Arthur snorted.

“Can I continue now?” Merlin snapped. The men nodded yes and Merlin picked up the story.

Arthur sighed as he realized Merlin wasn’t understanding what he had just signed to him. He was about to explain when a cry was heard through the trees and several people leaped out. Arthur’s words died in his throat as he spun around to face their attackers. They didn’t attack the group, however. Instead, they stood there, looking at the knights. They were all fairly young men, they wore colorful robes and sandals on their feet. They had bright face paint, most looked to have blue, orange, and yellow on their faces. Although some had black and white adorning their faces. The men all looked at one another, trying to decide if the other group was a threat. Leon, in his new found sense of inner peace, decided to act as the group’s strategic advisor once more. 

“Sire, I don’t think they’re a threat,” Leon leaned over and whispered to Arthur. Arthur nodded but made no move to do…to do anything really. It was like a game of chicken. Both groups weren’t going to do anything until the other group did something first. They were at a standstill. 

“Perhaps if we put down our swords they’ll relax?” Percival looked over at Arthur.

“They have yet to make a move against, us. We should try and reason with them,” Leon suggested calmly. Arthur stared at the group of men who were still hovering by the tree line. It was true that they had yet to make a move against the men. Arthur saw that they were easily outnumbered, it would have been a slaughter if a fight were to break out. Though the robes the men wore were so frilly, Arthur didn’t think their footwork would be on par with the knights’. Still, he would rather try to make peace instead of risk possibly losing his men. Mind made up, Arthur spoke. 

“Everyone put away your swords,” Arthur commanded. Though the swords were put away, Arthur noticed the circle was not yet broken. He couldn’t blame his men. They needed to be cautious. At the same time, Arthur needed to start negotiating for peace and safe passage. 

“We mean you no harm,” Arthur said stepping forward, the opposing warriors all leaped back. They then all stepped forward cautiously, looking curiously at the knights. One stepped forward tentatively in front of the other men. Arthur took this to mean that he was probably the leader. 

“Can you speak English?” Arthur asked, stepping farther out in front of his men so that he was established as the leader. Leon made a noise that meant he was probably going to protest, but Arthur looked back at him and silenced any opposition. The leader of the other men looked at Arthur and obviously decided he could trust Arthur. Arthur still wasn’t entirely sure he could trust the warriors.

“I am Silias, leader of these warriors,” he gestured to the men around him. Arthur nodded and decided to introduce himself as well. 

“I am Arthur, King of the British,” Arthur responded. He puffed his chest out in an attempt to look slightly more regal. He was sure that at the moment, he looked anything less that royal. There was mud all over his armor, his eye was still swollen shut from where Gwaine had punched him, his hair was a sweaty, greasy mess, and he probably looked really tired from tramping around the forest for God knows how long. “These are some of my soldiers,” he also gestured to the small group behind him. He felt a strange urge to single Merlin out as the servant, but he thought better of it. 

“I would have thought a king would have a large army,” Silias responded. His tone didn’t sound threatening, merely curious. Arthur still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the thought of these men being so close to the group. He resolved to keep an eye on them. Maybe he could just ask the men to let them pass, or at least point them towards civilization. 

“These are a few of my most trusted men. Due to some unfortunate circumstances we have become lost in the woods and are trying to make our way back to my kingdom,” Arthur continued. Silias studied each man, his gaze staying uncomfortably long on Merlin who had managed to squirm his way from behind the wall of knights. Arthur cursed the idiot inside his head. They still didn’t know how dangerous these men were. Merlin should have been more cautious. But Arthur knew cautious wasn’t in Merlin’s vocabulary. In the end, Silias smiled and turned towards Arthur.

“Our tribe will not turn away anyone who is in need of help. Come, you can rest with us and continue back to your kingdom in the morning.” Arthur felt an enormous sense of relief wash over him. Clearly, they had made a good impression on these warriors. Perhaps a night of rest would be just what they needed to get back to the kingdom in one piece. Everyone felt this way. It was a relief to even be offered something akin to comfort. It was because of this relief and unwillingness to dissect any possible motivation for this charity that everyone missed the looks Silias was giving Merlin.

“If you missed the looks he was giving Merlin, how do you know he was giving Merlin any looks?” a knight, who had not been present for this trip to hell, asked. Arthur thought his name was Gareth or something. He couldn’t be bothered with the details at the moment. Everyone groaned. They had been at this for over two hours and the council all wanted to go home and get some rest and relax. 

“Because of what happened next,” Arthur sighed and continued to move the story along.

The small band was led through the woods into a small clearing. They gasped as they saw the camp that had been set up. Several large ornamental tents were placed in a semi-circle around a large campfire. The people were all wearing long flowing robes. There were several women and children running around the camp. It almost seemed angelic to the knights as they took in the sight. Everything was beautiful and colorful. The cloth all appeared to be made out of silk. Silias pointed to the large tent in the center of the semi-circle and led the knights to it. They entered and gasped as they took in the sight. Inside it was almost impossible to tell it was a tent. It had a large lamp in the center, illuminating the entire thing. The insides were coated with purple and silver cloth. There were several pillows surrounding the outskirts of the tent. Rugs lay over the ground in ornamental designs that put the weavers in Camelot to shame. Silias rushed forward and bowed to a person the knights had completely missed.

“My lady, these men were lost in the forest. I hope that they can stay for the night so as to rest and, possibly learn more about our people.” He jerked his head subtly over towards Merlin who was too busy gaping at the decorations.

“Of course they can stay here for the evening. Come, we will have a feast in your honor,” the lady said as she stood up. She was very pale, with pale blue eyes and white, flowing hair that stopped at her waist. She was very beautiful and almost seemed to glow in the moonlight.

“That is not necessary,” Arthur said. 

“Of course it is,” She laughed as she stepped towards the knights. Elyan attempted to shut the cloak around Gwaine to hide the fact he didn’t have any clothing on. Gwaine seemed more than happy to flex his muscles in an attempt to impress their hostess. Leon whacked Gwaine on the head and glared at him threateningly. Leon’s recent mental breakdown was all too fresh in Gwaine’s mind so he conceded and let Elyan close the cloak around his Adonis-like body.

“your body is not like Adonis,” Arthur grumbled.

“You’re just upset because I can do more press-ups that you,” Gwaine shot back. But the council had questions of their own that the knights needed to answer.

“Hold up, hold up,” one of the lords said with his hand raised to stop the knights from continuing. “Did none of you think it was strange that someone you just met was throwing you a feast?”

“Well how about you go on a hunting trip from hell and see how well your brain works,” Gwaine said as he moved to get up. 

“Gwaine, just keep going,” Leon hissed, tugging Gwaine back into his seat. Gwaine continued to glare at the man but continued anyways.

Merlin looked around at the tent. Something didn’t sit right with him. Once he got over the shock of the beauty of the camp, he began to have a sinking feeling in his gut. Not evil, per say, just cautioning him.

“I think we should leave now. Something isn’t right,” Merlin hissed to Leon. Hopefully, the senior knight would take Merlin seriously. Leon licked his lips and looked at Merlin.

“We don’t know their culture. Perhaps they are a people who believe that guests should always be treated with the utmost respect?” Leon tried as they were led out of the tent and to the fire. “Don’t worry, I’ll be cautious as will the others,” Leon assured Merlin. Merlin smiled and said nothing more. After all, the tugging sensation in his gut wasn’t telling him to run away, just to be careful. There was no reason why they couldn’t enjoy a feast that had been prepared for them. And what a magnificent feast it was. It had tons of meat, vegetables, and other foods Merlin didn’t even know what to call. They were seated in front of the fire and plates were immediately placed in front of them with cups shoved in their hands. 

“Perhaps we should get lost in the forest more often,” Gwaine chuckled as he took a sip of the drink. 

“I think we should take the celebrating slowly,” Merlin said hesitantly as Arthur downed a glass. Leon bit his lip, perplexed as to how to go about celebrating without offending his guests and keeping an eye on things. His took a tentative sip while Arthur set down the goblet with a heavy hand.

“Quite worrying Merlin. We’ll be fine,” Arthur slurred as he started to eat the food given to him. Merlin sighed and took a sip of the drink. Almost immediately he felt the effects of the drink. 

“Merlin!” Leon called out as he too began to slump forward. It was too late, Merlin had already taken a drink. Merlin yanked the cups out of the knight’s hands and tried to keep his eyes open. He saw Leon tumble back followed closely by Gwaine and the others. Merlin went to call out but the darkness encroached his vision and left him spiraling towards unconsciousness. 

Merlin groaned and woke up to see the lady leaning over him. She had a bright smile on her face. 

“Where am I? What have you done with my friends?” he demanded as he jerked upright. That was a mistake as his stomach began to do somersaults. He groaned and collapsed back onto the pillows and furs that made up his bed. He raised a hand to his head and rubbed his forehead. He then realized that he wasn’t actually chained to the bed. What was the use of taking people prisoner if they weren’t even going to take precautions to keep them locked up? Merlin glanced around the tent and realized that it was the large one he had entered earlier. 

“Please, relax. I wish not to harm you or your friends. I just needed to speak with you alone,” she sat back on her heels and looked at Merlin with pleading eyes. Merlin now understood why he wasn’t chained to a dungeon wall and why it appeared that the lady who ruled the camp was in here without any protection. But he was still rather sore about the methods used to get him in here. 

“You could have just asked me. You didn’t have to drug me,” he grumbled and tried sitting up again, this time, more slowly. His head didn’t pound nearly as much. He turned towards the lady and saw her staring intently at him. 

“Where. Are. My. Friends?” Merlin repeated, looking at the lady. The lady’s eyes scanned Merlin’s body before a smile broke out on her face.

“Come, we need to speak,” the lady grasped Merlin’s hand and jerked him up. She still hadn’t answered his question. Maybe they were still out by the fire. She led him out of the tent and back to the fire. Merlin didn’t see any of the other knights and started to panic.

“You are a very special person. When my general saw you in the forest he knew.”

“Knew what?” Merlin asked as a flowered cloak was draped around his shoulders. He groaned. The cloak trailed behind him at least a foot. He was going to trip over it. It was expertly made, though. But Merlin didn’t really know why it was being draped over him. Wait! Maybe he was about to be sacrificed to some demon god or chicken god! Merlin began to panic. No wonder the lady drugged him! He was not going to be sacrificed willingly. He would do everything within his power to stop that.   
“He knew that your destiny was a great one and that with you by my side, we could rule the world.” 

At this, the council members snorted. Merlin glared and continued.

“What do you mean ‘by your side’?” Merlin questioned as a crown of flowers was placed on his head. The lady giggled and took his hands, leading him to the front of the fire. This wasn’t exactly how sacrifices usually went. Were they being sacrificed together? Then it dawned on Merlin what the lady meant.

“Wait, are we going to get married?” Merlin gasped as he tripped over the cloak and into the arms of the woman. That was hardly a step up from being sacrificed to some chicken god. 

“Yes, of course,” the lady continued to giggle as they stood in front of the fire. Every person in the camp cheered as a cloak was draped over her shoulders. An old, wrinkly man hobbled in front of the two and opened a large book.

“Wait, I can’t get married to you!” Merlin turned towards the lady as the old man started to read.

“Why not? Wouldn’t you love to rule the world, make it a better place?” the lady looked shocked at what Merlin was saying.

“I really don’t want to rule!” Merlin cried. 

“Why not? You are kind, thoughtful, and generous. You would make a great king,” the lady said. Merlin racked his brain for reasons as to why he couldn’t marry this woman.

“I don’t know your name,” he tried.

“Cassandra,” the lady, Cassandra, replied without missing a beat.

“I don’t know your favorite color!”

“Red.”

“Favorite plant?”

“Oak trees.”

“Favorite Dragon?”

“The Green Welsh.” Merlin groaned and gripped his hair with his hands. This wasn’t going as well as he had hoped.

“I’m clumsy!” he cried.

“I find that rather quirky and endearing about you,” Cassandra answered.

“My ears are really too large for my head. I’m quite an ugly creature,” Merlin tried. Cassandra turned to him.

“I think your ears are adorable and that you’re quite handsome in a non-traditional sort of way.” Merlin groaned and frantically looked around for anything that could help him. The priest had been chanting throughout the conversation between him and Cassandra. Merlin had no idea what was going on. 

Then the villagers all shouted “Hu dolar minigh!” Merlin cried out in surprise as what smelled like wine was poured over him and Cassandra. Merlin was sitting there, sopping wet, and smelling like a tavern when he saw something that might help him. Before the old man could pick back up the ceremony Merlin bent down, picked up a pan, and whacked him over the head with it.

Everyone gasped. 

“Sheesh Merlin, I didn’t know you were so against marriage that you attacked the priest,” Gwaine said with his mouth agape. 

“Can I please continue?” Merlin cried out as the council nodded.

The crowd of people yelled as Merlin hiked up the cloak and ran from tent to tent looking for the other knights, the pan still in hand. Silias sounded as though he was calling his warriors so Merlin decided to pick up the pace. He entered into another tent. It was completely dark. He stepped in through the flap when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Afraid that it was Silias or one of the warriors, Merlin turned around and whacked the offender with the pan. The man cried out and fell out of the tent flap right into a bucket of honey that was sitting by the door. Merlin held back a laugh as he heard the squelching sound that came from the man trying to release himself from the sticky sweet substance. 

“Merlin!” someone else cried out. Merlin yelped and whipped around, smacking the other on the nose. Merlin felt two strong arms grab him and lift him off of the ground. There was only one man who was tall enough to do that.

“Percival!” Merlin cried with relief as the knight put him down. 

“You really did a number on Leon and Elyan,” he chuckled, leading Merlin from the camp. Merlin groaned.

“That was them?” He asked, looked behind him to see Arthur holding up Leon and Gwaine holding up Elyan. Merlin probably shouldn’t have turned his head as his foot caught a root and the hem of his cloak. He cried out as he fell forward into Percival. Percival cried out as he fell forward right into a mud puddle.

“Quite messing around you two,” Arthur shouted as Leon attempted to stem the bleeding that was coming from his nose.

“What did you do to them to piss them off?” Gwaine said as Merlin realized Elyan had a large welt on his forehead. His sticky hands rubbing honey all over Gwaine and himself.

“Broke up my wedding by beating the priest,” Merlin answered as he helped up Percival who was covered in mud again. Everyone stopped and turned to him.

“What do you mean ‘your wedding’?” Arthur asked.

“Long story, can we just go now?” Merlin pleaded as the group continued through the forest, the chaos from the camp could still be heard.

After about 30 minutes of running through the forest, Camelot’s white walls could be seen over the hills.

“Thank every god in existence!” Gwaine cried out as he fell to his knees.

“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” Leon whimpered as his nose started to bleed again. They ran through the town, not caring what the people thought, reaching the council chambers in record speed-

“You can stop now,” Gaius said, it appeared that Elyan was going to continue with the story. He stopped and looked rather disappointed. 

“Well, that’s what happened to us,” Arthur said with a shrug. “Now if you don’t mind, I would like to get cleaned up and sleep for eternity,” he stood up and made his way to the door. The other knights following close behind.

“Let's never go on another hunting trip from hell,” Merlin sighed as the group made their way down the hall. Everyone just grunted in agreement. More than ready to just relax and do nothing for the rest of the day.


	18. The Amazing Twirlers

“Elyan, Elyan!” a voiced whispered urgently. Elyan groaned and attempted to block out the voice. His head was killing him. There was a ringing in his ears, and it felt like a herd of wildren had trampled him. He didn’t want to hear what the stupid, annoying voice had to say. He just wanted to sleep off whatever drunken stupor he managed to get himself into. He’d deal with the consequences later.

“Elyan, you have to get up!” the annoying voice whispered again. Could it not see that he was trying to sleep? Elyan thought the fact that his eyes were closed and that he was laying down was a good indication that he was trying to sleep. Something shook him. Probably the body that was attached to the voice. Or maybe Elyan was just hallucinating. The hand shook him again. Elyan tried to bat it away before deciding it wasn’t going to leave. So he rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes.

“Gwaine?” Elyan asked uncertainly as three Gwaines appeared before him. “Why are there three of you?” The three Gwaines slowly made their way back to just one Gwaine. That was good. Very good. Elyan didn’t know if he could handle three Gwaines at once. One Gwaine was bad enough. Speaking of three Gwaines, why were there three of them? Was the group cursed? That would be an awful curse to have, dealing with three Gwaines. That was three times the tavern tales that Elyan didn’t want to know about. That also meant that Camelot would have to start stocking more mead and apples if the kingdom was going to accommodate three Gwaines at once. The one Gwaine that was still here (where had the other two gone?) tapped Elyan’s cheek.

“Listen, mate, I know you’re working through some injuries, but we can’t stay here.” Elyan stared at Gwaine. What was the problem with “here”? Sure, Elyan wasn’t exactly sure where “here” was, but he didn’t see any reason why they should leave. Gwaine number 1 obviously thought so as he continued to talk. “We need to go, now! Can you walk?” It was at this point that Elyan realized that something was terribly wrong. Gwaine never sounded this desperate or even frightened. The sound of Gwaine’s voice was enough for Elyan to sit up slowly. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, wondering what caused Gwaine to be so scared. The normally composed knight had lost all charm. Now he looked panicked.

“I’ll explain on the way,” he answered. Gwaine helped Elyan to his feet. Elyan’s headache had subsided a tad and there was no longer any ringing in his ears. Gwaine quickly picked up their swords and led the way out of the ditch Elyan had apparently decided to sleep in. Elyan then realized that there was probably never three Gwaines here, just the one. He allowed himself a moment of relief. At least he didn’t have to deal with that. 

“We were attacked by a group of knights, I think,” Gwaine started. He grasped Elyan’s hand and pulled him up along the bank. Elyan was still feeling dizzy and was glad for the support. 

“I remember that,” Elyan answered. “Where are the others?”

“Well, you were thrown into the ditch. I think they thought you were dead. One blitzed me from behind and got a hit.”

“Are you alright?” Elyan gasped as he began to check Gwaine for injuries. Gwaine brushed Elyan off. Elyan couldn’t spot any blood on Gwaine’s armor, but it did little to help ease Elyan’s mind. He had seen enough battles to know that wounds didn’t always bleed. But Gwaine didn’t appear to be in any pain and they still needed to find help. So if Gwaine was injured, it would have to wait.

“It pierced my armor but nothing more,” Gwaine said upon realizing Elyan’s worry. “Anyways, I fell into the ditch after you and was conscious just long enough to see them take the others captive,” Gwaine finished grimly.

“That’s why we have to hurry,” Elyan said to himself. They were on patrol near Divinus’ borders. If it really was a group of knights that attacked them, Arthur— as well as the other knights—could be dead. He didn’t want to think about that prospect. The group had always managed to get out of these situations relatively unharmed. But it was different not knowing. It was incredibly frustrating to not be sure who was alive and who was dead. It was horrible to think that right now, his friend could be undergoing torture. Elyan swallowed thickly and picked up the pace. It appeared that the people who attacked them weren’t worried about being followed as the trail was quickly discovered. It didn’t look like anyone was being dragged, which meant that the knights were probably all still alive. Elyan looked at Gwaine and shuddered upon seeing his determined and frightening gaze. Elyan decided it was time to help relieve some of the tension the situation had thrust upon them. 

“They really need to start making sure they actually kill us before leaving us,” Elyan murmured. Gwaine laughed, though it lacked its usual playfulness. After this comment, the two men returned to silence. Their only companion was each other and the sounds of their footsteps crunching through the leaves in the forest.

About thirty minutes later they had made it to a castle where Arthur and the others were hopefully being held. It was not as impressive as the citadel in Camelot. This one was much smaller in both height and width. The walls weren’t the blinding white that could be seen from miles around. Instead, they were a dusty gray. While Camelot’s turrets stood out against the sky as a beacon of hope and strength, the two turrets on this castle were in less than fine shape. The flags that had been placed on top fluttered half-heartedly in the breeze. But it wasn’t the citadel that caught Elyan’s attention, it was the throngs of people that were pouring into it. Elyan looked at Gwaine who motioned towards the side of the road. The two knights ducked behind a rock and looked at the parade of people walking through the gates. 

“What do you think this is about?” Gwaine asked, turning to Elyan. Elyan studied some of the people who were walking by their hideout.

“It looks like a celebration is happening. Just look at some of these people. I think they’re performers,” he answered. These men and women were definitely in some sort of show business. Some had large cages of animals. Other were wearing brightly colored costumes and waving to the crowds. And others were performing small pieces of their acts for the audience that was crowded just inside the gate. Elyan jumped when one appeared to breathe fire out of his mouth. It was then that Elyan got an idea. He looked up and down the crowd before seeing two men in the way back. There didn’t appear to be anyone behind them. The perfect targets. Elyan smiled and looked back at Dwaine.

“Have you ever crashed a party before?” he asked sinfully.

“Three royal ones,” Gwaine answered. “You?”

“Two. Ever get kicked out of one?”

“Yeah,” Gwaine answered. “But I probably shouldn’t have shoved my tongue down the queen’s throat in front of her husband,” he explained with a smile. 

“Well, I just found our ticket in.” Elyan chuckled as he pointed to the two men. Gwaine smiled and nodded his approval at the targets. They quickly shed their chainmail and stowed them safely behind the boulder. They stepped out onto the road. Elyan let out a dramatic groan and clutched his head with his hand. 

“Hey, you two!” Gwaine called out to the men. The men looked up and stepped towards Gwaine. “I need some help. My friend,” he gestured to Elyan, “hit his head. I just need him to identify the colors on your costumes to see if he has a concussion.” Elyan didn’t think that identifying colors was one of the ways to check for a concussion, but the performers didn’t seem to question it. The two men looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. Gwaine didn’t seem like a threat and he wasn’t even armed. Elyan decided that was why they would be dumb enough to approach two men who just happened to be sitting behind a large boulder. Elyan shuddered to think how stupid these men were. They made their way over to the pair. Elyan looked around to make sure the coast was clear before nodding to Gwaine. Gwaine and Elyan knocked out the men effortlessly and dragged them behind the boulder. 

“Strip them,” Elyan ordered as he went to work on the shorter one. 

“They’re not really my type,” Gwaine said. He was tugging the skin tight costume off the taller one. Elyan looked up.

“I thought you didn’t have a type,” he said. Gwaine glared at him.

“I’ll have you know that I do have standards,” Gwaine growled. He grunted a bit before the costume slid off of the man’s body. Elyan smiled but said nothing. It took a lot longer to undress the men than Elyan originally thought. It wasn’t his fault that the costumes were so tight that you needed a knife to cut them off. And getting them on was just as difficult as getting them off. It took lots of jumping, pulling, and grunting for the costume to finally be pulled up over Elyan’s torso. He bit his lip in an attempt to not cry out in pain as Gwaine tied it shut, turning so that Elyan could do the same. Elyan’s muscles strained as he attempted to shut the costume over Gwaine’s back. Finally, he got the damn thing tied. He prayed that Gwaine wouldn’t come popping out. Though they were supposed to be performers. Elyan just didn’t think it was that kind of performance.

“Gods, this thing is tight,” Gwaine murmured as he tugged at the collar of his costume. “And it rides up,” he continued. Elyan elbowed him in the stomach.

“What was that for?” Gwaine gasped, doubled over in pain.

“We are performers. We are used to this,” Elyan responded as they neared the gate. “Just act natural.”

“Easier said than done,” Gwaine grumbled. “I feel like a sparkly rainbow unicorn in this stupid outfit.” Elyan shushed him before stepping before the bookkeeper. Well, Elyan assumed he was the bookkeeper. He had a book and was actively writing in it.

“Ahh,” the man said, holding his arms wide in a welcoming gesture. Gwaine fought the urge to punch him in the face. Gwaine was not in the mood for this. Elyan had a similar feeling. He was tired, his head still hurt, he couldn’t breathe, and there was a very good chance that his friends were all dead. “We were afraid you weren’t coming,” the man beamed.

“Well, here we are,” Elyan responded nervously. He didn’t know who he and Gwaine were supposed to be, but obviously, they were an important piece of the show.

“Here you are,” the man echoed. “Go see Cedrick, the man in the green, and he’ll get you all setup.” The bookkeeper bowed and pointed towards a man who was running frantically among the troupes of people and animals. He looked a lot less composed than the bookkeeper. Elyan thanked the man, and after another elbow to the ribs, so did Gwaine. The two made their way over to Cedrick who was shouting at some servants to clean up the mess some of the animals had made.

“Uh, Cedrick?” Elyan asked, tapping the man on the shoulder. He jumped and spun around.

“Ah, the Amazing Twirlers. Good, you’re up first. Follow me,” Cedrick responded swiftly as he began weaving through the crowd. Before Elyan could follow he felt Gwaine’s hand on his arm.

“The Amazing what?” Gwaine hissed. Elyan shook his head and dragged Gwaine to Cedrick. He didn’t have time to second guess the plan. His heart dropped. They didn’t have a plan. They only got as far as “put on the costumes and get into the palace”! What the hell were they going to do now? Gwaine was apparently thinking along the same line. 

“Elyan, we are the first act! What are we going to do?” Gwaine hissed again. Elyan decided he needed to take charge of the situation. 

“We need to figure out what exactly our act is and see if we can bluff it,” Elyan responded in a low voice. He cleared his throat and stepped up so he was in line with Cedrick.

“Cedrick, we can’t possibly go first. We haven’t gotten a feel for our act,” Elyan said in mock snobbiness. Show people were like that all the time, right?

“How hard can it be to dance to the music?” Cedrick asked, completely missing the fact that Elyan had stopped in his tracks and was on the verge of panicking. Gwaine, however, breathed a sigh of relief. He could fake being a dancer. He was about to tell Elyan not to be too worried, but upon seeing the look on his face, and the fact that he wasn’t moving, more drastic measures were needed. Upon coming to this conclusion Gwaine turned and slapped Elyan.

“Elyan, it’s not that hard to dance. Just wave your arms and kick your feet. We’ll be fine,” Gwaine said as he caught up to Cedrick. “I was worried it would be something difficult like a magic show.”

“But what if-“ Gwaine slapped Elyan again, effectively cutting him off mid-sentence.

“Shut up and man up,” he hissed to the knight.

“I am wearing something pink and sparkly. There is no way I can man up.” Gwaine slapped him again.

“Shut up and woman up then.”

“That’s not helping!” Elyan hissed. Gwaine slapped him for the third time.

“Will you stop that?” Elyan cried as he grabbed Gwaine’s hand so that he couldn’t slap him again. Gwaine ripped his hands out of Elyan’s and went to slap him again. Elyan smacked his hands down which only caused Gwaine to try to hit Elyan even harder. Elyan had enough and shot his arms out, looping them around Gwaine’s neck and jumping onto his back. Gwaine gripped Elyan’s arms and tried to buck him off.

“I can’t do this, Gwaine! The last time I danced, I ended up kicking the bridegroom's knee out!” Elyan cried.

“Then just stay away from me and we’ll be fine!” Gwaine shot back. He was able to break Elyan’s grip and toss him to the ground. Elyan grabbed Gwaine’s foot and swept it out from underneath him.

“We don’t even have a plan!” Elyan whispered, pinning Gwaine onto the ground.

“Then let’s figure it out!” Gwaine hissed back, rolling over so that Elyan was the one pinned to the ground. Someone cleared their throat. Elyan and Gwaine looked up to see Cedrick standing there, not looking very amused. Elyan pushed Gwaine off and dusted off his costume.

“Just a pre-show ritual folks,” Gwaine called to some maids who were staring at the pair.

“If you two wish to…copulate, you’ll have to wait until after the show when we can get you a private room. Here in Divinus, we do not participate in such expressions of love in public,” Cedrick said. Elyan and Gwaine both turned scarlet and refused to meet the man’s eye. Cedrick was apparently satisfied with Gwaine and Elyan’s response as he continued through the streets. Gwaine grabbed Elyan’s arm and spun him around. 

“It will be fine. If nothing else, we’ll get booed off the stage. What are these?” Gwaine asked as Cedrick handed him and Elyan two masks. Elyan held his up and grimaced. The thing was even gaudier than the outfits he and Gwaine had put on. And the purple sparkles were going to clash horribly with the pink monstrosity that was their costumes. 

“For the show,” Cedrick replied. “Now, when the music starts just dance in the center,” Cedrick pointed to the center of the banquet hall and walked away. Gwaine gasped. 

“There they are!” he said quietly, pointing to the others. Elyan spun around and followed Gwaine’s hand. Indeed, Arthur, Leon, Percival, and Merlin were all chained together right behind the king’s chair. They appeared to be talking amongst themselves. Gwaine bit back a groan. It was bad enough that he was going to have to perform in front of strangers. But now that his friends were here, they’d never let him live this down. Gwaine wanted nothing more than to run up to Percival and Merlin, rescue them and get out of here. That would be manly. That would be heroic. That would be impossible. Elyan was also staring at the group. He had thought of a plan, though he really didn’t want to initiate it. It would already be an uncomfortable situation when it came time to explain how Gwaine and Elyan got into the castle. But to dance in front of their friends, that was not going to be fun. Elyan bit his lip and turned to Gwaine, unsure of how the other man would react to his plan. 

“We can dance in the audience and nick the keys from one of the guards.” Gwaine looked at Elyan and then back at his friends. He supposed there were less dignified endeavors he had participated in. 

“Then we hand the keys to one of them and they can free themselves,” Gwaine said with a weak smile. Just as long as this was never mentioned to the citizens of Camelot, Gwaine should be able to keep up appearances. Surely Arthur and the others would be grateful enough that they wouldn’t tell anyone about what Gwaine and Elyan were wearing. 

“Now all we have to do is dance,” Elyan said with a sigh. 

oOoOoOo

“That’s not going to work,” Arthur hissed as he pulled at the chains that attached him with the rest of his men.

“I’m telling you it will,” Merlin shot back.

“Please keep your voices down,” Leon said, exasperated. These two really needed to stop bickering every once in a while. It was starting to become rather inconvenient.

“All we have to do is move slowly to the door during the feast. No one will notice,” Merlin emphasized again.

“We should wait until they put us back in our cell,” Arthur hissed. Percival and Leon nodded in agreement. They composed themselves just as the king of Divinus made his way over to his prizes.

“I do hope you boys love feasts,” he said merrily.

“Well your last one was such a blast,” Arthur growled as the king began to inspect each of the knights.

“Oh, but this one is going to be even better,” the king said, not even looking at Arthur.

“Better how?” Leon asked worriedly. 

“Well, at the end of each feast, one of you will die,” the king said giddily as he clapped his hands together.

“You’re insane,” Merlin choked, as the king whipped towards him.

“And since this one is just a servant, he gets to go first,” he cried with anger in his eyes.

“NO!” Arthur shouted, taking a step forward. “He means nothing to the kingdom, just let him go.” Normally, Merlin would have argued with Arthur and would have tried to stay. However, the king of Divinus didn’t look like he was going to release Merlin. He really saw no point in playing the hero if he was just going to get his way in the end.

“Let me think…nope!” the king laughed as he walked away to tend to some of his guests. The men all turned and looked at each other. Merlin smiled in triumph. He liked it when his ideas were the only ones the group could use. They usually worked which meant that Arthur was forced to admit Merlin wasn’t as dumb as he looked. Of course, it would be easier to just magic the chains away. But Merlin couldn’t risk it. Although, lately Leon had been watching him a lot more closely. Merlin wondered if the knight suspected anything. If he did, he certainly didn’t say anything to Merlin. But Leon’s constant stares were enough to get Merlin rather jumpy. He just hoped Leon wouldn’t get any hard evidence that could prove he was using magic. He wasn’t ready to tell Arthur yet. 

“Merlin’s plan it is,” Leon whispered hesitantly. Merlin could tell what Leon was thinking. There was no way it was ever going to work. But Merlin felt confident in his abilities as well as the alcohol that was going to be consumed. He felt confident that he and his friends were going to get out of this situation unharmed. 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” the king started, “tonight, we have some very special guests!” He gestured towards Arthur and the knights. The people in the hall all booed and hissed at the men.

“To start off the celebration of Camelot’s fall,” cheers erupted from the hall, “we are pleased to announce that the Amazing Twirlers are here to perform for us.” Whoever the Amazing Twirlers were, they seemed to be pretty popular in Divinus, if the noise the crowd made was any indication. The men all looked at one another and nodded. Luckily the celebrations were to go on for quite some time. They would move so slowly, no one would suspect them of moving at all. As the amount of wine and mead began to increase, so would their speed. With this plan fresh in everyone’s mind, the music began to play and the two dancers stepped out onto the floor. For a moment, Merlin completely forgot about the plan and stared open mouthed at the two performers who were on the floor.

“They’re men?” Leon asked, looking at Arthur who had shifted an inch towards the exit. He just shrugged his shoulders as Leon took a small step, followed by Merlin and Percival. It wasn’t so much that they were men that caused Merlin to stare at them, it was their god-awful costumes that made Merlin gape. Honestly, there was being over the top, and then there was being downright ridiculous. These men passed downright ridiculous seven shades of pink ago. And the amount of sparkles. Dear lord was it too much. The candles caused the men to look as though they were glowing. It was difficult to focus on them for more than a few seconds their costumes were so bright. But that wasn’t the worst part. No, the worst part was how tight they were. Merlin wasn’t as innocent as everyone seemed to think, but he also didn’t need the male body to be so easy to see. Everyone else in the group appeared to have similar thoughts as they all tried to focus on anything but the dancers. Of course, their dancing proved to be just as mesmerizing as their awful and revealing costumes.

The music started and the dancers began making awkward, jerky movements with their arms and legs. Neither seemed to be aware of the movements of the other, as four times in a row they either kicked or punched each other. One began spinning in a circle with their arms to the sky while the other began doing what appeared to be squats. Another thing Merlin never hoped to see. He feared that the costume would burst open if the man did any more squatting motions. He turned towards Arthur and Percival, who had both turned a nice shade of red. Leon was attempting to look anywhere besides the dance floor. At one point the one with the long brown hair flung his arms out to the sides, effectively hitting the darker skinned one right on the nose. He stopped thrusting his hips (another motion Merlin never wanted to see repeated) and clutched his mask in place. The brown haired one didn’t seem remotely aware that he had injured his partner and continued to twirl in place.

“They’re not very good are they?” Merlin murmured to Percival as the group shifted again. They had successfully gotten a foot away from the king. Leon held up his hand to stop. They didn’t want their movements to be too noticeable. 

“Perhaps it’s interpretive dance?” Percival suggested. Arthur turned his eyes towards the ceiling when one attempted to grab his ankle and lift his leg off the floor.

“I think they’re just bad,” Leon whispered. He was being fairly successful in not watching the dancers. Merlin, however, was curious to see how this would go.  
The two men then decided to run through the crowd of people. Several nobles cried out as the dancers ran their hands along their backsides. Some laughed at the discomfort of their peers. The brown haired man began jumping up and down behind one of the knights that had participated in the attack on the group. The dark skinned man ceased his frantic running and groping and made his way back to the center. He began doing snake-like motions with his arms while the brown-haired one ran around the room a few more times. On his third trip around the room, he grabbed Merlin’s hand and shoved something cold and metallic in them.

“What did he do?” Arthur asked as he began to shift again. Merlin held up the keys and tucked his hands so that they were hidden.

“Hey guys,” Percival began uncertainly, “Gwaine and Elyan weren’t taken with us.”

“Your point?” Arthur asked as Leon stepped closer to him.

“The two dancers are built a lot like Gwaine and Elyan,” Percival said, jerking his head towards the dancers who were now holding hands and skipping.

“That would explain the dancing,” Leon muttered thoughtfully as the music came to an end. The hall was silent for a few seconds before people started to clap. It was a slow build to a roaring applause, complete with several “bravos!” and “another!” It looked as though Elyan and Gwaine’s awkward way of dancing was a big hit in Divinus. 

“I never wanted to see that much of Gwaine or Elyan,” Arthur muttered.

“Well, the people of Divinus liked it and that’s all that matters,” Merlin whispered as the two dancers, who were possibly his friends, bowed and exited. Merlin sighed with relief as the next two performers stepped out onto the floor. They were actually wearing looser fitting clothes. There was only so much of Gwaine’s silhouette Merlin could take. Though he was glad no one tried to cover his eyes. He wasn’t a child and didn’t need to be kept from seeing anything that wasn’t conservative enough. But if Merlin were to be completely honest, this was one time he wanted his virgin eyes to be spared, especially during Elyan’s hip thrusts. Again, there was only so much his innocent mind could take. 

More acts followed and eventually the small group had made their way to the door. They stepped through it slowly as a fire twirler spit fire, getting a cheer from the audience. They sprinted down the hall, with a little difficulty as Merlin kept tripping, and into an alcove. Merlin passed the keys to Arthur who undid the locks quickly and caused the chains to fall to the floor. 

“Let's go see if we have something to tease Gwaine and Elyan with,” he said cheerfully as he led the group out of the castle and into the night. 

They exited the gates where Gwaine and Elyan were waiting, now in their chainmail. Without a word the two knights began running to the forest, back to Camelot. After a while, the group stopped.

“Are you the dancers who set us free?” Arthur asked, not trying to hold back his smile.

“When we took the clothes, we didn’t think we would be the first act,” Gwaine snapped back.

“How come, every time we visit Divinus, Elyan ends up doing something feminine?” Percival smirked as Elyan blushed and muttered some obscenities under his breath. 

“How was the dancing though?” Gwaine asked, stepping back onto the main road.

“Honestly,” Merlin said, “you two should probably never look into that as a career.” He sniggered, remembering when Gwaine had laid down on the floor and flailed his arms in legs, causing Elyan to trip. 

“Told you we were horrible,” Elyan said to Gwaine.

“You’re just jealous because you can’t move like me,” Gwaine shot back.

“You looked like you were having a seizure,” Leon responded with a weak smile. “And the tightness of the costumes left little to the imagination.”

“Whatever, I think we were awesome. And my body is awesome so little should be left to the imagination,” Gwaine huffed. “Where did you drop your outfit?” Gwaine asked, turning to Elyan. Elyan’s eyes grew wider.

“You didn’t keep yours?”

“No, I ditched it as soon as I could. Wait, you kept yours?” Gwaine responded.

“I thought that was the plan!” Elyan cried, putting his head in his hands.

“We never, at any one point in time, discussed keeping the costumes!” Gwaine shouted back. The two continued to argue all the way back to Camelot.

“Am I right to assume Gwen is going to be told about this?” Leon whispered as he leaned towards Arthur. 

“The entire castle will be told about this,” Arthur said, suppressing a laugh. Far away, in the kingdom of Divinus, the people were still completely unaware that their prisoners had escaped. They wouldn’t realize until the following morning.


	19. Who do Voodoo?

“Are you sure it was a sorcerer you saw?” Arthur asked a peasant. The man had burst through the doors of the council chambers, ranting and raving about some evil sorcerer. His distress was almost comical as he ran up to Leon and threw himself at the man’s feet, begging for help. Leon looked rather lost as to how to handle the situation. He tried patting the peasant on the head only to cause the man to go into another bought of sobbing and begging for help. The council members were just as confused when it came to figuring out how to handle the dramatically howling peasant. It only took a few more minutes before the man fainted spectacularly in a heap on the floor. The council members stared at the peasant for a few moments before Percival decided to act. He had carefully lifted the man off the floor and taken him to Gaius. After a batch of smelling salts to wake him up and ten more minutes of sobbing, the man was finally ready to be questioned by Arthur. Though he was still sniffling and hiccupping. It was really rather annoying. 

“Yes my lord. I know what I saw!” the peasant cried. His hands waved frantically in the air, trying to get Arthur to believe his tale. Arthur nodded awkwardly and turned to Gaius as the man began to sob even harder. Merlin bit his lip before taking action and patted the man on the back. This weak gesture didn’t do very much as the peasant began to sob even harder. Gaius cleared his throat and decided to see if he could get any more information out of this visitor.

“What did you see him doing?” Gaius asked. He handed him a goblet of water and awaited a response. The man drank greedily from the goblet, his shaking hands causing the water to fall over the sides and onto his clothes. He set the goblet down and began taking deep breaths. All the while Merlin continued to rub soothing circles on his back, giving the man unsaid support as he began to regain his bearings. 

Despite the man becoming calmer, he had yet to say anything else. Arthur pursed his lips and began tapping his foot impatiently on the ground. Gaius and Merlin threw him a glare, causing the young king to falter and hide his impatience better. 

It was only after Arthur had stopped his ridiculous tapping that the peasant spoke. “I was walking through the forest, collecting mushrooms when I heard this strange language being spoken. Curious, I went towards it.” he swallowed, took some deep breaths, and continued. “I got to a clearing when I saw a man. He looked like a normal man. Brown hair, brown beard, none too large. I figured he was one of those crazies. I turned away to continue my collecting when he spoke again.” by this point the peasant was shaking so badly Merlin couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him. He hated when people saw sorcery as nothing more than an evil practice. It could be used as a force of good. If only people would stop trying to use magic to kill, Arthur might change his mind about the dangers of it all. 

The man took some more deep breaths and finished his tale. “It was awful, sire. I saw the dead rise up from the ground and swear their allegiance to the man. Some were fresh corpses. Others were nothing but skeletons. The worst were the one’s whose rotting flesh was falling from their bones!” the peasant finished and threw the goblet in the air out of distress. The goblet crashed to the ground, the water the peasant hadn’t drunk was spilled onto the floor. The man grabbed onto Merlin’s shirt and began sobbing into it. Arthur sighed and thought through the tale. The sobs continued to ring out through the chambers. An awful wail that could rival a banshee’s. 

“Have you ever heard of anything like this?” Arthur asked Gaius. Merlin wasn’t focusing on what Gaius was saying. He was busy trying to pry the man off of his shirt. It was his only clean one and Merlin didn’t fancy walking around with a good deal of snot and tears coating the front. 

“There are some spells that can awaken the dead. It is possible the sorcerer was practicing one of them,” Gaius answered as he bent down to retrieve the goblet. Arthur crossed his arms and stared thoughtfully at the ground. Merlin was about to tell Arthur not to think too hard, lest he hurt himself. But one look at the king’s face, as well as the situation they were in told Merlin the teasing, was better left until the sorcerer had been vanquished and peace was restored to Camelot. 

Finally, Arthur spoke. “If you show me where you saw this sorcerer, I will see what I can do.” He placed a hand on the man’s shoulder, hoping that this was just some hoax and that his knights didn’t have to fight an army of the undead. Arthur had been subjugated to undead armies far too much for his liking. Why couldn’t sorcerers ever use normal armies that could be killed with a sword?

“You would do that, my lord?” the man asked, letting go of Merlin and staring at Arthur with complete adoration. Merlin fought the urge to snort in amusement. Honestly, he would be the one doing all the work. Arthur would be lucky if he even played a small part in defeating whatever evil the mysterious sorcerer decided to use.

“I will take my best men,” Arthur assured him with a smile. Though Merlin was glad to be going with Arthur, after all, who would protect his royal dollophead if Merlin wasn’t there, he still wasn’t keen on the trip. Merlin could see it now; he and the knights would be riding for hours on end until they got to the clearing. It would be at that point that the group would realize the peasant had just eaten a bad mushroom and that there was no sorcerer and no undead army. Merlin stood up and left the chambers to go prepare the horses. It was going to be a long day.

oOoOoOo

“How do we know the sorcerer will still be there?” Gwaine whispered to Merlin as the group continued the slow ride through the hills of Camelot.

“He probably isn’t, but there might be clues as to where he is and what his plans are,” Leon answered as he rode to catch up with Arthur. Merlin gave Gwaine a smile and continued to focus on the trail. Something didn’t sit right with him. The peasant certainly seemed to be distressed. But why would a sorcerer just let him go? Merlin had a sneaking suspicion that this was all going to be a trap. 

“Gwaine, keep a look out for anything suspicious,” Merlin muttered. Gwaine stared at Merlin.

“Do you think something is going to happen?” he asked in a hushed tone. There was no need to alert the peasant of their doubts. Merlin shrugged his shoulders.

“I just have this funny feeling we’re walking into a trap,” Merlin whispered. Gwaine smiled at him.

“You’re not the only one. I think the others are having similar thoughts. Why do you think you’re back here with me and not up there with Arthur?” Gwaine asked.

“I can take care of myself!” Merlin snapped. Gwaine chuckled.

“Sure you can, mate. We just want to make sure you aren’t going to be kidnapped by some crazy person,” Gwaine responded. Merlin huffed and tried to be mad at Gwaine in the others. He really did not need them worried about him on top of everything else. Perhaps it would be better if Merlin just didn’t go with the knights and instead stay in the shadows. That way, the knights would be more focused on what was happening around them, rather than keeping Merlin safe. 

“It’s coming up soon, sire,” the peasant said as he led the knights down another trail. Merlin furrowed his brow and studied the back of the peasant. An hour ago, the man had been nearly inconsolable. He was a sobbing, whimpering mess that could barely form a sentence out of fear. The closer they got to the clearing, the more jittery and frightened the man should have become. But it was almost the opposite. He now seemed to be calm and collected. Merlin decided that something was definitely not right. He would have to keep an eye out for any tricks this man could be planning. 

After a few more minutes the group stopped in a clearing. Everyone dismounted and went to look around. Merlin stayed close to Arthur. There weren’t any signs of powerful magic being done here. If anything, Merlin would guess that strong magic had never been used in this area. Though, there was something that seemed to breathe power into the clearing. The trees were almost in a perfect circle, and in the center was a stone with red markings on it. To the left side of the stone was a fire pit with a caldron over it. The wood was still smoldering, which meant someone had left not too long ago. Arthur went over to investigate the stone.

“Merlin,” he called to his servant who was tying up the horses. Merlin quickly jogged over to Arthur upon noting that the horses were secure. “Have you ever seen anything like it?” Arthur asked. Merlin looked over the symbols.

“It looks like they’re runes.” Merlin bent down and placed a tentative hand over one. There was no reaction. Merlin studied them a bit more.

“But?”

“I’ve never seen any like these before,” Merlin said, standing up. Arthur turned to give some orders to his men when he and Merlin were suddenly blasted back and pinned against a tree with gold tendrils.

“What the hell!” Arthur cried as he realized that the other knights were also pinned against the trees surrounding the circle. Gwaine was fighting furiously against the tendrils. He succeeded in getting one hand out, only to have it pinned to the tree once more. Elyan and Leon had several tendrils attached to their limbs, making movement impossible. The feeling of the golden tendrils around Merlin’s wrists, waist, and legs was a strange one. He could tell that there was something holding him down, but the feeling was entirely foreign. It didn’t feel like rope or cloth. It was almost as if pure energy was attaching itself to Merlin, keeping him and the other knights prisoner. 

“Well that was fun,” the peasant said. Except, it was no longer in his soft and unassuming voice. This voice was strong and almost playful.

“You’re the sorcerer!” Leon cried as he struggled against the tendril. He had managed to work a leg out before three more tendrils wrapped itself around the appendage and ensured that Leon would be unable to escape. 

“Well no, honey,” the sorcerer laughed. “I made that up because I knew that Arthur here would come running at the very mention of magic.” He turned Arthur and smiled gleefully. Arthur stared into the man’s eyes that had once held tears of pain and fear. Now they were burning with fire. Arthur found the remains of his courage and went to confront the man who had tricked them. 

“Do what you will with me, but let my men go,” Arthur said calmly. The sorcerer just shook his head.

“Listen, Arthur darling, that’s not going to happen.”

“And why not?” Arthur growled. He was really getting angry with this man. He couldn’t believe he had fallen for his tricks. Merlin felt like beating himself over the head. He should have paid more attention to the man and not examine some runes. The sorcerer probably had said the spell and Merlin was too caught up trying to figure out something that he knew was a trap to even counter the man’s words. The sorcerer was skipping around the circle, humming a happy tune while he studied his prisoners. 

“Because, sweetheart, I think Camelot is in need of a few changes.” With this, the man walked over to the cauldron and said, “Levis accensum.” The fire roared to life quickly. Merlin frowned. These were different words than what he was used to. He didn’t recognize the spell, though he recognized the result. If the man was using a different brand of magic than Merlin, that could cause a lot of problems. Merlin wouldn’t be able to fight the man as well as if he were part of the Old Religion. 

“I will not do what you ask. Do you not think that the council will find it odd that I have suddenly lifted the ban on magic after going on a quest to kill a sorcerer?” Merlin had to give Arthur credit for thinking about the absurdity of the sorcerer’s request. Perhaps the king was growing some brain cells after all.

“Oh goody, you do know what I want. Sadly, I know the minds of men all too well. We’ll just have to do this with baby steps,” the sorcerer replied, inspecting each of the knights before returning to the cauldron.

“And how will you keep me from killing you?” Arthur asked again. The sorcerer just hummed, looking thoughtfully at the fire. Finally, his face lit up and he stretched out his hand.

“Pario!” The fire one again roared to life, the cauldron began spewing liquid over the brim. After a few seconds, the fire died back down and the sorcerer reached in to pull out five figurines.

“You haven’t answered my question!” Arthur shouted, clearly upset he was being ignored. 

“Oh my! I’m so sorry, Arthur dear. Please forgive me for not properly explaining the circumstances you’ve gotten your friends into,” the sorcerer laughed and walked over to Arthur, showing him the figurines he had pulled from the fire. Arthur and Merlin both gasped.

“Is that?” Merlin asked.

“Yes, yes it is!” the sorcerer cried with glee. Arthur glanced at the figure and then back at Merlin. Then back down at the figure.

“That’s not possible,” he gasped. Merlin didn’t even know a spell that would begin to do what this sorcerer had completed. 

“What is it? What’s going on?” Elyan cried from across the clearing. He and the others were still fighting valiantly against the tendrils. The sorcerer placed four of the figurines on the stone and held up the one in his hand. He walked over to the remaining knights and thrust it out for their inspections. Everyone’s jaws dropped. 

“That looks like Merlin,” Percival said. The figure didn’t just look like Merlin; it was exactly like Merlin in every way. It had a brown jacket, brown boots, blue shirt, and even the blue neckerchief. The skin was pale and the hair was a raven color. You could even see a bit of blue on the eyes. 

“Why do you have a doll of Merlin?” Leon asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion. The sorcerer sputtered.

“It’s not a doll!”

“Oh, so it’s a puppet then!” Gwaine said happily. The situation was quickly forgotten as the knights continued to inspect the doll-but not a doll- of Merlin. 

“I love puppets. There’s a really good puppeteer in Mercia,” Elyan said.

“Oh! Are you talking about Clarence the Magnificent?” Gwaine asked. Leon shook his head and turned towards Percival.

“I’m not a big fan of puppets. They kind of scare me. Bad childhood experiences,” Percival explained. Leon nodded and turned back towards the sorcerer, who was trying to regain control over Gwaine and Elyan. 

“It’s not a puppet!” the sorcerer cried in frustration.

“You still haven’t told us why you have a Merlin doll,” Leon said. As much as he loved frustrating the enemy, he did want to leave this place alive and in one piece. 

“Does that mean that the other dolls look like us?” Gwaine asked.

“I want to see what I look like,” Percival said.

“EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET!” the sorcerer shouted. Gwaine snapped his mouth shut.

“Now, they are not dolls they are vessels. Don’t even think about it!” the sorcerer snapped at Merlin. Merlin closed his mouth and pouted. “Your essences will be attached to them to whatever happens to them, happens to you.”

“That’s not a vessel,” Merlin said after the sorcerer had finished. The sorcerer turned a new shade of red.

“What do you mean ‘that’s not a vessel’?” he asked calmly, clearly trying to control his anger. His hands were balled into fists, squishing the Merlin doll-but not a doll- in his hands. 

“Well calling it a vessel suggests it’s holding something. You’re just making a connection between us and the dolls,” Merlin explained.

“Sounds about right,” Arthur said. The sorcerer closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

“Fine, they are dolls.”

“How does it work?” Leon asked. The sorcerer brightened up considerably at this question. He appeared to be back on track. With any luck, the plan would be revealed and he could have control over the kingdom in time for supper.

“It’s quite simple really. All I need is a bit of hair or blood to be placed on the ves- doll and then I have to say a spell which causes you the be one with the doll.”

“Can you use my hair?” Percival said. The sorcerer turned red again and spun towards the knight.

“No, because you do not have any hair,” he answered through clenched teeth.

“Why do the dolls look like us?” Elyan asked.

“So that I can tell which one belongs to which person,” the sorcerer growled.

“Why don’t you just label them?” Elyan once again asked.

“Is there a reverse spell?” Merlin inquired.

“I don’t know!”

“Well that seems kind of silly,” Merlin muttered.

“Why is that?” the sorcerer spat.

“Well, what if you accidently get your blood on one of the dolls. You don’t know how to reverse it.”

“That won’t happen,” the sorcerer snapped.

“What will you do if I don’t comply with you?” Arthur asked.

“I will stick the dolls in the fire one by one,” he replied. The sorcerer began massaging his temples, trying to get rid of a raging headache that had appeared over the last few minutes. Gods these men were idiots. He should have just taken over Mercia. Much easier, and the people weren’t stupid.

“Will we burn like wood or like flesh?” Gwaine asked.

“How the hell should I know!” at this the sorcerer threw his hands up into the air, along with the Merlin doll. The Merlin doll went sailing over into some bushes. The sorcerer cried out in exasperation before running to retrieve it. He dug around for a few seconds before returning, pulling some thorns out of his skin, causing little drops of blood to ooze out. While he was searching for the Merlin doll, the tendrils holding the knights in place had disappeared. The amount of concentration needed to keep up such an elaborate trap was broken.

“Who’s this handsome devil?” Gwaine asked with a smug smile as he picked up a doll from the stone.

“That’s Leon. You can see he has lighter and curlier hair than you,” Merlin replied, taking the Leon doll from Gwaine and handing him his doll. Gwaine’s smile dropped when he looked at his doll. 

“My eyes are not that far apart!” Gwaine cried upon finishing his inspection. The sorcerer turned around a gasped. 

“How’d you guys escape?” the sorcerer shouted as he jogged back over to the clearing. He was about to resay the binding spell when Elyan picked another doll and inspected it. 

“Is my head really shaped like this?” Elyan asked, looking at his doll. Percival glanced over Elyan’s shoulder and shook his head. 

“No, your head is more ovalish,” Percival replied.

“I want a new doll then,” Elyan said as he turned to face the sorcerer.

“If Elyan gets a new doll then I want a new doll!” Gwaine cried. 

“Nobody is getting a new doll!” the sorcerer snapped as he yanked the Leon doll from Leon.

“You guys actually don’t think this is real?” Arthur asked with a chuckle.

“It could be,” Merlin said as the sorcerer threw Gwaine’s doll back onto the rock.

“It does work. All I have to say is Cuius anima est sanguis adiungere and I can immediately control the person’s movements!” the sorcerer snapped as Arthur grabbed the Merlin doll out of his hands and inspected it. He turned his back to the sorcerer and faced the knights and Merlin. He waved the doll’s arm. Everyone gasped as the sorcerer mirrored the movements.

“Come on you guys, there is no way this can actually work!” Arthur stated, turning the doll over in his hands. The others just stared, slack-jawed, as the sorcerer was lifted off the ground and turned over, just like the doll.

“Seriously, why isn’t Merlin kicking his feet if this is his doll?” Arthur asked. He moved the dolls legs back and forth, the sorcerer repeating the actions. 

“Because it isn’t Merlin’s blood that is on the doll,” Leon explained. Arthur laughed uncertainly and followed everyone’s gaze to the sorcerer behind him. Arthur studied him for a moment before raising one of the doll’s arms. As soon as it’s arm moved, so did the sorcerers. Arthur gasped and threw the doll to the ground, the sorcerer following en suite.

“I’m doing magic!” he cried. Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Actually, you’re not doing any magic,” Merlin explained. “He’s the one who completed the spell.” Arthur nodded but still didn’t seem very comforted by Merlin’s words. 

“We should take him back to Camelot for a trial,” Leon said as he bent down to pick the doll up.

“Does it wear off?” Gwaine asked.

“How should I know? I’ve never done this before!” the sorcerer yelled. 

“We should knock him out or something so he doesn’t do any more magic,” Merlin said as he uncorked a sleeping draught and took the doll from Leon.

“Will that work?” Percival asked. Merlin just shrugged and poured the sleeping draught over the dolls head. The sorcerer sputtered but then fell to the ground, completely asleep.

“Interesting tactic,” Leon murmured as Percival slung the unconscious man over his shoulder and started towards the horses.

“This will certainly be exciting to recount to the council,” Arthur stated as he swung up onto his horse. 

“We’ll have to find out what technique he was using,” Merlin stated as he untied his horse and got up on it as well. 

“It’s just nice to know that sometimes the badies take themselves out,” Gwaine said with a cheeky grin.


	20. Pent up Frustrations and Autumn Weddings

“How easy you are to manipulate,” the sorceress smiled as she gazed upon Arthur. The wild and animalistic look in her eyes were the only things stopping the knights from attacking. This witch was crazy, no doubt about it. He, Merlin, and the other knights were hunting a griffin that had been said to be attacking some of the outlying villages. However, it wasn’t true. The story had been fabricated by this woman in order to get Arthur away from his stronghold in Camelot. The group had been wandering aimlessly through the forest, looking for any indication that the damn thing actually existed, when the sorceress appeared and quickly subdued the men. But in retrospect, no one had actually seen the blasted magical animal. There had been one possible rumor that Merlin could remember. Unlike the last time a griffin had attacked, there was no destroyed crops, no slaughtered animals, and no sightings. Merlin was starting to think Arthur wanted to get out of the castle so badly that he would risk being captured and killed by the opposing force to try and snag a few hours away from a council meeting. The man had no shame. 

Merlin would wait just a little longer before performing magic. So far, the woman hadn’t hurt Arthur. In fact, short of disarming the man, she hadn’t really done anything too damaging. Maybe she knocked down Arthur’s ego a couple notches, but where was the harm in that? And the other knights weren’t being attached to a tree or being fed to a giant squirrel (Merlin’s magic wasn’t cooperating that day! It happened every once in awhile! No reason to get all upset!). All in all, there wasn’t really any imminent danger. 

“What do you want?” Arthur asked, trying to keep a calm demeanor. On the inside, he was panicking. He was at the mercy of a sorceress. Worse, his men were at the mercy of a sorceress. If there was ever a time to not be calm, this would be it. This would be the time to rip your shirt off and run into the hills yelling animalistic sounds at the top of your lungs. He had no idea what this woman wanted. He had no idea the lengths she would go to achieve her goals. And she was so damn calm. It was unnerving. It was unnatural. It was freaking stressful as hell for Arthur. He was not a patient person. He just wanted to charge into battle, fight for a little bit, pack up, and go home. This was not his strong suit. Sure the woman hadn’t really done anything to them yet. But how long would that last? Maybe she was going to cast a love spell on the knights and make them turn into sappy lovesick men who would rather pick flowers than practice. 

Arthur groaned. He could see it now. Gwaine, Percival and Elyan fighting for this woman’s heart with sugary sweet poetry and valiant acts of stupidity. If nothing else, at least his head knight would be forced to sing romantic ballads about this woman’s eyes. After realizing the sorceress wasn’t answering his question, Arthur decided to try again.

“What. Do. You. Want?” he said through clenched teeth. The woman giggled before responding.

“I want to rule your kingdom!” she exclaimed. Arthur’s face turned from frustration to fury in a matter of seconds.

“There is no way in hell that will happen,” he snapped, losing his kingly demeanor. Alright, this bitch was just asking for her head to be cut off. Woman or not, there was no way on God’s green Earth that he would allow her to try and rule the kingdom. Arthur had enough of his advisors trying to rule it behind his back; he didn’t need another one.

“Calm down before she fries us,” Gwaine hissed.

“Calm down? Calm down! I will not calm down!” Arthur shouted back at Dwaine.

“Don’t worry, you’ll still be ruling the kingdom,” she giggled again.

“I will not be your puppet,” Arthur snarled. Merlin personally thought Gwaine was onto something. Granted, Arthur was a good warrior, but this woman had magic. Was it really so much to ask that the king use some sort of discretion and common sense for once in his life?

“Oh no, no, no. You misunderstand. I will be out in the public eye as well.” Arthur’s face lost its fury and turned to confusion. 

“What? What do you mean?” Arthur asked. He mentally groaned. He came out here to kill a griffin. Arthur just wanted to kill a damn griffin. He didn’t care if said griffin wasn’t exactly in existence at the moment. But apparently, they could be summoned by magic. He had a sorceress here. Maybe she could summon that infernal griffin and then kill the freaking thing. Then again, the woman did seem to have a hidden agenda. Arthur should probably be focused on the current attempts at creating a puppet throne for him to sit on. But how would the two of them rule together?

“Figure it out, darling,” the woman teased, apparently reading Arthur’s thoughts. Everyone furrowed their eyebrows, pensive. Merlin gasped suddenly. Everyone turned to look at the young servant to see his face light up.

“You’re getting married!” he cried happily.

“What?!” Arthur shouted. No. This could not be happening. He was supposed to be marrying Gwen! He could not marry some woman he had barely met who had tricked him into believing that there was a rampaging griffin on the loose!

“Smart man,” the sorceress said. Arthur wondered why the idiot was so happy. Did the idiot just not comprehend the situation? He figured out very quickly why Merlin was so goddamn happy.

“I’m thinking autumn. What about you guys?” Merlin asked, turning to the other three knights. What the hell was Merlin doing? The others apparently shared Merlin’s enthusiasm as Gwaine quickly answered.

“Autumn in Camelot is perfect.”

“Yeah, the harvest is fresh; the colors are gorgeous,” Percival agreed. 

“Guys, I don’t want to get married to this woman!” Arthur hissed.

“Shut up, princess.”

“The colors can be red, orange, and yellow!” Elyan beamed. The sorceress smiled and turned to Arthur.

“Your friends are accepting this. Why can’t you?” she asked. She must be deranged. They all must be deranged. 

“Because I’m not going to get married to you!”

“We should have a seven-tiered cake!” Merlin exclaimed.

“Ooh, it can alternate between chocolate and vanilla!” Gwaine added. He turned to the sorceress and Arthur. “Now, will you be writing your own vows or reciting the traditional ones?”

“Ah, don’t do traditional. Be creative and spontaneous!” Percival said excitedly. “It’s more romantic if you speak from the heart and not from some dusty tome Geoffrey had to dig up from the vaults.” How in the hell was Arthur supposed to speak from the heart when he was being forced into marriage? He didn’t even know what this girl’s favorite color was!

“Now hold up just a minute here!” Arthur tried to rein his men into no avail. Elyan marched up to the sorceress and pulled out a string from his pocket, wrapping it around her waist. Gwaine held up a portion of his cape to the woman’s face.

“Should the dress be silk or satin?” Gwaine asked as Elyan moved the string down to the woman’s hips.

“Silk,” Merlin and Percival said in unison. The sorceress beamed happily.

“What the hell are you doing, Elyan?” Arthur groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Taking her measurements for the dress. Gwen taught me how to do it,” Elyan explained. Arthur groaned. His men were possessed. There was no other explanation for this behavior. 

“We can’t use Camelot red. It’ll wash her out,” Gwaine said, taking a step back from the lady. 

“Oh! It can be outside in the forest,” Merlin squealed. “To commemorate your first meeting,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone towards Arthur. Arthur proceeded to hit his head on the tree. 

“That would be lovely,” the lady sighed happily. 

“And since your magic, you can do something truly spectacular!” Percival exclaimed.

“Like make the leaves fly or something!” Gwaine added. The sorceress nodded enthusiastically as Elyan adjusted the string to fit snugly around her bust.

“Should we use roses?” Elyan asked, stepping away from the woman.

“Naw, too traditional. Let’s go with sunflowers and carnations!” Percival replied.

“Guys, can’t we discuss this?” Arthur said, burying his face in his hands. He had no idea what had gotten into his men. He was on the verge of giving up entirely. 

“Can it, princess,” Gwaine snapped.

“Boys, boys,” the sorceress scolded teasingly. “Let’s not get too carried away here. There is still plenty of time to plan this. Especially if it’s in the fall.”

“Sorry. It’s just so exciting,” Merlin grinned happily. Arthur wanted nothing more than to punch the idiot in the face. They did realize they were planning the wedding of a sorceress who had tricked them and attacked them? Right? He wasn’t the only one who was seeing this? It was probably a hallucination brought on by an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato*. Arthur was about to make another attempt to reel his men back when Leon came charging out of the bushes, shouting like a madman and waving his sword above his head. Everyone stopped and stared. Arthur almost thanked the gods that someone was doing something, until Leon grabbed Arthur’s neck and pulled him to his chest, holding a sword to the king’s throat.

“Uh, Leon, what are you doing?” Arthur asked, slightly scared that his head knight appeared to be possessed as well. Out of the wedding planners and the hostage taker, Arthur was more than happy to get married in the fall.

“One word out of you,” he pointed to the sorceress, “and he dies!” 

“You would not dare to hurt your king!” the sorceress responded.

“I have sworn to do whatever it takes to protect Camelot. And that includes keeping the throne from tyrants!” Leon screeched. He was breathing heavily in Arthur’s ear. 

“Leon, what has gotten into you?” Arthur said, his voice shook slightly. First, his men attempted to plan his wedding. Now, Leon was holding a sharpened sword to his throat. It was the very picture of crazy. Meanwhile, across the clearing, the others were having a conversation.

“Why is Leon holding a sword to Arthur’s throat?” Merlin asked quietly.

“He needs to work out his anger,” Gwaine replied with a shrug. The others turned to look at Dwaine.

“We all have our ways of coping with the ass. Merlin is a terrible servant. I visit taverns. Leon apparently holds sharp, pointy things to Arthur’s throat and threatens to kill him.”

“I don’t think-“

“It’s healthy.”

“I really-“

“Shhhh, Merlin, it’s alright. Let Leon work through his anger and pent up frustrations,” Gwaine said calmly. Everyone just continued to stare, wide-eyed at Gwaine. Leon’s hair had come out of its normally tamed look and was now sticking up in all directions. The man had mud smeared all over his face and twigs stuck in his hair. Merlin was willing to bet there was more mud on the armor of the knight who was currently in the middle of a psychotic episode.

“I am willing to kill him if that is what it takes to protect the kingdom!” Leon snapped. The sorceress still didn’t believe him. “Besides, the next ruler will be-“ Leon paused. “Who is it?” he whispered to Arthur.

“I haven’t really thought about that yet,” Arthur replied.

“We should really get on that,” Leon responded. Arthur agreed wholeheartedly, considering how many attempts have been made on his life so far. And he had a feeling the attempts weren’t going to stop anytime real soon. Merlin watched the whole exchange and then had an idea. Slowly, he made his way over to his bag and began to dig around.

“Why are you so against our marriage?” the sorceress exclaimed, indignant that anyone should ever doubt that she and Arthur were soul mates. 

“There are several reasons as to why I am not entirely comfortable with the king marrying a sorceress.” Leon deadpanned.

“And what would those reasons be?” she scoffed. 

“Well for one, you’ve only just met him.”

“That’s only one!”

“Don’t worry honey. I’ve got plenty more!” But before Leon could list them, a metallic clang rang throughout the campsite. The sorceress fell onto the ground, revealing Merlin and a metal pan he used for cooking. And strangely enough, for the majority of their escape attempts.

“Finally!” Leon exclaimed, releasing Arthur. “How long did it take you guys to realize that I was stalling so you could incapacitate the woman?” he snapped as Percival bent down and picked up the woman.

“That’s what you were doing?” Gwaine exclaimed. “I thought you just snapped after years of serving under the princess.” Leon just shook his head.

“Well, why didn’t you sneak up on her while we were stalling?” Elyan asked as the group began to make their way to the village to get their horses.

“That’s what you were doing? I thought you actually wanted me to marry her!” Arthur choked.

“No way,” Percival assured Arthur.

“Besides, you’re marrying my sister,” Elyan said with a tone of finality.

“It’ll be in the spring and she’ll wear a purple dress,” Gwaine smiled. Arthur groaned. Was he going to have any say in how his wedding was to be carried out?

“There’ll be tons of roses everywhere!” Merlin said happily. 

“These are the men I trust to protect me and the kingdom,” Arthur mumbled with the shake of his head. Percival patted the young king’s arm comfortingly before picking up the pace towards his horse. How, out of all the men in the five kingdoms, did Arthur manage to find the five that were more invested in his love life than keeping him alive?


	21. It's Tough to be a God

Gwaine smiled as he continued to gaze up at the stars overhead. The group had gone out on a hunt and was set to return to Camelot the following afternoon. The entire day was spent riding with friends, laughing, and being carefree. It wasn’t often that the group was able to just leave because they wanted to, not because some strange magical beast had decided it was going to try and kill every living thing in Camelot’s borders. Sometimes Gwaine wondered if the kingdom was cursed. It would explain the multitude of vicious attacks that continually accosted the small group. Maybe it was just one member. Gwaine had his money on Arthur. Though Leon was another good candidate. Gwaine suspected that it was probably because someone upstairs wanted the man dead. Since they couldn’t seem to kill the knight, the gods just continued to throw stuff at the group and hope that one day Leon would finally succumb to the wishes of the gods. Gwaine chuckled at this thought. Poor Leon, he wasn’t even aware that he brought the wrath of the gods upon the group.

Whether Leon was a bad luck charm or not didn’t stop the group from planning on returning later tomorrow afternoon. Gwaine wished they could have stayed out longer. He didn’t necessarily like hunting; he wasn’t very good at being quiet and the princess was constantly getting annoyed whenever Gwaine or Merlin made a sound. However, he did enjoy relaxing and getting away from the castle life. He always felt like someone was watching in the cramped corridors of the citadel. When he was a vagabond, he could simply leave when things got too stressful for him. Now that Gwaine was a knight with obligations, with friends, he couldn’t just run when it got tough. It was actually quite sobering to be so trusted. To have responsibilities. Gwaine had never really had anyone to protect, and now he found five people he would give his life for, two of them nobles! Who’d have thought that Gwaine the drunk could have ever stayed in one place and taken orders from one man? 

Gwaine continued to look up at the stars, unable to sleep just yet. It was so easy to think out here in the forest. His mind unburdened and the sounds of nature giving a sort of meditative vibe to the whole forest. Sadly, his musing was cut off by the call of nature. Gwaine groaned. This was the one thing he hated about being outdoors. It was always cold when you needed to get out of the blankets. He ignored his bladder for a few more minutes before the discomfort became annoying. What was the use of ignoring it if he couldn’t actually ignore it? So, reluctantly, Gwaine threw off his covers and put on his boots. He looked around at the campsite and smiled at the sight. Everyone looked so peaceful while they slept. Gwaine frowned as his eyes fell on Merlin. His blanket was so threadbare, it was probably leeching more heat from the kid than it was keeping it in. Gwaine made a mental note to get Merlin a blanket for his birthday. Heaven forbid the kid may actually be comfortable and not in risk of freezing to death.

Gwaine shivered and stood up, making his way out of the clearing and into the forest. After he found a suitable spot, Gwaine relieved himself. He wondered if he should wake someone for the watch. Leon usually went first, after an unfortunate incident with Percival startling the knight upon waking him. It was interesting to see Gaius reacting to the fact that Percival had returned with no eyebrows and thorns in his cheek. Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival were interchangeable during the next three watches. Arthur went fifth and Merlin finished up. He normally had to prepare for the day anyways so he was usually up earlier than the others. Gwaine had been keeping watch for a few hours, perhaps he should get up Percival or Elyan. The moon wasn’t high enough yet to wake Arthur. For being such a great warrior, Arthur sure wasn’t quick on his feet once he fell asleep. Gwaine resolved to get Elyan up and was almost to the camp when he heard voices.

“I’m tellin’ you, these men are perfect!” a man said in a hushed tone. Gwaine lunged behind a tree and then peaked out to see three men in the campsite, leaning over his comrades. One was tall, blond, and lanky. Another was completely bald, short, and stout. Almost like a teapot. Gwaine thought to himself as he turned his attention to the other man. This one was also blonde, but short and fat. The lanky one spoke again.

“They’ll appease the gods. I’m tellin’ ya!” he whispered urgently. The fat one shook his head. Gwaine wondered how the man’s legs could support such a massive backside. He stifled a laugh as he thought about the ground shaking with each step Fatty took.

“I don’ see it,” Fatty replied. The stout one kneeled down to take a closer look.

“That one is a boulder! Perfect for the Earth!” Blondy whispered, motioning to Percival. “And this one here is for the Harvest,” he motioned to Leon. Gwaine could see Percival being a boulder, an unfortunate run-in with the man’s fist proved that to be an accurate description, but how in the hell did Leon represent a harvest. Perhaps his hair color? That seemed like an awfully far stretch though.

“Wot about this one?” Stout asked, pointing to Arthur.

“Ain’t it obvious, he’s the sun. An’ this ones the moon,” Blondy snapped, pointing at Merlin. “An’ this one is the darkness!” he finished, gesturing towards Elyan.

“I don’ think he’s dark enough,” Fatty retorted.

“We ain’t gonna find anyone darker in these parts,” Blondy replied angrily.

“He’s right you know,” Stout said, placing a hand on Fatty. Gwaine had no idea what these guys were talking about. All he knew was that if they tried to take his companions, they would be facing death. Although they were unarmed, it would be dishonorable to kill them. Then again, Gwaine didn’t take his sword with him, so the fight was fair.  
“An’ we don’t have no one for Pleasure,” Fatty retorted. Gwaine snorted, he could fit that bill very well.

“Well Pleasure will just have to go without a sacrifice,” Blondy said. As these words were spoken, Gwaine’s resolve was kicked into high gear. There was no way in hell that he would allow these men to even try and sacrifice his friends. He got ready to charge and take the men down when Stout spoke again.

“Then put a sleeping spell on them. Can’t ‘ave ‘em wakin’ up,” he said as he turned and began to make his way off into the forest. Gwaine fell back down behind the log. Crap! He couldn’t face off against three sorcerers unarmed. Even if they did seem like idiots they could probably take Gwaine apart with less than one blow. So, Gwaine decided it would be better to follow the men to their base, and free the others when they were distracted. As Fatty murmured a spell, causing the others to float, and made his way through the forest, Gwaine stood up, and quietly followed the group.

oOoOoOo

Gwaine groaned as he continued to follow behind the group of sorcerers. He had been with barbarians that were more civilized than these men. Fatty continually hocked globs of spit at the ground, Blondy cursed more than a sailor, and Stout told tales so raunchy, it made Gwaine look civil and reserved. No one needed to know about the time when he had an orgy with six other people! They also showed no respect for his friends. Twice, Percival had been dropped and rolled down a cliff. Leon had been dragged through more than one mud puddle. Merlin had been shot up into the trees because they ‘misjudged his weight’. And they continued to argue about whether or not Elyan was dark enough to be considered darkness. Gwaine massaged his temples and willed the men to die of heart attacks.

“I’m tellin’ ya! He ‘as the Moon’s personality!” Blond snapped at Fatty. These two were always arguing about something. It made Merlin and Arthur seem chummy. This time, it was about whether or not Merlin was really kind and gentle.

“Jus’ cos he looks like he’s nice, don’t mean he is!” Fatty shot back. Their grammar was also really starting to grate of Gwaine’s every last nerve. It was true he wasn’t the most eloquent of speakers, but he still had fairly proper grammar! How hard was it to use proper verb tenses?

“You tellin’ me that he don’ look like he’s nice! Since when you meet someone who ain’t nice that looks fragile?” Blondy snarled. Stout began picking his nose.

“Gods, I just want this nightmare to end,” Gwaine moaned as he leaned against a tree and waited for the men to gain a little distance.

“Sybil ain’t nice!” Fatty retorted.

“Sybil don’t count!”

“Does too!”

“Don’t!”

“Please just shut up,” Gwaine groaned quietly as he continued to follow the men. Stout began digging in his ear for earwax. He then proceeded to take out his pinky, sniff the yellow goop on it, and recount another tale. Gwaine had to fight the urge to throw up as Stout began describing, in incredibly acute detail, how the sex had gone down. This man was into some weird and gross things. Even Gwaine had some semblance of boundaries when it came to acts of intercourse. Oh, dear lord, he was starting to sound like Leon. These men were actually turning Gwaine into another Leon. Gwaine quickly decided to reverse the process before his hair began to lighten. He desperately held onto the time he met the twins from Samos. Not his best work, but it would help stop him from becoming stuck up and unable to crack a smile. 

Finally, after about an hour (more like twenty minutes but it sure as hell felt like an hour) a small fortress could be seen through the forest. The men slowed their pace and Gwaine ducked behind a boulder.

“Marty! Where the ‘ell have you been?” a woman screeched, stepping through the wooden gates. Gods, did these people know how to be quiet?

“We’ve been gettin’ sacrifices woman! See?” Blondy, well Marty, yelled back. The woman scrutinized the “sacrifices” for a moment before turning back to Marty.

“The tall one with a beard is a stretch for Harvest, an’ the black one ain’t dark enough!” she scolded. At least Gwaine wasn’t the only one who saw problems with Leon’s title. 

“Well damn woman! We took what we could find!” Marty threw his hands in the air and pushed past the woman into the gates. The others followed close behind. Gwaine waited for the woman to step inside the gates before running to catch up with the group. Upon entering the gates Gwaine could honestly say he wasn’t surprised. The whole thing looked like Camelot, if people who had no idea what they were doing built it in a day. The houses were misshaped, roofs were collapsing, some houses were built too close together, and others, too far apart. The whole place was just a mess. Gwaine grabbed a cloak that was hanging out on a clothesline, being chewed on by a goat, and put it on. He crept quietly behind the group who appeared to be headed towards the center of town.

“Where’s Pleasure?” the woman demanded, spitting on the ground afterward. Gwaine fought the urge to gag.

“Didn’ find him!” How Merlin and the other knights weren’t waking to this noise, Gwaine would never know. He did know that he was going to have a headache for weeks after this whole incident. They made their way into a courtyard where six statues were placed in a semi-circle. Gwaine had to admit, his friends fit the descriptions rather well. Percival looked to be as muscular as Earth. Arthur had a very similar skin tone and hair color to Sun, as did Merlin too Moon. Leon looked very similar to Harvest and Elyan was about the same color as Darkness. Gwaine noticed the statue that was probably pleasure and smiled. He too looked much like the statue. Gwaine would have stayed and admired the view if his friends weren’t about to be sacrificed by crazy sorcerers to a group of gods with very unoriginal names. He crept over towards the pile his friends had been put in. The group of sorcerers had stepped away and were now arguing amongst themselves.

“We should get the ‘ead priest!” Blondy cried.

“They ain’t good enough!” Fatty shouted back. Gwaine was pulled from his observations when he heard a groan. He looked down to see Merlin beginning to stir.

“Merlin, mate, can you hear me?” he whispered cautiously. Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Gwaine.

“Where am I?” Merlin asked as he realized the full extent of his condition.

“I don’t have a lot of time to explain. Can you try and wake the others?” Gwaine asked. Merlin nodded and began shaking the others. Leon groaned and opened his eyes. Elyan shot up. Percival sat up but still had his eyes closed. Arthur told Merlin to go away but was awake.

“Let’s get out of here,” Gwaine said as he started to move from the base of the statue he was crouching behind. Before they could move, Stout noticed the group’s awakening.  
“Hey! Whachoo all doin’ awake already?” he shouted, making his way towards the group.

“I am King Arthur and I demand that you let my men go!” Arthur said, standing up. This was not a good idea as the sleeping spell had yet to wear off completely, causing the man to fall over. 

“We nee’ ta sacrifice ya t’appease our gods!” the woman screeched. Gwaine was surprised that a word such as appease was in her vocabulary.

“We will not be sacrificed,” Arthur stated calmly as he once again tried to stand up. Gwaine could see that this wasn’t going to end well. The men were all unarmed and against a sorcerer, they had no chance. He bit his thumb to try to think of a plan. It came to him slowly. He smiled and snuck away from the statue he was hiding behind and put his plan into action.

“But you’re the perfect thing for our gods!” Fatty snarled.

“Oh, so now ya think they’re perfect!” Blondy snapped. The knights all still felt dizzy from the sleeping spell that had been placed on them. Running away at the moment really wasn’t an option because of it. Their heads were slowly beginning to clear, but not enough for a fight. Fatty was just about to reply to Blondy when a voice rang out through the courtyard.

“SILENCE!” it cried. Everyone jumped and searched for the owner of the powerful voice.

“Is that Gwaine?” Merlin asked Leon quietly.

“Let’s just roll with it,” Leon replied, shrugging his shoulders and not really answering Merlin’s question.

“Where’d it come from?” Stout asked as he looked around.

“Sounded like it came from-“

“I am Pleasure and I demand to know why you have brought such poor offerings to the gods!” Gwaine’s voice echoed through the courtyard. Several people had fallen to the ground and began bowing towards the statue at the announcement of Pleasure. Arthur just cocked an eyebrow.

“I think Pleasure describes Gwaine well,” Percival said with a shrug. 

“What do you mean-“

“SILENCE! Do you dare question me?” Gwaine shouted, causing more people to tremble with fear.

“N-n-no, your greatness,” Blondy stuttered.

“Let’s not fuel his ego,” Arthur groaned. Fatty and Stout began kissing the statue’s feet.

“Wh-a-what shall we d-d-do with them?” the woman asked timidly.

“Release them. And know that as of this day, there will be not more sacrifices to us!” Gwaine’s voice rang out.

“But my lord-“

“I SAID SILENCE!” 

“Y-y-y-yes your excellence,” the woman stuttered, falling back from the statue. Blondy turned to look at his ex-sacrifices.

“You are free to go.”

“Apologize,” Gwaine cajoled.

“We are terribly sorry for any inconveniences,” Blondy stated with his head bowed.

“No harm done,” Merlin said as he pulled Arthur up and pushed the angry king out of the city and back into the forest.

“We should have fought them!” Arthur cried as Gwaine jogged up to join them.

“It’s in the past, let it go,” Merlin said soothingly, leading him through the woods and back to the campsite.

“Nicely done Gwaine,” Percival congratulated the grinning knight.

“Do not feed his ego anymore,” Arthur snapped.

“You have to admit, it was a good idea,” Merlin said.

“Come on guys, Gwaine’s bad enough as is,” Arthur continued to whine.

“Yeah, maybe Gwaine is a god,” Elyan sniggered.

“What do you mean?” everyone asked.

“Well, he gave those people an actual vocabulary,” Elyan explained.

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Gwaine groaned as he began to recount all that had happened since the group had been captured. He was never going to take proper language for granted ever again.


	22. The Last Exorcism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's safe to say we are all stressed out. Go hug an animal (not a squirrel, those things are mean), and read about these dorks.

“That won’t work!” Gwaine snapped at Elyan. The Knights of the Round Table had once again found themselves in less than amicable company for the fifth time this week. One might assume that the group thoroughly enjoyed being captured and either killed, ransomed, or sold into slavery. But really, they just had rotten luck. It was because of this little fact that Leon wholeheartedly believed each member of the Knights of the Round Table should be locked inside a tower and never see the light of day again if only to protect themselves. But knowing his friends, particularly Merlin, that would not stop anyone from capturing the small group.

“And how do you know?” Elyan argued back. Yippee! Gwaine and Elyan were arguing again over a stupid plan. It usually went back and forth between these two about what was considered good enough to work and what wasn’t. Honestly, the two knights should never create any plans. That job really should only be done by Merlin and Percival, the only creatively intelligent ones in the group. 

“Where the hell are we supposed to get a griffin?” Gwaine responded, throwing his chained hands in the air. Leon looked to the other occupants and noticed Merlin scratching at his cuffs. They seemed to be causing the boy a great deal of discomfort. Leon didn’t think they were that bad, honestly. Sure, he was going to have chaffed wrists when they got out, but Merlin wasn’t looking too good about the situation. He was slightly paler than normal and wasn’t snipping at Arthur like usual. Yet another oddity that Leon had yet to untangle about Merlin. But, he couldn’t be too concerned at the moment. They had to figure out a way to escape and soon before they were sold as slaves to the highest bidder. 

“Well, why don’t you toast to their health already?” Elyan snapped.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gwaine made a movement to stand up. He appeared to be done with done with Elyan’s attitude. Leon sighed heavily and went to break up the argument. 

“Gentlemen, can we try and stay calm?” Leon said. He massaged his brows and tried to stave off an oncoming headache. But, Leon had been listening to these two argue for the past two hours. Two. Hours. That is a long time to listen to two people constantly snipe at each other’s ideas. To top it all off, they had been crammed into an uncomfortable cage. They were not on any path so Leon was continually being jostled into someone’s elbows or knees, namely Merlin. Because gods know the boy couldn’t have an ounce of fat on him. He just had to be entirely bones. But that wasn’t the worst part. Oh no. The worst part was the fact that the group had been taken out by poisoned arrows. Now, Leon was awake, but he felt as though he had been drinking for the better part of the week. Leon didn’t want to unleash his dark side. But one more word out of Gwaine or Elyan and Leon was going to turn into something so terrifying, mothers would tell his tale as a warning towards their children. For what, Leon couldn’t be sure. But he would make a very frightening ghost story. Especially if he managed to rip Elyan’s head off with his bare hands like he had been planning for the past half an hour. 

Merlin dropped his hands in defeat and looked around. Leon hoped the kid could come up with something soon. Elyan was getting ridiculous. 

“Perhaps one of us can fake a medical emergency?” Merlin suggested thoughtfully. Leon pondered this idea. It was doable. If one of the knights were to become sick, the captors would have to stop and make sure the “cargo” was still good. If the group was lucky, they might be able to jump both men and get back to Camelot before tomorrow evening. 

Leon liked this plan, way more than anything Elyan had come up with. So far, Elyan had suggested using an army of griffins to attack the slavers, singing lullabies until the captors went to sleep, and pretending Merlin was a god. That may have worked with Gwaine, but the captors didn’t appear to be idiots. They had also confiscated Merlin’s bag, so there was no way for Leon and Merlin to do their “magic” act. Leon looked around to see what the others thought of this plan. Elyan and Gwaine were still glaring at each other, Arthur was beating his head against the side of the cage, and Percival was studying their transporters.

“What if we hang Arthur with one of our capes?” Elyan said. Merlin’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Leon reached out and patted him on the back. He thought it was a good idea. 

“No. Way. In. Hell,” Arthur growled. Leon didn’t even bother asking how the plan was going to work without killing the king. He decided it would be best to ask Merlin about some of the details concerning his plan. Perhaps Leon could convince his king to follow Merlin’s plan.

Percival didn’t snap out of his trance during the exchange. He just sat, listening to the guards. There was something off about the pair. But Percival wasn’t entirely sure what it was. They were quiet, yes, but that wasn’t it. It was in the way they held themselves. When Percival had first woken up, the two men were sitting tall with an evil smirk on their faces. However, as time wore on, they began to sink lower into their seats. It didn’t look like fatigue, it looked like fear. But, that couldn’t be right. Could it? 

“We’re coming up on the graveyard,” one of the guards said quietly to his friend. Percival heard this and smiled. Leon and Merlin noticed and shifted so they were sitting closer to Percival.

“What is it?” Merlin asked Percival in a low voice. Percival looked at the two guards to ensure they weren’t listening in on the conversation. It didn’t appear so.

“I think I might have a way out. But I need to be sure,” Percival responded. Leon nodded and motioned the others to come closer. Once the group had successfully maneuvered towards the far end of the cage, everyone settled and waited for Percival to explain his plan. 

“What is it?” Arthur whispered.

“I think these men are superstitious,” Percival explained. Leon raised and eyebrow and stared at the large knight. That was not what he was expecting to come out of Percival’s mouth. 

“How can you tell?” Elyan asked. More to the point, Leon thought, why does it matter?

“They’re worried about the graveyard coming up.”

“So?” Gwaine asked. Merlin gasped and smiled.

“You can’t be serious?” He grinned at Percival.

“I think so,” Percival chuckled. Merlin started to snicker, leaving the others to try and guess the inside joke these two shared. 

“What are you two on about?” Arthur asked, becoming increasingly frustrated with Percival and Merlin’s vague discussion.

“There’s an old superstition that you have to hold your breath whenever you pass a graveyard,” Merlin explained. Everyone just stared at him for a minute.

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Gwaine said, trying not to laugh.

“Why the hell would that be a superstition?” Elyan asked.

“Well,” Percival said, “the belief is that if you breathe next to a graveyard, a violent soul will enter into your body and possess you.”

“What about people who are visiting the graveyard because loved ones are buried there?” Arthur asked.

“Can the spirits possess birds or other animals?” Gwaine said. 

“Well I don’t know,” Merlin snickered. “I don’t believe it.”

“How do the spirits decided which spirit gets to possess someone?” Elyan questioned.

“Maybe it’s like a lottery system,” Gwaine suggested.

“Oh yeah, all the spirits who want to possess put their names in a basket and then whoever’s name gets called gets to possess,” Arthur said. Leon rolled his eyes. Was speculating the workings of a superstition really what they needed to be doing right now.

“But,” Gwaine said, furrowing his brows, “if they’re all evil spirits, then how can we be sure that they’ll play fair?”

“And what about people who are burned and whose ashes have been scattered about?” Merlin added thoughtfully. 

“Guys!” Leon barked. Everyone turned and looked at him. “I am so glad you all have inquisitive minds. However, this isn’t real. This is a superstition. We should figure out how the information we know for sure is going to help us,” Leon snapped. He usually trusted Percival when it came to plans, but he did enjoy knowing what the man was planning. An uncomfortable situation involving a group of bandits and a sing-a-long had been awkward, to say the least when Leon accused Percival of being a traitor. From then on, Leon ensured that he knew exactly what Percival was planning before any escape attempts were carried out. 

“Well, if they’re superstitious, we can pretend like one of us is possessed. We can scare them away from us,” Percival explained happily.

“How are we going to know if they believe in that kind of stuff?” Arthur asked. Percival smiled and began to explain the plan to the others.

oOoOoOo

“Percival! Please!” Merlin cried out. The guards stopped and turned to look at their caged prizes. They couldn’t have them hurting one another. Leon bit back a smile as Merlin’s eyes began to water with tears. He looked frustrated and scared all at once. It was perfect. 

“Merlin, you cannot believe in some crappy thing like that?” Percival laughed. It was jovial and just a tad cruel in Leon’s professional opinion. Also, perfect for the situation. The captors would see poor, innocent, little Merlin being tortured by cruel and gigantic Percival. 

“You have to hold your breath!” Merlin begged. His hands waved about and his skin began to pale even more. The boy’s eyes were wild with fear. Percival sneered and chuckled, not believing Merlin’s outburst. The guards looked at each other and then back at the prisoners. Leon noticed their hands getting tight on the reins, attempting to keep the fear they were feeling from showing. It looked like Percival was correct.

“A soul will not enter your body if you don’t hold your breath,” Percival sneered again. Now it was time for the other knights to play a part.

“Percival, please,” Leon begged the man. “Just humor Merlin. It can’t hurt to at least try.”

“Hold your breath,” one of the guards commanded. Though he sounded calm, Leon could hear a tiny shred of fear in his voice. Leon nodded at the others who quickly understood what he was trying to convey. 

“I refuse to participate in some backward, savage belief,” Percival scoffed.

“The graveyard is coming up,” Merlin gasped, starting to breathe heavily. Damn, the kid was really good at acting. Leon almost believed Merlin was panicking. He wondered if there were any times Merlin used his great acting talents on the knights. Merlin had a mischievous side.

“Just relax, Merlin,” Gwaine soothed as he began to rub circles on Merlin’s back. “I’m sure nothing bad will happen.” Leon smiled as he noted the guards’ breathing had also picked up. If one of the men refused to hold their breath, the chances of being “possessed” was greatly increased. 

“You need to relax down in order to hold your breath,” Arthur said calmly. 

“Please hold your breath,” one guard begged. He wasn’t even trying to sound brave anymore. Leon nodded to the men. They had officially set the stage for the next phase. The cage slowly rolled into the view of the graveyard. Everyone made a show to take a deep breath in. Everyone except for Percival.

“You guys can’t be serious?” he chuckled, making sure he was nice and loud. The guards shared worrying looks at one another. Sadly, they couldn’t say anything to Percival, unless they wanted to breathe. They were not going to risk it. Finally, the graveyard came to an end and everyone let out the breaths they had been holding. The men sagged with relief as fresh air filled their lungs. Percival continued to “laugh” at the stupidity of it all.

The guards retrieved the keys and went to take out the prisoners. Each man stepped out of the cage and made their way over to the tree. Then, Percival attempted to step out.

“No, no, no. You get to stay here,” one guard said, pushing Percival back into the cage.

“You can’t be serious?” he cried. The guard looked at him worriedly before backing away. 

“How long until Perce starts up phase two?” Gwaine whispered to Leon as a piece of bread was handed to each of the men. 

“Not long now. They should notice it any moment now,” Leon replied quietly, chewing on the bread that had been given to him. One captor nudged the other with his elbow and pointed to Percival. 

“Hey!” he called out. “What are you doing?” Both men looked at each other before standing up and walking cautiously over to the cage. Percival’s back was straight as a rod. The large knight was staring blankly ahead, completely still save for silent words falling from his lips. The forest seemed to fall silent at this moment. No birds were singing. No animals running under the brush. The wind had even stopped. The only sounds now were the sounds of breaths being drawn in and pushed out by the men. Not even Percival’s fingers twitched. Leon noticed the guards’ breaths getting shallower and more panicked as Percival continued to remain unresponsive. 

“Cut it out!” the captor shouted. His voice cut through the silence. Percival jumped, blinked a few times, and turned towards the guard. Just like that, the forest returned back to its normal and noisy self. Like everything had fallen asleep and had woken up all at once. It was a bit unnerving.

“What’s going on?” Percival asked. “What do you want?” he asked, clearly “not” remembering his trance. Percival was just as good at acting as Merlin, just in a different sense. A creepier sense.

“Get away from him. He can’t do any harm in there,” one captor said, as they backed away slowly. Percival continued to look “confused”, attempting to piece together what had happened the last few minutes. 

“Time for the show,” Leon murmured to the others. Everyone nodded and steeled themselves for the next stage. Gwaine smirked and began to move away from the group into his position. This was going to be fun. 

Once sure their captive was no longer a danger, the slavers sat back down at the fire and began talking. Their conversation was tense and they continually looked back at Percival. Percival, for his part, just sat there looking quite bored with everything. Leon wanted to talk with the man, but that would ruin the illusion. They were supposed to be just as scared of Percival as their captors. This went on for a few minutes. Then, the peace was shattered by an ear-splitting scream. Everyone in the camp jumped at the sound. Leon didn’t even know Percival could reach that octave. And yet, there he was, thrashing around the cage and screaming like a possessed man. Oh, wait, he was a possessed man. Had Leon not been present for the previous conversation, he would have been truly terrified of Percival. He seemed to have disregarded his own personal safety and was now flinging himself against the cage, rocking it and causing the entire forest to vibrate with his penetrating shrieks.

“Is he going to hurt himself,” Gwaine murmured as the guards leaped up from their seats by the fire, and ran to where the other knights were sitting. Leon cursed under his breath. Percival wasn’t doing enough to cause the guards to incapacitate him. They were instead, cowering behind the knights. Leon supposed they could knock out the two men, but it would be hard chained like this. Elyan seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he stood up and dusted himself off with a shaky hand.

“I’ll try to calm him,” Elyan said. 

“Elyan, don’t. He’s not himself.” Merlin pleaded, still staying in character. Elyan paid no heed to Merlin’s “warning” and crept slowly towards the cage. Percival was rolling on the ground and screeching. At least there was no danger of the cage being tipped over anymore. 

“Percival, are you in there?” Elyan asked cautiously. Percival stopped screeching and looked at Elyan. He smiled, Elyan smiled, and then Percival reached out and grabbed Elyan’s shirt collar, pulling him into the bars of the cage.

“I WILL NOT BE CAGED AGAIN!” Percival shouted at the top of his lungs. Arthur and Gwaine leapt up and ran to the cage. They attempted to pry Percival from Elyan. Percival stopped shrieking as soon as Arthur and Gwaine got to the cage. The four men stared at each other. Percival’s eyes were wide and wild. His hands were still grasping Elyan’s collar.

“Percy, hey there,” Gwaine said gently. “It’s your old pal Gwaine. Why don’t you let go of Elyan.” The guards whimpered from their spots behind Leon and Merlin. Percival let out a ferocious roar, causing Leon to jump and grab hold of Merlin. He pulled the kid into his chest and squeezed him tightly, ensuring that Merlin would not be going anywhere.

“Uh, Leon?”

“Yes, Merlin?”

“I’m not in any danger,” Merlin said. Leon looked down and blushed. He just realized exactly what he was doing.

“Sorry.”

“Leon?”

“Yes, Merlin?”

“You’re still holding onto me.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Are you going to let go?”

“Probably not,” Leon said. Merlin sighed and resigned himself to be cradled in Leon’s arms. Not really how he expected this plan to go. Arthur and Gwaine, meanwhile, had successfully pried Elyan from Percival. The three scrambled back towards Leon and Merlin.

“Oh yeah, he’s possessed,” Gwaine laughed shakily. Arthur took one look at Merlin and Leon’s position and groaned.

“Really?”

“I didn’t ask for this,” Merlin muttered, his voice was muffled by Leon’s chainmail.

“I am not going to be caged again!” Percival shouted. He began to throw himself repeatedly into one of the walls of the cage. Each time there was a metallic clang that rang out through the forest. Leon winced and thought of all the bruises Percival was going to have tomorrow. At least he was committed to the role. 

“He’s going to kill himself!” one of the guards shouted.

“Kill himself! No, he’s going to get out and kill us!” Arthur shouted. The men looked at each other with wild fear in everyone’s eyes. 

“We need to sedate him. Prepare the arrows,” the other one commanded. The captor nodded his understanding before running to their bags and retrieving the arrows. Leon nodded to Gwaine. Percival stopped ramming himself into the bars and collapsed on the ground in a cross-legged position. He cocked his head to the side and grinned wolfishly at the group. 

“There’s no earthly way of knowing, which direction they are going,” Percival began to sing softly. Gwaine shuddered at Percival’s eerie singing and positioned himself close to the guard who was preparing the arrows.

“There’s no knowing where they’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing,” Percival continued quietly. Once again, the forest fell completely silent, save for Percival’s singing and the heavy breathing of the men.

“Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing,” Percival sang, his eyes staring blankly ahead, unfocused and unmoving. His right hand was tracing patterns on the floor of the cave, drawing abstract pictures that would have probably reflected his shattered state.

“For the rowers keep on rowing, and they’re certainly not showing any sign that they are slowing,” The guard finished as Percival shouted the last line. Gwaine nodded to Percival. Percival smiled and screamed so loudly, leaving his trance and causing the guard jumped and dropped the arrows. The other captor screamed in terror as Percival continued to let out an earsplitting screech. Gwaine quickly grabbed one, stabbing into the guard's shoulder. He picked up another arrow, went over to the other captor, and repeated the process. Upon seeing both men taken down, Percival stopped screaming.

“I thought they were never going to fall for it,” Percival sighed, massaging his now sore throat. Leon finally deemed it safe enough to let Merlin go and untangled himself from the boy. Merlin threw Leon a glare and straightened out his shirt. 

“Nice show, mate,” Gwaine said as Leon handed him the keys. 

“It was a really great performance,” Leon said. He prepared to put the guards in the cage, cuffing them with similar handcuffs that had been in one of the men’s bags. However, Gwaine wasn’t opening the door.

“Gwaine, you can open the door now,” Leon said.

“He could still be dangerous,” Gwaine smirked.

“Gwaine,” Merlin whined. Leon sighed and prepared to give Gwaine a lecture about how this was a serious situation and there was no time to be fooling around.

“He’s not dangerous,” Arthur said.

“We should poke him with sticks. Just to make sure,” Gwaine said. 

“Are you still mad about losing that bet?” Elyan asked.

“That’s what this is about?” Leon scoffed. 

“You should never have agreed to it, even if Percival was drunk,” Elyan said with the shake of his head.

“Gwaine,” Arthur said, “you can leave Percival in there,” Percival looked outraged at the thought, “but he will have to get out eventually.” Gwaine’s eyes widened at the realization.

“If you think wearing a dress to training was bad, wait until Percival is actually on your bad side,” Merlin sniggered. Gwaine quickly opened the cage doors and let Percival out.

“You made the right decision,” Percival said darkly. Gwaine shrunk back and allowed the large knight to walk past him and help Leon with the slavers. 

“Are you sure he’s not possessed?” Elyan murmured to Arthur. Arthur shrugged and unlocked the chains on his wrist before repeating the action with the others. 

“Do you wonder if the council thinks we’re crazy?” Merlin asked suddenly.

“Probably. That’s why they let us do what we want,” Leon responded with a shrug. As much as he hated to admit it, Arthur’s training that he and the knights went through didn’t help them out very much when it came to these situations. Out of all the times they had been captured, they rarely fought their way out using swordsmanship or hand to hand combat. Arthur should probably rethink his training regiments to include acting lessons and scamming lessons. Leon smiled at this last thought. Camelot must be the only kingdom where these lessons were more useful to the army than any amount of fighting practice ever would.


	23. Arthur's One True Love

If there was anything worse than being captured by knights from a rival kingdom, it was getting captured by knights from a rival kingdom while Arthur and Merlin were in the middle of an argument. Usually, these little spats were quickly resolved through an apology. Well, it wasn’t really an apology with words. More like, little actions that helped to bring the two friends back together. The word “sorry” was never actually mentioned. Merlin and Arthur’s pride was too much for either man to ever admit they were wrong. Not that it wasn’t impossible. Elyan just couldn’t think of an instance where it did happen. He wasn’t even sure that sorry was a word in Arthur’s vocabulary. Even when he was clearly wrong, the king would never admit it. 

But now, Elyan wasn’t sure Arthur and Merlin would ever make up. This fight was bad. Worse than anything he had ever seen go down between the two. Elyan hated to admit this, but getting Merlin threatened or seriously injured might be the only way to allow Arthur and Merlin a chance to make up. Arthur’s overprotective nature would shine through and Merlin would admit that he was being a tad stubborn. Elyan maneuvered closer to the other knight’s while Merlin and Arthur continued to snipe at one another.

“Is it too much to ask our captors hold a knife to Merlin’s throat?” Percival grumbled. Five hours of swearing, cursing and shouting at each other was starting to get on everyone’s nerves. 

“This may be beyond just a threat,” Leon murmured. “We might need to convince them to knock Merlin out completely.”

“Or take him out of the room for a few hours,” Gwaine sighed. If even Gwaine, who was arguably more protective over Merlin than Arthur, was suggesting possible torture, you knew the argument was bad.

“Well, I am so sorry for trying to do something nice for you!” Arthur shouted. Merlin narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

“I said it was fine. I don’t blame you in the slightest,” he snorted. Arthur glared at the servant with such fury, Elyan actually was afraid for Merlin’s life.

“You know, most people are glad that their…companions take such great lengths to ingratiate themselves with the parents!” 

“I thought you would have remembered I only have a mother!”

“I did remember!”

“Not likely. You forget everything I tell you!” Merlin snapped. Elyan groaned and slumped back into the cell wall.

“I wonder if Merlin’s mother is a good cook,” Gwaine wondered aloud.

“Now is not the time to be thinking of food,” Leon cajoled. 

“I don’t think there is any better time to think about food,” Gwaine sighed. The knights hadn’t actually eaten anything substantial since earlier in the morning. That was almost six hours ago. The guard at the door tapped on the cell, getting the knights’ attentions.

“Having a lover’s spat, are they?” he chuckled. Elyan watched as the guard continued to watch with rapt attention at the two men glaring at each other. There was an excitement in his eyes that one might get while watching a drama. Focused solely on the characters and their interactions. This gave Elyan an idea. He might be able to distract the guard long enough for the others to get the keys, knock the bastard out, and then run into the sunset. It wouldn’t be too hard to come up with a story of love, lust, and betrayal. Elyan lived with Gwen long enough, he was sure he could string together a dramatic tale about two star-crossed lovers for the guard in a mere matter of moments. Elyan clambered up to the bars and decided to have a go at the story telling.

“This quarrel they are having is the worst I have ever seen!” he wailed. “I fear that our dear king and his beloved are starting to strain under the pressure of having to live day after day, week after week as if they are merely servant and master. Those of us who know the secret of these two lovers know they adore each other more than life itself. And yet, I fear that this is an obstacle they just cannot overcome,” Elyan finished, bowing his head and sighing deeply. He saw the guard’s eyes widen with interest as he leaned forward, catching every word that Elyan said. This was going to be easier than Elyan previously thought.

“I wanted to formally meet your mother! Is that so wrong?!” Arthur yelled. He waved his hands in the air. Merlin stood and glared down at the king.

“You have met her!”

“I said formally! Not me trying to save you and your family from a bunch of bandits!”

“They seem to hate each other,” the man said. He eyed the couple with suspicion. Well, no matter, if he didn’t think these two were together, Elyan could easily remedy that with a few sweet words and poems. Elyan sighed and shook his head.

“’Twas rocky from the start. Their attraction for one another led to fear, and that fear turned to animosity.” Elyan hoped he sounded as poetic as the stories Gwen read. He was trying to remember everything that happened in those stupid romance tales she was always gushing about. He was pretty sure hatred, at first sight, was a common theme among them. But he still needed to convince the guard that Merlin and Arthur eventually got together. Maybe a tragedy? Did romance stories have tragedies? Percival apparently caught onto what Elyan was trying to do and decided to come to the rescue, adding on to Elyan’s lie even more.

“They fought and argued and stared at each other with such loathing. However, in the end, they fell for each other as only two people with forbidden love could fall,” he said with tear glistened eyes. Leon nodded and moved forward.

“I remember the nights Arthur would come to my room, drunk. Oh, he was trying to hide his feelings so much it hurt him physically. Seeing Merlin every day only made it worse. The poor boy. He tried so hard to quell his beating heart,” Leon sighed dramatically. “Every night I heard him create such vivid images of his treasured darling. Skin, as pale as a porcelain doll’s, smooth and soft to the touch. Eyes, bluer than the summer sky. A laugh that brought light in even the darkest of times. And hair, black as a raven’s wing but softer than any maiden’s. The poetry was exquisite and painted a stunning picture of the boy. You could just hear the love being poured into every word.” The guard widened his eyes and stared dreamily at the pair of men. 

“Well, at least I can dress myself!” Merlin snarled.

“I don’t need to know how to dress when I have a fool to do it!” Arthur snapped back.

“How did they manage to get together, then?” The guard asked, turning back towards the knights with stars in his eyes. Elyan almost wanted to slap the man with a shoe. Seriously? Leon’s speech was so damn fluffy, Elyan was certain his teeth were rotting in his head. Elyan decided he might as well get Merlin’s side of the story in. After all, how were these two supposed to be so in love if only one of them was nursing an aching heart?

“My sister told me that Merlin was in her house almost nightly as well. He would come at the end of a long day, sobbing his wretched heart out as he cursed the cruel irony of the gods. For the divine beings to only allow Merlin to fall for the one who was so wicked and cruel, it was as if fate herself was laughing at him!” Elyan cried. The guard went to dab his eyes with a handkerchief he had stuffed in a pocket.

“But, how did they get together?” the guard asked again. The knights all looked at each other and nodded.

“I remember that day well,” Leon said, a haunted look coming on his face. “We were just finishing a patrol and were heading back to Camelot.”

“The boy went with you?” the guard asked, astounded by the danger Arthur would put his love through. This man was really too much for Elyan to handle. Either he really believed in all of this lovey-dovey crap, or he was just stringing the knights along to see how far they would take this story. Elyan refused to believe that any self-respecting man would ever find this syrupy-sweet fluff at all believable or endearing. Wasn’t this kind of stuff what girls liked?

“He’s Arthur’s good-luck charm. Though back them, I imagine the thought of leaving his beloved behind was too much for Arthur to bear,” Gwaine added. “After all, the up and down motion of a horse can be quite suggestive,” he added with a wink. Leon wacked Gwaine on the head and glared at him. 

“Anyways, we were heading back when we were attacked by bandits!” The guard gasped. “They were everywhere. Attacking left and right. There was no escape from such fiends!”

“What happened?”

“A dagger, to Merlin’s breast. Tis too awful to fully articulate the pain that flashed through our good King’s eyes as he was forced to watch his beloved crash to the ground,” Percival wailed. His eyes had become glossy through the retelling of the events.

“Never before have I seen a man push his horse so hard or grip his love so tightly as Arthur did that day,” Elyan concluded. Everyone’s heads bowed at the “memory” of almost losing their friend.

“His sobs could be heard, echoing through the castle walls as the fate of the one who held his heart was decided by the gods,” Gwaine whispered. The guard sniffed loudly and blew his nose.

“I could hear Arthur crying with such fervor ‘Oh! My little hawk! Do not leave me now! Not when we could soar together in passion and love! Come back to me, my little hawk, so that I can love you with such tenderness!’” Leon said, parroting Arthur’s “pleas” for Merlin’s life.

“That is awful,” he said in a hushed tone. Elyan wondered if they had enough to get out of here of if they needed to continue lying through their teeth.

“Well then, you shouldn’t have eaten the stew!” Merlin’s voice rang out. No one even looked in his direction. The mood was too heavy, too somber to care about this argument. 

“Obviously the boy lived,” the man said in a questioning tone as if he couldn’t quite trust his eyes to see the sight laid before him.

“Of course. And when Merlin opened his eyes, Arthur gave him such a passionate kiss, it left all the maids jealous,” Gwaine gave a lewd wink to the guard before deciding to try and wrap up the con. “Every night since then, Arthur and Merlin have embraced each other in a dance of pure love. A very loud dance, but a dance nonetheless.” Gwaine looked up and the guard and sniggered. “Your nose is bleeding, mate.”

“Then, why are they fighting?” the man asked, clutching his bleeding nose.

“Well, we run into a similar problem than what we had at the beginning of this tale. Arthur is not overly expressive of his emotions,” Elyan stated matter-of-factly. “He loves Merlin dearly, there is no doubt about that, but he can’t always express himself that well.”

“Arthur wants to propose to Merlin on their anniversary and therefore would like to get Merlin’s mother’s blessing,” Leon continued. The guard squealed with delight.

“However, Merlin likes more open displays of affection, and Arthur missed his birthday, on purpose, causing Merlin to become upset,” Percival continued. The guard's face fell slightly.

“Merlin thinks that this trip is a half-hearted attempt by Arthur to make up for the missed birthday,” Leon finished. The guard gasped.

“But won’t he feel horrible when the truth arises?”

“Probably, but Arthur will forgive him and they’ll live a lifetime of wedded bliss,” Elyan finished.

“And every night we will hear such lewd moans echoing throughout the castle,” Gwaine sniggered.

“Will you stop that?” Leon hissed before hitting Gwaine on the head again.

“Ow!” Gwaine yelped. “Your nose is bleeding again.” The guard gasped and wiped more blood onto the handkerchief.

“But they’re getting married?”

“Merlin would never say no, especially since this is his and Arthur’s dream,” Elyan said.

“Honestly, Arthur already considers Merlin to be his husband, he just wants the entire world to know in a form that aren’t bite marks, and hickeys,” Gwaine giggled. 

“You need to go to that man’s mother! True love must prevail!” he cried before unlocking the door and swinging it open. “Hurry, before they figure it out!” the guard said, ushering the men out of the cell. Merlin and Arthur looked at each other before making their way out as well, but not before the guard stopped them.

“Can we help you?” Arthur asked, eyeing the man suspiciously.

“Never go to bed angry.”

“What?” Merlin asked.

“And make sure to say “I love you” at least once a day.”

“Thank you. Why?” Arthur questioned.

“I hope you have endless happiness in your love life,” the guard finished. He bowed and allowed the two men to leave, catching up with the rest of their group.

“Hey, what did you guys say to him?” Merlin asked as they managed to make their way back into the forest.

“Nothing,” Elyan said innocently.

“That’s weird because he was talking about my love life,” Arthur responded.

“He was a romantic, sire,” Leon explained. “We talked about you dream to marry your one true love and he was so moved by the story that he allowed us to escape.” Gwaine and Percival sniggered in the background, only to be hit on the head by Leon and given another death glare. Arthur muttered something about stupid knights but continued onto Ealdor. 

Later that evening, after Arthur and Merlin had bedded down for the night, the others decided to discuss the day’s events.

“How did you follow my story so well?” Elyan asked. “We didn’t discuss the plan beforehand.”

“That may be true, but I’ve heard enough about this love story from Gwen to last me a lifetime,” Leon groaned. Hours of listening to Gwen chatter away about Arthur and Merlin’s “love life” had led to an intense need for therapy as Leon couldn’t help but see the sexual tension between the two of them. Even if he didn’t actually believe Arthur and Merlin were a couple, some of their actions could be construed as something lovers might actually do.

“She talks to you about that as well?!” Percival gasped. “I was so tired hearing about Merlin and Arthur’s tumultuous relationship from her every time we passed in the courtyard. Every day was a new fantasy!”

“At one point, I actually wondered if she was in love with Arthur or not, the way she described Arthur and Merlin as a couple,” Elyan sighed.

“Gwen never told me any of this. I heard it from a dragon,” Gwaine said nonchalantly. The others turned and stared at him.

“There are no more dragons,” Leon said.

“Well, there’s at least one. And he wants Merlin and Arthur to bump uglies,” Gwaine replied.

“How drunk were you?” Elyan asked.

“I’m not sure. I don’t remember drinking that much. But there could have been something in the mead. Either way, an entire evening listening to that thing’s weird fantasies had me gagging for something more masculine. So the next day I go into a fight with the King of Belgravia for kissing his wife. That was a fun day,” Gwaine said, smiling fondly at the memory.

“Are you saying a dragon told you about how Arthur and Merlin got together?” Percival asked.

“Yeah. Mind you, I was having a hard time trying to distinguish if it was the truth or not, so I followed Merlin and Arthur around to make sure Arthur was treating Merlin right,” Gwaine sighed.

“And is he?” Leon asked cautiously.

“Well, their not in a relationship as far as I can tell, so I think the dragon was just having weird fantasies,” Gwaine said, yawning the last bit.

“So, there are two people who think Merlin and Arthur would make a cute couple?” Elyan asked.

“Say one more word about my sexual relationship with Merlin and I will cut your tongue out and feed it to the dogs,” Arthur’s gruff voice cut through the night. All the men jolted up.

“Sire! We didn’t know you were awake,” Leon said sheepishly. 

“I figured,” Arthur said dryly.

“Is Merlin awake as well?” Percival asked.

“I think so, he’s traumatized by the prospect of being my lover,” Arthur answered.

“Why am I your lover? Why are you, my lover?” Merlin squawked. Elyan sighed and flopped back onto the ground. Great, another argument that they would have to endure tomorrow as they rode to Ealdor. Hopefully, Hunith would be able to smack some sense into these two.


	24. A Kicked Puppy

Why the stupid prat had to go on another one of his stupid hunting trips again Merlin would never know. They always ended badly with the group being attacked by bandits, attacked by sorcerers, attacked by monsters, and attacked by sorcerer bandits with pet monsters. After a while it got hard to tell the attacks apart.

This time it was bandits. No, wait mercenaries for hire. Actually, it was probably -oh never mind. It didn’t matter what form of criminal the group aligned themselves with, all that mattered was the fact that they had caught the Knights of the Round Table off guard. They outnumbered them greatly, and they now held the knights, the king, and Merlin as prisoners in a makeshift camp. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse.

“Make sure to tie up the big one nice and tight!” One of the bandits, who Merlin decided to call Toothless, shouted as three more men lunged at the already struggling Percival. It was only due to size that Percival had incapacitated about five or so men since their capture. The knights were all putting up a brave fight. Kicking, punching, and biting their way to the camp, making their dislike of being captured very clear. 

Merlin wasn’t putting up much of a fight. He instead opted for the route of staying quite and out of the way. He knew that he would fetch the lowest bounty and therefore was rather dispensable. The less attention he drew to himself the better.

“Ah!” Another bandit cried backing away from a livid Gwaine, “Bastard bit me!” He shouted to no one in particular. Merlin quickly updated the tally he had been keeping in his head. So far Gwaine had kicked 6 men, bit 8, and punched 3. Arthur had knocked out 4, kicked 1, and punched 7. Leon had kicked 9 and punched 14, Elyan had bit 4 and kicked 2, and Percival knocked out 10, kicked 15, and threw 3 like rag dolls across the camp. 

“Come on, keep them under control!” Toothless barked at the men who had managed to get Elyan and Leon tied to trees but were still having no luck with the rest of the knights. One picked up a club and beat Percival over the head. He cried out in pain and stopped fighting long enough for the men to secure him to the tree. Distracted by the cry of distress, two men each had quickly taken down Arthur and Gwaine. The leader of the camp made his way to the incapacitated knights and began to speak.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?” the leader, Baldy Merlin decided, smirked.

“The king of Camelot sir,” One of the bandits said, clearly pleased with their newest capture.

“I see,” Baldy said leaning down over Arthur. They had yet to realize Merlin was still fully capable of moving, something that could be used to their advantage.

“And to what do we owe this pleasure, your highness?” Baldy practically spat out the last few words making Merlin shudder. Baldy looked around at his laughing men, clearly pleased with the oh so creative insult. His smile faltered.

“Why is the boy not tied up?” He demanded. All of the knights physically paled as all eyes shifted to Merlin. 

“Thought he didn’t pose a threat,” Toothless said as he stroked his chin thoughtfully. 

“Still, we can use him as leverage. It looks like the knights and King are rather fond of the boy,” Baldy continued, looking slightly annoyed. Merlin matched his tone. He wasn’t a boy. Why did everyone insist that he was a boy? He was of age and wasn’t some adolescent with spots. Wait a second, Merlin had an idea that could actually keep him free and possibly save the knights. 

“You there,” Toothless shouted, pointing at a random bandit, “get the rope and tie the kid up,” He jerked his head towards Merlin who had yet to move. Quickly, Merlin changed his demeanor. He bowed his head and slumped his shoulders submissively. He started making tears come to his eyes, not enough to start crying but enough to get them wet. 

“Alright come here you runt,” The bandit, Rotten Teeth was a good name for him, said as he came to a stop in front of Merlin. Merlin glanced up at him, the bandit faltered as he saw Merlin’s eyes. Merlin had a knack for getting them impossibly big and innocent when he wanted. It was a trick he learned how to do back in Ealdor when he wanted something from his mother. He dropped his gaze back down to the ground and began picking at the hem of his tunic, making him seem even younger.

Gwaine struggled against the ropes, trying to get to Merlin. Arthur just stared at him, dumbstruck at what he was seeing. It was true that Merlin wasn’t coordinated, wasn’t physically strong like the other knights. Hell, he even managed to attract a unicorn and cry over dead things like a girl. But this, this wasn’t normal Merlin. His emotional side was never this bad. Merlin wasn’t a five-year-old or a weeping maiden but dammit he was sure acting like it. Arthur was about to tell him to get a grip and man up but Leon caught his eye. Apparently, he wanted to leave emotionally compromised Merlin alone and dragged the boss’s attention back to the knights by kicking him in the knee. The boss yelped and whipped back towards the knights, effectively taking his eyes off of Merlin. Arthur hoped both Merlin and Leon knew what they were doing. 

“Now you listen hear,” Rotten Teeth cleared his throat and continued, “I have to tie you up,” Merlin inwardly smiled as he noted Rotten Teeth was trying to convince himself more that Merlin.

“Please don’t,” Merlin whimpered, his voice incredibly quite. Rotten Teeth sighed and turned around to the boss, who was still taunting Arthur and the knights, unaware the Merlin was conning the hell out of Rotten Teeth.

“Stay right here, don’t move,” Rotten Teeth said as he turned and started towards Toothless. Merlin let out a sigh of relief, hopefully, Toothless was just as easy to convince as Rotten Teeth. All he had to do was look as innocent and non-threatening as possible and the bandits would be like putty in his hands. 

“I don’t care how cute he is the boss man said to tie him up,” Toothless hissed at Rotten Teeth. Rotten Teeth was clearly exasperated by the situation which was good. Even if Merlin was tied up he could probably convince Rotten Teeth to release him after all of the bandits had gone to bed.

“Seriously!” Toothless shouted, causing Merlin to jump. “You can’t tell me that some little brat looked at you with big googly eyes and caused you to wimp out!”

“You try saying no to him!” Rotten Teeth hissed, looking at Toothless.

“He is just a kid, you are a hardened criminal! You shouldn’t be put off by some puppy dog expression,” Toothless was becoming frustrated at Rotten Teeth’s resistance.

“For God’s sake just go over there and tie the bastard up. It isn’t difficult, it isn’t time-consuming. Just get it done,” Toothless was nearly shaking with anger by the end of his rant.

“You’ll have to do it then because I can’t,” Rotten Teeth shoved the rope into Toothless’ hands and walked away to go sit by the fire.

“All right you little runt,” Toothless said as he began to make his way towards Merlin, “I don’t care what that useless man says there is no way you can convince me to keep you loose,” Toothless stopped in front of Merlin.

“Hold out your hands,” Merlin looked up at him, widening his eyes even further and making tears fall down his cheeks.

“Please don’t,” Merlin was proud to make his voice quiver so effectively. Toothless’ hard expression softened.

“I have to kid,” he stated, wide-eyed at the boy in front of him. Toothless cursed under his breath. He was apparently in quite a dilemma. On one hand, Merlin was sitting there looking impossibly cute and innocent. There was no way this kid was a threat. On the other hand, the kid should not be affecting him like this. He was a hardened criminal, the kind of man people fear. He was not some softy who was about to go easy on a boy because of some tears.

Merlin sensed that Toothless was starting to harden his heart again and decided to pull out all of the stops. There was no way Merlin would leave this with his pride intact. “It’ll hurt,” Merlin whispered dropping his eyes back to the ground and picking at his hem again.

“Not if you don’t struggle. I won’t tie it that tight, you’ll be fine,” Toothless’ voice softened considerably. As he reached out and awkwardly clapped a hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

“I won’t run away, I promise,” Merlin stated again, trying to put a pleading note into the statement. Toothless groaned and looked around. After that little display, there was no way he could tie up the boy. Even if he did it gently he would still have to face the hurt look in the kid’s eyes as he bound the rope. But he couldn’t just leave the boy here with any explanation. Toothless removed his hand from Merlin’s shoulder and ran it through his hair, clearly in a dilemma. 

“I’ll go see what I can do kid,” Merlin flashed Toothless a watery smile and looked back down at his hands while toeing the dirt. Toothless jogged off back to Baldy who was entertaining himself by playing with Gwaine’s hair. Toothless whispered something into Baldy’s ear causing him to stop and his smile to falter. He looked at Merlin, as did Gwaine and Arthur. Baldy got up and made his way to Merlin. Merlin groaned. He didn’t think he would be able to keep this up much longer. True he had convinced what appeared to be the right-hand man. But the leader was probably much tougher and wouldn’t be softened by quivering lips and big eyes full of innocence. Still, Merlin put back on his mask and began to shift from foot to foot. 

“Well, you certainly don’t seem like trouble,” Baldy stated as he hooked a finger under Merlin’s chin which forced him to look at Baldy. Merlin wasn’t thrilled at the contact.

“If I don’t tie you up, are you going to behave yourself like a good little prisoner?” Merlin felt a pang of annoyance at the way the man was talking to him. Then again he did work really hard to create this look, apparently, it paid off.

“Well, are you?” Baldy stated again. Merlin nodded his head, which was probably more innocent than actually saying the word ‘yes’. 

“Alright then. If he does something to screw up our catch, it will be on your head,” Baldy stated as he turned to Toothless.

“Look at him boss, he wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Toothless called as Baldy began listing which men were to take which watch. Toothless turned back to Merlin and ruffled his hair before marching through the camp to make preparations for the evening. Merlin looked at the awestruck knights and smiled at them before settling down against a tree. Baldy took one last look at Merlin, who yawned and curled up into a ball. 

After a few hours Merlin woke up to discover someone had put a blanket on him. He chuckled as he stood up quietly and looked around. The knights all appeared to be asleep as did most of the bandits. There was only one other man up, Rotten Teeth. Merlin said some words in the old religion and Rotten Teeth quickly slumped over, fast asleep. Merlin crept towards the fire and picked up a dagger before making his way to the knights. He decided to start with Leon first since he was the one least likely to kill Merlin upon being awakened. Once the bonds were cut away Merlin covered Leon’s mouth to prevent him from crying out and shook him gently. Leon jumped awake and turned to face Merlin who simply put his fingers to his lips. He handed Leon another dagger and they set to work cutting free the rest of the knights. Once everyone had been released they quickly made their way into the forest and back to Camelot.

“Why didn’t you tell us you could do that Merlin?” Gwaine hissed as they ran through the trees.

“I really don’t like acting that way. It’s exhausting!” Merlin exclaimed quietly as he tripped over a tree root, Elyan catching his arm before he hit the ground.

“Well, you are really good at it. You looked ten years younger,” Percival said as he clapped Merlin on the shoulder.

“Not the mention the fact that he looked like a kicked puppy,” Gwaine snickered.

“It wasn’t that great, the bandits were just dense,” Arthur said. Merlin could practically hear him roll his eyes as they continued out of the forest and in through the front gates of Camelot.

“At one point you bought the act just as much as the bandits,” Elyan said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“What matters is that we are out of their hands and no one got hurt,” Leon said quickly to avoid Arthur’s pride stinging anymore. Gwaine snorted, while Arthur huffed indignantly. 

“Well, at least now we know how useful Merlin can actually be,” Percival chuckled as they entered the castle. Merlin was slowly getting redder throughout the entire conversation, not wanting the incident to ever be brought up again. He already had enough trouble with the castle maids and their incessant need to mother him. If word got out about this, the mother henning would multiply by a tenfold. Merlin shuddered to think about what would happen if the smothering affections got any worse.


	25. Generation Gap

Arthur was having a bad day. A downright awful day. Really, one of the worst days in his entire existence. Merlin would laugh if he heard these thoughts. He would probably say that Arthur was being too melodramatic. That it wasn’t really all that bad. But in Arthur’s mind, his mental stability was being put to the test. Oh, he wasn’t talking about the rogue group of soldiers who decided it would be a good idea to take over Camelot. That happened every other month. We really need to up the security around the citadel. Arthur thought with a sigh. 

But it wasn’t the hostile takeover that was bothering Arthur. It wasn’t the fact that he hadn’t gotten lunch yet. Or the fact that the men had attacked before dawn. It wasn’t even the fact that these men were planning on slowly killing the knights, one by one. These things happened all the time. They were just normal parts of life in the castle. No, what was really bothering Arthur and annoying him to no end was the fact that the men had also imprisoned old people with the knights and Merlin. Like, old people. Like, older than the earth itself, people. Of course, Arthur was referring to Geoffrey of Mammouth and Gaius, the court physician. Two of the oldest people he had ever met. Arthur was starting to suspect sorcery at work here because these two just would not go away. Arthur suspected the only reason these two knew so much about the history of Camelot was because they lived through most of it. And now, they were living even more of it in the throne room with the other knights.

Arthur respected Gaius and…knew of Geoffrey’s existence. He usually didn’t have very many interactions with either man outside of the occasional medical checkup with Gaius and seeing Geoffrey dosing off in the council meeting. Other than that, Arthur was blissfully unaware of their presence. But oh dear lord, these two weren’t just old in age, but in attitude as well. 

“Kids these days,” Geoffrey scoffed as Merlin was chained together with Leon. “They just don’t know how to treat their elders.” Arthur groaned and leaned back against the stone pillars. Is this what old people did all day? Complain? Arthur was amazed Merlin managed to put up with Gaius. 

“King Arthur of Camelot!” the leader of the rebels said with a low, mocking, sweeping bow. He completely ignored Geoffrey, causing the man the sputter and began complaining even more. But Arthur wasn’t focused on that; he was focused on the leader. Hopefully, the man could be distracted long enough for the knights to come up with a plan. “What a pleasure it has been to be under your gracious care,” the man finished with a smirk.

“At least this one knows proper English,” Gwaine grumbled, carefully leading Merlin and Leon to the ground so that the servant wouldn’t trip and cause more injury to the senior knight than what was probably going to befall them anyways. 

“While I discuss with my right-hand man how to best secure Camelot for myself, I will leave you with Garfunkel,” the rebel leader said in a syrupy voice. Arthur rolled his eyes. This one was way too pleased with himself. He was probably going to kiss himself in the mirror or something. But with no one making any grandiose speeches, Arthur was no longer able to tune out Gaius and Geoffrey’s griping.

“Oh! My old bones are aching. Couldn’t they have at least padded these?” Gaius moaned. Garfunkel paid not heed to the old man’s whining and stepped forward. Boy, was he big. He was taller and bulkier than Percival and looked as though he ate nails for breakfast. Arthur could feel all eyes shift towards Merlin in mutual fear that he would be the one that would suffer the most under this hostile takeover. The leader just chuckled before swaggering out of the throne room; Arthur’s crown perched lovingly atop his head. This man resembled a peacock far too much for Arthur’s liking. Hopefully, this man wouldn’t be in charge of the kingdom for long.

“…and they don’t hold open doors for me, or offer to carry my things either!” Geoffrey’s voice floated through the room.

“Back in my day, kids always took care of their elders. Nowadays, we are just a burden to them,” Gaius sighed sadly. Arthur groaned and sank back. These men were even more annoying than Merlin on a bad day.

“Excuse me, young man?” Gaius called out. Maybe Merlin wasn’t who Arthur needed to be worried about.

“What!?” Garfunkel snapped. 

“I was wondering if you could loosen these chains. It’s making my old bones ache,” Gaius moaned dramatically. “You don’t know what it feels like to have your joints stiffen from old age. If I stay in this position for too long, my bones might be unable to stretch out again!” Gaius jangled his chains before groaning in pain.

“Could you loosen mine as well? When I was your age…” Merlin, Arthur, and Leon all groaned in unison. They had heard this speech a thousand times before. Geoffrey took no notice and continued. “WE treated our elders with respect. There was no abuse of the elderly. Even bandits had some semblance of respect as they never dared to raise their hand against an old man or woman,” he finished.

“I ain’t loosenin’ them up,” Garfunkel responded. He waved flippantly at the two men and began chewing on his fingernails.

“My word,” Geoffrey gasped. “Is that what kids are learning these days. This isn’t proper English.” Garfunkel threw the librarian a glare but said nothing else on the matter. “As if our language hadn’t gotten enough of a beating. First, they add Latin words to the dictionary. And now this!” Geoffrey cried.

“Next thing you know they’ll completely remove pantaloons from the vocabulary and instead refer to them as trousers,” Gaius added sadly. 

“I fear for our future generations. It’s all about doing things more quickly and not doing things well. Back in my day,” another groan from the audience, “we took the time to plan things. Why just the other day I saw a wood carving that only took two days instead of a week,” Geoffrey said.

“Kids these days just don’t understand the idea that speed isn’t always good. That wood carving will fall apart in two years and you’ll have to buy another one. Why not just wait the extra five days?” Gaius responded.

“Maybe, it’s getting carved faster because the tools are better than what they were four hundred years ago,” Gwaine hissed. Gaius reached up and hit the knight on the head. “Ow! That hurt!” Gwaine said.

“Don’t talk back to me, whippersnapper. My generation got along perfectly well without your fancy moulding planes and fretsaws,” Gaius responded.

“Can you two just shut up?” Garfunkel snarled. Geoffrey wacked him with a tome he had been carrying in his robes. “Ow!”

“We do not speak to our elders that way, young man. Didn’t your mother ever teach you any manners?” Geoffrey said, hitting Garfunkel one last time to further prove his point. “I’m tired,” Geoffrey yawned.

“Gaius,” Geoffrey called. Gaius hobbled over towards Geoffrey. It was an achingly slow process. Like watching a snail trying to get across the road. Arthur just wanted to pick the old man up and drop him off where he was trying to get. Gaius’ slow walk was grating on Arthur’s every nerve.

“Yes?” Gaius asked. 

“Can you believe how the senior citizens of Camelot are being treated?”

“I cannot. Why, I’ve been tossed around so much that I fear my back may never recover,” Gaius bemoaned.

“You threw out your back?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Oh, I am so sorry. Perhaps we should get you some tea and lie you down,” Geoffrey said, standing up. His joints popped with each inch that the man rose. The two men began to hobble towards the exit.

“Maybe afterward we can go out to the garden. I have some lovely petunia’s blooming,” Gaius said.

“I need to tend to my rose bushes as well. I haven’t pruned them in ages,” Geoffrey replied.

“I think they’ve gone crazy,” Gwaine grumbled under his breath. “I’ve seen things like this happen all the time.”

“They do have a point, though,” Percival replied. “We should treat the senior citizens among us with the utmost respect.” Everyone looked towards Percival.

“I completely agree,” Leon said. “However, I think we should first work on getting out of here. But I will certainly bring up the treatment of the elderly at the next council meeting.” Everyone nodded in agreement as Garfunkel began to try and lead Gaius and Geoffrey back to the group. 

“Look, just sit here until Garth gets back. Then, you can gripe and moan all ya want,” he snarled. It was at that moment that Gaius tripped and fell on the ground.  
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” Gaius cried. 

“Oh dear!” Geoffrey explained. He bent down to try and help Gaius up but halfway down he stopped. “Oh, my. I do believe this is as far as I can go. I fear my back has seized up,” he said, slightly out of breath. 

“Okay, this has gone on long enough,” Garfunkel snarled before leaning Geoffrey back into a standing position. 

“Why thank you, young man. You played your part perfectly,” he said before swinging the tome at full force towards the man’s head. It collided with the body part with a smack causing Garfunkel to stumble backward. Gaius had gotten to his hands and knees. He was just at the right height to send Garfunkel spiraling towards the ground. When his head made contact with the stone, he was knocked out cold. Gaius stood up carefully and straightened out his robes.

“I can’t believe they never took the tome away,” Geoffrey said with a sigh. He hobbled over towards the group of younger men and began unlocking them. “Kids these days,” he mumbled. 

“Frankly, I am astounded that none of you tried to help an old man up after he fell,” Gaius said with horror as they opened up the door and began shuffling out into the hallway. The knights and Merlin all followed timidly behind.

“Did you know Geoffrey had such upper body strength?” Elyan murmured to the group. Gwaine and Leon shrugged. Arthur shook his head. Merlin and Percival nodded.  
“He attacked me one day with a tome,” Merlin explained.

“He once threw a chair at me for being too loud,” Percival added. 

“Gentlemen,” Geoffrey called from down the hallway.

“How in the hell did he get there so quickly?” Gwaine gasped. “For an old Geezer, he moves fast.”

“I suggest you boys walk a little faster unless you want the credit of saving Camelot to go to two old men,” Geoffrey threatened. Gaius raised his eyebrow and stared at the group.

“I think we should hurry along,” Arthur said. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan,” Elyan affirmed. They sped up and rounded the corner, ready to take down Garth. Gaius and Geoffrey began to hobble back towards the library.

“They’re lucky we were there to save them,” Gaius said. 

“Kids these days, underestimating the elderly. When I was their age, my grandfather was the scariest person I had ever met,” Geoffrey responded. Gaius sighed and shook his head.

“We were born in a different, more respectful time. I hope that what they learned today will stick with them in the future. Honestly, not even having the slightest idea about how to best handle the situation,” Gaius said.

“I believe I heard one of them suggest Merlin, Leon and Elyan put on dresses. Something about how they were the most comfortable out of the group when wearing women’s clothing,” Geoffrey said.

“I don’t ask what my ward does in his spare time, nor what any of the others do. I merely slip tonics for venereal diseases into Sir Gwaine’s drinks so that he would quite coming in every other week,” Gaius said. 

“Kids these days,” Geoffrey scoffed.

“Indeed.” And with that, the two men proceeded to return to their chambers and nap for the rest of the evening. After all, it was already three o’clock, and kids these days didn’t understand the importance of a nice long sleep.


	26. The Visiting Lord

Lord Jonah of the Southern Province of Camelot was absolutely thrilled when King Arthur, the King Arthur, invited him to his castle for a feast. Oh, what magnificent luck Lord Jonah possessed. The gods surely smiled upon his humble lordship as they continually blessed the man with wonders. His portion of the kingdom was thriving due to his excellent leadership. There were no bandits, few starving children, and a perfect crop every year. It made the humble lord happy that the King Arthur had recognized his efforts and was now rewarding Lord Jonah with a glorious trip to Camelot.

What was even more exciting was the thought that they were going on a hunt. Just Lord Jonah, King Arthur, and a few of his most trusted knights. Oh, happy days! The thought of one on one time with the king, well, almost one on one time. Lord Jonah could propose many ideas that were sure to help the kingdom. If King Arthur heard how intelligent Lord Jonah’s ideas were, he would surely be promoted to council member! It was an amazing thought. Lord Jonah didn’t think it was going to magically happen, but he was pretty certain the king would love to have such a level-headed and humble lord on his council. 

Even if Lord Jonah wasn’t going to be put on the council (he was sure to be given the position, though) it was still nice to get a vacation from all the hard work he had been doing the past year. So, Lord Jonah packed his bags and headed towards the great citadel. A few weeks of traveling and he had arrived. 

Immediately, Lord Jonah got the royal treatment. He was shown to his rooms by King Arthur's personal manservant himself, Marvin or something. The linens were the softest he had ever touched. The bed was so cushioned and padded that it felt like a cloud. The fire crackled merrily and exotic fruits had been laid splendidly on the table. The boy, Mark, bowed, dropped some things and tripped over a rug, but was otherwise pleasant. Lord Jonah hoped the kid would grow into those ears. He couldn’t help but giggle like a female upon collapsing onto the bed. He was finally here in Camelot, in the presence of the ever-gracious and mighty king. It was an amazing feeling. 

The hunt would provide more opportunities for Lord Jonah to impress his lord. The men would be hunting to bring back something for the feast the following evening. If Lord Jonah could snag a prize buck, then King Arthur would see just how great he was! Though, maybe Lord Jonah should try and snag something a little less showy. If he upstaged the king, the man might not take kindly to that. But if he didn’t manage to kill something impressive, then he wouldn’t be seen as impressive. 

“I got it!” Lord Jonah exclaimed, slapping his fist on the table. “I’ll catch the prize buck but play it down. That way, King Arthur will see that I am strong and worthy, but also humble. It’s perfect,” he said to the empty room. A grin split across his face. Tomorrow would hold wondrous adventures. Lord Jonah wanted his rest. With a happy sigh, he hopped beneath the covers and snuggled down into the soft mattress. Things were going to be incredible.

oOoOoOo

"Really Gwaine? Insulting them was not the way to go!" King Arthur snapped at the long-haired knight who smelled like mead. Lord Jonah sat in fear. Sir Gilbert or something had antagonized the bandits who had captured them, resulting in a split lip. What was this man thinking? These people were dangerous! One couldn’t just make crude comments about how well their mothers did in bed! A knight shouldn’t be making those comments regardless! But Sir Gustavo’s eye wasn’t the worst thing that was happening right now. Oh no, aside from the fact that three scary looking mercenaries were currently holding them captive, the scary men were also trying to kill the large knight by hanging him. Luckily, Sir Porridge, or something, was so big that the branches kept breaking. It was still a small victory considering the rest of the situation. 

"Well sorry, princess, I thought they would release me an attempt to fight!" Sir Gwen snapped back. Lord Jonah made a sound of distress in the back of his throat. One should not be talking to the king in such a manner. But that didn’t matter to Lord Jonah so much as the fact that everyone seemed perfectly calm. Were they even trying to take this seriously? Was this something that was so commonplace that they no longer batted an eye when one of their own was currently being murdered? 

"Do you think they're being paid for this?" Sir Eugene asked. The servant, Marylyn, shrugged. 

"Ten silver pieces if they were," he said back with a grin. Lord Jonah’s jaw dropped.

"You’re on," Sire Elwood responded. Lord Jonah felt like he was going to faint. Things weren’t going his way at all.

"Why aren't you guys more afraid? These people want to kill us!" Lord Jonah cried. Next to him, Sir Lorenzo shrugged. 

"Happens all the time. You get used to this," he said, flipping his hair and fiddling with the ropes. Lord Jonah didn’t think it was possible, but his jaw dropped even more. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was scraping the ground. 

"Alright, we won't kill him!" the bandit gasped, giving up on killing Sir Pierre. The bandit stood up and attempted to straighten his coat. 

"What if we were to use rabbits in an effort to attack them?" Sir Erwin said.

"Why would that even work!" Lord Jonah shouted. 

"Actually," Melvin said, "We could try and see if the horses are here or somewhere nearby. They should be able to kick them down!" Murphy turned and grinned at the group. Lord Jonah made a strangled noise again. Sir Ludwig sighed. 

"Merlin, while that suggestion is great, Greta's got a bad leg still, let's try something else," he said gently. Mario pouted but said no more on the subject. Meanwhile, Lord Jonah was going through a panic attack. Seriously! Seriously! Why in the hell wasn't anyone trying to come up with actual solutions? What about cutting the ropes? Maybe they could ambush their captors? Where were the ideas that any normal person would do? 

“Perhaps Gwaine could try getting them drunk," King Arthur suggested. Lord Jonah groaned. The people who were running this kingdom were insane! Absolutely insane! 

"How about, instead of doing something so complicated, we simply walk away while they're distracted?" Lord Jonah suggested. The group stared at him. 

"Will anyone be wearing a dress?" Sir Ernesto asked. Lord Jonah stared at the man for a few moments, trying to make sure he heard correctly. Everyone stared back at him as if expecting him to answer the question like it was actually a plausible idea.

"Why would anyone be wearing a dress?" Lord Jonah groaned. 

"Will we need to employ the help of talking animals?" Maxwell said. Again, it was like these were legitimate questions? 

"Where the hell.. no, we won't need talking animals," Lord Jonah sighed. Gods, he was with a bunch of idiots. 

"Will there be any sort of con we will need to employ? Sick friend? Possession?" Sir Gaston asked. 

"Why would anyone need to pretend to be possessed?" Lord Jonah replied.

"I'll take that as a no," Sir Gilbert said happily. 

"What about Gods? Do we need to create any fake gods for worshipping and sacrificial purposes?" King Arthur asked. Lord Jonah looked at him with a look of absolute loathing. "Alright then, be uncreative," King Arthur muttered. Jonah sighed and massaged his brow. 

"Alight, on the count of three we will make a run for it. Once we are far enough away from the bandits, we will cut the ropes. Any questions?" he said. Sir Leopold raised his hand. 

"Do we need to pretend to be any in love?" Lord Jonah groaned. 

"There is no reason why any of you need to pretend to be lovers. Just follow my lead," he spat. The mercenaries were all turned away from them. Slowly, the group began to make their way through the forest. When they were far enough away, they broke out in a sprint. When they were even farther away, they stopped and started releasing the ropes around their wrists. 

"That was easy!" Melbourne said happily. 

"Yeah, why don't we do that more often?" Sir Gavin asked. Lord Jonah groaned. King Arthur clapped his shoulder. 

"You are a smart man, Lord Jethro." 

"It’s Jonah," he muttered. King Arthur appeared to not pay any attention. 

"I'm glad I have someone alike you working in my kingdom. It's that kind of level-headed thinking that more men need," the king continued. 

"Thank you, sire," Lord Jonah said. He didn’t want to be part of the council anymore. He was perfectly happy staying in his southern city.

"Now, who's up for some drinking games?" Sir Glen asked. Everyone raised their hands. 

"But we haven’t caught anything yet! The feast!" Lord Jonah gasped. The men all turned and looked at him. Their facial expressions made Lord Jonah feel like an idiot. 

"There's more than enough meat in the stores. This is mostly just an excuse to get out of the castle," Sir Lennix explained. The men all started walking towards the citadel, leaving Lord Jonah behind with his mouth open. Camelot was messed up.


	27. Forgetting: Easier than you Think

Elyan was having a really rough day. Well, no rougher than usual. You see, he had woken in the morning only to discover that Gwen had already left. She hadn't woken him or made him breakfast. 

I know what you're thinking. "Elyan is a grown man, he should be able to take care of himself," but it wasn't Elyan's age that was the problem. It was that, once again, Gwen had forgotten about him. But, Elyan didn’t let this get him down. He could still salvage some respect among his fellow knights by accepting his mistake and doing better the next day. With this thought, Elyan proudly put on his armor (it took the metal smith almost three months to make it because he kept forgetting), grabbed a slice of toast, and jogged towards the training field. He wasn’t terribly late. But it would be noticeable with Arthur and the other knights. 

As expected, the others had started their exercises without Elyan. It made sense. They couldn’t wait around every time someone was late. Elyan just hoped that he wouldn’t be punished too badly for his tardiness. 

"Sorry I'm late, sire," Elyan said. He was out of breath from sprinting towards the field. Arthur jumped at the suddenness of Elyan’s voice. He turned and stared blankly at Elyan, as though he were some strange creature.

"Elyan!" he finally exclaimed. "I thought you were already here.” Elyan went into shock at these words. Didn’t they do roll call every morning to see who was here and who wasn’t? Arthur laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. “Oh well, go do whatever it is you do," Arthur said. Elyan didn’t even know what that meant. He normally got up at six every morning and then trained with the other knights until about nine or ten. What was he supposed to do now? Arthur paid not heed to the knight. Instead, he turned back towards Percival and Gwaine’s sparring match to give them pointers. 

“Uh, sire?” Elyan asked once more. Arthur jumped and turned towards him. 

“Elyan, when did you show up?” Arthur asked. Elyan stared open mouthed at the man. How could he have already forgotten poor little Elyan as well?

“Never mind,” Elyan said. He turned and went to sit by Merlin and Leon. Eventually, he would get called to spar.

The day didn't get much better from there. All over the place, people had forgotten where and when he was supposed to be. He showed up for guard duty at the front gates only to be turned back around and told that he wasn't needed. He showed up for a feast for a visiting noble only to discover they hadn't actually set out a chair for him. Gwen forgot that he needed a shirt hemmed. Merlin accidently forgot to sharpen his sword. And the visiting noble forgot that he was a knight and not a servant. But Elyan was used to this. It happened every day. No one ever remembered the poor little knight. 

oOoOoOo

The following day worked much the same, except Elyan managed to get himself up at the right time. Gwen apologized for forgetting about him yesterday. But Elyan said that it was all right and that he didn't mind. Still, she made him a nice lunch in order to compensate for her memory. That was one of the nice things about being forgotten constantly. He worked half as hard as the rest of the knights, through the sheer incompetence of the people who were supposed to be giving him jobs. But he was still treated with the same respect as the other knights. At least, he was treated with respect when he was remembered. 

You see, it’s all about looking on the bright side of life. Elyan thought as he walked out the door. While it may be frustrating to never be remembered, he still did get some compensation. With this thought, he worked his way through the streets of Camelot and towards the stables. 

Today, they were going on a patrol. Patrols meant that they were going to be captured by one form of enemy or another. While it was tiresome, it was also a break from castle life. Years of drifting from place to place made Elyan resistant to any permanent dwelling. This was a problem if one was to be a knight in a highly respected kingdom. These short patrols gave Elyan just enough freedom to scratch the itch. He wondered if Gwaine felt the same way. He should ask him on this patrol. Elyan arrived at the stables to discover that Merlin had saddled all the horses. Yes, all the horses. Merlin was probably the only one who didn't forget Elyan as much as the rest of them. But he still did forget. Though, Merlin forgot a lot of things. Maybe Elyan wasn’t so special so as to be forgotten by Merlin. Whatever. The man had saddled a horse for him. His horse. The one that he rode every time he needed to ride a horse. Well, there was this time where a beaver made his horse trip. So he couldn’t ride her for about a month. That was a story for another time.

"Merlin, do you know how long we're going to be out today?" Elyan asked. The servant jumped at his sudden arrival and turned.   
"Elyan, how are you?" Merlin asked. 

“Good. Did Arthur tell you how long we’re expected to be out?” Elyan prompted again. Merlin shrugged and continued feeding his horse an apple.  
"I don't think we'll be out for very long," he said. 

Elyan nodded and began brushing his horse’s mane. The horse blinked slowly at Elyan as if trying to remember where she'd seen him before. Elyan frowned. If even his horse was forgetting him, then what hope was there for the rest of the world? 

'Remember the stuff you get out of being forgotten.' Elyan reminded himself sternly.

The others slowly joined as the sun rose in the sky. Arthur quickly explained that it was to be a very short patrol, they wouldn't even lose sight of the castle. With that, the horses were spurred into action and out into the woods. For the first few hours, it was a fine patrol. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, everything was going well. Gwaine was telling one of his infamous tavern tales when Elyan decided to butt in. 

"You know when I was in Mercia," he started. Gwaine jumped in his saddle. 

"Elyan, mate, I forgot you were there," he said sheepishly. Elyan rolled his eyes and was about to continue his story when a shout alerted the men that they were going to be attacked. Elyan swung down from his saddle, as well as the others, and then ran towards the shout in order to ambush the bandits or whatever they were before they ambushed the group. When he arrived at the approximate place where he had heard it, he realized he had made a mistake. They were waiting for them, waiting to capture them. 

"Bind them!" the leader/head honcho/man with a plan shouted, quickly subduing the knights. They were outnumbered 20 to one, it was embarrassing. They would never be able to win. Elyan sighed and waited for them to bind his wrists. He hoped it wasn’t hemp. Hemp made his wrists itchy. Maybe he was allergic to hemp. He should talk to Gaius about that. Wait. They weren't tying up Elyan. But all the others were tied with ropes. They hadn't even disarmed him. Elyan's jaw dropped. 

"King Arthur!" the man with a death wish started. "I will make you suffer for your--" 

"Excuse me?" Elyan said, interrupting the bandit/deranged psychopath/idiot. The man turned to him and glared. 

"Who are you?" he snapped. 

"I'm a knight of Camelot," Elyan explained. The man stared at him. 

"Where did you come from?" he asked. 

"I was with the patrol party. I was actually the first one in this clearing," Elyan said, gesturing towards the direction he had entered. The leader blinked at him before shaking his head. 

"You were not. I would have remembered that. The first one in the clearing was the one that looks like a boulder," the leader snapped. Elyan furrowed his brow and turned towards Percival. He was pretty sure Percival had been one of the last people in the clearing. Elyan decided he had to tell the bandit/mercenary/revenge seeker/wackadoodle this. 

"No, he wasn't. I was the first one here. But that's not the point. The point is the fact that you haven’t tied me up," Elyan explained. 

"Do you want to be tied up?" the leader asked. Elyan shrugged.

"Not really. Hemp makes my skin itch. I’d rather stay away from the stuff. I just assumed that I was also an enemy and should be given the same treatment as the others," Elyan said. The enemy knight/whatever the hell he was, raised an eyebrow and sighed.

"Okay then, tie him up," the leader said. He turned around only to discover the men had all been knocked out. The crazy person’s/sorcerer/deviant’s jaw dropped. “What the hell happened?” he cried.

"We fought them while Elyan distracted you," Gwaine explained. Elyan smiled and proudly puffed out his chest. He wasn’t even planning on escaping that way. Way to go for the rest of the men for seizing an opportunity. The man sighed and stuck out his hands. 

"Fine, I give up. You can arrest me. I really didn’t want to do this anyway," he grumbled. Elyan smile and started making his way back to the horses. 

"After this, we should go to the tavern!" Gwaine shouted with glee. There was a collective cheer in the group. 

"I hope Greta's serving tonight," Elyan said with a chuckle. Gwaine jumped in his saddle and turned around to face Elyan. 

"Elyan! I forgot you were there," Gwaine said. 

"I just distracted the guard for you!" Elyan cried in anguish. Leon shook his head. 

"No you didn't," he said. Elyan gaped. 

"Yes, I did!" What do you think happened in order for us to win!?" Elyan cried. Everyone shrugged their shoulders and gave noncommittal grunts. 

"Whatever, I'll meet you guys in the tavern later tonight." Elyan sighed. He wasn't very pleased when later that night everyone had started drinking without him. Gwaine was the only one who was not unconscious.


	28. One Hell of a Servant

Polish the silver: check. Polish the armor: check, Polish and make the bed: check. George looked through his list of chores one more time before smiling to himself. Things were looking good. He had finished all of his assigned duties earlier than expected. That meant that he could get a head start on tomorrow’s duties. One could never polish brass enough, in his humble opinion. George felt proud of himself for his accomplishments. So young and one of the best servants that Camelot had to offer.

Sure, King Arthur didn't ever seem to appreciate him, nor did any of the knights. But that was not what was important. What was important was ensuring that Camelot sparkled. Even the chamber pots. George strived to make everything he did perfect. Arranging the fruits on platters, making the beds perfectly, even ensuring that the other servants had a high-quality state of dress. Camelot would not be one of those kingdoms where the servants looked little better than the beggars, no sir. It was a marvelous feeling of accomplishment that only a servant of the Pendragon Era Kingdom could aspire to. 

Every morning George would wake up and help prepare various nobles for the day that lay ahead of them. It was tough work. But it was work nonetheless. And he loved it. Sure, there were the bad days where Merlin would mess something up. Or Sir Gwaine would pull an incredibly messy prank. (Don't get George wrong, he respected the nobles far too much to ever think of anything less than admiration when he met with the knight. Well, admiration might be taking it a step too far. Maybe a better word would be acceptance that this man was a noble.) Anyways, these daily chores were a part of daily life for George. His skills were impeccable. His willing to serve, unfathomable. Everything about him was perfect in every way, shape, and form. 

But, sadly, his days of peace and quiet were about to come to an end. All the work he had done through the morning to make the castle sparkle was now about to be trashed as horrid savages came crashing through. George suppressed a sigh as he, Merlin, and some of the other knights, along with King Arthur, were led to the throne room. Oh! And to think that the floor he had spent hours cleaning last week would be muddied by the boots of bandits or something. 

George hoped the knights would be able to take care of the evil mud-tracking men. He really didn’t want to fight today. He would rather be in his small corner, polishing the shields until they shone like the victory of Camelot’s massive army. He would rather just stay behind and press the sheets until no wrinkles remained. Merlin was the one who hated that kind of work. That’s why he went out on the missions, leaving George behind to inspect every piece of food that was to grace the presence of King Arthur’s plate. A king could not be served a bruised apple, after all. 

There was a pitcher of wine sitting on the table. Out of habit, George picked it up and went to fill the cups of the men who were trashing his table decorations. Another sigh. George had spent all morning collecting the perfect flowers, leaves, and pinecones to make a centerpiece that invoked the whimsy of autumn. The oranges, the reds, the colors all around! They were represented perfectly in the magnificent and awe-inspiring centerpieces. And now, his beautiful pieces of chrysanthemums, heleniums, pinecones, goldenrods, and caryopteris were strewn about the room in such a brutish manner. And to think that he actually attempted to get some class in this room. Seriously, the banquet hall was always drab unless George did something about it. Drab was for barbarians, not King Arthur.

George poured a goblet of wine for the leader (an ugly brute who smelt as though he had never seen a washtub before) and handed him the decorated chalice. It was a simple but elegant design. The chalice was plain silver with some etching of trees decorating the peripheries. George had chosen this for the visitors that were coming tonight. It was to symbolize the forestry services the northern kingdom was hoping to provide for the people of Camelot. Simple, so as to convince them that King Arthur was not trying to upstage the Northern King. But decorated to show that Camelot had money to trade. 

"What is this?" the brute asked, wiping his filthy face on a periwinkle-embroidered handkerchief. George thought that the light blue would compliment the bold oranges and reds that were decorating the hall. A soothing color in a sea of fiery ones.

"Wine, to quench your thirst," George responded, standing up far too straight and rigid for any normal person. The man looked at the knight. 

"Is he serious?" he asked, motioning towards George. George paid no heed. Outside it appeared that the skies were darkening. He should hang the yellow drapes around the castle in an effort to promote the feeling of sunny days for the guests. Surely they would appreciate it. 

"He does this all the time. It's probably not poisoned," Merlin responded. God bless that poor child's soul. He never seemed to quite grasp the servant's creed, no matter how many times George tried to convince him that the proper way to polish the armor was until it gleamed. Though he was clumsy, there was definitely something endearing about the way Merlin’s world worked. George did appreciate the lad, no matter what others seemed to think. 

The man took a sniff of the goblet and drank some. George was thinking of ways to make the castle more inviting, some nice cinnamon and clove incense that had just been received from the Far East probably wouldn't go amiss. It would help cover up the overwhelming stench of manure that these men carried with them. The leader was talking about something, probably taunting the king. George decided that he should listen. Not that it really mattered, he had more important things to worry about. Was deer going to be too barbaric for the feast? Perhaps a nice veal or lamb would go over better with the guests. 

"...and then we will take over this castle and kill you, King Arthur," the man sneered. That made George stop in his tracks. The thoughts of how many apples should be roasted and provided at the feast were long gone from his mind. Well, not that long gone. He was still trying to decide if the centerpieces should be edible or not. Maybe. That would be interesting and there were plenty of things that could be good decorations. 

Wait, he was supposed to be worried about the king. Sure the knights were there. But they were helpless against such a brute. This man was planning on killing King Arthur. George could not let that pass. He was loyal to the Pendragons until the very end. Nothing could sway his belief in the rulers of this land. No, maybe edible centerpieces were too strange. George gritted his teeth and decided to decide about the centerpieces later. He had to pick the flowers anyways. Now was his time for action. He would not allow these men to topple such a great nation. It was a horrid thought. With that thought, George smiled and placed the jug down. 

"Is there anything else I can get you, sir?" George asked in a tone that was darker than who he normally spoke. George could see the eyes of the knights on him as he spoke. They now realized that George was planning something. He never spoke this darkly about anything. Or maybe they were mentally scolding him for not ironing their underwear like normal. George needed to be more consistent with his chores. The brute looked at him. 

"What are you on about?" he asked, eyes the man suspiciously. George bowed slightly before standing up. His face was set in stone. Servants were not supposed to show a great deal of emotion. He wondered if the guests were bringing any food items to the feast. He should probably figure that out before he commissioned more food to be made. 

"You see, Sir, it is the servant's creed that all guests much be treated with the utmost respect and caring. They should feel as though they are royalty no matter what their station is. If they are a guest here, they are treated the same," George explained. He clasped his hands behind his back. "However, you are not a guest, but a pest. It is also the Servant's creed to remove all pests from the premises as we would not want the royals to have to be distracted by such little things. They need to focus on so much more. The simple rat..." George took a step forward, "Or cockroach," another step, "must be exterminated for the very reason that they lower the enjoyment of the nobles while in the castle." by this point George was looming over the man. 

"So, I regret to inform you that while you may think yourself an honored guest at this establishment, you have done nothing but be rude and ungrateful since you've arrived. You've trashed the centerpieces, stained the chalices, tore the drapes, and have gotten mud all over these polished floors. This is despicable and so, for the sake of my employer, I ask that you kindly leave the premises.” George’s face remained emotionless. He wasn’t lying. These men were pests and George had far too much to do to worry about them at the moment. He would remove them if they protested anymore. The lead brute stared at the servant for a second before bursting out laughing, the other men joining in behind. 

"Uh, George," Merlin whispered. "You might want to leave the removal to us," he said, motioning for George to step back. George turned and looked at the boy. 

"Merlin, a servant that can not even remove the lowers of pests isn't worth his salt," he said.

"George, stop!" Merlin hissed. George paid no heed to the boy and merely turned to the bandits. 

“How are you going to stop us?" the leader laughed. 

"The way all pests are stopped, they will be forcibly removed from the household using extreme methods," George said. 

“I usually release them back into the wild," Merlin muttered. No one heard as the bandits ahead stood up and drew their swords. 

"Oh my, these pests don't seem to want to leave," George sighed. "And to think, I thought I was going to have time to hang up the yellow curtains," he said. 

"We have yellow curtains?" Sir Leon asked. 

“Really!” King Arthur cried. “That’s what you’re worried about? One of my servants is about to be skewered!” Sir Leon shrugged his shoulders. George did wish the men wouldn’t underestimate him so. He could hold his own, after all.

The bandits all drew their swords, much to George’s annoyance. The clouds were starting to darken and he needed new flowers. The more the better so that he didn't have to rely solely on the edible arrangements. Some fresh thyme for the meal also would provide some flavor to the meat. The men began charging at him. George moved with grace through the room as he took down bandit after bandit. He appeared to be floating and gliding through the air. He picked up the silverware and threw it with accuracy at the men. He would need to find another set of silver to use. The guests would not be pleased to know what they use to eat was used to kill and harm earlier today. 

George grabbed the jug, still filled with wine, and used it to knock one unconscious.

“Honestly, you men have no manners,” he sighed. Another was wrapped in the drapes and thrown out the window. An arm here or there was broken. A few chairs were throne about, smashing gracefully into the faces of these barbarians. 

George sighed at the thought of how much blood was being spilled on the ground. He would never be able to get it out of the stone. Perhaps he could commission an artist to do floor paintings. Those were supposed to be all the rage in Rome. A nice Camelot red dragon would fit nicely. But that would also decrease the amount of decorations he could house since he didn't want anything to clash. Perhaps the artist could just paint the floor back to its original color. But George would of course try and remove the stains first. He didn’t want to spend more money than necessary. And commissioning an artist just because he didn’t want to do the work was extremely lazy.

One last elbow to the face and George was clear of brutes. Their bodies were strewn across the room it was a fantastic site. George dabbed some blood off his face and heard the knights whispering in the background. 

"I think he's a demon," Sir Gwaine muttered. 

George turned to the group and smiled. "No, sir knight, I am merely one hell of a servant. Now if you excuse me, I need more goldenrods and apples." With that, the servant strode out of the room, leaving behind the stunned knights. Perhaps the edible centerpieces were a good way to go. That would be such an interesting take on the typical flowers of fall. He should also find those curtains. The clouds were building up much too much for his liking. He also needed to see if there was some sort of covering for the walkways. The guests should be as comfortable as possible. And comfort was hard to have if one was soaking wet. He also didn’t want the servants to track more water and mud into the castle than absolutely necessary. And a deer would also do well with the feast. After all, a servant that couldn't put together a good feast despite the fact that there were mercenaries in the dining hall earlier in the day threatening to kill the King, wasn't worth his salt.


	29. The Informal Party

Arthur slowly awakened, groaning as he realized how hard his head was pounding and how loud the ringing in his ears was. He squeezed his eyes shut even more tightly, trying to block out all the light. He willed his hangover to go away. It didn’t work. 

Arthur rolled over to his side, his stomach churning in the process. He should have let Gwaine talk him into having an informal party last night. Gwaine had said something about celebrating the fact they weren’t captured on their last patrol. Apparently, that was enough to celebrate. But the man had brought the tavern with him! How did he even afford so much mead and wine in the first place? Arthur wouldn’t be surprised if Gwaine had told the tavern owner that Arthur would pay the bill. 

Gods! How much did Arthur have to drink last night? The entire thing was rather a blur. Actually, come to think of it, Arthur couldn’t remember anything. That was even more worrisome. What if he had done something stupid like knighted Izzy or made it illegal to eat meat? He had to do damage control right now.

After a few more deep breaths, Arthur felt a little better. The ringing in his ears had started to dissipate some and his stomach had stopped doing somersaults. It was then that he heard some snoring coming from the room. Did Merlin stay the night? It wasn’t uncommon for the servant to sleep in a chair or in front of the fireplace after one of their binges. Merlin wasn’t very good drunk and often wouldn’t be able to make it back to his room after a few drinks. And since Arthur didn’t feel like dragging him back, Merlin stayed here. But Merlin didn’t snore. Did one of his knights stay over? 

Now that was a little more unacceptable. His knights were grown men, perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. There was no reason to look after their drunk asses. Not that Arthur was obliged to look after Merlin. Well, he kind of was, since Merlin was his responsibility. But in a strictly professional manner! Not in a ‘we are friends and Merlin is essentially a defenseless puppy so I kind of have to make sure he doesn’t die’ manner. Even if that was the case. 

Wait, what was Arthur thinking about again? Oh, right, who was snoring? The puzzle only became more confusing as Arthur felt someone shift next to him. In his bed. Arthur’s eyes flew open, only to slam back shut as the light hit them. No one was allowed in his bed. Not even Merlin. Though he did spend one night in it because he was sick—Arthur was getting off topic again. There was somebody in his bed. This couldn’t be allowed. 

Arthur took a few more deep breaths, ready to face whoever decided that the king’s bed was a good place to nap. He slowly opened his eyes, hating the light once more. Arthur steeled his resolve and put on his best angry face. It was time for him to tell Merlin off. He knew better than this. He whipped around, and promptly let out a very manly scream as soon as he laid eyes on his bedmate. The very manly scream happened to wake his bedmate, which happened to be Leon, who fell off the bed upon hearing said manly scream. 

“Leon? What the hell?” Arthur cried. Leon sat up with wide eyes. His mouth opened and closed several times, trying to make sense of this turn of events. 

“I-this-oh gods,” Leon stuttered as he took in his state. 

“Where are your clothes?” Arthur squeaked. Indeed, Leon was sitting on Arthur’s bed, wearing nothing but underwear, small underwear too. 

“Where are my clothes? Why am I not wearing any clothes?” Leon gasped. He began scrambling around, crawling under the bed and digging through some trash on the floor. Arthur quickly looked away. He did not need to be looking at his senior knight’s half naked form. His eyes widened upon seeing a priceless tapestry torn to shreds.

“What the hell happened?” Arthur roared once more.

“Can you two lovebirds please be quiet? I got a hangover the size of Mercia here and I don’t need screeching this early in the morning,” Gwaine’s voice called out.

“I think it’s closer to noon,” Elyan groaned. It was then that Arthur noticed the rest of his knights sprawled out on the floor. Percival was huddled under the window, a pillow was clamped around his head. Elyan was sitting in Arthur’s chair, rubbing his eyes. And Gwaine was sprawled out in front of Arthur’s fireplace, one arm thrown over his eyes and the other holding tightly to a blanket. 

“Nothing happened last night Gwaine,” Arthur said. Gwaine let out a huff of amusement. 

“Arthur is still fully dressed. I appear to be the only one without clothing. Why am I the only one without clothing? Can someone please explain to me what happened last night?” Leon said, still crawling around the floor in an attempt to find at least one article to cover himself up with. 

“What the hell did happen last night?” Elyan asked as he slowly stood up.

“No earthly clue,” Gwaine groaned. Percival grunted in agreement.

“If Gwaine can’t remember, then we must have drunk a lot,” Leon said. 

“Well, where’s Merlin?” Arthur asked. Perhaps his manservant could fill them in on why no one was in their own places of residence. The other knights looked around the room and saw no familiar mop of raven hair. 

“No idea. Seriously guys, I want to wear something. I’m feeling exposed,” Leon groaned. Arthur stood up and stretched. He still felt completely miserable. It didn’t help that at that moment the door burst open, causing everyone to groan and wince in unison.

“Good morning!” Merlin’s loud voice sang. Was it always this high-pitched? Arthur thought to himself as he turned to see a very cheerful manservant who had apparently not drunk at all last night. 

Merlin made his way over to the table with a tray of what Arthur assumed was supposed to be his breakfast. Arthur was about to berate Merlin for not waking them up until the afternoon when he noticed Merlin wincing and massaging his shoulder. He caught Arthur staring and gave him a cheery wave.

“I brought food!” Merlin sang. How was it possible for him to get even more annoying? Still, Arthur and the other knights slowly made their way to the table. Arthur’s stomach revolted at the smell.

“What the hell is this?” Gwaine groaned, backing away from the putrid dish.

“Cheese, bacon, bacon-fried eggs, pickled eggs, pickles, and to wash it down, more mead!” Merlin cried happily. Everyone groaned and back away from the table. Merlin gave another cheery smile and sat down. He picked up a fork and started munching on the pickles. 

“Why are you punishing us?” Percival moaned. He had retreated back underneath his pillow. 

“Because you are all awful when you drink. I hate dealing with you guys,” Merlin said cheerfully.

“How much did you drink last night?” Leon inquired as he splashed some water on his face. He continued the search for his clothing once more. 

“I didn’t. And you threw your clothing down to the courtyard. Look, you can see your trousers from here,” Merlin said, gesturing to the window. Leon rushed over. Sure enough, his trousers, shirt, and boots were flung around the courtyard, tossed out without a care.

“Why are they down there?” Leon asked.

“I actually do need to tell you about last night, for the council meeting,” Merlin said sheepishly. Immediately, all eyes were on him. Merlin smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“What happened last night that the council needs to talk about it? Did I legalize magic or something?” Arthur asked. The council couldn’t technically do anything to Arthur, but they could do something to his knights. 

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t interrupt me, no matter how much you want to,” Merlin said, finishing off the pickles and moving onto the bacon. 

“Why?” Gwaine asked.

“Because, I don’t really want to start and stop. Just wait till the end, okay?” Merlin said, smiling at the group of men. They all nodded and sat down. Arthur really wanted to ask why Merlin appeared to be so stiff and was favoring his left side, but knowing Merlin, he would just brush it off. So, Arthur made himself keep his mouth shut and listen to how the story played out.

oOoOoOo

“I think that this is the best idea I have ever had!” Gwaine cried, emptying another flask of mead into his stomach. Percival giggled and sank down onto the floor. 

“Guyguysgusy!” Elyan cried. “What if, instead of riding horses, we rode giant squirrels!” he said proudly. Merlin rolled his eyes and went to collect some of the empty mugs that had been lying around. 

“Merlin, darling,” Gwaine called to the servant, blowing him a kiss. “Why don’t you sit down and let me work my magic on you.” Merlin rolled his eyes again.

“Sorry, Gwaine. You’re not my type,” he responded.

“I’m everyone’s type, Merls. I can make you feel things…”

“Please quite flirting with my manservant, Sir Gwaine,” Arthur snarled from across the room.

“Oh, the princess is jealous,” Gwaine sniggered. “Don’t worry, Merlin baby, I can take care of you like never before.” Arthur stood up to punch Gwaine, only to trip over the rug and land on his face. 

“Wait, what if we all carried around two swords so that we could kill twice as many people?” Elyan wondered aloud. Percival let out a booming laugh that echoed around the chambers.

“Everything is soooooo funny. Why don’t we do this more often?” he said. Gwaine hiccupped, causing Percival to fall into another state of booming laughter. Merlin placed the empty mugs outside the door for other servants to deal with before turning around and sighing.

“Leon, what are you doing?” he asked. The senior knight was standing in front of the mirror and running his hands through his hair with a look of intense concentration on his face.

“Leon is like Lion. I think my hair should be wilder,” he explained, running his hands through it once more. “Rawr,” he said, forming cat claws with his hands and batting at the mirror. He began caressing his face and hair, making the strands stick out in every direction. “I’m not like a lion. I am a lion. Leon the lion,” Leon said, whipping his head back and forth. 

“Whatever floats your boat,” Merlin muttered.

“Elyan, since Merlin here doesn’t want to have a good time, why don’t we?” Gwaine suggested. Elyan looked as though he was about to move when Merlin pushed him back into his chair.

“I don’t think Gwen would be too happy,” he explained. Arthur had righted himself, apparently forgetting about Gwaine’s advances and had pulled himself into a chair, downing another goblet of wine. 

“Tomorrow, I think I’ll cancel practice,” Arthur said.

“Really, sire?” Merlin huffed.

“Yes, Merlin. You see, we work too hard as is. We need a day off to just relax and enjoy our time in this world. You never know when you’re going to die,” Arthur explained.

“Just don’t blame me when no one shows up tomorrow,” Merlin said. 

“You can have the day off as well, Merlin,” Arthur said. “I’ll make it a royal decree. Merlin gets every Wednesday off.” Merlin turned to see Arthur writing those words on the document, signing it, and even putting a seal on it. Merlin shook his head. He wasn’t sure how well that was going to stick in the morning. 

“I am way too sexy for these clothes.” Leon’s comment caught Merlin’s attention and he whipped around to see Leon toss the garments out of the window and down onto the courtyard.

“What the hell did you do that for?” Merlin cried, running over to see the clothing sitting innocently on the cobblestones. Percival burst out laughing again.

“Merlin, I am a wild animal. I cannot be contained by the bonds of clothing. I need to let my lioness spirit run free!” Leon said. He put a hand on one hip and jutted his other hip to the side. His left arm was raised into the air, fingers spread wide. His legs were also pretty wide. Leon must have thought this was the epitome of masculinity. 

“Lioness is a female lion,” Merlin said, trying to roll a laughing Percival back onto his side. Leon deflated with the news.

“What if…” Merlin didn’t even bother listening to the rest of Elyan’s idea. He just wanted everyone to pass out so he could go to bed. It was then that he got a familiar prickle in the back of the neck. The kind that alerted him whenever danger was near. Merlin stopped trying to convince Arthur not to write a law that stated all horses needed to be painted red and instead crept towards the door of the chambers. He went to grasp the handle when it flew open, knocking Merlin onto his back. Merlin hissed with pain as he looked up to see three men, scarred and ugly, looming over him. 

“I think we got the right place, Mark,” one laughed.

“Yeah, Clark. Look at this pup. He’s got his tail between his legs!” the one, Mark, laughed.

“I think we should let Cynthia kill them,” Clark suggested. 

“Cynthia?” Merlin asked. 

“My parents wanted a girl,” Cynthia answered plainly. Merlin nodded and stood up. Leon was in the middle of striking several more unnatural poses. Gwaine was trying to seduce Elyan. Elyan was trying to figure out how to harness the power of water to reverse aging. Percival was still laughing. And Arthur was actually doing paperwork. Merlin figured he wasn’t going to get much help this time.

“Listen, can you guys wait like 24 hours to come back. Think about it, there’s no fight when they’re like this,” Merlin pleaded. 

“Clark,” Mark said and before Merlin knew it, the side of Clark’s fist slammed into his head, causing Merlin to stumble back into the table. Well, stumble is probably not accurate, more like throw his entire weight into the table causing Merlin to crack a few ribs. Merlin gasped for air as Mark then took out a knife and jammed it into Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin cried out in pain. It was at this time that the knights appeared to have sobered up and were now going to try and take out the three intruders. Everyone pounced on Clark, leaving only Mark and Cynthia to Merlin. 

“Looks like they can fight after all,” Clark sneered, advancing towards Merlin. 

“Let’s slit this pup’s throat,” Cynthia chuckled. Merlin then picked up a jug and swung it with all his might at Mark’s head. Two clangs resounded in the chambers. Mark and Cynthia both fell, revealing Gwen with a water pitcher.

“I heard a noise, I thought something might have happened,” she explained. Merlin stared at the men in a heap on the ground. 

“Oh, yeah. Thanks for helping out,” Merlin said. He turned to see the knights all slumping down to sleep, Clark’s body in the mix. 

“You should go have Gaius look at that,” Gwen said, pulling Merlin back to the knife that was still lodged in his arm. 

“Yeah. We should also get these guys down into the dungeons,” he said.

“Of course! Well, I’ll go get some guards,” Gwen responded. Mark groaned and sat up. Gwen shrieked and proceeded to knock him on the head with the pitcher. Mark’s head twisted to the side and he gave one last grunt before flopping back on the floor.

“Should we move Leon?” Gwen asked. Her face darkened with a blush. Merlin turned to see that Leon and Arthur had both decided to occupy the bed.

“I would, but my arm’s injured and he’s heavier than he looks,” Merlin said. Gwen nodded.

“Should I ask why he’s not wearing any clothes?”

“No, you should not.” Gwen nodded and walked out the door, trying to find some guards.

“Oh, the council is going to have a field day when they hear about this,” Merlin chuckled. He sank down into a chair and waited for Gwen to come back.  
oOoOoOo

“So, that’s all that happened?” Percival asked. Merlin nodded and looked around at the knights. Gwaine and Arthur looked absolutely livid. Leon and Elyan looked embarrassed and disappointed in themselves. Percival looked thoughtful.

“I always knew Gwen had a strong arm,” Elyan finally said. “She would hit me when I was being annoying.”

“Where are the men now?” Arthur asked.

“Down in the dungeons,” Merlin responded. He then pulled out some extra clothes out of the bag he was carrying when he came in and distributed them to the knights.

“I figured you would like something fresh,” he explained.

“Are you alright?” Gwaine asked. 

“Yeah, Gaius said the knife made a clean cut. It wasn’t even lodged in that deep,” Merlin explained. He didn’t mention how Gaius had used magic to help heal the muscles and tendons more quickly so that Merlin could do his job. 

After Merlin had left with the breakfast tray, after the council had been caught up on the events, after Arthur managed to revoke most of the ridiculous laws he passed yesterday, he and knights made their way down to the dungeons. The prisoners were going to try and escape. Therefore, the king of Camelot could not be certain what their condition was going to be when his knights finally got the three back in the cell. And it didn’t help that a certain manservant was severely injured in the process. It didn’t help in the slightest.


	30. A Nutty Situation

“Fantastic. This is just fantastic,” Arthur muttered as he and the other knights were being hoisted into the air. Luckily, for Arthur, he had the wonderful opportunity of being tied next to Merlin. So the king of Camelot was being squashed next to his very bony manservant. One of Merlin’s elbows was resting comfortably on Arthur’s side, jammed right under his ribs.

“Well, boys looks like we now know for sure there are, in fact, a tribe of people living in this part of the forest.” Gwaine laughed weakly before quickly going silent. “Sorry, had to try lightening the mood,” he muttered.

Below, several people wearing loincloths with paint decorating their bodies and faces were chanting. It was rather strange. Arthur couldn’t recall this type of religion being practiced anywhere near Camelot.

“Think if we tell them about Lord McClucker—“

“Praise McClucker,” Gwaine and Percival said in unison.

“Shut up, do you think they’d let us go?” Elyan hissed.

“I don’t think they worship chickens,” Merlin said, staring down at the people.

“Are they perhaps druids?” Leon said. 

“I don’t think so. Why hoist a group of men up by hand if you have magic,” Merlin said. 

“I don’t think they’re right in the head if you know what I mean,” Gwaine said. 

“What do you suppose they’re going to do to use?”

Arthur sighed. Only Merlin could remain calm in this sort of situation. Really now, he knew Merlin was an idiot, but couldn’t he act at least a bit frightened. Come to think of it, none of the men seemed to be in a rush to get out of here. Arthur would have to fix that later.

“Maybe this is their version of crow cages. Just, you know, without the cages,” Elyan said.

“Or the crows.” Leon sighed. “Look, as much as I am enjoying being pulled up into a tree, I’m sure the views are lovely, we do need to get out of here. I still have to create the guard shifts for next month.”

“Oh, can you put me later in the day? I always have a little trouble getting to the early morning shifts,” Gwaine said.

“I put you on those shifts so you wouldn’t spend your nights at the tavern.”

“Yeah, that kind of backfired on you.” Gwaine laughed.

“Can we please figure out a way to get down? And Merlin move your elbow!” Arthur snapped. 

“I can’t, sire, I’m just as stuck as you!” Merlin hissed. 

“Can you two be quiet, the chant’s changed,” Percival said. Merlin and Arthur snapped their jaws shut. The chanting had slowed down, the words were more pronounced. And the people looked as if they were swaying to the beat, all in unison. The wind had stopped, as had the birds. The forest was silent. Just the rumble of an unknown language working its way through the leaves. 

“I don’t like this. Nothing good happens in a quiet forest,” Merlin said. Even his voice seemed to be swallowed up before it could reach Arthur’s ears. Merlin was right next to him, but he sounded as if he were miles away. Arthur decided he had had enough. 

“Look here! I am a king and you can’t do this! If we have desecrated some sacred law or something then we apologize and will not come back. But this has to be settled like civilized people!” Arthur shouted.

“Do they look like the kinds of people that are civilized?” Gwaine grumbled. 

“Why are you doing this? What is it you want?” Arthur shouted again. He was going to get an answer even if it killed him.

“I think they want to sacrifice us, sire,” Leon said in a calm voice. Arthur tried to shift so he could look at Leon. Instead, he just pulled a muscle in his neck. 

“Oh, sacrifice? Is that all? I thought it would be something much worse.” Arthur laughed politely. “Are you kidding me! Sacrificed, Leon? Have you lost your mind?” he shouted. “And what, may I ask, are we getting sacrificed too?” A loud roar echoed through the forest.

“Probably that,” Merlin said in a shaky voice. The tribesmen stopped chanting as soon as the roar was heard. They had all fallen to their hands and knees and started crawling backward into the forest, fading from sight.

“No, no, no please don’t go! Wait! Come back!” Gwaine called as the last person disappeared. With each step the creature took, the group bounced in the air, mimicking the vibrations. 

“Please be a bunny,” Merlin begged.

“Or a squirrel. I like squirrels,” Gwaine said in response.

“I hope it’s friendly,” Leon muttered, still sounding way too calm for the situation.

“I hope it’s small,” Percival said. Another roar echoed through the forest.

“Does that sound small, friendly and like a bunny?” Arthur snapped. 

The stomping stopped. The forest was still and silent. Merlin tried to look around.

“What is it? Can you see it?” He asked. Gwaine attempted to twist around to where Arthur was.

“Ow, Gwaine, watch your knee!” Leon yelped, jerking back.

“Son of a bitch, that freaking hurt,” Elyan cursed as Leon’s head connected with his nose. Soon, all the knights were struggling against each other, trying to evade elbows, knees, and heads. The creature that was supposedly going to eat them had yet to come out. After another elbow to his ribs, Arthur decided to put an end to this.

“Everyone stop moving!” Arthur shouted. The men went limp. Arthur could hear the blood hammering in his ears as he waited to be eaten. There was a great roar and the beast leaped over the trees and into the clearing. 

“Looks like Gwaine was right,” Elyan said with a shaky laugh. 

“I was hoping it’d be a bit smaller.” Percival laughed.

“It’s just a giant squirrel with teeth the size of my arm. I’m sure it’s friendly,” Merlin said. Arthur stared in horror as the giant squirrel began circling around the men. 

“His tail sure is fluffy. That’s what I love about squirrels,” Gwaine said, his voice cracking on the last few words. The squirrel stepped forward and sniffed Arthur. His breath smelled like nuts and plant matter, luckily no blood. It wasn’t actually as bad as Arthur would have thought when it came to the smell of a wild animal. He had smelled worse. Mostly from Gwaine who couldn’t grasp the concept of proper hygiene. 

The squirrel put his paw on the side of the men and started sniffing the rest of them. His head turned and one huge, beady, black eye met Arthur’s. He could see his face in his reflection. 

“I don’t know if it wants to eat us. Squirrels only eat plants,” Merlin said. 

“Yeah, well, so do horses and they can still kill you,” Gwaine said shakily. The squirrel took a step back and proceeded to run a long, pink tongue on the length of Arthur’s body.   
“That is absolutely disgusting,” Arthur said. The tongue felt like wet sandpaper. 

“Well, guess it’s friendly,” Gwaine cried with glee. The squirrel placed his paws on the tree and began knowing the rope.

“Great job, Sir Peanut!” Merlin said, cheering the squirrel on.

“We are not naming it!” Arthur cried.

“Why not, I like the name Sir Peanut,” Gwaine said.

“Because then you will want to keep it and I will be the one taking care of it!” Arthur said. 

“Are you still upset about us not changing Lord McClucker’s name?”

“NO!”

The squirrel gnawed through the rest of the rope. However, they didn’t hit the ground. Instead, the squirrel caught them with his mouth.

“I will take care of this one, promise. Besides, think about how great it will be to have our very own giant squirrel!” Merlin said.

“I said no. We are not keeping the squirrel!”

“I wonder where it hid all these years. You’d think someone would notice a giant squirrel,” Percival said thoughtfully. The squirrel began marching through the forest, the birds returning to sing. 

“No, Sir Acorn, the other direction,” Merlin commanded. The squirrel stopped and turned around, heading straight towards Camelot. 

“I can’t believe this one listens to you as well,” Arthur groaned.

“I have a gift.” Merlin laughed.

“And to think, we were worried,” Leon said.

“It could still try and eat us!” 

“You won't, right Sir Acorn?” Gwaine said. The squirrel made these weird, chattering squirrel noises while continuing to walk through the forest. The branches from the trees continually hit Arthur in the face.

“And what happens if it breathes fire?” Arthur asked after another branch smacked his face, leaving sap in his hair.

“Then we’ll get water buckets. Gwen will love you,” Merlin cooed. Arthur had never, in all of his life, hated squirrels as much as in this moment.


	31. The Festival of Moox

It really was a feast to remember. Nobles from all over Camelot had come to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly, Arthur had no idea. Something about the moon and good fortune. He didn’t really care. Most people his age didn’t really care. They were just there for the food and drinks. And in Gwaine’s case, he was there for the women.   
Gwen sat by his side, her hand on top of Arthur’s as she chatted with Leon and Percival about this and that. Every once in awhile Leon and Gwen would talk about Elyan when he was younger, causing Percival to laugh and Elyan to stutter about how Gwen and Leon were exaggerating. 

Arthur was busy talking with the man on his right. Lord Something-or-other. He didn’t like Arthur that much, thought he was too lenient on certain people, mainly druids. But he was polite to Arthur’s face, making Arthur hate the man even more. Now Lord Something-or-other was talking about his extensive map collection. Arthur politely smiled and said some things but was otherwise not interested. 

“Sorry, Lord Timothy, I need to talk with the king for a second,” Gwaine said, kneeling next to Arthur. Lord Timothy looked outraged but said nothing. He stood up in a huff and went to go talk with someone else.

“What do you want Gwaine? And if you say you’re just here to get Lord Timmy to go away, I won’t be mad.”

Gwaine laughed. “Actually, I was wondering where Merlin was? I haven’t seen him all night and I’m getting kind of worried. You know how some people can get when they’re drunk.” 

“I haven’t seen him all night, come to think of it,” Arthur said with a sudden realization. 

“That’s probably because he’s not here.”

Arthur and Gwaine both jumped looking at the young girl who was squatting on Arthur’s other side. 

“Izzy? What are you doing here? Does this have to do with Merlin?” Leon asked, leaning over Gwen. Gwen backed her chair up, giving Leon more space.

“Who are you?” she asked. 

Izzy turned to her and smiled. “Hi, I’m Izzy. You must be Gwen. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“From who? We barely talked the last time we met!” Arthur hissed.

“Oh, you know, prophecies and stuff.” Izzy waved off the question. Arthur was about to ask her to elaborate when Izzy continued to talk. “Anyways, that’s not important right now. What is important is Merlin.”

“Are you going to admit your undying love for him?” Gwaine asked. 

“No! Do you think he’d like that?”

“Why don’t we go somewhere a bit quieter and you can tell us what’s going on,” Leon said, standing up and leading the group out of the hall.

“Good idea. Oh my God, is that chicken wearing a cape?” Izzy squealed, walking towards Lord McClucker’s pedestal. 

Gwaine grabbed her arm and steered her back towards Leon. “You can say hi to Lord McClucker later.”

“It has a name? Oh, that is adorable!” Izzy said, her head still craned to look back at Lord McClucker. Gwaine was doing his best to not lead her into a wall or doorframe. “Though, wouldn’t it be Lady McClucker?” 

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked.

“Well, that’s a hen, not a rooster. Hens are female chickens.”

“I know what a hen is. I don’t know why it’s named Lord McClucker. I didn’t name it. Now tell us what happened,” Arthur hissed as they reached a quieter hallway. The heard some giggling in an alcove.

“What’s going on in there?”

“Nothing you need to worry about, Izzy. Now, what happened?’ Leon asked. 

Izzy sighed and leaned back against the wall. Arthur had to admit, it was weird seeing her in normal clothes and not in her druid robes. 

“Well,” she started. “Merlin was taken by…I’m hesitant to call them druids, but they kind of are…I guess he was taken by not nice druids.”

“Not nice druids?” Gwaine asked. 

“Yeah. Druids are normally very peaceful and don’t like a lot of violence. These guys claim they’re druids but they really aren’t. They’re like druids without the peace and love and stuff.”

“So they took Merlin? Why?” Percival asked.

“Well, the druids have this legend, kind of like a bedtime story for kids. It’s the legend of Emrys.” 

Percival’s face lit up. “I’ve heard that story. I used to love it when my mom told it. Wait, the not nice druids think that Merlin’s Emrys?”

“Yeah, they have some…strong evidence that Merlin is Emrys.” Izzy gave a small smile. 

Arthur burst out laughing. “What evidence? Merlin’s a servant, a clumsy one at that. Who would mistake him for being Emrys?” 

Izzy blinked a few times, her smile dropping. “Oh, you’re serious. Um, well, this makes things more complicated.” She stroked her chin a few times, chewing on her bottom lip. “Well, I don’t know why they think that but they still have him,” she amended. Sir Leon was looking rather thoughtful at her words. 

“Well, did they force him to go with them?” Gwaine asked.

“No, no, he went willingly.” 

“Then why are we afraid? If Merlin went willingly, then it shouldn’t be a problem. He’ll clear up this misunderstanding about being Emrys, and be back in time to clean the stables for skipping this very important feast.” Arthur turned to walk back to the feast, hoping to get royally plastered when Izzy flung herself at Arthur, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You can’t leave me to take care of this all by myself! I need help. There’s like an army of them! Please, do it for me?” Izzy wailed, making quite the scene. Arthur was glad Leon decided to do this in a more private place. 

“Arthur, are you not going to help this girl?” Gwen’s voice called. Arthur and the other knights turned to look at Gwen who was standing there with her hands on her hips, looking rather displeased.

“Oh Gods, she’s got the look on her face,” Elyan said, his voice shaking slightly. 

“We’ll help Izzy, Gwen, don’t worry!” Leon called. 

Gwen dropped her hands and smiled. “Great. I expect everyone back in one piece. And don’t make Merlin muck the stables again unless your planning on having him bathe afterward!” Gwen called as she made her way back to the feast.

“I’m sure Izzy wouldn’t mind helping Merlin bathe.” Gwaine chuckled. Izzy turned the lovely shade of a tomato. 

Leon elbowed him. “Show some respect.”

Izzy pulled out some bundles of clothing from behind a tapestry and threw them at the men. “Here, put these on,” she said, ducking behind the tapestry. 

“What are they?” Arthur asked.

“Druid robes! You can’t invade a not nice druid camp looking like that. You’ll be slaughtered before we even find Merlin,” Izzy called from behind the tapestry. She emerged wearing some long robes, the dress she had been wearing in the hall bundled up in a way that would make the noble women of Camelot faint. She tossed them on the ground. 

“Hurry up, we don’t have much time.” 

The men quickly threw on the robes and followed Izzy out the hall and into the night. 

oOoOoOo

“So then Patrick puts the blame all on me! I mean, I know I like breaking stuff, but I wouldn’t topple a tree because I felt like it,” Izzy said as she maneuvered through the forest. The men huffed behind her.

“How is she not tired?” Gwaine gasped.

“We should have taken horses,” Elyan whined.

“You know, if you had just let us use the giant squirrel, we would have been there already,” Izzy said. “Where did you find him anyways?” 

“It’s a long story,” Arthur said. He still couldn’t believe everyone in Camelot agreed to the squirrel. He was hoping at least someone would say no. Apparently not. At least it didn’t breath fire.

“Izzy, why aren’t Patrick and Faramir helping you?” Leon asked.

Izzy groaned and hopped on a log. “They’re at some stupid moon goddess festival. That’s actually what Merlin’s technically at as well but ours is much nicer. But it’s also so boring.” 

“Then why are you not there?” 

“Because Cassandra had a vision that I would be here instead of there.”

“That sounds useful, having a seer,” Elyan said between huffs. The cloak kept getting caught on stuff. It was almost as bad as the dress. Gwen insisted on keeping it no matter what Elyan said.

“Not as useful as you would think. She just has random visions and most of the time it's just like ‘you’ll be gathering herbs on Wednesday.’ Like, I know I’ll be gathering herbs on Wednesday, I do that every Wednesday,” Izzy said, waving her arms about. “Oh, we’re here. Everyone be quiet and follow me.” Izzy crept through the forest and popped out into a brightly lit camp. 

Arthur had to admit, he wouldn’t have found it if Izzy wasn’t guiding them. 

“You think we could unban magic. Look at this place! It’s amazing!” Gwaine said. Indeed, there were little balls of different colored lights floating throughout the camp. Flowers and decorated cloths also hung in the air. There was some soft music floating through Arthur’s ears, but he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. 

“He’ll be in the main tent. Follow me.” 

Arthur was surprised that no one seemed to question them. It probably had to do with how this camp was set up. Only certain people, druids probably, could access it. They made their way among the people towards the largest tent where there was a great deal of laughter. The group slipped inside. 

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Leon said, his mouth hanging open.

“Izzy, you broke Leon,” Gwaine said, poking the side of Leon’s face.

“Oh, right, I forgot this kind of thing isn’t normal among you people. Wow, not having magic must suck.” She skipped through the crowd up to a pile of pillows. 

Arthur couldn’t help but gasp when he saw where Merlin was. He was perched on those pillows like royalty. He was dressed in some fine robes that seemed to move like liquid. He was clean and tidy. And he was surrounded by all sorts of people. They were all laughing and having a good time as they ate an assortment of delicacies. 

“Where did they get all of this?” Gwaine gasped. 

Izzy bent down and picked up a scrap of paper, her eyes going wide. “Oh.”

“Oh? What is it? What’s wrong?” Arthur asked, leaning over to look at the piece of paper. He couldn’t read the words scribbled on it. 

“We need to get Merlin out of here in like two minutes,” she said, stuffing the paper into her robes and running up to the mountain of pillows. The men chased after her.

“Why? What’s going to happen?” Gwaine asked.

“This isn’t a celebration for finding Emrys, it’s a preparation for sacrifice!” Izzy hissed, clambering up the pillows and plopping down next to Merlin.

“Izzy? What are you doing here? I didn’t think this was your sect. And why are they here?” Merlin said. 

Izzy gave a nervous laugh. “Merlin, I think we should go, now. Let’s just sneak out. No one has to know.”

“I really don’t want to go. This is the first time in a long time I’ve been appreciated and I quite like it,” Merlin said, turning back to some grapes and popping a few in his mouth. Arthur stumbled upon the pillows and grabbed hold of Merlin’s sleeve.

“Listen, we’ll explain everything later. I’ll even give you tomorrow off. Let’s just go.” Arthur hissed. 

“Oh wow, one day. Don’t hurt yourself with kindness, sire,” Merlin spat. 

“Look, Merlin, they’re going to sacrifice you in like two minutes if we aren’t out of this camp by then!” Izzy shouted. The tent went quiet. “Oops, didn’t mean to be that loud.”

The grapes fell out of Merlin’s hand. “Sacrifice?”

“Yes, now let's go, Merls. These people are kind of creeping me out,” Gwaine said, laughing a little. The people began chanting. 

“You can’t leave, Emrys,” one said.

“You must appease the goddess of the night,” another said. 

Arthur heard Izzy whisper some words as she stepped in front of the group. “I don’t mean to be a downer, but your tent’s kind of on fire.” 

After that, it was mass chaos. The tent indeed went up in flames, no doubt because of Izzy. She shoved both Merlin and Arthur down the mountain of pillows and out of the tent. 

“Move you bunch of turtles!” she shouted, gathering up the knights and leading them out of the camp. Gwaine attempted to look at the carnage behind them. “Don’t turn around. The less you know, the less you can tell Faramir,” she said. 

The group stumbled out of the forest, the smoke and shouts from the camp now hidden. Izzy stood up and dusted herself off.

“Well, that went pretty well, if I do say so myself,” she said. 

“Merlin, what would possess you to go with people under the guise that you’re Emrys?” Percival groaned. 

“Maybe he is,” Leon said. The color in Izzy and Merlin’s faces drained so fast Arthur was afraid they were going to pass out. 

“Leon, this is Merlin. He’s not some all-powerful magic man,” Arthur said, wiggling his fingers. 

Leon shrugged. “Anything is possible, sire. Besides, I think Merlin will be a lot more helpful to Camelot if he were Emrys.” With that, Leon turned and began walking back towards Camelot. 

“Let’s not talk about Emrys and who he is or isn’t. I want to pet the chicken and the squirrel,” Izzy said, skipping after Leon. 

Arthur shook his head. “Merlin,” he called. Merlin turned and looked at him. “Because of all the trouble, I had to go through to get you, no day off tomorrow.” Merlin’s shoulders sagged. “But, I also won’t make you muck out the stables,” Arthur grumbled, hoping Merlin wouldn’t hear him. The smile on Merlin’s face told him otherwise. “Go before I change my mind.” Merlin nodded and scampered off. 

“Was this better than that feast?” Gwaine asked. 

Arthur sighed. “Way better.”


	32. Problems of an Unsung Hero

Merlin knew it was too good to be true. There was no way this group of men could wander into the wilderness and wander back without being attacked by someone or something. 

Merlin sighed from his hiding place behind a tree and dropped a branch on a few bandits. He wanted to get back to Camelot and have a nice, hot bath. Of course, he would be using Arthur’s tub. And Arthur wouldn’t have to know. Merlin deserved something for all the work he was doing. 

“Stay strong, we will win this!” Arthur cried as he took down another bandit. Unbeknownst to him, Merlin had made the sword of the bandit unbalanced, so his attacks were even sloppier. Arthur, of course, didn’t even question it. 

“Sire, we are outnumbered. Might I suggest a tactical retreat?” Ah Leon, always the practical one. But he was naïve to think Arthur would leave just because of a few number differences. 

“Rest assured, Leon,” Merlin thought to himself, “I’ll even us out.” A few whispered words sent some bandits sliding down a hill. 

Gwaine stopped and stared. “Huh, I could have sword this was all flat ground.” 

This time Merlin let out a groan. Really? Really? He wasn’t even being subtle about his magic anymore. Merlin slammed his head against the trunk of the tree. He felt like he could outright call Kilgharrah down, transform water into wine, and make things float, all in front of the knights, and they would still be oblivious to everything. 

Merlin supposed he shouldn’t complain too much. After all, this level of ignorance allowed him to practice a lot more freely. 

Elyan let out a whoop as the enemies went sailing over his head. “Didn’t know someone could fall like that.” He chuckled. 

“They can’t! Use your eyes!” Merlin screamed internally. But really, the fact that Arthur and the others never seemed to catch on was extremely irritating. Because for every man Arthur took down, chances were Merlin took down four more. But did he get any credit? No! He was just pushed to the side, called a girl, and treated like he was weak.   
Percival slid his sword through another enemy, not noticing how the blade became sharper than before. “We might win this!” he cried. 

Merlin could tell the men were waning. Maybe now was as good of time as any to reveal his magic. Might give him some recognition before his head was on the chopping block. No, no. He would stand by the sidelines like he always did. He would get pushed around like he always did. And he would grin and bear it like he always did. 

“Come on, just a few more!” Arthur called. This seemed to rally the men. They really were giving it their all. If it hadn’t been for Merlin, they would have been defeated. Merlin could tell they were starting to flag. Their moves were less coordinated and slower. It took more time to recover from each attack. They were fighting tooth and nail for this victory. 

But just because Merlin had magic didn’t mean he was also starting to feel the effects of this long, drawn-out fight. Every spell became harder to use. Every attack was less precise. He had to be careful not to hit anyone but the enemies. He didn’t think accidently hurting the knights would gain him any favor when he did reveal his magic. Merlin shook his head and continued to fight. If the knights could hold out this long, so could he. 

Finally, the last bandit fell dead, slain by Arthur. 

“Gods there was a lot of them,” Gwaine said, stumbling away from the clearing. The rest followed, not wanting to stay in the destruction. 

“Well, men, you did a wonderful job,” Arthur said, his chest puffed out. 

Merlin allowed himself a small smile. Even if Arthur didn’t know about his magic, he could still appreciate some of his work.

“Of course we all fought hard to protect Merlin—“

“Wait, what?” Merlin turned to stare at Arthur. 

“Well, you were hiding behind a tree. You didn’t have a weapon. We had to watch out for you so you wouldn’t get hurt,” Arthur explained. 

Merlin’s gaze hardened. “I’ll have you know I am perfectly capable of defending myself!”

“But, Merlin,” Percival said, “we didn’t see you fighting at all.”

“You didn’t see me fighting? I did all the work!” Merlin cried. 

Gwaine let out a laugh. “I’m pretty sure you were behind a tree. I would have known if you attacked.”

“Merlin, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve never had to fight before,” Leon said, patting Merlin on the back.

“Never had to fight? Never had to fight? I always fight with you whenever we’re attacked!” Merlin was tired and hungry and wanted to take a bath. He didn’t want to be treated like some helpless child! Maybe he would call down Kilgharrah, just to show that he wasn’t weak.

“Merlin,” Arthur sighed, “you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. We all know what your capabilities are. What, did you hit the bandits with a tree branch?” Arthur sniggered.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did! And I did so much more but because all of you people have your heads stuck up your asses, you never notice!” At these words, Merlin began to stomp into the distance. 

“Merlin, come back, we’re sorry. You’re not useless, really!” Percival called, chasing after Merlin. 

“I wonder what’s gotten into him,” Leon said. 

“Maybe he’s just being a girl.” Arthur proposed. 

“Well, maybe we could be a little nicer to him. He did seem worn out after the battle. I’m sure he did something.” Elyan trudged along, thinking of ways to cheer up Merlin.   
“Fine, I will try not to call him a girl as much. Happy?”

“Yes, sire,” the men said in unison. 

Meanwhile, Merlin marched ahead, furious and ready to just quit and become a farmer.


	33. Leon will make a man out of you

Leon was starting to think everyone in the five kingdoms was out to get them. Did Bayard ever have these problems? How about Uther? While Leon hadn’t been a knight for very long under Uther, he was still sure that the old king never had half as many problems as Arthur did. Then again, after this latest attack, Leon believed he had narrowed down the reason why they were captured so much. 

“I swear to God you are all running ten laps around the castle when we get back.”

Everyone groaned.

“Except for you, Merlin,” Leon added.

Merlin let out a cheer as the men continued to be dragged along with the bandits that had captured them about thirty minutes before.

“But Leon,” Gwaine whined, “Why do we have to run laps?”

“Because we were beaten in under five minutes! We are knights of the realm we should be able to fight a group of lawless bandits and win. No offense,” Leon said, turning towards the leader.

The leader shrugged. “None taken. I was honestly surprised to when we beat you guys. I thought it would be harder. I don’t even think we lost a man.” 

“See! This is what I am talking about. The problem isn’t that people keep attacking us, the problem is that we keep losing to the people who are attacking us!” Leon’s arms were flailing wildly now, trying to get the others to understand just how bad they were at fighting. 

“Leon, maybe we were just outnumbered?” Percival suggested helpfully. 

Leon stopped dead in his tracks and spun on his heels. “No, I refuse to believe the supposed ‘greatest’ knights in the five kingdoms can’t take on a bunch of untrained, unhygienic savages. Again, no offense.”

“Ah, we’re used to it. If words like that hurt us, we would probably suck as bandits.” The leader allowed everyone to stop so Leon could continue his rant. 

“But, Leon, we already train pretty hard. I still think these guys were pretty good at fighting. Maybe we were just off our game,” Elyan suggested. 

Merlin sighed in the background. “Or the person who does all the work has a cold and wasn’t as good with his attacks as usual,” he muttered. 

“I don’t have a cold,” Arthur said. 

Leon let out a shout. Well, it was more of a scream. But it was a very frustrated and manly scream. “That’s it, everyone except Merlin down on the ground. Keep doing pushups until I say stop!” Leon snarled. 

The knights all looked ready to argue. But Leon looked like he would kill the first person that dared talk back to him. So they dropped to the ground and started doing pushups. 

Leon turned to the bandits who were standing there, unsure of what they were supposed to do. “I said everyone except for Merlin. Are you all named Merlin?”   
“Well, no, but we thought this was punishment for the knights,” the leader said.

“I fought against you. And never in my life have I seen such sloppy swordsmanship. Your form is deplorable, your footwork is about as graceful as a dog wearing high heels and trying to run through mud, and none of you know proper blocking procedures. Get. On. The. Ground. Now!” Leon barked. The bandits jumped before falling to the ground and starting their pushups. 

“Gwaine, get your butt down that is not proper form!” 

“Uh, Leon?” Merlin said, walking up to Leon. 

“You’re not doing this because you don’t fight. Trust me, Merlin, if you held a sword today, you would be on the ground too.”

“Um, that’s not really what I wanted to say, but thanks for letting me take a break.”

“Your welcome.”

“But, shouldn’t we try to, you know, escape?” 

Leon turned to Merlin who smiled and shrugged apologetically. Leon wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and led him away from the group. 

“Merlin, I have never seen such lazy fighting in my life. If they don’t learn now, they don’t learn. So sit quietly while I drill into their thick skulls how angry I am,” Leon said. He patted Merlin on the back and walked back to the group. 

Merlin just stared. Was it really so bad that they lost against one group of men? All right, they did lose to the mercenaries three days ago. And there was the group of tribesmen who captured them and tried to feed them to Sir Acorn. Oh, and who could forget the soldiers who had stormed the castle and taken everyone hostage a few weeks back. There was also the group that Gaius and Geoffrey took out. And the group that George got rid of. And the time Lord McClucker saved them. And…wow, they really did suck at this whole fighting thing. Leon might just have a point.

“Leon, sir, could we stop now?” Percival asked, struggling to come back up after his latest push up. 

Leon looked thoughtful for a minute. “Yes.” 

The men all cheered with relief and flopped down. 

“No start doing sit-ups. Seventy-five. I want you to count out loud each one. If one of you misses a beat, it starts over.” Leon’s face darkened, stopping anyone from arguing with him. 

“Alright, on three,” Arthur said. The group began to do their sit-ups, trying very hard to keep up with one another. Leon sat there, pacing back and forth with his arms behind his back, staring intently at each and every person. How did he even manage to stare at over twenty people with the same look? Merlin plopped down on the ground and began picking some grass. 

He did feel bad. He had been fighting a cold the last few days and was having trouble with his spells. Maybe if he were feeling just a bit better, he would have been more use and…hold on, Leon was right! These guys were supposed to be the best knights in the kingdom! Merlin got sick for a week and they get captured! He shouldn’t have to do all of the fighting. He found himself agreeing with Leon. These guys needed to stop lollygagging and start being the best knights of the realm. 

They stopped doing sit-ups and started doing jumping jacks. 

“Alright, I’m going to come around to each of you and ask you what your weakness is. If I don’t agree, you keep doing jumping jacks until everyone gets their greatest weakness right.” 

The men looked about ready to collapse so they didn’t groan. Leon walked up to Gwaine.

“Um, fancy moves that leave me open for attack?” Gwaine tried to grin, but it came out as more of a grimace.

“Correct. Percival?”

“Um, too much strength, not enough technique?”

“Correct. You with the boils on your face, what’s yours?” 

“It’s Jimmy sir. Um, fancy footwork?”

“Incorrect.”

“Not enough upper body strength?”

“Incorrect.”

“My sword’s too big for my body?”

“Correct.” 

This continued on for several minutes, the men starting to lag more and more as time went on. Merlin figured he should come up with a way to make them escape. After all, Leon could only work them out for so long before people started to collapse. 

The leader stopped doing squats and stumbled over to Leon. 

“Did I say you could stop?” Leon kicked out Gwaine’s legs, making him squat with a wider stance.

“I haven’t used those muscles in a while,” Gwaine said, once again trying to smile. 

“Look, how about you take your guys and head back to Camelot so you can train there. We and the boys will just continue on our way.” The leader flashed a charming smile, showing all of his missing teeth. 

Leon stared at him. Merlin wanted to cheer. The bandits were letting them go, no strings attached! You couldn’t wish for a situation like this to end any better.

“Did I say you could stop?” Leon asked again. 

The leader’s jaw dropped and the knights all cried out in anguish. “You are not the boss of me,” he growled. 

“Alright, men. Thanks to your friend here, you just earned yourselves a three-minute sparring match with every person here,” Leon called, once again pacing back and forth.

“Except for Merlin!” Elyan called as he stumbled to the ground.

“Except for Merlin. Ten people form a circle. The rest pair up. After three minutes the outside will move one person to the right. You will have a thirty-second break in between each match. Get going,” Leon called. 

Everyone scrambled to form the circle, even the leader. Though he was also muttering something about Leon being a sadist under his breath. Merlin decided to walk up to Leon once more.

“Uh, Leon?” 

“Merlin, you be in charge of keeping time. But don’t shave off minutes. I can tell.” Leon’s face seemed to darken even more.

“No, I wouldn’t dream of cheating like that. But the bandits pretty much gave us a free pass to leave. Why didn’t we take it?” 

Leon sighed and turned back to Merlin, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Merlin, we can’t just rely on free passes every time we are captured. We have to learn to fight otherwise, the next time we might not be so lucky.” Leon turned back to the group and started barking orders. 

Merlin kept time for thirty minutes, feeling extremely guilty at how hard everyone was working. They were struggling to keep up by the end, only giving half-hearted punches and kicks.

“How are you men supposed to fight in wars if you can’t even spar for thirty minutes!” Leon shouted. 

“Because wars don’t last thirty minutes for this exact reason,” Arthur grumbled under his breath. 

“You’re right, they last much longer. I changed my mind. You will do two rounds with each person. Get going.” 

Merlin was seriously starting to doubt Leon’s sanity. There was only so much the human body could take before it just gave up. He was honestly surprised no one had thrown up yet. And he could see there was going to be some very sore knights tomorrow morning. 

After another two hours of training, the group finally collapsed on the ground. 

“I think I sweated off three pounds. My armor feels so loose,” Gwaine said, gasping for air. Merlin had taken the time to gather up water and start distributing it among the men. 

Leon clapped his hands. “Alright, last exercise of the day.”

The men cheered and Merlin felt himself slump with relief. Hopefully, Leon would be in a better mood tomorrow. 

“You will all jog to Camelot, to the citadel.”

The leader shot up. “What? That’s like five miles!” 

Leon stroked his chin. Merlin wanted to yell at the man. How many times had one of them questions Leon only to have the exercise end up much worse than it was originally?

“You’re right. That’s not nearly enough. Merlin and I will walk behind you. Once you get to the courtyard, you will keep jogging in place until Merlin and I get there. Don’t even think about stopping. I will find out if you do.” Leon loomed over the group menacingly. “The faster you get going. The faster you finish.”

The men all jumped to their feet and took off through the forest. 

“Leon?”

“We’ll take a shortcut through the woods so they aren’t jogging for very long.”

“Well, that’s good. But I was more concerned with the fact that fifteen bandits will be in Camelot.”

“Merlin, they need to learn, they need to be disciplined. It will be fine.” 

Merlin wanted to argue some more. But Leon had gone crazy. He just had to wait it out and see if it went away. 

oOoOoOo

Gwen and Gaius stared at the group of sweaty knights and bandits (Gwen guessed they were, based on their appearance) jogging in the middle of the courtyard. They had shown up about twenty minutes ago, all looking ready to drop dead. 

The pair walked up to Arthur. “What are you doing?” Gwen asked.

“Ah, Gwen,” Arthur huffed. “We’re waiting for Leon and Merlin. They should be here soon. Not to worry.” 

“Why are you jogging in place and why are there bandits with you?” Gwen peeked around to get a better look at the bandits. 

“Well, Leon doesn’t think our fighting’s up to par. So he’s starting a new training regime,” Gwaine answered. 

Gaius hobbled in between the rows of men. “Is that training regimen to kill you?”

“No, no. Well, maybe. Leon’s kind of scary right now. So just be warned.” Percival was sweating so much, there was a puddle under his feet. 

“Alright. You can stop now.” Leon and Merlin appeared in the courtyard, Merlin was looking rather nervous. 

Upon seeing Leon, the men all fell to the ground, gasping for air. 

“Gwen, could you help me get them some water?” Merlin asked, picking up a bucket and walking towards the pump.

“Of course.” 

Gaius hobbled over to Leon. “Sir Leon, while I understand your need for well-trained soldiers. Isn’t is perhaps a bit dangerous to make them work so hard?” 

“Nonsense, Gaius. All right, gentlemen, you and every other knight will be up at four in the morning to continue this training. I want you in the courtyard no later than five. If you are late, you will run one lap around Camelot for every minute that you are late.” Leon turned and stalked towards the castle.

“What about us?” the leader called.

“What about you. I was perfectly clear when I said four, was I not?”

“Welcome to Camelot, mate. Hope you enjoy being part of the army,” Gwaine said. He struggled to his feet and waddled into the castle. 

“Sir?” Jimmy asked. “Did we just become knights of Camelot?”

The leader stared at the door Leon had walked through. “I don’t think we really ever had a choice in the matter.”

Jimmy fell back to the ground. “Well, my mother will be proud. Yay.” He then proceeded to pass out, as did most everyone else.


	34. Complacency Causes Accidents

Arthur always thought Leon was exaggerating when he said how badly things could go. He really should have listened. 

Arthur’s head was bowed, trying to block out the sights, the sounds, and the world. His back ached from sitting in the same position for so long. His wrists and ankles were chafed from the heavy metal cuffs they had forced on him. He was freezing as well, having been stripped of his shoes, socks, and mail. 

But as much as Arthur was hurting, Merlin was faring much worse. From the moment they had been captured, Merlin had taken the brunt of the beating. The mercenaries had ambushed Arthur and Merlin while out for a ride. The ride Arthur had forced his servant to accompany.

Arthur had lied to the council and said they were going to check out rumors of a mysterious beast attacking one of the outer towns. Really he just wanted to get out of the castle. He had been cooped up for weeks, attending meeting after meeting and arguing with noble after noble. He just wanted to ride around outside the castle for a bit, forget his worries. And of course, Merlin came along.

Arthur snapped his head back, smacking it on the stonewall.

“Now, none of that. We can’t have you passing out,” Merlin said, though his voice was so much weaker than normal. 

Arthur should have never left the castle. He should have never brought Merlin along. He should have listened to Leon when he ranted about lack of form. Arthur had gotten too complacent in his life. He always thought they could make it out unharmed, or at least not on the brink of death. 

He heard Merlin shift. His cell was directly across from Arthur’s. “Now don’t start moping now.” Merlin began coughing, cutting off his sentence. It sounded like his lungs were being torn from his throat.

“Merlin!” Arthur snapped his focus back to Merlin. He was laying on the ground, curled in a ball, his body jerking violently with each cough. Finally, Merlin’s coughing fit died down.

“I’m fine. Nothing to it,” Merlin said. But his voice was so raspy. And he was shaking so much. Merlin pushed himself up, wincing as he put weight on his injured wrists. Well, technically both were injured. But the right one had been twisted until it broke. The left one had only been sprained. 

“Don’t worry, Merlin, we’ll get out of here. The knights will know something has happened by now,” Arthur said. He couldn’t get any closer to Merlin. The chains were keeping him pinned against the wall. 

Merlin smiled at him, but it was so sad. It looked as though he had already given up. “I’m sure they’ll get to you.” 

“Is it the cuffs? Are they enchanted?” Arthur asked. When they had first been captured, the moment the men put the cuffs on Merlin, he had screamed and collapsed in a pile. They had to carry him to the prison. Ever since then, Merlin had failed to recuperate. And it was made even worse by the fact he was horribly beaten by the men. 

That was Arthur’s fault as well. He had seen an opening and tried to make a run for it. But Merlin slowed him down and Arthur was caught quickly after. Of course Merlin apologized for not being fast enough. 

Arthur was then forced to his knees, on hand gripping his hair and one hand forcing his eyes to watch as Merlin was beaten within an inch of his life. To make matters worse, they had separated to the two and denied Merlin any form of medical care. If the knights didn’t hurry up, Merlin would die in this godforsaken cell in unimaginable amounts of pain. 

“Merlin, don’t give up yet. We’ll get out of here. I promise you,” Arthur said. 

Merlin let out a hollow laugh. “You really shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.” He slumped against the wall, his breathing ragged and hollow. 

“I will keep it. But you have to help me out here. You can’t give up. What about Gaius? What about your mother? Do you really want them to have to bury you?” Arthur demanded, his voice steadily rising. Merlin winced and brought his hands to his ears. Arthur slumped back, staring at the chains on his hands. If only their captors would come down here. Then Arthur could try and fight them again. But did he really want to risk it? He hadn’t made it very far the last time and he didn’t think Merlin could survive another beating. 

“Alright, Arthur. I’ll keep going. But I don’t know how much longer I can take. Everything hurts,” Merlin said, his breath hitching. 

“I know. But we’ll get out of here and then you can have the day off.”

Merlin huffed. “Wow, one day. Your kindness knows no bounds.” 

Arthur prayed that when the knights found the mercenaries, they made them suffer. Arthur didn’t like to hurt people more than necessary. A quick death was more than enough. But they had hurt Merlin. And to Arthur, that was a crime not deserving of death. Death was too easy. These people deserved to be tortured mercilessly until they understood that no one, no one hurts Merlin and gets away with it. 

The next few hours, Arthur sat in silence, straining to hear Merlin’s breathing. Sometimes, he himself was afraid that if he breathed to loudly, he might miss it when Merlin stopped breathing. Not that Arthur could do anything if the boy did stop. After all, he couldn’t rip the chains from the wall and tear down the cell door. So instead, he was forced to be content with hearing the shuddery breaths of his manservant. 

Another hour passed before Merlin popped his head up. “Do you hear something?” he asked.

Arthur stopped focusing on Merlin and focused on his surroundings. It sounded like…swords? “Do you think it’s the knights?” Arthur asked, twisting to see if there was any indication that the knights were here. 

He didn’t have to wait long for his answer. Soon, Gwaine, Leon, and Elyan all made their way down the dungeon. As expected, Gwaine flew into a rage when he saw Merlin. But he was controlled enough to get him out of the cell and up to safety. Leon knelt next to Arthur.

“Are you hurt?” he asked. 

Arthur shook his head. “Merlin’s the only one. You need to help him.” Arthur didn’t care if he sounded like he was begging. This was Leon. Leon would understand. 

“Gwaine and Percival are with him. He’ll be fine.” Leon was barely reassuring. He didn’t spend the past day and a half desperately dreading the moment when Merlin didn’t inhale again. He wasn’t forced to watch as someone he was supposed to protect was beaten because of his mistake. 

“Arthur.” Leon shook Arthur from his thoughts. “This isn’t your fault.”

Arthur shook his head and stood up, leaning against Leon. “You always say that one day, our luck’s going to run out and we won’t be able to escape using chickens and dresses.”

“That doesn’t mean that this is your fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we fight, we just can’t win.”

Arthur blinked as he was led out into the sun. Gwaine and Merlin weren’t there, so Gwaine had probably taken him back to Camelot. Leon helped Arthur onto the horse and the knights rode back. 

It took several days for Merlin to no longer be at death’s door. And Arthur visited him every day during that time period. He felt a sense of relief wash over him when he finally saw Merlin’s skin return to normal color. And he felt at ease when Merlin’s breathing was no longer shallow and ragged. Arthur had asked Gaius what the cuffs did to Merlin. Gaius shrugged him off, not giving Arthur any answers. But Arthur was okay with that. After all, Merlin was safe and that was really all that mattered.


	35. How to Live Comfortably as a Chicken

Merlin was shuffling through the lower town, dragging buckets of water through the street. Apparently, Gaius needed water. But not just any water, oh no. He needed water from one particular spring that was outside of the castle. Merlin had half a mind to just get regular water and see if there was any difference. But since this was Gaius, there was probably a good reason for Merlin to walk for three hours around the forest, find the damn spring, fill the buckets, and then walk another three hours back to the castle. 

“Do you need any help?” Jimmy sidled up beside Merlin, taking a bucket out of his hand.

“Ah, thanks Jimmy. I’m glad to see the boils are clearing up.” Merlin rolled his neck. Gods he felt so light now!

“Yeah, the cream you gave me really helped! Thanks.” Jimmy beamed. 

“How’s training going? Is Leon still crazy?” Merlin turned towards the castle, waving as they passed Frank, another bandit turned knight. 

“Kind of. He seems to have calmed down a bit. But my mum doesn’t believe I’m a knight, so she’s coming this weekend.”

“That’s great. I would love to meet her. I’m sure she’ll be proud when she realizes that you are in training to be a knight of Camelot.” 

The two continued talking as they wound their way to the physician’s chambers. It was a great day. The sun was shining. The stables didn’t need to be mucked out. And Merlin’s wrist had just about healed. 

Of course, like everything in Camelot, things didn’t go well for long. Several shouts and bangs echoed along the corridor. Merlin groaned. They were being taken over, again. And Gaius and Geoffrey were both sick so they couldn’t help. And George was attending a brass polishing seminar to he was out of the picture as well. It looked like it was up to Merlin to save the day, again. Maybe he should just reveal his magic and get it over with. 

“We’re under attack!” 

Merlin saw Jimmy’s hand release from the bucket. “Jimmy if you spill this water I will make Leon’s punishments look easy!” Merlin shouted. 

Luckily, Jimmy’s reflexes were pretty fast and he was able to catch the bucket, only spilling a bit of water. 

“Now lets put these out of the way so they won’t get knocked over,” Merlin said, leading them over to an alcove. 

“Are we really worrying about water? The king could be dying!” Jimmy cried, though he still gently placed the water down.   
“I spent six hours collecting this water, I am not about to repeat that!” Merlin said. Once he ensured the water wasn’t in danger of spilling, him and Jimmy took off. 

They wove through the castle, hearing the shouts of battle. It sounded like there were sorcerers involved. Of course there were. No one in their right mind would attack Camelot without the help of magic. 

It was then that Merlin heard the familiar clucking echoing down the hall. 

“Lord McClucker? What are you doing out?” Merlin asked, bending down to scoop up the chicken. His cape was slightly askew. 

“Merlin, now is not the time to worry about the chicken!” Jimmy hadn’t been around long enough to know that this kind of thing happened more times than Merlin would care to admit (he figured it was somewhere in the vicinity of 34). 

“Lord McClucker is a valuable asset. He saved Arthur and I once by pecking the guard’s foot.” 

“Really? That seems a little far fetched.”

“Lord McClucker is just a very smart chicken.”

Jimmy shrugged and continued heading towards the throne room. Of course they would be in the throne room. When weren’t they in the freaking throne room? Merlin sighed and ran after him. He would probably need a miracle to keep his magic hidden this time. 

Before they even reached the door, a man stepped out of one of the alcoves. 

“It looks like we missed a few. Why don’t you fellas come with me?” The man smiled. His teeth weren’t the normal crooked and rotted. They were actually quite nice and white. This person must take care of his teeth.

Jimmy went to draw his sword, but Merlin stopped him. “We probably won’t win against him. Let’s just cooperate,” Merlin whispered. 

Jimmy’s hand dropped from his sword and his shoulders slumped.

“Thank you kindly. Now if you just follow me, we’ll get everything sorted out.” 

The man led them through the doors to reveal most of the knights and council members all held hostage. 

“Oh boys! I found two of your friends!” The man with the white teeth said in a singsong voice. 

“Really, Merlin, you brought the chicken?” Arthur sighed. 

Merlin put the chicken on the ground. Lord McClucker began walking around, inspecting each of the enemies. “Of course, he’s our mascot. We need him for good luck. He saved your life once, remember?” Merlin said, crossing his arms. 

The hall was silent for a moment before all of the enemies erupted with laughter. 

“You were saved by a chicken?” one screeched, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

“Let’s not talk about it,” Arthur hissed, trying and failing to look dignified. 

The hall quieted down and the leader began to monologue about how Camelot needed a new leader and how he was the one to do it and blah, blah, blah. Honestly, Merlin couldn’t even listen to these speeches any more. 

He rolled his eyes; just wishing the man’s voice would stop. Then it did. Everyone snapped their heads up to look at the leader. His eyes were screwed in concentration. His mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out. The leader looked frustrated and confused. Merlin began to panic. Did he accidently do magic? He hadn’t done something like this in a while, and his feelings weren’t particularly strong. Oh gods, if he did magic, who saw? Jimmy was right next to him. And Arthur was looking right at him. Merlin would be dead tonight. He just knew it. He was going to be burned at the stake, or have his head chopped off, or—

“Well I think the term ‘silence is golden’ applies to this situation wonderfully.” 

Everyone turned to see a very old, and very naked man leaning casually against a pillar. His hair and beard were extremely long, reaching mid-back. And it was very silvery as well. He was smiling like the leader losing his voice was the funniest thing in the world. 

All of the enemies turned on the man (who still made no move to cover himself up), swords out and ready to kill.   
The man just laughed. “You guys disrupted my nap time. I had a lovely time, snoozing on the pillow in the sun. But then you had to storm the castle with your racket. It’s rather annoying.” With a wave of his hand, the swords all turned into daisy chains. Everyone stared at the old man.

“Um, who are you?” Leon stood up and walked over to the man, draping his cape over him. 

“Oh, sorry about that! I’m Lord McClucker.”

Leon’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“Yep.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Lord McClucker is a chicken.”

“I guess I have another name, but I like Lord McClucker better.”

“You cannot be Lord McClucker.” 

The old man sighed and pushed himself off the wall. “I guess I could show you.” And just like that, the old man shrank down to a familiar looking chicken. He then turned back into a sorcerer. 

“I’ll just take care of these guys for you. Honestly, storming a castle, it’s not something that should be done without swords. I like daisy chains, but you have to be more prepared than this.” 

One of the enemies looked enraged. “I do not care if you are a sorcerer or not! All allies of Arthur Pendragon must die!”   
Merlin realized that he was probably the sorcerer. He raised his hands, began chanting. And then a frog popped out of his mouth. 

“Oh my,” Lord McClucker said. “You should really get that looked at. I heard that if you swallow tadpole eggs you start coughing up frogs. Have you eaten any tadpole eggs recently?” 

The sorcerer clapped a hand out of his mouth and ran from the room, coughing up frogs along the way. Lord McClucker laughed as the rest of the men chased after him, looking equal parts terrified and confused. Merlin was too. The chicken they had used as a religious icon to escape, wasn’t actually a chicken. 

The last one spun around. “You won this round, Arthur Pendragon, but we will be back and we will—“ A thunderclap echoed over the man’s head and rain began to pour on him. 

“You really should change your disposition. No use being so glum all the time.” Lord McClucker was twirling his beard in between his fingers. The man slinked of, the cloud of rain following him. 

“What just happened?” Jimmy asked, turning to Merlin. Merlin shrugged. 

“Um, excuse me, Lord McClucker?” Percival stood up and walked to the old man. “If you are a sorcerer, why are you living as a chicken?” 

“Because it’s so nice to not have to worry about anything. Now, if you excuse me, I have to finish my nap. The sun should still be in the place I like.” And with that, he shrank back down to his chicken form and walked away. 

The men all stared as Lord McClucker turned a corner, his tail feathers disappearing. 

After several minutes staring at the door, Gwaine finally spoke. “Huh, I always knew there was something about Lord McClucker that didn’t make him like other chickens.”


	36. Spirits Can Mess Up What's Cannon

“Are you sure you can’t come with us?” Arthur asked. He patted down his horse to make sure he had all of his weapons. 

Merlin helped him onto the horse. “I’m sure. A friend is in town and I need to meet with him.”

“You’ll be missing out on a lot of fun,” Gwaine teased, biting into an apple.

At this, Merlin rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, I’m sure running around killing things and then ultimately getting captured by some maniac is a load of fun. I am so upset that I have to miss this grand adventure of fun you guys are having.” Merlin waved his arms in the air.

“Now, Merlin, there’s no need to get testy. I hope you have fun with your friend,” Leon said, spurring his horse out of the courtyard. The others followed. 

“Be safe. Don’t get yourselves killed please,” Merlin called after them. 

When the last had gone, Merlin marched back to Gaius’ chambers.

“Are you sure it’s fine to leave them?” the old man asked. Lord McClucker had taken up residence in Merlin’s room ever since his reveal and was currently flipping through Merlin’s spell book. Thank the gods he actually had clothes on.

“I’m not sure. I have a terrible feeling something’s going to happen to them. But Gili said it was urgent. I have to see what’s going on.”

Lord McClucker stood up and hugged Merlin. “Now then sonny, I’ll help out. Don’t you worry. Lord McClucker will save the day!” Lord McClucker morphed back into a chicken and began bobbing his way out of the room. 

“Why didn’t he just go there in his human form? It would have been a lot faster,” Merlin mumbled to himself. 

Gaius shook his head. “Well, at least he’s going. Don’t worry, Merlin, things will turn out. They always do.” 

Merlin didn’t want to argue with Gaius. He wanted to believe that Arthur and the others would return safe and sound. Except this feeling in his gut just wouldn’t go away. 

oOoOoOo

Merlin sat at a table in the corner of the Rising Sun Tavern. Gili had sent a message about a week ago saying he needed to meet with Merlin. Something terrible had happened and Gili needed Merlin’s help to stop it. He said it would put Camelot in danger if he didn’t. 

Merlin didn’t really know what was going on. But for Gili to be so upset about it, it was probably something bad. So here he was, at the Rising Sun, waiting for a friend. He really wished Arthur didn’t go out today. If Merlin wasn’t there, then who was going to protect the men? They were capable fighters, but they often needed a little push from Merlin to put the tides in their favor. 

“Merlin, thank God you’re here.” Gili snapped Merlin out of his thoughts. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” 

Gili looked even worse than Merlin had imagined. He looked as though he had ran all the way to Camelot without a break. The dark circles under his eyes, his haggard appearance, neither helped Merlin’s suspicions that everyone was going to die. 

“I’ve been traveling around with the druids, trying to learn more about magic. We were in a forest when one of the kids accidently broke a grave.”

Merlin sucked in a breath. Breaking a grave was serious business, especially when magic was involved. He could already tell where this was going.

“The spirit escaped and the leader thinks its going to go after Arthur and kill him. We have to find him or else Camelot won’t have a king.” Gili glanced around nervously, as if the spirit was going to leap out of the walls and attack them. Merlin stood up.

“Well then we’ll just have to get rid of this spirit before it can get rid of Arthur,” he said, stomping out the door.

oOoOoOo

Merlin probably should have left Gili behind. It wasn’t that he was a bad companion, it’s just that… okay, yes, he was a terrible companion. Apparently, Gili was terrified of ghosts and the supernatural. So he clung to Merlin every step of the way. Honestly, Merlin would have been better off taking Gwen or finding Izzy than going with Gili. 

“Could you maybe let go? It makes it a little difficult to walk through the forest,” Merlin said, trying not to sound annoyed.

“Oh, sorry.” Gili chuckled nervously and released Merlin. A squirrel scampered up a tree. Gili latched back onto Merlin. 

“Seriously, it’s after Arthur. Not us. We’ll be fine,” Merlin said, trying to calm his friend.

“But we’re purposefully searching for it. It senses that, and wants to eat us!” Gili squeaked. 

Merlin groaned and scrubbed a hand down his face. Next time, he was just going to take Gwen with him. “Look, you said it was probably in the ruins, right? We’re going to head there, and recapture it. It’s really a piece of cake.”

“You’ve done something like this before?” Gili asked.

Merlin nodded. “Yeah. It wasn’t pleasant, but I think I can do it again. We even have a pot.” Merlin held up the little clay pot and smiled at Gili. 

The pair reached the ruins and began looking for any signs of the spirit. 

“Hey, Merlin,” Gili asked, kicking over a rock with his boot. He was still pressed close to Merlin’s side.

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you tell the prince about your magic?”

“It’s complicated.” Merlin didn’t think this was the time or the place to talk about this. He had had this conversation multiple times now with multiple people. But he never could give a reason that didn’t make him look like a coward.

“Well, he respects you, right?” Gili asked, jumping slightly as a pair of birds took off.

“I’m not sure if it’s respect of tolerance,” Merlin muttered.

“But I’ve also heard that he’s started talking with the druids, and there’s even a sorcerer living in Camelot, who hasn’t been killed! Why can’t you tell him your Emrys, the most powerful sorcerer in the world?” 

Merlin peaked through a door, no ghost. “I guess I’ve just kept it a secret for so long that it’s kind of just become easier for me not to reveal it.” 

Gili snorted. “Seems like an excuse to me. Just tell him. You know he’s not going to kill you.”

“I don’t fancy being banished either.” 

“Did you happen to forget about the extremely old sorcerer whose currently living as a chicken in the castle?” 

This time, it was Merlin’s turn to laugh. “I guess. I just don’t really know how to bring it up. ‘Here’s your dinner, sire. By the way, I’m a sorcerer.’ Yeah, that’s probably not going to go over well.” 

Gili was about to say something, but instead screamed. 

Merlin turned to see a very ugly looking spirit staring at him. 

“Friends of Arthur Pendragon?” the spirit hissed.

“What’s the answer that won’t get us killed?” Merlin squeaked. The spirit didn’t take too kindly to this and flew forward. 

“Merlin! The jar! Use the jar!” Gili shouted, ducking out of the way as the spirit flew over his head. 

Merlin scrambled to pick up the jar. The spirit turned to him and lunged forward. Merlin struggled to open the lid. His hands were too sweaty to get a good grip. But he finally managed. He popped off the lid just in time for the spirit to go flying into it. 

“Seolh!” Merlin shouted. The lid screwed itself back on, sealing the spirit in the jar. Merlin and Gili breathed a sigh of relief. In the middle of the room was a huge whole.

“Well, looks like the floor’s collapsed.” Gili laughed. The two smiled at each other, feeling much lighter than before this whole ordeal had started. 

“Yes. Wonderful observation, now it would be useful if you two would magic up a rope to get us out!” A very familiar voice shouted. 

About ten minutes Earlier

“Gwaine this is all your fault,” Elyan groaned. 

“How was I supposed to know that the beautiful woman, was in fact, a ghost that wants to kill the princess?” Gwaine said.

“Because beautiful women don’t wander around the forest you idiot,” Leon snapped. 

They had been out hunting when Gwaine spotted a beautiful woman in the distance. Like a cat in heat, he scrambled to her, causing the others to chase after him. Of course, once they got up close they realized the beautiful woman was not in fact a beautiful woman, but a ghost, hell bent on killing the king.

What was worse, they managed to be led right to the creature’s home. The spirit quickly muttered a few words and the ground swallowed them up, putting them in the below ground prison.

“Well, how do you suppose we get out, then?” Arthur asked. At least the creature hadn’t straight up killed him, yet. He didn’t really know what was going on with the spirit. But he was glad the thing wasn’t good at planning his revenge. 

“Um, maybe we could—“

“That won’t work.” Leon cut Elyan off. 

“You didn’t even—“

“It still won’t work.”

“You know, Leon, you lack an imagination.” Elyan huffed.

“Guys, quiet, I think I hear something.” Percival had his ear pointed towards the ceiling, straining to hear the voices. Not long after, Arthur could hear them too.

“That sounds like Merlin,” Gwaine said.

“But who’s he with?” Percival asked.

“Maybe that friend he was talking about meeting?” 

“Merlin! Merlin! We’re down here!” Leon shouted, hoping the boy would hear him.

“Ah, it’s no use. The blasted ghost must have sound proofed the room.” Gwaine cursed. 

“Wait, what are they talking about?” Arthur asked.

They all sat in silence, straining to hear the conversation.

“Why don’t you tell the prince about your magic?” Merlin’s friend said. 

Everyone exchanged looks. “Did he just suggest that Merlin has magic?” Leon said. 

Everyone fell silent and continued to listen. 

Merlin laughed. “I guess. I just don’t really know how to bring it up. ‘Here’s your dinner, sire. By the way, I’m a sorcerer.’ Yeah, that’s probably not going to go over well.”

“Since when does Merlin have magic?” Percival asked. Before they could discuss this revelation any further, the spirit made itself known. Throughout the shrieking, shouting, and cursing, the ceiling had collapsed, allowing the underground prison to break its silence. It was then that Arthur heard Merlin shouting in a language he couldn’t understand. So it was true, Merlin did have magic. 

“Well, looks like the floor’s collapsed.” The friend who was with Merlin laughed. 

It was at this point Arthur decided he needed to talk with Merlin face to face. He also didn’t want to spend the rest of the afternoon stuck in a hole. “Yes. Wonderful observation, now it would be useful if you two would magic up a rope to get us out!” Arthur rolled his eyes as he heard Merlin squeak.

“Sire, how long have you been down there?” Merlin said, popping his head over the side and looking down at the men.

“If your Emrys, can you maybe use your powers to get us out, please?” Percival said. 

“So I’m guessing a long time,” Merlin managed to squeak out. 

“Yes, Merlin, now go magic up some rope or something.” Leon shooed Merlin away. 

“Magic doesn’t work like that,” Merlin muttered. 

The man with Merlin looked over the side as well. He seemed vaguely familiar but Arthur couldn’t put his finger on where he had seen him before. 

“Oh, hello, I’m Gili. I’m glad to see you’re taking Merlin’s magic thing rather well. You are really not like your father, sire,” Gili said, smiling the whole time.

“Thank you, Gili. Can you maybe magic up some rope or something to get out of here?” Arthur said. He could feel a headache coming on.

“Well, if Merlin can’t do it then I certainly can’t. He’s way more powerful than me.” 

“I found Lord McClucker!” Merlin called out. 

“Oh great, just what we needed, a chicken,” Leon huffed. 

The human version of Lord McClucker popped back up with Merlin.

“Well, you boys do seem to be in a bind. One second.” Lord McClucker’s eyes flashed and his beard began to grow. 

“Are we supposed to climb up that?” Gwaine asked. 

“I don’t see why else he would grow his beard out,” Percival said. 

The men all shuddered but began to climb up the elongated beard of Lord McClucker.

“This is probably the grossest thing I have ever done,” Leon said, trying not to gag. On the last foot Merlin and Gili reached down to pull him out. 

“So, I’m guessing the hunt wasn’t very successful?” Merlin chuckled nervously. 

Leon wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Merlin, I figured it out when you called all the animals in the forest. Beavers don’t line up in a row for no reason.” 

Merlin opened and closed his mouth, looking a lot like a fish. 

“Is this why Izzy has a crush on you? I have to say, going after the powerful ones is a good strategy for a woman,” Gwaine said and he heaved himself over the ledge. 

“Izzy doesn’t have a crush on me!” Merlin managed to cry, breaking himself out of the trance Leon had but him in. 

Gwaine just patted his shoulder sympathetically. “Sure she doesn’t. That’s why she blushes every time you say something. And why she ran to your rescue when you were almost sacrificed by the crazy druids. That’s totally not the way someone who has a crush acts.” 

Arthur was the next to heave himself over. He was looking rather angry. “How long have you been keeping this from me?” he spat.

“Well, I did tell you when Camelot’s water supply was poisoned and Gwen was blamed. You just didn’t believe me.” 

Arthur opened and closed his mouth, this time looking like the fish. “We will talk about this later. Right now, lets get back to Camelot. I need to wash Lord McClucker’s beard sweat off my hands.” 

Leon gagged again. “Do you really have to describe it like that?” 

“Ah, youngsters these days, so embarrassed about bodies. You should really be more open.” Lord McClucker walked over to Percival. “Now carry me! I did not take up the life of a chicken to walk everywhere!” he said. He hopped into Percival’s arms and shrank back down into his chicken form. 

“That was the strangest thing I have ever seen,” Gili said. He took the pot from Merlin.

“I’m going to go give this to the druid band that’s around here. They’ll be able to seal it better.” He waved and began walking off. 

Merlin turned to the men and smiled nervously. “So… I have magic.”


End file.
